My wife and I had a nuclear event Easter weekend. She "folded like a cheap lawnchair" when the cards were on the table. I expected some retaliation and push back after that but it hasn't happened much, actually the reverse.

Her backing away from divorce came because she read First Kill All the Marriage Counsellors. She hated the book but it resonated with her. She said is was written for the women of narcissistic men, forcing them to be inferior, subverting to them and other things.

Last weekend she started disrespecting me again. I called her on it immediately and told her that I didn't want that kind of marriage, I'd be looking for a better partner if that kept up.

She replied that she had a book of her own and that she was working on things. And she has been. Her behavior has changed. Calmer, more smiles, less talk back, more sex, more asking me how we are going to do things, generally more respect.

The book she is reading is "Disarming the Narcissist." At first I was kinda privately pissed she was reading a book that labelled me as a narcissist. I went online and did a few of the typical narcissist tests and came out with low scores. But the type of narcissist the book is talking about is a narcissist within the relationship, which is different. And the book isn't about fixing the narcissist, it is about making things work with one. Interesting.

I've always had to have strong boundaries and actions with my wife because she is a strong willed woman. I haven't read the book (yet), but it appears that the advice she is implementing in dealing with me as a "narcissist" is removing some of the borderline objectionable behaviors that SHE used to have. This makes the relationship much more enjoyable for me.

I'm having a hard time trying to figure out if I need to change my "narcissistic" behavior or not. Actually, I'm a bit confused about whether I am narcissistic in our relationship or whether she is overly sensitive about strong men. I'm still working on this and trying to figure it out. For now I just STFU and observe and reflect.

One of the theories in the book is that some men are narcissists because nobody looked out for them or took care of them in the past, they were always fighting their battles alone. The "solution" to that situation is to be supportive and appreciative. I'm kinda shocked at how different the relationship feels when she does this.

I suspect that my wife went to a counsellor and the counsellor recommended the book. I didn't ask. I refused to go to counselling with her. For a while that put her on the warpath, but there is no mention of me going to counselling now.

We aren't out of the woods yet. I have a lot to learn and figure out. I keep lifting, working out, reading and improving myself and hoping my spouse will follow. She isn't letting me down in this regard - this morning we worked out together, the first time I can remember in a long, long time.

For the first time in a long time, I have hope that this relationship can be made to work.