Wife read my secret diary and shut down. Am I handling this correctly?

maxofreddit · 2017-04-20T13:27:55+00:00

I acted bad

He noticed I acted bad.

I read journal, and feel bad because I should feel bad

This must be his fault

hamster intensifies

None of this matters at all. Maybe next time you won't go snooping through my things.

JDRoedell · 2017-04-20T12:57:02+00:00

No talking. No explaining or defending the journal. No DEERing this at all. Own it completely. That's your only option at this point. If she tries to bring it up or use it against you, you FOG the hell out of it. "Yep, I wrote that stuff I thought that stuff. What's for dinner?"

UEMcGill · 2017-04-20T13:07:57+00:00

After the initial fight or flight stomach drop I assessed the situation and decided that I had done nothing wrong. I have the right to have my own thoughts and to write them down in any form I please. The person in the wrong here is the one reading other's private files, and behaving in a manner that resulted in creating their content in the first place....

You are correct in your initial assessment. She read your private thoughts and now is trying to make you feel bad for writing them.

So, I behave like everything's fine. I do my things, I asked her about a thing or two (with no reply, so I stopped bothering), clean the kitchen in the evening, take care of the kid before going to work (she's on a maternal leave, taking care of him for the rest of the day).

This is where you made a mistake. This isn't a shit test. It's a major boundary crossing, couple with the fact that you aren't owning your shit. You're just sitting there trying to make believe she didn't violate your private thoughts. Hell, you're even proud you didn't give away any redpill secrets.

She owns her feelings. You need to be clear to her that she is behaving poorly. If she's going to snoop in your personal thoughts and then pout like a little girl that's all on her.

Confront this head on. Get your WISNIFG book out and practice all that you have learned.

"Why are you angry at my personal thoughts?"

"You do realize that you read my journal without asking me right? We have a major trust issue at stake now, and you want to be angry at me?"

Ultimately you need to get back to where she realizes, she was wrong for violating your personal space, and that she can't be upset at the private musings of a man.

RuleZeroDAD · 2017-04-20T13:20:23+00:00

This is a mindset flaw that should be corrected with a pressure flip.

She violated your privacy, then has the audacity to judge what you wrote about your own impressions of relationship events? Why are you balls deep in her frame wondering about her feelings?

She's the one stomping around searching for landmines, and she feels no responsibility for losing a limb. Point the accusations back in the direction of the proper party. /u/UEMcGill is wise mod on this one.

Archwinger · 2017-04-20T18:32:14+00:00

The real lesson in all of this is for other guys:

Don't leave your personal shit where your wife can get to it.

nastynickdr · 2017-04-20T12:45:31+00:00

"prepare some special defenses for the imminent onslaught"

You are still giving too much fucks. You are still afraid of her. Not much you can do other than resuming your daily activities and improving yourself. She will shit test you a LOT to check if you are really changing or its a temporary thing, you just hold frame, A&A, fog, or just STFU and dont let her get into your skin.

Remember that you are doing this for you. You do not want to go back to your bitch ways, or do you? It is possible that the only way she would stay together with you is if you agree to be her doormat bitch. If thats the case, well, then it will be time hit the market again.

[deleted] · 2017-04-20T14:17:18+00:00

My wife read my secret diary documenting her abuse

Did you spank her for reading your shit?

and my red pill journey and stopped talking to me.

Cool. Now, how did you notice? did she stop ordering you around?

I behave like nothing happened,

This is wrong, she abused you as you say, then broke your trust, then proceeded to show you more of her power by trying to "make" you feel bad for it

but need some tips and encouragement

Call her out when she is being rude and disrespectful. Any boundary you state is enforced like your life depends on it. Because it does.

I encourage you to listen to those who write more than me, because right now, I see a man who cares more about what his abusive partner thinks, and about a marital situation that makes him miserable, than about himself.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-04-20T15:30:29+00:00

This is not a stfu situation. This is time to grab the bull by the balls and talk. Talk from a position of strength and knowing you did nothing wrong and don't back down.

However, this is tricky because you need to provide leadership and direction forward for a better life AND deal with the boundary violation as unacceptable.

This is a mine field and I don't have a good answer for you except frame. Yours should be the only thing that was wrong was your wife read your private diary. If you have a clearly expressed plan forward to a better life I think you will be fine.

donedreadpirate · 2017-04-20T17:11:31+00:00

Bro this is not the time to shut the fuck up this is the time to stand the fuck up. Stop delaying confrontation. I'm rooting for you.

man_in_the_world · 2017-04-20T12:44:27+00:00

Don't worry; it'll blow over.

Stay the course.

[deleted] · 2017-04-20T17:28:25+00:00

Your wife is a world class cunt who does not deserve you. Fucking bitch, how dare she make a man sleep in his car. Worthless fucking cunt. Yet here you are trapped by your worthy and moral obligation to what is best for your child. It is very rare that I read a post in either askmrp or asktrp which illicits total sympathy for the guy. Yet here you are.

You sound like a stand up guy who is married to a piece of fucking shit. Well roses can grow out of a bucket of shit so it is time for you to become a gardener. Prune away her vile habits. Set boundaries and weed her fucking soil. She needs a firm hand and guidelines. She is an exploding fucking mess and you my poor friend need to either contain her or GTFO. Just keep up with the self improvement and the setting of boundaries. This is going to take time. Your challenge is larger than most, are you up to it?

herp_a_merp · 2017-04-20T20:26:46+00:00

I was in a situation similar to yours.

She found my journal about 12 (?) months into my MRP journey. (She got into my work phone actually. I think it had like a 15 second delay before autolocking after I put it down, so she had to be very quick.)

It triggered a cold war. She gave me the silent treatment etc. I ignored her and stayed the course. Proceeded with my plan, handled shit tests, kept working out etc. She later apologized for reading my private stuff.

I tightened my opsec afterwards. I also put in fake entries going forward with accounts of activities that would trigger a thermonuclear event if she read them. Part of me is actually looking forward to trolling her that way. :D

saltybull · 2017-04-22T02:57:58+00:00

These things send up a major red flag to me, First her abusive behavior before you engulfed yourself into TRP theory in order to minimize or contain her abuse. Second, her uncontrollable emotional need to read your diary. She is very aware of the damage she willfully caused by violating the personal boundaries of someone she supposedly loves. Third, She told you what had happened, I'm sure she did this so she could blame you for something then went straight to not talking to you completely aka straight to passive-aggressive land so she can avoid discussing that she violated your boundaries and/or admit any wrong doing at all even to herself. This adds up to a Cluster B personality disorder such as BPD or/and NPD. I'm sorry but my instincts say Run! This behavior doesn't ever get better, it only gets worse. Just run as fast as you can for your own sanity and let her destroy some other guys life.

BrazilRedPill · 2017-04-20T12:59:51+00:00

She read your notes about your problems with her and your RP journey. She has let you know what she did and is pissed and is not talking to you since.

You've said that she acts like this sometimes (gets butthurt and then forgets and act normal a few days after). So I think the best would be to wait and see if the oldest teenager in the house acts like that again; give her a couple of days.

Nothing will change the fact that she saw your notes, and if you've been honest about them, she may be angry on you, but also a little embarrassed about her actions.

You are a manly man who do whatever you want; you didn't commit no crime or moral violation, so own your shit and keep frame.

When she comes to ask you about this shit, tell her that you are making improvements about your relationship and that is for keeping track of it. Hold frame.

mrpthrowa · 2017-04-20T13:05:36+00:00

Frame is important.

My wife logged into my facebook and saw loads of girls fawning over me. Girls I alpha widowed and they were telling me their life stories at what not. Mundane stuff, I wasn't showing any interest but you know girls.

She wanted to go mental. Came to me prepared for a fight, "we need to talk about this", etc...

My response? literally: "I did nothing wrong, go away", then i locked my room.

When i came out she completely forgot it. She probably liked it all.

sh0ckley · 2017-04-20T13:27:19+00:00

Lots of good advice above.

Two word answer?

HOLD FRAME.

redwall92 · 2017-04-20T13:28:24+00:00

It's a JOURNAL man ... you don't write in a DIARY. You journal.

And Evernote. That's my go-to currently. I find it hugely beneficial to write things down. It helps me process. It helps me see things clearly. It helps me unload. I find it greatly therapeutic for reasons similar to you.

Get an Evernote account (or similar). It's on 'the cloud' and you will never lose it. Just don't ever save the password or stay logged in, or she might read it again or erase it.

screechhater · 2017-04-20T21:10:52+00:00

welcome to MRP where a man works on himself to learn to get what he wants out of life

You do you, as per 'se Do not hide and do not think your thoughts are wrong

SHE, and she alone read your private thoughts, that you are using to better you, she must now live with the truth of her actions. She has now been called out and as you build your frame, you may see her true colors

edit: by the way read this

[deleted] · 2017-04-21T10:36:19+00:00

Guy you are so much in her frame it's nauseating.

Edit. Your diary basically was a huge chick-like emotional dump and DEER. It was not intentional on your part, so you still can salvage yourself. You must address any and all broken boundaries... like domestic abuse and privacy, and you must maintain your frame at all times. She sounds like a horrible "wife" and needs your guidance through this to recover.

nantucketghost · 2017-04-20T13:03:55+00:00

deleted ^{^{^What}} ^{^{^is}} ^{^{^this?}}

[deleted] · 2017-04-20T19:26:26+00:00

Lot's of really good stuff in here man. Hope you're taking notes.

My question is: Where is the marriage headed? Was she starting to fall in line before she read the diary?

[deleted] · 2017-04-22T14:26:55+00:00

"Why would you write a diary, are you a fucking teenager?" one might ask.

Well? Are you?

Well, with the [blah], constant [blah], coupled with [blah], I needed to [excuse]. Also, I did it for therapeutic purposes, to clear the head and put some order into the chaos of my mind.

So you're so long in the tooth, you can't figure out how to use your smart phone, or an encrypted diary/app. Did know that you can dictate your thoughts and have the speech-to-text software automatically write the text?

restricting myself to "don't talk to me like that" or similar statements, with little effect.

Because a noob like you needs to stick to STFU

Soon [she womaned], where she [womaned] for no [woman] reason, and after a couple of days went back to normal, beginning the [drama-refractory period]. That's when I went fully on the red pill ~~(not~~ Rambo ~~though,~~ only slowly ~~retaking the lead and making a better version of me).~~ [fucking up my marriage.]

So you are surprised a woman womaned you... great start mr diary. I hope you come out of the divorce rape with at least one of your balls.

OK, so what's in it?

Homoerotic fantasies

The diary contains mainly my account of [normal womaning]. She did that, I said that, she said that, I [gave her my balls]. With [not STFUing]. With all the [womaning], and my [not STFUing]. It also contains my [homoerotic fantasies]. [I'm a cuck]. And, since I began my RP journey (I never mention the fight club in there!), it includes my thoughts on that, including live applications of TRP techniques (even a recount of going caveman on her). At one point it becomes so soaked in TRP mindset ("so what? fuck her and the noises she makes with her mouth!"), that an unaware reader might take me for a ~~monster~~ [man]. Note that these notes were taken only immediately after serious disturbances, so they don't include my thoughts on happy or regular times.

"I never mention the fight club in there!", thank god for small miracles, amirite?

That's it?

Divorce rape time?!

Yep, in as short terms as possible.

FUCK, more text wall

I didn't [fuck up], didn't [fuck up], didn't [fuck up]. Only AARs with comments - granted, [I fucked it up], but they were not meant for the public.

So did you pat yourself on the back for acting like a normal human adult? Did you validate yourself with a lollipop up your ass?

And wtf is "AAR"? Do you mean AA (Agree and Amplify) or AAR (After Action Review)?

And it hadn't been updated for more than two months, except for one short entry a couple of days ago, where things were appearing to go in the ~~wrong~~ [right] direction ~~again~~. Probably that's how she found it ("recent files") and just had to satisfy her curiosity. Then she texted me "I read your chronicle" and ~~stopped talking~~ to LSNFTE me completely.

Shit test

My reaction

I bet this snowflake with give us an incredibly new and interesting show

After the initial fight or flight stomach drop I assessed the situation and decided that I had done nothing wrong. I have the right to have my own thoughts and to write them down in any form I please.

Good and yes

The person in the wrong here is the one reading other's private files, and behaving in a manner that resulted in creating their content in the first place.

No shitlord, EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Get that through your cuck head and take responsibility Captain. Your FO isn't responsible for the ship sinking, the buck stops at you.

So, I behave like everything's fine.

mkay

I do my things, I asked her about a thing or two (with no reply, so I stopped bothering), clean the kitchen in the evening, take care of the kid before going to work (she's on a maternal leave, taking care of him for the rest of the day).

Like a good, stoic Captain. Remember, as the one with a penis and balls in the relationship (presumably), you will always have to initiate, regardless of the circumstances.

The only thing I did was password protect all my electronic devices (better late than never).

Admission of guilt

Other than that, I'm not giving a fuck, at least not about what she might have read - that's the past, and the diary was not meant for her, so fuck off.

You so give a fuck, since you entered her frame and password protected you shit, you cuck

What I do give a little small fuck about though is that my marriage might be going to hell

Not really. Silent treatment is not the same as removing yourself/soft nexting.

which is not my desired outcome

Hey dumbass, didn't you read the disclaimer that you don't do TRP/MRP when married/LTR with kids because you have to accept the risk of breaking up? Goddammit you cucktard.

This shit isn't a game dude, get that through your wussy cuck head. People do MRP as a Hail Mary before they torpedo the ship with a divorce asshole. Do you know how your kids will get fucked up after your divorce rape?

You. Selfish. Cuck.

I keep tellin myself that she's just realigning after discovering the "true" me

She liked the guy she married, presumable not the beta/drunk captain you ~~transformed~~ transitioned into over the years.

who appears to be someone completely different to the beta she once knew, and a power struggle will soon follow, and after that my life will be much less bearable, because she will try to exact all sorts of revenge and reassert dominance.

OMG, its like he's a special snowflake who married a unicorn that shits rainbows.

CUCK!!!

To those more profficient in TRP ways: do you think I'm handling this OK

My god rambo, STFU until you get a sense of humor. Your wife is not an excel sheet, unless you fuck computers of some freaky shit, idk how cucks think.

or should I add something to my approach

Read The SidebarⓇ

(like talking to her? explaining? nah, no way)

I don't even...

What's next, gonna do some choreplay? Suck her lovers cum out of her ass?

Get a sense of humor, that shit isn't funny.

or prepare some special defenses for the imminent onslaught?

Yeah, you sound like you should prepare for divorce. I bet she's ready to file too.

And no, please don't tell me about password protecting sensitive stuff, that lesson is already learned.

...

Thank you for your attention, guys.

You're welcome cuck

Do You Even Lift?

anotherswingingdick · 2017-04-21T09:05:02+00:00

so shut down on giving her spending money.

You think I'm joking, don't you?

That's why you're a hot mess.

Title	Wife read my secret diary and shut down. Am I handling this correctly?
Author	En0der
Upvotes	13
Comments	71
Date	20 April 2017 12:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/206262
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/66hcc2/wife_read_my_secret_diary_and_shut_down_am_i/

Wife read my secret diary and shut down. Am I handling this correctly?

The Wikipedia article about Psychological Abuse in Intimate Relationships

Undo my faggorty when she says she loves another man

The secret affairs behind the dead bedroom

Post-divorce perspective, part 2.

I just found a crucial diary entry of mine from a few years back that reignited the TRP spark. As such, it deserves to be relived. Also, it's not a bad story.