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Update on the wife's affair. She's gone... It's done.

by RedPillQuest | April 21, 2017 | askMRP

69 upvotes

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You may have read in my previous posts about how I came to the realization of my tunnel vision (intentional and unintentional on my part) of my wife's infidelity. Here's an update:

I took several of MRPer's advice last Monday and finally downloaded wife's deleted text messages. She was clearly having an affair. Here's what I did in response.

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday: found and met with attorneys, learned the law in my state, and generally formulated a plan. Also bitched and victim puked to my dad and a couple good friends. I engaged an attorney and had them draft a separation agreement.

The agreement covers the kids. I will not put the kids in the middle of this. I will take care of them 100% no matter what shit she pulls. But it does not give her any alimony. I also keep the house, almost everything in the house, and the car.

Friday: wife came home from a spring break vacation with the kids and I just held it together. I reviewed her text messages with my lawyer's brain to figure out everything I could.

Turns out Chad was on a spring break vacation with his family and would be back Monday. He worked the following Wed., Thur., and Fri. and would be out of town those days. Spring break ended after Monday meaning that their "fucking window" was limited to Tuesday. I called a PI and engaged them. They agreed to place a tracking device on my car on Mon. and to follow her on Tue.

I live in an at-fault state, meaning that I can divorce for adultery immediately, but she has to wait 1 year to divorce otherwise. Proof of the adultery might help reduce alimony, but probably not in the lower courts. Meaning that I'd need to appeal and pay a shit ton more money if she fought me. Lawyers also told me that the text messages would be enough to establish fault so I didn't need the PI. I disagreed.

See, I didn't want the video for court or legal purposes. I wanted it so I could block any excuses or denial shit she might throw up when I confronted her.

Sat. Sun.: The weekend was absolute hell. It was a waiting game. Wife asked why I wasn't in the mood for sex multiple times and I had to respond. She asked what was wrong several times and I just STFU.

Monday: got an STD test. Who the hell knows what shit she's given me. Still waiting on those results. Dealt with more questions and STFU.

[EDIT] STD test normal. Phew!

Tuesday: kids went to school and she dropped me off at the train. I walked back and picked up final separation agreement from the lawyer and then went to work.

PI texted at 10:30. She'd dropped me off, went home, did her hair and makeup, drove to his house, and fucked him. Then went back to my house, changed into yoga clothes, and went to the library. I have the video. Gents, there was no guilt, no skulking... she knew what she wanted and took it. Went in through his front door and happily left the same way. She only parked a half block away from his place. Fuck you Chad. But not even Chad... the guy is sleeping in his own basement and has a fucking Dad bod. Enough of that...

I had my wife pick me up at 6:00 pm and had my sister pick up the kids from my house at 6:05. They didn't need to hear this. Got home and I sat her down, calmly explained that I knew she was having an affair. She didn't deny it. She asked me how I knew. I held my cards. Everything I had was in folders, printed and ready to give her, except the video which was downloaded to my phone, but I kept it for when she decided to argue.

I handed her the agreement. I walked her through every paragraph. At times, she argued and I pulled one more item of proof from my folders. She told me that she'd wanted to end it two weeks ago. I responded that I knew she'd gone and fucked him that day.

She signed the agreement that night. I had a 24 hr notary come to the house and notarized the agreement right then. The $125 was well worth it.

I think I held frame throughout. Not my proudest moment, but she followed me around the house that night. I took ambien and went to bed. She asked if she could sleep in the basement because it was so late and I agreed. I vaguely recall her asking if there was anything she could do to sleep in our bed that night. I told her that if she blew me and swallowed she could sleep in our bed. I vaguely remember teeth, cumming hard, and a bit of gagging as it hit the back of her throat. I woke up next to her. Oops. Oh well. Wish I'd been fully conscious to enjoy it.

As agreed she packed and left the next morning. She came back to pick up the kids with me, we went home and she sat and told them that we couldn't live together anymore because she'd had sex with a man who wasn't their Dad. Hard experience and crying ensued.

So now I'm numb and just holding it together for the little mammals. Wife will move back home with her parents to another state. Boys will stay with me to finish school. I'm oddly horny and trying to figure out what I'll do for the next year while I wait for her to file the no fault divorce. If she doesn't, I will. She doesn't want to fight. Here's hoping she doesn't and hoping everything moves along as planned.

I called and talked to both of her parents. I gave them all of the details. I will maintain a good relationship with everyone in her family except for the sister who knew about the affair and encouraged her and hid it. Fuck her. Just sayin'.

I also took a copy of all the evidence to Chad's wife. I gave it to her and we talked for a half hour about what was there. If she wants to continue fucking him for whatever reason, that's up to her now.

So, I went from discovering the affair to a confrontation, getting a signed separation agreement with no alimony, and getting her out of the house in one week and a day.

I'm hoping that my pain and experience will give someone here the strength they need to do what needs to be done. It can happen this way. I just did it. Don't let any grass grow. Don't be emotional until it's over. Get legal advice and then follow through. Make sure she doesn't have any wiggle room and keep her off balance by holding your ammo until each shot is necessary. I don't think shock and awe would have worked nearly as well.

It all hurts way to much for me to be proud of myself, but I believe I've held frame, owned my shit, and effectively managed it all for now.

[EDIT - UPDATE] I want to mention a couple things and give an update. First, your mileage may vary... wife and I have both been raised in very very fundamental conservative religious families. Consequently, the threat of a public divorce naming her as an adulterous is very powerful. Frankly, any divorce is a huge move that is frowned upon in the religion even in these circumstances. I will deal with (even dealt with it yesterday) ecclesiastical leaders trying to convince me to stick it out.

Before the barrage of posts come telling me not to have sex with her and to divorce her no matter what church tells me... read on. My only point here is a word of caution to those considering a similar course of action. You should be aware that it might be more effective in my situation than it will be in others. Maybe NAWALT?

Ok. That aside, update... we both continue to have a close relationship with MC. He's not your average MC. Wife has been planning to go to another intensive session with him. He was willing to do that until yesterday. As mentioned above, when she says she's going to fight her way back into our marriage, I've responded that she's way in the hole and would need to prove to me that I can trust her, that this would never happen again, and that she'd need to find a way to make me fall in love with her, and that I don't know how in the hell she'd do that. Hold your derision for a second, please... just keep reading.

Yesterday, she came over after school with the boys. I'd been cleaning the house and had put a couple pictures of us and some of her shoes into her office. Frankly, it's just too painful to look at. She noticed and proceeded to give me shit about it. She told me I was clearly making a statement and that the message was received. She then proceeded to lay into me, telling me that I thought I was better than her, that I had my own problems, and was kicking her to the curb over hers. She also argued that we couldn't work on the marriage if she didn't live in the house. For the record, I never had sex with anyone else, told her that I didn't think she was a bad person or a bad mom, and that we couldn't live together anymore. Plain and simple.

I let MC know. Apparently she'd called him earlier that day, told him that the relationship she'd had with her paramour had been an emotional one, and asked how to get over him. This is the millionth time she's talked to MC about him. Millionth time she's talked to ME about him... MC told her that he can't help her. That we're less than a week out from her getting caught screwing another guy, and already she's talking about him and blaming me.

She's torn up about it. Called me in tears. If she doesn't have MC's help, she doesn't know how to get better and save our marriage she says. She wanted me to help her figure it out and fix it.

I told her repeatedly that she just didn't get it. She cried for a few seconds and then asked me if our ecclesiastical leaders had said anything to me about being able to stay together and saving the marriage. She asked if my parents were against us living separately. She was looking for any way to not live with the consequences of her own actions. For someone else to blame. For someone else to save her so she could go back to Chad.

Here's my only point... she's not going to change. She still can't see what she's done. Apologies, tears, and promises to change and to fight for your marriage will keep coming, but the facts remain... don't fall for it. Stay strong. The course you were forced into is the right one. Stick with it.

[EDIT - update II] she just came over and offered a blow job "without any strings attached." It's the only reason she came over. It was hard cause I'm so damn horny, but I turned her down. I can't imagine that anything that woman does has no strings attached.


Post Information
Title Update on the wife's affair. She's gone... It's done.
Author RedPillQuest
Upvotes 69
Comments 82
Date 21 April 2017 04:54 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206252
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/66qg0o/update_on_the_wifes_affair_shes_gone_its_done/
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Comments

[–]anythingincRed Beret24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

It all hurts way to much for me to be proud of myself, but I believe I've held frame, owned my shit, and effectively managed it all for now.

I know that feeling. It fades remarkably fast.

Nothing left to do but finalized that divorce, be a good dad, be a good coparent, and enjoy the rest of your life OP, the world is yours.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

Well played Sir, very well played indeed.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

Side Note:

I vaguely recall her asking if there was anything she could do to sleep in our bed that night. I told her that if she blew me and swallowed she could sleep in our bed.

I would have suggested a much more defiling act and when she agreed, say na I'd rather go to sleep. This gentlemen is how you twist the knife.

[–]creating_my_life14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

I vaguely recall her asking if there was anything she could do to sleep in our bed that night

"No".

Hate isn't the opposite of love, apathy is.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Anal, go deep, and film it so there is no chance of false rape allegation.

[–]BrazilRedPill10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remarkably done. You've own your shit like a true man.

Now, take your time, and when you are ready, find help with the kids at night and go out. There's an awesome social life for a divorced man out there.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rough.

This place is here for you, if you need to sort shit out, do it here or with your bros, not to your wife.

She's gone, that's over.

Now you focus on you and those kids, life is too short to waste a minute of it on reminiscing about the past. When you're alone in bed or without the kids, don't let the dark thoughts creep in, keep yourself active & moving forward.

[–]saltybull7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

It won't be very long, maybe a month and she's going to find her way back to you and be on her best saint behavior trying to hook your dick back into that honey pot you used to love to abuse. I know it fucking hurts and I know why you let her worship your meat like you did. I've been there but the WORST thing you could do is have any sexual activity with here ever again! You cared about her and until you actually have true mental abundance (test out your SMV and discover how easy it is to bang sluts these days) your vulnerable to some serious emotional pain and unnecessary suffering by being tempted to cringe fuck the Chad out of her for the hell of it. Don't do it, she cannot be your plate! Any sexual contact with her either a few days or three months from now will reset you emotionally right back to yesterday despite what your dick tells you. Stay strong, she doesn't deserve you! So many pieces of ass out there are just waiting for their chance to suck you off and compete to spend time with you.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

She's already offered "non committal hand jobs." Not going there. I just know I'm strangely horny as hell. More than normal. I need to go out as soon as the kids aren't with me for a weekend.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Go out."

No! You need to learn approach game, and PUA. Kids can be almost as good for pussy bait as a puppy and it doesn't matter if your kids are with you. Show them how a man talks to a woman. If she is going to suck your dick you probably want to get a babysitter but until the interaction is NSFW do NOT compartmentalize your interactions with young hottie strange into "going out" and "kid time."

Use the "kid time" to go out and meet girls. You don't need to "go out." Girls really are everywhere and day gaming with kids is a snap.

TLDR: Bang and Day Bang by Roosh + RSD youtube videos has all the information you need.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last night was about showing myself that I have what it takes still. Confirmed, I can still lock down a 6 at the club. Onward and upward.

[–]Griever1147 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

It may not seem like much but you nailed it in every sense of the word. Hook, line and sinker.

Just remember, anytime you feel bad, think about each and every time you were not together, she was likely going to fuck chad or someone else. She isnt worth a nanosecond of your mental energy anymore. She is effectively dead.

Make sure you raise your kids well. You can do it and do it well.

Kick ass and take names. This is a new age of your livelihood.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret7 points8 points  (9 children) | Copy

Anyone else disgusted that she is moving out of state, away from her children? The shallow nature of a woman who could abandon her children at a time like this. Doesn't even sound like she put up a fight. Congrats on taking out the trash. Can't wait to hear about your life on the other side brother! Bravo!

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

It's shame.

She'll get over it, and then in court fighting OP for the kids. Because the kids are her money lifeline.

When she discovers she can't get back together with OP or resolve it, she'll take him to court, claim the separation agreement was signed under duress, and fight him for the kids.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

Ugh, yeah. She's retreating and regrouping. All her friends and sister will tell her what a powerful independent woman she is and what a dick OP is for making her have to cheat.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Yeh.. What I wrote is exactly what I'd do if I were her lawyer. "The husband found out about the cheating, he MADE her sign that agreement; that agreement's not worth the paper it's printed on. He forced her to sign it. He acted in bad faith. She was in an extreme emotional state and under extreme emotional duress, and the husband knew this at the time he gave her that agreement. The agreement is a nullity."

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yep. A risk to be sure. And a calculated one. I did the best that I could. She could potentially fight it out in court and cost everyone (me) a shit ton of money. But isn't it worth trying the amicable and cost effective approach first?

The comments above as to what you'd do if you were her lawyer is precisely why the system is broken. Because you'd enter with a character attack and greed. I could end up there and I even told the wife that when I went through the agreement. The result is costly litigation.

By approaching it the way I did, I end up with an agreement signed, and a wife who technically abandons the home and kids. That combined with not wanting it to go public, and her feeling like I'm being as kind as possible given the situation gives me at least the strong possibility that i get out of this without any significant legal costs, acrimony, or owing alimony. That's a solid win from my perspective.

As I understand it, RP isn't about going off half cocked, or about being vindictive. It's all about lifting... err... and developing an action plan, owning your shit, and keeping a solid frame. This situation sucks donkey balls and hopefully I've at least coated them in honey before gargling them.

[–]bob13bob2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

you can whine and blame indvidiuals for the system, but it's still the system. Either play within the system to win or lose, your choice. you aren't going ot change it. It's her lawyer's job to get as much for her as possible. Yeah i agree that sometimes fighting only the litigation lawyers win, but it depends how much assets you're fighting over.

also look at your history, you been slow to accept hard truths. 4 months yOU come posting on MRP tryin got fix your marriage and make yourself more attractive to your wife, but you knew 2 years she cheated and you left that out of your early posts. YOu knew what kind of advice you would get, but you didn't want to accept it and get over it. Also, you want to believe so bad that she only kissed and watched a masturbation video because you really wanted it be true. It's no accident that she only admitted what happened to be caught in evidence.

you love your kids and thinks she's a good mom, so it's good you have nuclear escalation plan. be self-cognizant over your past and dont' let yourself get played again. Stop pining after her, beside your marriage was broken. It's not good for anyone to keep it up, you, the kids, or her.

also, if that pilot had a wife, i'd send the evidence over to her because fuk him.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Always easy to blame, especially in hind sight. Any actual value there?

[–]bob13bob0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

updated my post. also from your post history, you wanna gain weight check body building forum like rippetoe's guide. the only thing you should do is eat and powerlift, very little cardio. That's boring so, i don't do that anymore either. It's not my goal anymore to straight build muscle.

6'3" and patent attorney, just dont' immediately fall for all the girls you're about to bed. don't choose the wrong woman this time.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. That's the plan, but I do climb and do MMA, so there is some cardio there, but both are sports I can't live without.... since I think both sports are pretty RP, they stay. Plus, I lift when done climbing or sparring.

Right now I don't ever plan to get married or end up in LTR again. And for the foreseeable future, I'm just going to play. It's the silver lining I guess.

[–]bob13bob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah, op can't take this false victory. Get ready for hte brutal fight ahead.

[–]BobbyPeru7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

if she blew me and swallowed she could sleep in our bed.

Why. Just why would you want a BJ from this ho? I'd caution you to stay away from sexual contact - it can get a hold of your emotions and make you do bad decisions. She knows this. That's why she blew you.

But otherwise, good job. Damn, that must hurt. But you just have to continue working and improving yourself.

Focus on yourself and the kids and keep her involvement to logistics.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why? I don't really remember asking for it. Fully conscious I wouldn't have done it. Ambien. Lesson learned.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good!

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

That's some fucked up shit man.

Out of curiosity, how do you exactly keep your kids from their mom?

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not keeping them from her. But as of the day she left I made it clear that she needed to go sort her shit out. That crying and not taking a shower and forgetting to eat etc would not fly. She agreed that the boys would be best here at the house with me for the next few days. It's all in the agreement.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have a chance to establish a custodial environment with the kids. I would take it.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have complete control over the boys and my house at this point. But I'm not interested in putting them in the middle of this. They love her and frankly, she's a good mom. She's just a lying slut with me. I have no plans to claim that she abandoned the home and kids unless she decides to lawyer up and try to take me for all I'm worth. If she does, then the guns come out. Then she can fight re home, adulteress, custody.... right now, everything is amicable. I owe her nothing.

I'll hold each card until I really need it. I don't need to waste my time, energy, or money just trying to hurt her out of my own insecurity or because the slut hurt me. Leave that to the grade school bully and the bullied kids. If all goes well, I'll never need to pay those legal fees and go to war. That's up to her.

Btw u/BluePillProfessor, for what it's worth, thank you for your posts, sidebar materials, etc. they have had a significant impact in how I've changed over the past few months and how I'll continue to change. And though it may not be entirely clear, my approach to this separation is influenced by your principles of ratcheting up dread in phases. So thank you. So far so good.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

good for you

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 2 points3 points  (26 children) | Copy

Don't get the wrong idea. Her moving to another state until school is out is my idea. She wants to fight her way back into my life. I told her I thought that was nearly impossible, but that it was certainly impossible if she stayed anywhere near Chad -- that she needed to get as far away from him as possible if she ever wanted even a remote chance with me.

She keeps telling me that she's going to fight her way back into our lives. I either don't respond or I tell her that I've been fighting for a very long time and that she's going to have to find a way to make me trust her, to know that anything like this could never happen again, and that she'd have to make me fall in love with her again. A nearly impossible task & it would certainly be easier to find someone else to fuck.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (19 children) | Copy

she's going to have to find a way to make me trust her, to know that anything like this could never happen again, and that she'd have to make me fall in love with her again. A nearly impossible task & it would certainly be easier to find someone else to fuck.

Nope. Affair is game over, forever. You can't ever trust her again. You can't ever let her back into your life, ever.

Don't have sex with her, don't talk to her except logistics for the kids and the separation agreement, and don't engage her.

I don't understand really why you're waiting. You have proof of adultery. You have proof of fault. You can divorce right now. Why don't you?

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 3 points4 points  (17 children) | Copy

Because the goal is to be firm and direct but not to spurn her into litigation. I CAN divorce her immediately, and the fact of her adultery will be public. Or she can sign the separation agreement that gives her no alimony etc and I'll let her file for a no fault divorce for whatever bull shit reason she wants.

Your approach is scorched earth. That can only end in expensive litigation and acrimony. I'm taking a different approach. It's firm and concrete, but it's also amicable. I don't want to pay her alimony for the rest of my life, I'm going to have to work with her re the kids.

I agree that this is probably game over. But there is simply nothing to gain by acting out of rage, or by slamming the door on her. 1 year is a very very small price to pay for a lifetime of not having to give her half of everything. I get where I've gotten by using the approach I did. Go ahead and try your approach and let me know how much it costs after a week and a day.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

So are you just being Machiavellian by leading her to believe there's a chance? I think that could be wise, done right, as long as you know you are never getting back with her.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hopefully this is a very RP approach. In all fairness I don't know what the years will bring. I'm thinking about the next few. How many can you think through?

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is. Enough to know I'd be done with her. But you do you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

It's not scorched earth. It's "I can prove fault; I want a divorce now, and the court will reserve all issues later."

It's also not emotional. It's a purely legal decision. Fault exists. You're entitled to an immediate dissolution of the marriage. Done and dusted. No muss, no fuss. Hell, you could even get her to admit fault, quietly, in a stipulation filed with the court, and have the order entered that way. Only geekass lawyers like me actually read court files.

The remaining property division, custody and support issues don't turn on her fault. The issues turn on the equities.

I suppose if you're doing this to let her save face, OK, but man, I'd want the marriage dissolved so I could move on with my life.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Geekass lawyers like you and ME. But I'm a patent attorney, not a family law attorney.

Yes, fault is clear, done, and dusted. But the separation agreement goes into any divorce. NO alimony. None. And without significant legal costs. I'm putting money before the dissolution.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

OK. You do you.

I'd insist on primary residential custody of the kids. Play it right, she will be paying you child support.

I guarantee you she'll be in court claiming you forced her to sign that agreement under duress.

[–]anythingincRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

property division, custody and support issues don't turn on her fault.

This depends heavily on what state OP resides in and/or which judge the case gets. OP says he lives in fault state, so fault can probably influence everything but child support guidelines.

I guarantee you she'll be in court claiming you forced her to sign that agreement under duress.

I agree she has a case for signing under duress without counsel. But for all we know, doing this would only provide OP an opportunity to show her fault in court and potentially end up with the same or worse outcome for his ex.

what I'd do if I were her lawyer

Well of course, it is billable. Doesn't mean her outcome would improve.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She may. It's a risk. A calculated one. And I didn't push her around and was as kind as possible. I spent extra time explaining the right to counsel provisions. We'll see how it turns out. For now, I'm avoiding litigation.

[–]PBRistasty0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Correct me if im wrong, but if she aquires residency in another state and Then files i believe the laws of the new state apply not your current one.

I think you may want to seek advice on this issue immedietley as some states have a 90 day residency a few even less.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i believe the laws of the new state apply not your current one.

Not if he has the kids in his State. That's the "Established Custodial Environment" I was talking about. Unless he lets her take the kids out of State. He needs to be sure it is well documented that the kids reside with him in X State. School enrollment, family doctor etc needs to be in the custodial State.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Done

[–]plein_old2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

scorched earth

I'm really impressed by your whole approach to this, for whatever that means to you.

When people go that extra step to intentionally make another person feel bad, sometimes they create a powerful enemy in the process, who has an emotional investment in fighting tooth and claw...

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks!

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Thanks for the response. Now, I'm not the one who consulted a lawyer, so I'll instead pose you this question.

Is there any possibility for her to change her mind before the 1 year is up and then fight you to hell and back?

My point in asking is, is there a chance that while you wait for this amicable resolution, what would happen if she were to draw her weapons and go for the throat? What then?

Or is that not an option?

Either way, nothing but the best to you and the kids. Stay strong and keep fighting the good fight, brother.

[–]uraijit1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

She can't file prior to the one year, so there's not much she can do in the mean time. They're separated, she has technically abandoned the home and the kids at this point, so her legal standing is diminished with regard to the same. She COULD file for divorce after a year, and decide to get stupid with lawyers, but she'd be opening herself up to him countering with proof of her infidelity in court (which she probably wants to avoid).

Personally, I think he should have kept it quiet with her parents for the time being, so that she would have motivation to not make it an ugly thing and have things revealed to her family. That MAY not be an actual factor here for her, but I think it would be for most people. Doesn't matter, that ship has sailed as soon as he spilled the beans to her family... Regardless, she did sign the separation agreement, and he hopefully had the forethought to record the interaction so that if she claims he hit her, or threatened her, otherwise coerced her signature, he can shut that shit right down as well. :D

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

For the record, she told her parents before I called. Everything else is accurate.

[–]uraijit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I live in an at-fault state, meaning that I can divorce for adultery immediately, but she has to wait 1 year to divorce otherwise

Yeah, maybe I missed your answer to this somewhere above, but why wait a year for her to file?

You have the texts, you have the video, what is the benefit of waiting a year?

Are you keeping the door open in hopes of the possibility of giving it another go?

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Seems like you are mate guarding her which is kind of strange considering the circumstances. Im curious... why'd you even leave the option on the table? Who cares where she is or where Chad is? You know Chad is everywhere right?

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Think! Because this way she's fucking GONE for at least the few months it takes me to heal just a little bit. Read my post above.... believe it or not I really have thought this shit through. For three days before I acted.

EDIT* and because this way I don't pay any child support while she lives with her parents. I'm trying to start a new business. I need the money.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not saying you didn't, or that I disagree. I am interested in the reasons you are doing things. You seem to have thought it out very well but there are some parts of the puzzle I'm curious about. Maybe I will be getting a divorce and can learn from you.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

To the extent I can help with my own experience, I'm happy to try.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well played, you are very lucky that you are in a jurisdiction where fault is relevant. Let me give you four key tips for your future:

  1. Lift. Seriously, I dragged my feet on this one until I fully swallowed the pill. Lifting changes your body, your mind, everything. Lift. I do not care if it is 5x5, convict conditioning, Al Kavadlos calisthenics, 3-4 times a week on machines but you must lift.

  2. Focus on your kids and your mission. Be a great dad. You will come out of this as a much better parent. I took full custody of my kids after the separation and it was hard, but adversity makes us strong. You will be a better parent, a better cook and a better provider at the end of the day.

  3. DO NOT GET INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP FOR AT LEAST TWO YEARS. Sure spin plates, have some flings and STRs but do not give one piece of your heart to any female for at least two years. Your heart is now wearing full body armour. Head on over to the main sub, you belong there more than you belong here. Ignore the kids, read the top posts and stuff by the ECs and vanguards.

  4. Try and get over it mentally. They say you can wait 12 months or fuck 12 women. I took the 12 women option. If your game and appearance is not there yet then visit a member of the world's oldest profession. Just make sure someone is sucking the venom out of you. You will also be shocked at how hot younger women are down for dirty NSA sex with older guys. Seriously I am almost jealous of you, the first 12 months of smashing strange pussy is like an early heaven. Also, when the ex has the kids for a week or more, get on a plane to the Phillipines or Thailand. In Thailand you are Brad Pitt so long as you are a white guy and thousands of fifty kg, tight bodied 20 somethings are waiting to spend a night in your hotel for the price of a pizza and a slab of beer.

Enjoy, you lucky dog.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You make this whole experience almost sound like it's fun. Right now it hurts like hell. Going out tonight. Any advice on how NOT to be that dick who cries about his recent divorce/separation all night long? I'd much rather go find a hot piece of ass (preferably two) to bring home tonight.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It hurts like hell at first, and that pain lasts a long time. When we fall off a horse we get back in the saddle, if we are in a fight we get hit but keep on fighting, that is you now. You are the fighter who got hit real hard but you are still in the fight, and you are going to win. For me I got straight out there and started picking up women. I was into the whole PUA scene, at first I had some pathetic attempts, but I got good at it really fast. Within a couple of months of the separation I was banging models in their 20s, single mums, girls I met online, girls from speed dating.

At first I did exactly what you are worried about, I went out and I was that guy whingeing about his ex, acting butthurt and generally being a downer. But even then I was still getting laid, some women will actually lap that stuff up, especially if they have had "an evil ex". I used to make it fun and say "let's talk about evil exes, let's see who has the best evil ex story". So long as you are in reasonable shape, out having fun and dressed well then you will get away with itnfor a while, but it will cost you some pussy.

After a while (like 12 months or 12 bitches) it stops hurting so much and the whingeing and whining gets old. You also begin to realise it is not worth it. It's OK though, allow yourself some time to grieve, what happened to you is totally fucked and very painful, men are the true romantics.

I think you mentioned in the comments that you are a lawyer. Me too, women fucking love that, it is up there with doctor, pilot or gangster. Women love status, it wets their panties. Just be careful, if you are in shape and have high status as well women see you as alpha bucks. They will fuck you quickly but then they will start angling for commitment. They will seriously try to trick you intongetting them pregnant, so either shoot it into their mouth, bum or a condom. You are going to break a lot of hearts, try to be gentle and enjoy the ride.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am glad you held it together and didn't go I to a emotional frenzy in confronting her without legal advice.

Thanks for the detailed posts this last week.

[–]jacksarmy2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Reads like fan fiction to me

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Glad my experience was an enjoyable read.

[–]james89992 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP is a legend. Controlled,measured and honest . I got this BS from cheating wife for 5 years about my anger and resentment. I did not understand her selfish Facebook behavior. Done in 8 days, better than 8 years.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just curious: how much did the PI cost, and where did you find him?

I've heard bad stories about PI's basically taking the info and getting double the money from a cheater and stuff like that. Sounds like you got a good honest PI.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get a good reputable PI. I happen to work at a law firm where we use a reputable company. They cost $100/hr.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not looking, was just curious since I heard a lot of scam stories

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Congratulations!

Op showed us how it is done. Love how the whores have nothing but sex to fall back on. Classic case of not turning a whore into a housewife. Next up get a paternity test. I give a 50% chance or greater that the kids are not even yours....

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ha! If you saw them, there's no doubt. Those little mammals are mini me's in every sense.

[–]PBRistasty1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My fukin hero.... THIS is howbto get it done.

[–]mabden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, I went from discovering the affair to a confrontation, getting a signed separation agreement with no alimony, and getting her out of the house in one week and a day.

This, gentlemen is how you deal with an unfaithful wife.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wish there was flair or some shit for being called a "legend." (Kidding).

Thank you. As the numbness wears off, and the pain sets in, I'm starting to realize just how good it was that I had that numbness. I'd be a total dick to her and I'd be a total pussy if I were to try to do the same thing now, even just a few days later. I stay kind and move along with the plan I established because it's working so well right now... and for the kids.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

There you go. Calm, well executed, rational, and with a parting blowjob. Now that is how it is done.

Go start the rest of your life. There is plenty of prime pussy waiting to be slain.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks! Looking forward to the silver lining of prime pussy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

tldr; My condolences, I'm sorry your family has to go through this

The agreement covers the kids. I will not put the kids in the middle of this. I will take care of them 100% no matter what shit she pulls. But it does not give her any alimony. I also keep the house, almost everything in the house, and the car.

Your lawyers actually said this will work? Its enforceable? What state do you live in?

Just a decade ago a judge would laugh at you if your brought this to her. #feminism I guess.

I called a PI and engaged them. They agreed to place a tracking device on my car on Mon. and to follow her on Tue.

Good call, you don't want to witness this or have surveillance charges stacked against you.

Lawyers also told me that the text messages would be enough to establish fault so I didn't need the PI. I disagreed.

If you have the money, better safe than sorry

She asked what was wrong several times and I just STFU.

Good call. Always fall back to STFU when you can't handle a situation or with AA, AM, etc

Monday: got an STD test. Who the hell knows what shit she's given me.

Hopefully something you can use antibiotics on

Gents, there was no guilt, no skulking... she knew what she wanted and took it. Went in through his front door and happily left the same way.

Remember to focus on this

Fuck you Chad

Don't focus on this. He didn't promise to forsaking all others. Don't fall for BP/MSM narrative and do something stupid to a third party, these were two consenting adults. At least your wife had the sense to not do it at your house.

calmly explained that I knew she was having an affair. She didn't deny it. She asked me how I knew. I held my cards. Everything I had was in folders, printed and ready to give her, except the video which was downloaded to my phone, but I kept it for when she decided to argue.

Good. Not terribly surprising, but given that she overtly admitted to it, your proof is pointless at this point.

I handed her the agreement. I walked her through every paragraph. At times, she argued and I pulled one more item of proof from my folders. She told me that she'd wanted to end it two weeks ago. I responded that I knew she'd gone and fucked him that day. She signed the agreement that night. I had a 24 hr notary come to the house and notarized the agreement right then. The $125 was well worth it.

Wow, you got her to sign it just because she was ambushed? Showing proof? I'd worry about a judge throwing it out for duress, but at least you got a notary.

As agreed she packed and left the next morning. She came back to pick up the kids with me, we went home and she sat and told them that we couldn't live together anymore because she'd had sex with a man who wasn't their Dad. Hard experience and crying ensued.

wtf, did she go into specifics about there being another man and things like that, or a PG friendly we're separating?

She doesn't want to fight. Here's hoping she doesn't and hoping everything moves along as planned.

She signed away her cash and prizes under duress, I don't think this will end so cleanly. Be glad you didn't make a mistake like leaving the house with her and the kids in it, you would get your ass reamed in court for that. Now that you flipped the switch and established facts on the ground with her leaving, you can probably prevent her from having the court toss the agreement. I hope your divorce can go as smoothly.

I will maintain a good relationship with everyone in her family except for the sister who knew about the affair and encouraged her and hid it.

Good, don't screw up your kids' family relationships just cause yours got fucked. They are innocent in all this.

Fuck her. Just sayin'.

Maybe you should, lol. Maybe she'll come crawling to you for a favor during the divorce and you can cash in this chip.

I also took a copy of all the evidence to Chad's wife. I gave it to her and we talked for a half hour about what was there. If she wants to continue fucking him for whatever reason, that's up to her now.

I feel mixed about this because of the shoot the messenger paradox. But it sounds like you parted amicably.

So, I went from discovering the affair to a confrontation, getting a signed separation agreement with no alimony, and getting her out of the house in one week and a day.

Its a good thing you acted rationally, empowered yourself with knowledge and stuck to a plan.

Don't be emotional until it's over. Get legal advice and then follow through. Make sure she doesn't have any wiggle room and keep her off balance by holding your ammo until each shot is necessary. I don't think shock and awe would have worked nearly as well.

wp

It all hurts way to much for me to be proud of myself, but I believe I've held frame, owned my shit, and effectively managed it all for now.

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have someone who can help your through your grief.

[–]OldRoke0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You've done some excellent work here - very strong to do this! You can never ever take her back though or else all this journey will be in vain.

[–]RealEstateRockstar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

God damn, you can recover deleted messages? Here we go Google. You are Johnny on the spot

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. You can. I'd make a whole post about it, but it doesn't seem to fit here. Maybe I'll put it in a YSK and link it.

[–]izual190 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, try to fuck Chad's wife....

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ick. Just ick.



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