I stumbled upon what appears to be some of my wife's journalling efforts from last weekend. Upon reading I gained some insight into things as she sees them. I'd like to use the information I gained as constructive feedback on my approach to the relationship. I have my own ideas, but I'd like your insight and comments.
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She calls me a narcissist for taking time for my hobbies and friends over spending (all) my time with her and the kids.
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She calls me tall and handsome. She kind of thinks my work outs are vain. She resents that I mentioned diet to her and that I've lost weight.
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She compares me to Blake Shelton. She sees herself as Miranda in many ways. Thinks we could both be happy with other partners, eventually. (I don't think she realizes what her SMV is.) Is drawn to Miranda's angst saying "she is real, she is not superficial, she finds meaning". This is a comment on me (and Blake) that I/he could unplug and move on and not look back. She thinks it is admirable that Miranda had a mourning period.
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My wife gushes about what a thoughtful, kind, caring boyfriend Miranda has found, Andersen East, how Miranda is probably happy she isn't "walking around a superstar" any more.
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She goes into how it is so unfair that I won't go to counselling but she does acknowledge that I seem to be working on things by myself.
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She is very lonely. My wife likes to have pity parties. She listens to public radio and the news and finds bullies and victims. And then she likes to commiserate with the victims and play "woe is them". Verbal pity masturbation. Trump is her favorite bully. Immigrants are the helpless victims. "Isn't it sad ?"
I'm not saying that Trump is right or wrong or that the immigrants are or are not being victimized. In the list of things that matter and that I have control of in my life, this is probably item #147. I would be happy to talk about sports, future plans, things we could do immediately, etc. But she wants to sit and have a pity party.
I refuse to do this with her and so I've been checking myself out to work, hobbies, friends, work out, etc. She is spending a lot of time alone on the couch. I can't really get her off of it.
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She thinks my leadership is too strong, that I'm not consulting her enough.
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I'm not vulnerable enough. I don't cry.
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She thinks I am "playing my cards carefully" in our marriage. I think this is a comment to me ghosting her for bad behaviour or maybe she is sensing I'm getting ready to leave and making preparation.
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She worries about how the kids will take our separation and divorce if it comes to that.
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She says that I take too much credit for the work I have done on our house.
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There isn't a single mention of any responsibility for anything on her part, nor anything that she could do to make things better.
What do you think of all this ? How would you change your approach if you received this feedback ?
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