tl;dr: My wife read my secret diary documenting her abuse and my red pill journey and stopped talking to me. I behave like nothing happened, but need some tips and encouragement.
We're both around 40, got a 10 month old son. I've been aware of TRP for about two years, read the sidebar, internalized some concepts, but wasn't too serious about it until half a year ago, when my wife's behaviour towards me changed drastically, towards a point where one could call it domestic abuse. That's when I decided to fully apply the teachings, which improved my life and my marriage enormously (only instead of lifting I do boxing). Everything was going smoothly and well until a couple of days ago, when she stumbled upon my secret diary.
"Why would you write a diary, are you a fucking teenager?" one might ask. Well, with the amount of abuse I was facing on a daily basis, constant gaslighting, coupled with chronic sleep deprivation, I needed to keep track of what was going on. Also, I did it for therapeutic purposes, to clear the head and put some order into the chaos of my mind.
Being aware of the postnatal depression I wasn't very combative, restricting myself to "don't talk to me like that" or similar statements, with little effect. Soon it all developed to a typical domestic abuse pattern, where she exploded for no reason, and after a couple of days went back to normal, beginning the "honeymoon period". That's when I went fully on the red pill (not Rambo though, only slowly retaking the lead and making a better version of me).
OK, so what's in it?
The diary contains mainly my account of the disturbing events. She did that, I said that, she said that, I went to sleep in the car (yes, there were such instances where I would drive to a shopping mall parking lot to get some sleep and quiet during the day). With dialogues recounted as accurately as I remembered them. With all the insults and threats she threw at me, and my responses to them.
It also contains my comments and thoughts about particular situations. Analyses, often in quite angry and unpleasant terms.
And, since I began my RP journey (I never mention the fight club in there!), it includes my thoughts on that, including live applications of TRP techniques (even a recount of going caveman on her). At one point it becomes so soaked in TRP mindset ("so what? fuck her and the noises she makes with her mouth!"), that an unaware reader might take me for a monster. Note that these notes were taken only immediately after serious disturbances, so they don't include my thoughts on happy or regular times.
Yep, in as short terms as possible. I didn't cheat on her, didn't break the law, didn't phantasize about having sex with a rhino. Only AARs with comments - granted, personal and unpleasant, but they were not meant for the public. And it hadn't been updated for more than two months, except for one short entry a couple of days ago, where things were appearing to go in the wrong direction again. Probably that's how she found it ("recent files") and just had to satisfy her curiosity. Then she texted me "I read your chronicle" and stopped talking to me completely.
After the initial fight or flight stomach drop I assessed the situation and decided that I had done nothing wrong. I have the right to have my own thoughts and to write them down in any form I please. The person in the wrong here is the one reading other's private files, and behaving in a manner that resulted in creating their content in the first place.
So, I behave like everything's fine. I do my things, I asked her about a thing or two (with no reply, so I stopped bothering), clean the kitchen in the evening, take care of the kid before going to work (she's on a maternal leave, taking care of him for the rest of the day).
The only thing I did was password protect all my electronic devices (better late than never). Other than that, I'm not giving a fuck, at least not about what she might have read - that's the past, and the diary was not meant for her, so fuck off.
What I do give a little small fuck about though is that my marriage might be going to hell, which is not my desired outcome. I keep tellin myself that she's just realigning after discovering the "true" me, who appears to be someone completely different to the beta she once knew, and a power struggle will soon follow, and after that my life will be much less bearable, because she will try to exact all sorts of revenge and reassert dominance.
To those more profficient in TRP ways: do you think I'm handling this OK, or should I add something to my approach (like talking to her? explaining? nah, no way), or prepare some special defenses for the imminent onslaught? And no, please don't tell me about password protecting sensitive stuff, that lesson is already learned.
Thank you for your attention, guys.