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Wife read my secret diary and shut down. Am I handling this correctly?

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En0der
April 20, 2017
13 upvotes
askMRP

tl;dr: My wife read my secret diary documenting her abuse and my red pill journey and stopped talking to me. I behave like nothing happened, but need some tips and encouragement.

Background:

We're both around 40, got a 10 month old son. I've been aware of TRP for about two years, read the sidebar, internalized some concepts, but wasn't too serious about it until half a year ago, when my wife's behaviour towards me changed drastically, towards a point where one could call it domestic abuse. That's when I decided to fully apply the teachings, which improved my life and my marriage enormously (only instead of lifting I do boxing). Everything was going smoothly and well until a couple of days ago, when she stumbled upon my secret diary.

WTF? Diary?

"Why would you write a diary, are you a fucking teenager?" one might ask. Well, with the amount of abuse I was facing on a daily basis, constant gaslighting, coupled with chronic sleep deprivation, I needed to keep track of what was going on. Also, I did it for therapeutic purposes, to clear the head and put some order into the chaos of my mind.

Being aware of the postnatal depression I wasn't very combative, restricting myself to "don't talk to me like that" or similar statements, with little effect. Soon it all developed to a typical domestic abuse pattern, where she exploded for no reason, and after a couple of days went back to normal, beginning the "honeymoon period". That's when I went fully on the red pill (not Rambo though, only slowly retaking the lead and making a better version of me).

OK, so what's in it?

The diary contains mainly my account of the disturbing events. She did that, I said that, she said that, I went to sleep in the car (yes, there were such instances where I would drive to a shopping mall parking lot to get some sleep and quiet during the day). With dialogues recounted as accurately as I remembered them. With all the insults and threats she threw at me, and my responses to them.

It also contains my comments and thoughts about particular situations. Analyses, often in quite angry and unpleasant terms.

And, since I began my RP journey (I never mention the fight club in there!), it includes my thoughts on that, including live applications of TRP techniques (even a recount of going caveman on her). At one point it becomes so soaked in TRP mindset ("so what? fuck her and the noises she makes with her mouth!"), that an unaware reader might take me for a monster. Note that these notes were taken only immediately after serious disturbances, so they don't include my thoughts on happy or regular times.

That's it?

Yep, in as short terms as possible. I didn't cheat on her, didn't break the law, didn't phantasize about having sex with a rhino. Only AARs with comments - granted, personal and unpleasant, but they were not meant for the public. And it hadn't been updated for more than two months, except for one short entry a couple of days ago, where things were appearing to go in the wrong direction again. Probably that's how she found it ("recent files") and just had to satisfy her curiosity. Then she texted me "I read your chronicle" and stopped talking to me completely.

My reaction

After the initial fight or flight stomach drop I assessed the situation and decided that I had done nothing wrong. I have the right to have my own thoughts and to write them down in any form I please. The person in the wrong here is the one reading other's private files, and behaving in a manner that resulted in creating their content in the first place.

So, I behave like everything's fine. I do my things, I asked her about a thing or two (with no reply, so I stopped bothering), clean the kitchen in the evening, take care of the kid before going to work (she's on a maternal leave, taking care of him for the rest of the day).

The only thing I did was password protect all my electronic devices (better late than never). Other than that, I'm not giving a fuck, at least not about what she might have read - that's the past, and the diary was not meant for her, so fuck off.

What I do give a little small fuck about though is that my marriage might be going to hell, which is not my desired outcome. I keep tellin myself that she's just realigning after discovering the "true" me, who appears to be someone completely different to the beta she once knew, and a power struggle will soon follow, and after that my life will be much less bearable, because she will try to exact all sorts of revenge and reassert dominance.

Questions

To those more profficient in TRP ways: do you think I'm handling this OK, or should I add something to my approach (like talking to her? explaining? nah, no way), or prepare some special defenses for the imminent onslaught? And no, please don't tell me about password protecting sensitive stuff, that lesson is already learned.

Thank you for your attention, guys.


Post Information
Title Wife read my secret diary and shut down. Am I handling this correctly?
Author En0der
Upvotes 13
Comments 71
Date 20 April 2017 12:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206262
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/66hcc2/wife_read_my_secret_diary_and_shut_down_am_i/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

I acted bad

He noticed I acted bad.

I read journal, and feel bad because I should feel bad

This must be his fault

hamster intensifies

None of this matters at all. Maybe next time you won't go snooping through my things.

[–]maxofreddit7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus...this is point on and boiled down to the essence.

Nice.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

/Thread.

It's impossible to simplify it any better while still hitting the bulls eye.

[–]tim_rp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agree with this.

Most comments in this thread are about how she broke some sacred bond of trust by reading. Is it just me or is this placing too much importance on the diary.

She found it; she read it. Whatever. As long as OP DGAF, he should be fine.

when my wife's behaviour towards me changed drastically, towards a point where one could call it domestic abuse

Seems to me like OP has bigger fish to fry.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

No talking. No explaining or defending the journal. No DEERing this at all. Own it completely. That's your only option at this point. If she tries to bring it up or use it against you, you FOG the hell out of it. "Yep, I wrote that stuff I thought that stuff. What's for dinner?"

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill20 points21 points  (40 children) | Copy

After the initial fight or flight stomach drop I assessed the situation and decided that I had done nothing wrong. I have the right to have my own thoughts and to write them down in any form I please. The person in the wrong here is the one reading other's private files, and behaving in a manner that resulted in creating their content in the first place....

You are correct in your initial assessment. She read your private thoughts and now is trying to make you feel bad for writing them.

So, I behave like everything's fine. I do my things, I asked her about a thing or two (with no reply, so I stopped bothering), clean the kitchen in the evening, take care of the kid before going to work (she's on a maternal leave, taking care of him for the rest of the day).

This is where you made a mistake. This isn't a shit test. It's a major boundary crossing, couple with the fact that you aren't owning your shit. You're just sitting there trying to make believe she didn't violate your private thoughts. Hell, you're even proud you didn't give away any redpill secrets.

She owns her feelings. You need to be clear to her that she is behaving poorly. If she's going to snoop in your personal thoughts and then pout like a little girl that's all on her.

Confront this head on. Get your WISNIFG book out and practice all that you have learned.

"Why are you angry at my personal thoughts?"

"You do realize that you read my journal without asking me right? We have a major trust issue at stake now, and you want to be angry at me?"

Ultimately you need to get back to where she realizes, she was wrong for violating your personal space, and that she can't be upset at the private musings of a man.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (20 children) | Copy

Yes. You are enough in her frame that the boundary issue is not hitting you in the head. This is a great gift of a lesson for you. Yes, read and practice WISNIFG and move forward. MAKE SURE THAT YOUR JOURNAL IS CONTINUED, and, with her full knowledge of it, of course, with no access.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy

Why is restricting access important?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

To clarify. I am inserting(asserting) to OP what I would do, which may, or may not be his choice.

I would password protect it. I would want to be able to write my thoughts without anyone reading it. On the other hand, I would make the comment to wife, "I'm going to go write in my journal." Thus, continuing it with her full knowledge, but without sharing my private thoughts/journal.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (17 children) | Copy

Same reason you don't leave your checkbook out for your kids to look through. It's none of their business. What is written in there is none of her business.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy

I don't see anything wrong with kids reading a checkbook? What are they going to do--learn how much things cost?

What's you wife going to do? I guess if you suspect your wife is going to go in and tamper or edit. Maybe plant evidence? The answer there would be tamper detection and collecting evidence that she's doing that. Honey pot that shit.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

There's a difference between sitting down with your kids to open up the checkbook and showing them about earnings and costs, and leaving your checkbook sitting on the table so they can snoop. I realize that some people have no issue with sharing 100% of the family financial details with their kids, but I was raised in a household where how much the parents made was a private matter.

What's you wife going to do? I guess if you suspect your wife is going to go in and tamper or edit.

Again, we're talking about a reasonable expectation of privacy here, which OP clearly expected. If he wants to share his most private thoughts with his wife then that's his business, but it's clear what was written in there was something he did not want to share with her, and yet she read it anyway. Do YOU share ALL your most private thoughts with your wife? I sure as hell don't. Takes a lot of the mystery out of the relationship. Women don't want to know how the sausage is made.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Let's be consistent at least. If women don't want to know, then they don't care about the mystery and they're not going to snoop. You can't have it both ways.

I also disagree that secrecy and mystery are the only useful sources of novelty in a relationship. You can be unpredictable without being unreadable.

And yeah, I try very hard not to hide anything and when I do, I take time to introspect and understand why. Doesn't mean I go around broadcasting everything, but I only rarely keep secrets from my wife.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You're COMPLETELY missing the main point here.

It's not about "secrets" or "being an "open book". You've established that you try not to hide anything from your wife, okay. To each their own.

What I want to know, do you tell your wife every single train of thought or feeling that you experience?

FFS man, is nothing sacred anymore? I don't physically journal, but there is a sort of mental journaling that I engage in each and every day.

Do I tell my wife every thought I have? NO. What's in my mind and how I feel are entirely for me and me alone. IF I feel like sharing, then that's my prerogative.

What OP is dealing with is the same thing, yet in a physical form. He had an outlet to vent, think and feel whatever the fuck HE wanted.

She violated that. Full stop.

And you're over here justifying like it's no biggie. This isn't about novelty, it's not about mystery, it's about having some semblance of privacy or personal boundaries.

Imagine if your wife had the ability to secretly read your mind during the most introspective of moments... maybe during one of those times you rarely hide something from your wife.

I'm sure you wouldn't mind, right?

Your thoughts, his journal entries. You say tomato, I say tomato.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nowhere have I justified her behavior?

There are more ways to enforce boundaries than passive shit like passwords. I'm partial to the panopticon.

stonepimpletilists has the correct framework. Setting a password is just a concession that it was you that made her feel bad and that she was justified in crossing the boundary.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't see where anyone mentioned that adding a password would fix everything?

My only point and focus was simple. She crossed the line, and he didn't handle it.

Fuck mystery, fuck secrecy, none of that matters. She went through his personal shit and is making him suffer for it.

That's unacceptable and he needs (needed) to let her know that. Everything else is just white noise.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All expectations of privacy go out the window when you made the marriage mistake.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

This is a pretty beta move. Setting someone up just to catch them in the act is poor form and not sporting. Treat it like with the kids, if you suspect they are jacking with it. Remove it.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

Not fair? It's trust but verify. Do you think nannycams or spyware or keyloggers are "not fair"?

If she's not fucking with you, there's no harm. If she is fucking with you, the evidence is useful. Boo-fucking-hoo.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Fair has nothing to do with it. Wasting your day, time, and effort just to verify is nonsensical. Plus it would be in direct violations of the first date rule.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

First date rules?

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

If on the first date you thought the chick might be snooping on your phone. Would there be a second date?

[–]youcantdenythat3 points4 points  (18 children) | Copy

This isn't her fault. He didn't password protect his shit. Anyone would be curious.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill7 points8 points  (11 children) | Copy

Again, I go back to that he needs to own his shit. You are correct that he left his book open, but she chose to read something that clearly was meant for his personal use. Just like if someone got caught cheating, or jerking off in the bathroom, he needs to own it. Instead he's walking around like it didn't happen.

"Yep, I wrote that. All of it. And now you are upset? Seems to me that the wrong person is upset here. I don't know how we can have a relationship without a basis of trust?"

Ultimately if your goal is that of Alpha provider you are so sure of your frame that anything you put out there is something you'd be happy to own. "Yeah I said those things? So what?"

[–]youcantdenythat3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Sounds like DEER to me. If she asks, yeah own it. If she doesn't then who cares.

If she acts like a bitch or silent treatment, yeah, address that but address it as if she is behaving poorly. Frame is important here and if he steps into hers by explaining shit that's not going to help anything.

If he feels nothing is wrong then nothing is wrong and nothing needs to be said.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

If she acts like a bitch or silent treatment, yeah, address that but address it as if she is behaving poorly. Frame is important here and if he steps into hers by explaining shit that's not going to help anything.

  1. She shouldn't have a single reason to act like a bitch or be silent, she snooped. So this point doesn't matter in the least bit.

  2. Your words - "Frame is important here" - Yes it is. But you're still off the mark. It's not about him explaining anything.

The longer he lets the major boundary/trust issue go without being addressed, the more he's losing frame. That's the ONLY what to look at this problem (frame wise).

Not only has she been reinforced that it's OKAY to snoop through his most personal things, but she's also allowed to act like a bitch/child for going through his personal things in the first place.

[–]youcantdenythat2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Women and children lie, snoop, and mope. Its what they do. It's silly to get mad about things that are in their nature.

What he chooses to address, or not address, is his decision and his frame. You don't lose frame by not addressing something. You lose frame by letting their feelings or actions manipulate you into doing something you wouldn't ordinarily do.

Not only has she been reinforced that it's OKAY to snoop through his most personal things, but she's also allowed to act like a bitch/child for going through his personal things in the first place.

She is allowed do whatever the fuck she wants. You can't control your wife with an iron fist. That's not how any of this works. If she wants to act like a bitch, she can be the biggest bitch in the world and there isn't a fucking thing you can do to stop it. Sure you leave or, occasionally, you might even talk to her and get her to change her mood with AM, AA, or other tactics, but its not like you can slap them across the room because they are giving you the silent treatment nor should you.

You lead by first getting yourself together, then lead by example, encouragement, communication, powerful frame, and developing an understanding that you are the leader. But the only real punishment you can give her is withdrawing attention or divorce.

Think he should divorce his wife because she read his diary which was easily accessible to her? Think he should give her the silent treatment? Think he should act all butthurt and yell at her? How do you think he can enforce her to do anything?

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women and children lie, snoop, and mope. Its what they do. It's silly to get mad about things that are in their nature.

Hypothetical. Your child CLEARLY misbehaves, who cares, it's what kids do, right? Do you punish them, or let them get away with it?

Whichever the answer, it doesn't have to equate to getting mad about it, rather the focus is on reinforcing that any bad behavior is unacceptable.

You don't lose frame by not addressing something. You lose frame by letting their feelings or actions manipulate you into doing something you wouldn't ordinarily do.

So you believe that not an ounce of frame is lost in a situation where the wife goes through personal things, not of her own, and then proceeds to be a bitch because she's unhappy with the findings after snooping?

Forget the fact it's her wife that went through his personal shit. If your co-worker went through your desk, would you be mad? How about a girl on a first date or a plate goes through your phone? Would you allow them to walk all over you, go through your personal shit and then act like a shit head afterwords? No?? Hmmmm...

We can agree to disagree, homie. I see it as not only does she now know that she can walk all over his personal boundaries but she can also berate him for anything that she finds while crossing said line.

Not sure about you, but to me, that sounds like putting any semblance of frame into a fucking wood chipper.

As for this bit, "she's allowed to do whatever the fuck she wants". If you want to take care of another child, instead of having a wife, sure, by all means, good luck with that.

You say get yourself together and lead? He had a golden opportunity to lead here, simply by not letting her walk all over him.

Do I think he should go nuclear and hit the divorce button over this? You're kidding, right? Who are you, rambo?

Should he give her the silent treatment? Yeah, being a passive aggressive little bitch will surely fix this and ensure it never happens again....

Should he act all butthurt and yell? Again, are you a sperg? This doesn't call for RPrambo hitting the launch codes.

All he could have done was to immediately inform her that she fucked up. She went through his shit and crossed a line. Let her know that it was unacceptable, and there will not be another instance of this, period. End of discussion.

I saw a good suggestion, very recently, from another poster. Sorry I can't find it or give credit to the original author. If someone can point it out then I'll edit the proper stuff in. Basically the gist was instead of pointing the finger and saying...

"you better not do that again" instead say something along the lines of...

*"my wife DOES NOT go through my personal things". *

It's much more simple, yet especially effective. It implies that whoever my wife may be, I will not tolerate this type of behavior. It also solidifies that she crossed a line and it's unacceptable. 2 birds 1 stone. Let her hamster what he means by "my wife" and also let's her know that she fucked up, exactly what she fucked up, and another fuck up like this will not be tolerated.

[–]youcantdenythat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Telling a child or woman to stop pretty much ensures they will do it again just to see what you'll do about it. But good luck with that amigo.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes. Obviously, he should have had his OPSEC in better order.

That doesn't take away from the fact that she crossed a MAJOR boundary.

I stole my neighbors car? Fuck him, should have locked his door.

I broke into my neighbors house? Not my problem, should have locked his door.

Get real bro. Your wife/ltr, whatever, should be someone that you can trust (within reason).

If you can't trust your wife with your most personal of things, then who can you trust and why the fuck would you even be with that person?

If someone can earnestly say, "it's not her fault" and doesn't see a problem here, that tells me everything I need to know about said person.

[–]youcantdenythat0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't trust anyone, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Thinking someone won't read your diary if you leave it where it can be easily accessed is naive. Trying to blame her for a mistake he made is enabling.

You think he should break up with his wife because she read his diary? please.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Work on comprehension, never did I mention breaking up or divorce.

While on the topic of enabling, what would you call allowing her to read your personal stuff and not punishing her for it?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's his fault for leaving the book open. It's her fault for reading it when she knew it was private.

[–]youcantdenythat3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

To expect the oldest teenager in the house to respect someone's privacy is naive. Was it disrespectful? Sure. Is that a lesson she is capable of learning? Probably not.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think that is naive. People have private lives even when married. Other people should respect your privacy. When they go fishing, they shouldn't be surprised if they catch a channel cat. Yet they always are.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is a mindset flaw that should be corrected with a pressure flip.

She violated your privacy, then has the audacity to judge what you wrote about your own impressions of relationship events? Why are you balls deep in her frame wondering about her feelings?

She's the one stomping around searching for landmines, and she feels no responsibility for losing a limb. Point the accusations back in the direction of the proper party. /u/UEMcGill is wise mod on this one.

[–]AustralianArm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's the one stomping around searching for landmines, and she feels no responsibility for losing a limb.

That right there explains so many things

[–]ArchwingerRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

The real lesson in all of this is for other guys:

Don't leave your personal shit where your wife can get to it.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This, to the moon and back...

Also don't leave out that if your personal boundaries ARE crossed, DO NOT STFU and let it go unchecked. You're only reinforcing the negative behavior.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

"prepare some special defenses for the imminent onslaught"

You are still giving too much fucks. You are still afraid of her. Not much you can do other than resuming your daily activities and improving yourself. She will shit test you a LOT to check if you are really changing or its a temporary thing, you just hold frame, A&A, fog, or just STFU and dont let her get into your skin.

Remember that you are doing this for you. You do not want to go back to your bitch ways, or do you? It is possible that the only way she would stay together with you is if you agree to be her doormat bitch. If thats the case, well, then it will be time hit the market again.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife read my secret diary documenting her abuse

Did you spank her for reading your shit?

and my red pill journey and stopped talking to me.

Cool. Now, how did you notice? did she stop ordering you around?

I behave like nothing happened,

This is wrong, she abused you as you say, then broke your trust, then proceeded to show you more of her power by trying to "make" you feel bad for it

but need some tips and encouragement

Call her out when she is being rude and disrespectful. Any boundary you state is enforced like your life depends on it. Because it does.

I encourage you to listen to those who write more than me, because right now, I see a man who cares more about what his abusive partner thinks, and about a marital situation that makes him miserable, than about himself.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is not a stfu situation. This is time to grab the bull by the balls and talk. Talk from a position of strength and knowing you did nothing wrong and don't back down.

However, this is tricky because you need to provide leadership and direction forward for a better life AND deal with the boundary violation as unacceptable.

This is a mine field and I don't have a good answer for you except frame. Yours should be the only thing that was wrong was your wife read your private diary. If you have a clearly expressed plan forward to a better life I think you will be fine.

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro this is not the time to shut the fuck up this is the time to stand the fuck up. Stop delaying confrontation. I'm rooting for you.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't worry; it'll blow over.

Stay the course.

[–]maxofreddit2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

This.

Her hamster is spinning so fast, she can't even get words out to talk to you. She thought she had you figured out, now she's been jostled out of her comfort. Hang in there.

Just a side note, be aware of hormonal changes post partum/while breast feeding.... Sometimes it's easier to think of it in the very real sense that she's quite literally not in control of herself, it's the hormones. It wasn't until much after the fact that my wife realized that she had post-partum depression, and needed actual help...kids 2 & 3, we were more ready & things went more smoothly. Believe it or not, cutting sugar from her diet made a HUGE difference (& still does).

[–]CaptJohnLukeDiscard5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm pretty sure that in 40-50 years, people will look back on how much sugar we eat the same way we look back at how leeches were used for medicine 200 years ago.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife is a world class cunt who does not deserve you. Fucking bitch, how dare she make a man sleep in his car. Worthless fucking cunt. Yet here you are trapped by your worthy and moral obligation to what is best for your child. It is very rare that I read a post in either askmrp or asktrp which illicits total sympathy for the guy. Yet here you are.

You sound like a stand up guy who is married to a piece of fucking shit. Well roses can grow out of a bucket of shit so it is time for you to become a gardener. Prune away her vile habits. Set boundaries and weed her fucking soil. She needs a firm hand and guidelines. She is an exploding fucking mess and you my poor friend need to either contain her or GTFO. Just keep up with the self improvement and the setting of boundaries. This is going to take time. Your challenge is larger than most, are you up to it?

[–]herp_a_merp2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I was in a situation similar to yours.

She found my journal about 12 (?) months into my MRP journey. (She got into my work phone actually. I think it had like a 15 second delay before autolocking after I put it down, so she had to be very quick.)

It triggered a cold war. She gave me the silent treatment etc. I ignored her and stayed the course. Proceeded with my plan, handled shit tests, kept working out etc. She later apologized for reading my private stuff.

I tightened my opsec afterwards. I also put in fake entries going forward with accounts of activities that would trigger a thermonuclear event if she read them. Part of me is actually looking forward to trolling her that way. :D

[–]saltybull2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

These things send up a major red flag to me, First her abusive behavior before you engulfed yourself into TRP theory in order to minimize or contain her abuse. Second, her uncontrollable emotional need to read your diary. She is very aware of the damage she willfully caused by violating the personal boundaries of someone she supposedly loves. Third, She told you what had happened, I'm sure she did this so she could blame you for something then went straight to not talking to you completely aka straight to passive-aggressive land so she can avoid discussing that she violated your boundaries and/or admit any wrong doing at all even to herself. This adds up to a Cluster B personality disorder such as BPD or/and NPD. I'm sorry but my instincts say Run! This behavior doesn't ever get better, it only gets worse. Just run as fast as you can for your own sanity and let her destroy some other guys life.

[–]BrazilRedPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She read your notes about your problems with her and your RP journey. She has let you know what she did and is pissed and is not talking to you since.

You've said that she acts like this sometimes (gets butthurt and then forgets and act normal a few days after). So I think the best would be to wait and see if the oldest teenager in the house acts like that again; give her a couple of days.

Nothing will change the fact that she saw your notes, and if you've been honest about them, she may be angry on you, but also a little embarrassed about her actions.

You are a manly man who do whatever you want; you didn't commit no crime or moral violation, so own your shit and keep frame.

When she comes to ask you about this shit, tell her that you are making improvements about your relationship and that is for keeping track of it. Hold frame.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Frame is important.

My wife logged into my facebook and saw loads of girls fawning over me. Girls I alpha widowed and they were telling me their life stories at what not. Mundane stuff, I wasn't showing any interest but you know girls.

She wanted to go mental. Came to me prepared for a fight, "we need to talk about this", etc...

My response? literally: "I did nothing wrong, go away", then i locked my room.

When i came out she completely forgot it. She probably liked it all.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of good advice above.

Two word answer?

HOLD FRAME.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's a JOURNAL man ... you don't write in a DIARY. You journal.

And Evernote. That's my go-to currently. I find it hugely beneficial to write things down. It helps me process. It helps me see things clearly. It helps me unload. I find it greatly therapeutic for reasons similar to you.

Get an Evernote account (or similar). It's on 'the cloud' and you will never lose it. Just don't ever save the password or stay logged in, or she might read it again or erase it.

[–]amalgamator1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or an app like Day One

[–]Boogy030 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also good for categorising the OYS.

[–]JustOneMoreAcct0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree with Evernote. Started using it several years ago pre-rp. Doing it helped me understand that she was part of the problem; it wasn't just me. I would say that journaling is one of those things that lead me here.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

welcome to MRP where a man works on himself to learn to get what he wants out of life

You do you, as per 'se Do not hide and do not think your thoughts are wrong

SHE, and she alone read your private thoughts, that you are using to better you, she must now live with the truth of her actions. She has now been called out and as you build your frame, you may see her true colors

edit: by the way read this

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guy you are so much in her frame it's nauseating.

Edit. Your diary basically was a huge chick-like emotional dump and DEER. It was not intentional on your part, so you still can salvage yourself. You must address any and all broken boundaries... like domestic abuse and privacy, and you must maintain your frame at all times. She sounds like a horrible "wife" and needs your guidance through this to recover.

[–]nantucketghost1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]donedreadpirateRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

100% agree. This is the perfect time to deliver the Open Door policy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lot's of really good stuff in here man. Hope you're taking notes.

My question is: Where is the marriage headed? Was she starting to fall in line before she read the diary?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Why would you write a diary, are you a fucking teenager?" one might ask.

Well? Are you?

Well, with the [blah], constant [blah], coupled with [blah], I needed to [excuse]. Also, I did it for therapeutic purposes, to clear the head and put some order into the chaos of my mind.

So you're so long in the tooth, you can't figure out how to use your smart phone, or an encrypted diary/app. Did know that you can dictate your thoughts and have the speech-to-text software automatically write the text?

restricting myself to "don't talk to me like that" or similar statements, with little effect.

Because a noob like you needs to stick to STFU

Soon [she womaned], where she [womaned] for no [woman] reason, and after a couple of days went back to normal, beginning the [drama-refractory period]. That's when I went fully on the red pill (not Rambo though, only slowly retaking the lead and making a better version of me). [fucking up my marriage.]

So you are surprised a woman womaned you... great start mr diary. I hope you come out of the divorce rape with at least one of your balls.

OK, so what's in it?

Homoerotic fantasies

The diary contains mainly my account of [normal womaning]. She did that, I said that, she said that, I [gave her my balls]. With [not STFUing]. With all the [womaning], and my [not STFUing]. It also contains my [homoerotic fantasies]. [I'm a cuck]. And, since I began my RP journey (I never mention the fight club in there!), it includes my thoughts on that, including live applications of TRP techniques (even a recount of going caveman on her). At one point it becomes so soaked in TRP mindset ("so what? fuck her and the noises she makes with her mouth!"), that an unaware reader might take me for a monster [man]. Note that these notes were taken only immediately after serious disturbances, so they don't include my thoughts on happy or regular times.

"I never mention the fight club in there!", thank god for small miracles, amirite?

That's it?

Divorce rape time?!

Yep, in as short terms as possible.

FUCK, more text wall

I didn't [fuck up], didn't [fuck up], didn't [fuck up]. Only AARs with comments - granted, [I fucked it up], but they were not meant for the public.

So did you pat yourself on the back for acting like a normal human adult? Did you validate yourself with a lollipop up your ass?

And wtf is "AAR"? Do you mean AA (Agree and Amplify) or AAR (After Action Review)?

And it hadn't been updated for more than two months, except for one short entry a couple of days ago, where things were appearing to go in the wrong [right] direction again. Probably that's how she found it ("recent files") and just had to satisfy her curiosity. Then she texted me "I read your chronicle" and stopped talking to LSNFTE me completely.

Shit test

My reaction

I bet this snowflake with give us an incredibly new and interesting show

After the initial fight or flight stomach drop I assessed the situation and decided that I had done nothing wrong. I have the right to have my own thoughts and to write them down in any form I please.

Good and yes

The person in the wrong here is the one reading other's private files, and behaving in a manner that resulted in creating their content in the first place.

No shitlord, EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Get that through your cuck head and take responsibility Captain. Your FO isn't responsible for the ship sinking, the buck stops at you.

So, I behave like everything's fine.

mkay

I do my things, I asked her about a thing or two (with no reply, so I stopped bothering), clean the kitchen in the evening, take care of the kid before going to work (she's on a maternal leave, taking care of him for the rest of the day).

Like a good, stoic Captain. Remember, as the one with a penis and balls in the relationship (presumably), you will always have to initiate, regardless of the circumstances.

The only thing I did was password protect all my electronic devices (better late than never).

Admission of guilt

Other than that, I'm not giving a fuck, at least not about what she might have read - that's the past, and the diary was not meant for her, so fuck off.

You so give a fuck, since you entered her frame and password protected you shit, you cuck

What I do give a little small fuck about though is that my marriage might be going to hell

Not really. Silent treatment is not the same as removing yourself/soft nexting.

which is not my desired outcome

Hey dumbass, didn't you read the disclaimer that you don't do TRP/MRP when married/LTR with kids because you have to accept the risk of breaking up? Goddammit you cucktard.

This shit isn't a game dude, get that through your wussy cuck head. People do MRP as a Hail Mary before they torpedo the ship with a divorce asshole. Do you know how your kids will get fucked up after your divorce rape?

You. Selfish. Cuck.

I keep tellin myself that she's just realigning after discovering the "true" me

She liked the guy she married, presumable not the beta/drunk captain you transformed transitioned into over the years.

who appears to be someone completely different to the beta she once knew, and a power struggle will soon follow, and after that my life will be much less bearable, because she will try to exact all sorts of revenge and reassert dominance.

OMG, its like he's a special snowflake who married a unicorn that shits rainbows.

CUCK!!!

To those more profficient in TRP ways: do you think I'm handling this OK

My god rambo, STFU until you get a sense of humor. Your wife is not an excel sheet, unless you fuck computers of some freaky shit, idk how cucks think.

or should I add something to my approach

Read The SidebarⓇ

(like talking to her? explaining? nah, no way)

I don't even...

What's next, gonna do some choreplay? Suck her lovers cum out of her ass?

Get a sense of humor, that shit isn't funny.

or prepare some special defenses for the imminent onslaught?

Yeah, you sound like you should prepare for divorce. I bet she's ready to file too.

And no, please don't tell me about password protecting sensitive stuff, that lesson is already learned.

...

Thank you for your attention, guys.

You're welcome cuck

Do You Even Lift?

[–]anotherswingingdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

so shut down on giving her spending money.

You think I'm joking, don't you?

That's why you're a hot mess.



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