I've been lurking and working on this for over a year now, but as per the title there is one undesirable behaviour from my wife that has always gotten to me and the way I treat the subject never fails to fuck up my frame.
We have little social life together, both work full time and have 2 kids. I don't do much besides work, home/family, reading and gym. She does the same except no gym or reading (just tv and facebook). Boring as fuck, I know hence its the biggest thing on the MAP to work on.
The issue is that what little social life she has outside family consists nights out with work friends who I don't know. These most often begin as dinner but wind up with her rolling home in the early hours shitfaced and puking. Now beta me has enjoyed me some drunk sex in the past, and she loves me going dom/caveman when shes had a drink., but I stopped that as I don't want to associate the behaviour with sex. Realising that these occasions are prime opportunity for her to fall on Randomchad's dick and hamstering hat it didn't / won't happen again was what got me to privately begin to own my shit.
On the one hand, getting in that state is unacceptable to me. I have concerns over her personal safety at those times and our kids are old enough to be vaguely aware of it so its a bad example too. I'm aware that my own insecurities feed largely into and from this.
On the other hand this isn't often, maybe once a month or less. Our sex life is decent and I have no other cause of suspicion. Whenever I show my butthurt about it she can tit-for-tat with equivalents that I can't dispute. The few times a year I go fishing its often for 2-3 days in dangerous locations with little or no cell service.
So how do I set a boundary when I haven't yet established my time & attention as valuable to her, but it's not something worth divorcing over? I can't figure out a consequence in between for breaking it, and my trust issues and concerns aside, she isn't really doing much more than I do myself.
Thoughts and suggestions welcome.