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Leadership and the "What should we have for dinner?" Conversation

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May 7, 2017
9 upvotes

The following is inspired by a recent post that alleges "[Having t]he 'what should we get for dinner' conversation is worse that [sic] putting your balls in a vice." My response to this OP would be: Why are you having this conversation with your wife at all?

I personally eat three meals a day, but regardless of your meal schedule, failing to plan is planning to fail. This is particularly applicable to those who count macros or follow another specialized diet, but is generally applicable to anyone who shares meals with their LTR. The "What should we have for dinner?" conversation is a prime example of an easy way to implement leadership in your relationship.

Naturally, when my finacée and I combined households, we began sharing the majority of our meals together. This meant that the "What should we have for dinner?" conversation was no longer limited to date nights or sleep overs, and was instead occurring every night of the week. And it typically went something like this:

Her: What do you want?

Me: I don't care. Are you craving anything?

Her: Not really. I want what you want. What do you want?

Me: I don't care. Do you want to cook or go out?

Her: Doesn't matter to me. I'm down for anything.

You get the point. At times we would literally write ideas on pieces of paper and picking them out of a bowl at random. This was incredibly annoying and inefficient, because it meant that every night we were going to the grocery store or a busy restaurant. On the worst nights, this discussion ended in an argument with both sides accusing the other of being purposefully indecisive.

I quickly realized that this wasn't simply an example of her being an indecisive woman, but rather her begging to submit to my leadership in this area. She wanted me to decide, because she wanted to please me and I was failing her. Upon realizing my error, I changed course and decided that we would schedule a time to sit down every week and plan out our meals. We would also use this time to make a shopping list, and do our best to limit grocery shopping to one day a week. This would not only save time, but money.

Fast forward, and now we sit down every Saturday and plan out what we would like to have for each meal including breakfast, lunch, dinner and extras for snacks. We create a list and complete our shopping on Sunday mornings. Extra visits to the store are only allowed during the week if something unexpected comes up (guests, work event, party, etc.). This has made both of us happier, and makes week nights seamless as the LTR knows what she needs to cook when she gets home from work. No more guessing games.

When faced with the opportunity to eat out, I only ask once where she would like to go. If she doesn't provide an answer the first time, we go wherever I choose. So, instead of approaching this conversation as a never ending, circular torture, I now look at it as an opportunity to lead.


Post Information
Title Leadership and the "What should we have for dinner?" Conversation
Author V1adimirPoontin
Upvotes 9
Comments 21
Date 07 May 2017 01:08 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206189
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/69ophq/leadership_and_the_what_should_we_have_for_dinner/
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Comments

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (0 children) | Copy

Ladies, I feel that everyone got a little confused on this whole out to eat thing in the thread. Take the advice of /u/archwinger and read this comment.

[–]weakandsensitive11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

Her: What do you want?

Me: I don't care. Are you craving anything?

Her: Not really. I want what you want. What do you want?

Me: I don't care. Do you want to cook or go out?

Her: Doesn't matter to me. I'm down for anything.

That's some panty dropping conversation right there.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sarcasm doesn't come through the internet very well and some guys might believe you. Newbs, he meant "cock blocking" NOT "panty dropping."

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Like her being teleported to the Sahara

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Where she can recover her dried up labia.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not all conversations can be panty dropping. Thankfully I've instituted a no panty rule in the house.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If I got a little chubster does that make me gay?

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (6 children) | Copy

One of my first red pill realizations was to stop fucking asking her where to go to dinner.

Instead, I'd say, "let's go to sizzler" (don't judge... I love sizzler!!)

95% of the time she was totally on board with my suggestion. 5% she would say, "oh, but I've been craving Thai for days!". Awesome. Thai it is.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Please tell me you've watched Slums of Beverly Hills. Sizzler is a keystone to the movie, and an interesting Hollywood "case study" on ego.

Plus, Alan Arkin and Marissa Tomei.

[–]mrpCamper1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think that an Gattaca are possibly the two most underrated movies in hollywood.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Somehow never watched Gattaca. Adding it to the To Do list thanks.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I haven't, but I'll add it to my list.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's a B movie. I'll say that up front. But it has a lot of good points and has an excellent example of why your ego will fuck you over if you placate it.

[–]Thisismyusername11000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had this the other day. We had like an hour to eat. Drove to a place 5 minutes from the house and it was packed.

Her: I can't believe this let's just go home
10 seconds later
"Well maybe we can just go to Chili's"
10 seconds later
"No Chili's is bad let's just get Panera.
10 seconds later
"Ugh nevermind let's just go home"
10 seconds later
"Well we're already out let's get potbelly"

Meanwhile: just drove to fucking Chili's then teased her for her indecisiveness

[–]creating_my_life5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

We've found two solutions to this that work for us.

One: the "3-2-1 game". Somebody pics 3 options. The other person eliminates one, giving two options. First person picks final. Usually M/F/M. Surprisingly quick and effective.

Two: the "argue all at once" game. We realized we had this conversation, so I decided we would have it on Sunday, and write down all the options for the week.

Three: Menu Planning. This is actually the most effective. I love the random thursday when nobody wants "mac and cheese and hot dog", but it sounded good on Sunday. "Nope, sorry hon, it's on the damn menu so we don't have a choice in the matter."

In all cases, just don't be too wishy-washy.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

I had this down, but this got tricky with me because Mrs. Peru went on a very specific diet (lost 20 lbs in a month), and she can only go to certain restaurants. Upon reading my BS just now, I realized I need to get a list of all the acceptable restaurants for her so I can be proactive in this area again. OMS

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

lost 20lbs in a month

???

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah the wife kicked it into high gear

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I fuckin guess. That'd take a fuckin 600 calorie defect daily at least.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We have a couple beach vacations coming up. But, I think she actually be making a lifestyle change this time... Time will tell