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Strategies for long term companionship and sex.

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April 6, 2017
7 upvotes

I'm sitting at a crossroad in my current relationship wondering how to proceed.

I'm late 40s, fit, financially sound, 2 younger children married for 8 years. I've been reading, getting fit, passing shit tests, etc. I've got a good set of friends, interesting hobbies, etc.

I'm totally unplugged. I'm far along the dread path, though I haven't applied a lot of pressure (yet). Problem is, I'm not sure I even care about my first mate anymore.

The only thing I need a woman for anymore is sexual fulfillment and maybe a bit of companionship. I have a completely good life on my own. I can raise the kids on my own. I'm happy, I'm free, I'm self sufficient.

As soon as I spend time with my 1st mate there are shit tests and complaining and drama. Frankly I'm just plain tired of it. I understand AWALT, but I also think that married first mates take license of the situation that a plate would not.

I'm not happy with my first mate. I don't like how she prioritizes her time, I'm not sexually attracted to her anymore and quite frankly I could do way better if I left her. Not sure if it is me or it is a general RP thing, but I don't find I get a lot from my 1st mate. She isn't my cheerleader. She isn't really affectionate or loving. She doesn't have a well defined feminine side and has no interest in developing one. Maybe this is why I don't find myself very bonded to her.

Of course the argument comes up that I should lead her better. I agree that I could build her into a somewhat better person, but I question how far this could go. Can't change people's stripes and all that. I'm also a bit peeved that she doesn't have more personal initiative to make things better on her own. Hours spent on children and career are infinite. Hours spent making the relationship better, working on herself ? Zero. Literally.

All this has me questioning what the best path is for a desirable male later in life. Why exactly do I need to remain in a relationship with this woman if she isn't my ideal mate ? Frankly I don't see a lot of good/happy times with in the future due to some of her ideologies and her impending health issues. I've got better things to do with my time than listen to her victim puke.

So what happens if we divorce ? I get a place of my own and I have the kids half time. I'm happy with that. What do I do for sex and companionship ? Spin plates for the rest of my life ? Enter into a LT dating type relationship ?

Will I encounter some of the issues I currently have with my 1st mate ? Maybe, probably. Will they be as bad ? I highly doubt it, due to a number of factors.

Thoughts ? Who has made this decision and how did it turn out ?

Edit: maybe the problem is that somewhere along my RP journey women lost value in my eyes, to the point that they have very little. In fact, about the only things I think they provide are a mother figure to the children and sex. Has anyone else encountered this ? Ironically this would inflame the feminists, but maybe that is why we have MGTOW and how the feminist loop gets extinguished in the long run ?


Post Information
Title Strategies for long term companionship and sex.
Author ImSteveMcQueen
Upvotes 7
Comments 28
Date 06 April 2017 02:11 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206313
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/63q5bb/strategies_for_long_term_companionship_and_sex/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTdread gamedramaplateshit testMGTOWfeminist
Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Of course a competent man only needs a woman for heterosexual sex, and for bearing any babies he might want. (Have you even started reading the sidebar, Steve?) But in our modern, well-policed society, a competent woman needs a man only for heterosexual sex. Any stable relationship thus depends on the added value that each party brings to the other.

You say your wife isn't adding much value to your life. You question whether any woman could. Fair enough, then MGTOW. But first ask yourself what value you bring to her life that makes it worth her while to invest in adding value to yours?

Hours spent on children and career are infinite. Hours spent making the relationship better, working on herself ? Zero. Literally.

Apparently she thinks either

  • You couldn't or wouldn't leave her, (Solution: Dread) or

  • you add no value to her life. (Solution: add value, or separation)

I've seen no sign from any of your posts that you add any value to her life, so I suspect the latter.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I add a ton of value to her life. Less recently because I've unplugged a lot, but it is still there. I'm replaceable, of course, but I doubt that she'll find a better partner than I am.

I don't question whether any woman could add value to my life. I'd love to have an attractive, fit, supportive, sexual, loving woman in my life. The thing is that I don't need to find that woman to have a complete, happy life. About the only thing I do need is sex. All the other stuff would be a bonus.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

but I doubt that she'll find a better partner than I am.

Need to be at the point where you know, and she knows, that she cannot do better. This is where dread is so important. She must understand, without being overtly told, that she could easily be replaced with a woman 10 years younger in a month or less (as an LTR; her pussy should be replaceable in under a week. Get to that point). Women are not stupid, she'll not admit it, but she knows her lot in life. She knows her SMV and RMV deep down. Yours must be a full notch or two higher before you write her off as un-leadable.

Unless you DGAF, which you obviously do, otherwise you'd just next her. See part of the problem right there?

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"You're a legend in your own mind," Steve.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you weren't you, how would you talk yourself out of leaving? How would you disregard that advice?

https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5891qj/wife_gone_for_2_weeks_i_dont_miss_her/

Youve had the same sob story for half a year now. Yet still havent said one damned thing about you or your progress... Why is that?

You hate her but havent packed your shit. Why is that?

Hate to tell you, you ARE bullshitting yourself, but not for why everyone thinks. Youre sulking in a corner because taking a risk and owning a decision is hard. Youre not alpha, thwir comfort zone is risk taking, not sulking.

So, since youre going to ignore this and bitch for another 5 months while shes off in india/china/se Asia without you, my advice...

Go sleep with an ugly chick while shes gone, make sure dhe can find out. When she divorces you because of it, then you dont have to worry about killing the puppy, she will do it for you.

I had a buddy who for some reason wanted his wifes buy in because he couldnt tell her ye was leaving. He did this, and it worked.

Then he got married again to a younger girl a year later, still the same passive guy, but his wife is cuter now

[–]anythingincRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

late 40s, fit, financially sound, 2 younger children married for 8 years

Steve. Steven. Why did you get married after 40? Why did you have kids? What did you like about this woman? Did you ever like her? Was she ever what you wanted? I can't believe a 30s-40s woman has changed much in this time span?

I bet she has always been a career-minded woman. And now she has kids. So it is kids and career. Haven't you always just been an accessory? You were adults when you met. She has her life, you have your life, and you meet in the middle for fucking, kids, dinner, and netflix right?

What do I do for sex and companionship ? Spin plates for the rest of my life ? Enter into a LT dating type relationship ?

Isn't that the same thing I just said? You each have your own lives and meet in the middle for sex and companionship? What else do you want? Do you want her to cut back on her career so she can run your life for you? Do you want her to be a carefree giggling sexy schooolgirl when she is around you? Do you just need more sex? What are you resenting? What are you looking for?

You talk about 1st mates a lot. That implies you are handling everything in the family sphere, and she helps you and defers to you. If that is not happening right now then what is?

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This entire post has me smelling bullshit and hamsterbaiting.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Hours spent on children and career are infinite. Hours spent making the relationship better, working on herself ? Zero. Literally."

Huh, I once was there. Until you are Level 4 Dread minimum, you will still live this.

Mine suddenly went to the doctor and is doing a lot. Diet, attitude, all kinds of shit and the doctor thing is to have sex more often, raise energy levels. (But still shitty entitled, poor me bull shit)

Dread Levels ? Where are you ?

MRP works, and though I have always been pretty RP my whole life and marriage, she would just do a little until there is a very real threat. Mine came with ring off and a come to Jesus meeting. Dread got doctors visits, diet and making us a priority. Ring off and come to Jesus got serious changes in attitude and making us first, taking me serious

When I followed the 16 Commandments of Poon, made concerted efforts in my MAP and raised dread, and made myself perfectly clear with the come to Jesus diatribe, she woke the fuck up. I seriously thought about apologizing, but literally, there is nothing to apologize for. Remember that.

"I've got better things to do with my time than listen to her victim puke."

I literally told her I was done with that entitled poor me bullshit. When I busts ass 24/7 home and work, she's got it better than all of her friends. Told her I was not listening to it. Told her her that I was sick and fucking tired of her putting energy into her friend who is married twice and has a fucked up life. "Keep putting energy into that over me and us, and you might be living that horror story, too."

"So what happens if we divorce ? I get a place of my own and I have the kids half time. I'm happy with that. What do I do for sex and companionship ? Spin plates for the rest of my life ? Enter into a LT dating type relationship ?"

No one can answer this but you. Once you realize you will not continue another day with an LTR that is adding no value, these are easily answered. I am completely ready, I will not lose everything, I will not spend another day or night unhappy. Seriously, continue down the path, realize this and the fear is gone.

Edit Add-

I actually have been pretty decent about not rubbing my wife's nose in 8 for the 25 years we have been together, but I recently got a waitress twirling her hair and blushing in front of her. Another come to Jesus moment, proving I still got it It was a fuckathon later that night

Dread Level 8: SHOW your wife that you are capable of talking to pretty girls in public. Start with waitresses. If you are with your wife and it has been 20-30 days since she gave you the 'favor' of her body, and you strike up a conversation with a pretty young thing right in front of her 1 or 2 things will happen- probably both. First she will lose her shit and accuse you of all kinds of things. MAINTAIN FRAME/Amused Mastery. You are finally getting your wife to respond. That is the important thing- there is hope for the relationship. Second, shortly after you get home she will probably fuck you with more passion than your honeymoon. Read Models: Attracting Women through honesty by Mark Manson and at least one other book among many choices on pickup artistry.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Quality reply, man. Really appreciate it.

Tell me about your come to Jesus meeting. I haven't verbalized anything because acta non verba and I don't know how to do it without coming off as an ultimatum.

It is interesting to me that my wife has a friend like your wife does. Same thing, hours on the phone. Her friend's husband is a low level pot dealer, no direction, physically abusive type of guy.

My wife also likes to spend hours complaining about Trump. I get that Trump isn't everyone's cup of tea, but does it warrant spending an hour a day on ? Is that the best thing you can find to spend your time on ?

I ghost these behaviors. I'd love to stay and discuss this stuff (NOT !) but I gotta go lift | read | run | meet buddies | work on my motorcycle, etc.

I don't initiate any more. 5'3", size 14 pants. My wife weighs more than after she gave birth to our 2nd child. Just can't do it.

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I can raise the kids on my own.

This sounds like bullshit to me. The amount of stuff we do with our children, there's no way that can be done by single parents. Not to mention their loss of security, the hassle of having two homes that regularly puts them out of reach of friends, sports, etc.

You can do a half assed job of raising your kids on your own, sure.

As soon as I spend time with my 1st mate there are shit tests and complaining and drama. [...] She isn't my cheerleader. She isn't really affectionate or loving. She doesn't have a well defined feminine side and has no interest in developing one.

You're looking at her instead of looking in the mirror. You're not valuable to her.

Hours spent on children and career are infinite. Hours spent making the relationship better, working on herself ? Zero. Literally.

It sounds like your wife isn't a couch potato. She sounds like an active girl. What you have to ask yourself is, why do you think she puts all those hours into children and career and you get zero? So far you answer has been to whine about her priorities, which is just you whining and hamstering.

I'm late 40s, fit, financially sound, 2 younger children married for 8 years. I've been reading, getting fit, passing shit tests, etc. I've got a good set of friends, interesting hobbies, etc. I'm totally unplugged. I'm far along the dread path, though I haven't applied a lot of pressure (yet).

My bullshit radar is going off big time. Let's get concrete:

  • How fit are you? Do you have low body fat percentage and are you strong and muscular? Don't give me any of this running or climbing bullshit, you need to lift and diet.

  • Passing shit tests, really? Your frame is strong, you're rocking the A&A? Because it sounds like you're just angry and demanding undue respect. I wouldn't put it past you to whine.

  • How is the sex? Frequency and quality?

  • Dread path, exactly how far along are you? I'm getting the feeling that you're not doing that great. I'm guessing you're skipping through the steps half-assedly and fucking most of it up. This shit is supposed to be slow and methodical, it's organic growth, and the most important part is the passive phase where you work on you. From a cursory glance on your partially deleted post history it sounds like you're one of those guys who think that dread is oggling other women in front of your wife. It is not. Dread is 90% about the passive part, increasing your SMV by working on your frame, game and looks. This has nothing to do with other women. You chasing women is doing it backwards.

So get your head of out the clouds. You're wasting your energy blaming your wife and dreaming of a better life. Improve instead.

maybe the problem is that somewhere along my RP journey women lost value in my eyes, to the point that they have very little. In fact, about the only things I think they provide are a mother figure to the children and sex. Has anyone else encountered this ?

No one is impressed with how little you think of your wife or women in general. I've been in the anger phase too, and it's a phase, not something to revel in. When your wife snuggles up against your chest every evening and blows you every morning, then you're qualified to talk about the value of female companionship.

[–]anythingincRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What jumped out at me after reading mine, yours, u/screechhater, et al. back to back is that we all have so many QUESTIONS.

fit, financially sound, I've been reading, getting fit, passing shit tests, etc. I've got a good set of friends, interesting hobbies, I'm happy, I'm free, I'm self sufficient. I'm totally unplugged....I'm not sexually attracted to her anymore and quite frankly I could do way better if I left her.

Sounds great right? This should be an upvote, and attaboy, and a "do what you want man, you got this."

But it is not.

Far from it. Take note Steve. We're asking questions because we sense you don't have the answers yet.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's literally the damage to the relationship of trust (although you do have to realize if you let yourself go and got to be be lackadaisical, it is on you too) and ultimately the respect

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Good reply.

I posted this to test and explore my feeling that as an RP man in charge of my own destiny and living my a life centered on my own happiness, about all I'm missing from being in an LTR is the sexual component. I'm wondering about how to get that in a life after divorcing.

But in the responses I'm seeing a lot of "you need to give her more time", "work on yourself more". I understand this isn't a MGTOW group, but I wasn't expecting that.

[–]2gunsgetsome1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

all I'm missing from being in an LTR is the sexual component. I'm wondering about how to get that in a life after divorcing.

You get that after divorcing by being the same valuable, quality, interesting man you became by following your MAP prior to divorcing.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your comment about the children having a less positive experience jolted me, gave me pause to think. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So get your head of out the clouds. You're wasting your energy blaming your wife and dreaming of a better life. Improve instead.

THIS.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In order to protect itself from feelings of effort, fear, or embarassment, the brain will convince itself it doesn't want/need to do something, or that that something isn't worthy of its time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Anger phase. You focus on you for three more months.

Not just lifting and reading either. You need to add value. Does the yard look nice? Do things need paint? Do lightbulbs need changing? Take responsibility for your environment and fix it. Who plans the weekend activities with the kids? How is your social life? What have you been reading? What are you lifting? What is you % bf? Are you funny? Do you go out places together?

C'mon steve. Get real.

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You focus on you for three more months.

Wasn't expecting that response. Makes me think.

[–]OverthinkerTRP[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've got better things to do with my time than listen to her victim puke.

Same.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

maybe the problem is that somewhere along my RP journey women lost value in my eyes, to the point that they have very little.

get your dick out of the dirt.

This post has a whole lot of hamstring going on. There's no red here.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm totally unplugged. I'm far along the dread path, though I haven't applied a lot of pressure (yet). Problem is, I'm not sure I even care about my first mate anymore.

Show, don't tell. What have you DONE?

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have re-written this a few times. So i will backtrack with the following questions since i dont think its been addressed fully in other posts.

  1. Where are you on dread?

  2. How long has it been since you unplugged?

  3. How long have you been self-improving?

  4. How long have you been applying sidebar narrative?

  5. Where are you on your own health (lifting? your weight? fashion?

NOTE: read 2/3/4 carefully. they are different questions

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Steve man, this isn't good. You have gone from being an emotional wreck about x-mas eve to an MGTOW over the course of 3 months. Most guys on here rather like woman, so this shit about hating woman probably won't get alot of play.

I'd ask how you've been since we last spoke, but I'm going to presume you've been stuck in a severe anger phase by yourself. You can say you've been unplugging this whole time, that you are far down the dread path and OYS all you want. Nobody knows though because you haven't posted anything since your ban.

What is it that you actually want here man? An "ok" to leave your wife or someone to tell you "everything will be ok" after you leave? If you have truly been focused on internalizing the concepts of MRP for the last 3 moths, why the fuck are you posting some shit like this?

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not looking for permission to leave.

Not angry at all. Having some of the best days of my life, outside of my marriage.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It takes a long time to remodel yourself. And then it takes even longer for her to notice and respond to your changes. Yeah, she's being a poor quality wife right now. But you've probably been a poor quality husband for a long time. You won't know the answer for at least a year. More, if you don't engage in serious mindfulness about MRP

[–]ImSteveMcQueen[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And then it takes even longer for her to notice and respond to your changes.

Thanks



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