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Could use some criticism to turn this shit around

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April 5, 2017
11 upvotes

Been married to the wife for 5 years. Typical white knight beta fag. Thought I could save my wife from her terrible life style and life choices.

Looking back know I realize that I missed a shit ton of red flags. My wife had crushing credit card debt from being irresponsible in college. She lived like someone from an episode of hoarders. And she went raw dog with me on our second date. But, I overlooked all thus because she fucked better than a pornstar. And I thought I could help her change.

Fast forward a few years. We got married. Bought our first house. And shit was really great. Had sex all of the time and both the wife and I were into lifting. She accepted my finial advice and consolidated her debt.

I fucked up by agreeing to have a kid with her. I doubted she could handle the extra responsibility but I wanted too make her happy. She swore up and down that she wouldnt get fat and would make our sex life a priority. After the kid was born things instantly changed. Shocker.

Our boy had a severe reflux issue and couldn't sleep without being propped up. This lead to him co-sleeping with my wife. And I moved to the downstairs bedroom because I'm 6'3 and I did not want to crush my son in my sleep.

I lived in exile downstairs for 10 months. The wife and I work different shifts so we rarely see each other. We had sex maybe twice during that time. I grew butthurt and depressed. Started snapping at my wife like a bitch. And she spiraled and became more and more negative. In my depression I stopped lifting and checked out of my marriage. I played video games and drank. I got fat. Truly pathetic shit.

When my son turned a year and a half I got a message on Facebook from another man's wife. She had discovered some messages and pictures between my wife and her husband. She had been sex messaging this guy for 4 months. Like hundreds of pictures.

This was literally the worst day in my life. I had been hoping that things would just go back to the way they were with my wife and her she was being set for someone else. I did not see this coming.

I confronted the wife, screamed at her. And we started therapy. I started lifting again and i discovered the red pill. Started strong lifts 5x5 and have made it to the gym 4 days a week for the past 6 months. She seemed genuinely remorseful but I couldn't get over the fact that she cheated. That she is an oath breaking liar.

I do the petty thing and I throat fucked a 21 year old chick in our house while my wife was gone for the weekend. I am 33. I also picked up a single 41 year old mom while working out and fucked her in the ymca shower room.

This made me feel better at first. Of course my wife finds out about this. Turns oit shes been spying on my phone since we stared dating.

A couple weeks pass of us talking about this shit in therapy. Then, I get another message from a different dudes wife.

Turns out my wife didn't have just 1 affair. But 2. And this one was much more serious. She sucked this guy's cock while my son slept upstairs.

I want to salvage this marriage because the thought of not seeing my son everyday fucking kills me. Also, my wife was diagnosed with BPD and if we split I don't trust her to not end up with some Nuttball psycho and have him be around my son. Not to mention divorce rape.

I've been lifting. And the last few months I've started holding frame. It took me over a year of trying to really get it thou.

I have forgiven my wife in that I'm not throwing it in her face. But I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. After writing this the answer is pretty obvious now but I will ask anyway. What can I do to fix this abortion? Is this even salvable?


Post Information
Title Could use some criticism to turn this shit around
Author izual19
Upvotes 11
Comments 56
Date 05 April 2017 01:50 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206317
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/63in1x/could_use_some_criticism_to_turn_this_shit_around/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtbetadivorce rapeframecheatingliftwhite knightthe red pillBPD
Comments

[–]BrazilRedPill15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think this is salvable. You can only save yourself.

People are what they are and it's very unlikely that anyone will deeply change their nature.

Look, she slept with other dudes while giving you a dead bedroom. Next her, your marriage is pretty much over.

Since day 1 you attempted to save her from herself. You never achieved it. You did your beta bux stuff and it didn't work. There are things that could be fixed by being more alpha, but she seems to be beyond salvation.

You've married a gigantic bitch and now you will have to deal with this shit.

It's time to act manly, own what you did and face things the right way.

Your kid should be your priority. Joint custody is the minimum. If she has any history of bad behavior, you should try full custody. Fuck money. You will have to pay something, there's no way out of that.

Now, I don't think your kid would like you to keep this shit marriage. It's better to see your kid happy with you alone and with her alone than you three together and he seeing fights between you and her all the time.

You must act in order to get the best you can in the interest of your kid. Talk to a good lawyer. Good luck.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret10 points11 points  (6 children) | Copy

Congratulations! You have yourself a wife with full blown Borderline Personality Disorder. Ditch her immediately. Get out as clean as you can and never look back. There is no way you can Red Pill crazy like that.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

i agree with this. you cant frame your way out of a mental illness situation. she is in freefall and she will take anybody near her down with her.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

BPD = GTFO

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

i'm not seeing BPD in here, just a cheater. Monitoring his phone without his knowledge was one sign, raw dog on second date another, okay She took risks in her 20's and has trust issues. What else am I missing? Seems like BPD is jumping to conclusions.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

My wife had crushing credit card debt from being irresponsible in college. She lived like someone from an episode of hoarders. And she went raw dog with me on our second date. But, I overlooked all thus because she fucked better than a pornstar.

[cut]

Had sex all of the time and both the wife and I were into lifting.

[cut]

She swore up and down that she wouldnt get fat and would make our sex life a priority. After the kid was born things instantly changed.

[cut]

And she spiraled and became more and more negative.

[cut]

She had been sex messaging this guy for 4 months. Like hundreds of pictures.

[cut]

Turns oit shes been spying on my phone since we stared dating.

[cut]

Turns out my wife didn't have just 1 affair. But 2. And this one was much more serious. She sucked this guy's cock while my son slept upstairs.

[cut]

Explain to me exactly how you cannot see BPD in that?

Also, you know, there is this:

Also, my wife was diagnosed with BPD

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

ITT, OP called out for not reading what he comments on, savagely

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know. Sounds like a typical high n count Millennial type and a cheating whore wife. Other than the typical lies about maintaining sex if you give them a baby- and even that is typical- I don't see a lot of BPD style mind fucks.

This looks like she is using "BPD" to justify her bad behavior. I don't buy it.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

You are salvable, if you are willing to put in the work. Your marriage is not. Fix yourself, get your shit together, be the best father you can be for your kid. You married a broken whore and no, you cant fix her or change her.

You want to help her? Cut the couple therapy shit and pay her a good therapist and maybe she will fix herself if she is willing to. And you dont have to stay married to her for that.

[–]izual19[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She has started therapy for BPD and past trauma. Apparently it's extremely rare to get someone with BPD to admit there is a problem and to seek treatment for it. She's undergoing a process called DBT therapy.
I don't particularly like this treatment option. It's some form of neo taoism that teaches her that she's Human and that she fucked up, and that is okay. Basically gives her an out for all accountability.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They got her to admit it the same way you get a chick to open up about her n-count. Totally non-judgmental and a free pass to say or do anything.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I dont know whats your point with this post. But if you stick with this woman just make sure that you are aware that she WILL do it again. You could be brad pitt and she would still be gargling with other men cum from time to time because... well, shes a broken whore, and thats what they do. You are gonna be a cuck for life and you are gonna have msgs from facebook wives saying your wife was fucking their husband.

Everytime you see her scrolling facebook, you are gonna wonder if shes sexting someone. Everytime she greets some man on the street, you are gonna wonder if she fucked him. Everytime she shoots you down for sex, you are gonna wonder if shes fucking someone else. If this is the life you wanna have, well, thats up to you.

Like I said before, you can help her if you want, but you dont have to stay married to her for that.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

You do realize that this only gets worse man. Here is how this goes in say 10 years from now:

  • You have put forth 10 more years on your mortgage (which she will get half of)
  • Fully paid her debts off (which is actually your debt now thanks to consolidation)
  • There is no trust because how could there ever be
  • Your son is now 12 and grew up in a house where both parents hate eachother. Your desire to shelter him from a possible shitty step parent has now caused him to live in a shitty house 24/7 instead of only half the time (this is also a terrible BP mentality)
  • You have herpes because she is still sucking FB strangers dicks.
  • You can't get ahead because you're dragging this dead weight along with you.
  • She has ruined all the positive relationships you used to have with people, because that's what shitty people do
  • You have 2 more kids. So that's a possibility of 3 kids that have been fathered by FB strangers. I mean she did raw dog you on date #2

I could go on, but you get the point. Don't stay with this woman because society says you should. You can use the excuse of staying together for your child and lie to yourself all you want. I see right through this to the fear the unknown that may accompany it.

Seems like a no brainer to me man. You're young. Don't waste anymore of the precious little time you have in life on a train wreck of a woman like this. But you'll do whatever you want.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yes. OP this is another great list man. and by the way......

Why would you think that staying would improve anything for your kid? If you look at it logically instead of magically, the best answer is NOT TO STAY. Get The F_k Out now.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

There is a very small percentile where staying together for the kids works. OP's certainly doesn't sound like it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So far he sounds like the survivor of a train wreck. Even if he leaves now, it will take him a very long time to clean up all the wreckage and get his tracks clear.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So much of what we do here is become men who are able to embrace the discomforts of the reality of females.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

embrace the discomforts of the reality of females.

For life......

[–]izual19[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You hit the nail on the head with how she ruined my relationships with others. She blocked my father from her Facebook after spying on my phone and reading his advice to me to build a case against her "she threatened to never let me see my son again if I left". Basically all it accomplished was to not allow my father to see pictures of his grandson because he was standing up for his own son. I have pointed out that it's ridiculous that she has done that. She just rages about how I am disregarding her feelings on the matter and blah blah something something.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ruining relationships. Now we talking BPD.

[–]izual19[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's funny you mentioned paying off her debt. Prior to marriage I had made it clear that u didn't want her shifty decisions to affect my lifestyle. Of course she said they wouldn't and that ended up being bullshit. She threatened me with her past debts if we get divorced and she thinks it's perfectly okay to pass on the burden to me. This pissed me off. So, part of my MAP has been to spare no expense on my ford bronco restoration. If I'm getting her debt my well rack up my own so I get something out of the deal.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have forgiven my wife in that I'm not throwing it in her face. But I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. After writing this the answer is pretty obvious now but I will ask anyway

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

From all that you are saying,

next

You are living in hell. She is low value. You can only go up.

But that is only from what you are telling us, but then again, your letting yourself go, drinking and deporession would really scare the Fuck out of her. Remember that. You part of the equation was to remain stronger than Fuck and not get down, no matter what (Good that you admit it)

Unfortunately, you are tied to her forever with the boy. However, she is fucked up. Clean your act up for you, but realize she is going to give you the worst day of your life, again, again and again

Edit. Add.

OP. You truly need to decide on what you want and go get it. I would like to advise you to work on you. A lot of other posters are advising the same thing.

First and foremost is your mental health, followed up shortly by physical. Once you get the "oxygen mask on" you need to truly decide where she is coming from and look after your child with stability and consistent behavior by you since you can control you

The comment above, of being tied to her, is the truth, through the child you have together. Whatever you do, take into account the well being of the child and do not destroy her/his vision of "mom" with your words. The child is innocent. Please remember you will have to rise above.

We can all scream next and all that, but ultimately this is completely up to you. So before you go making rash decisions, read the side bar and maybe even seek some counseling.

Good luck

I hope you read every comment. There is so much great advice. Above all else, yes, own Your Shit and your actions

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As others have said, this marriage cannot be saved, you need to get out.

Consider this. She had two affairs that you know about. What do you want to bet there were some affairs with single guys who didn't have wives to rat them out? Of course, this hardly matters because even one affair is unacceptable and requires divorce.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

dude. being married and taking care of your kids are not inter related.

Dump the whore you married. Build yourself up as a man. Take care of the kid.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a DNA test for the kid too.

Serious.

[–]creating_my_life1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want to salvage this marriage because the thought of not seeing my son everyday fucking kills me.

The best thing you can do for your kid is live a honest life yourself, and be true to yourself.

Heck, consult a lawyer and fight for primary custody.

But holy crap dude, you gotta get away from this woman. And you gotta "own your shit".

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She had been sex messaging this guy for 4 months. Like hundreds of pictures.

Next

I want to salvage this marriage because the thought of not seeing my son everyday fucking kills me

This is a BS excuse. There is this new thing called joint custody these days.

We can't make the decision for you. You have to decide whether he will ever be able to forgive her, and it sounds like you will never be able to trust her. Seems like a no-brainer, but it's your call

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your life, your wife, your choice. But whatever choice you make, own it.

Sidebar. Do the work. Reevaluate periodically, and be ready to make different choices depending on how things go, but give 100% every day toward your current chosen path, even if you're not 100% sure it will end up being the right one.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

i dont think dread will work with someone who has a mental illness

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

It's official gentlemen. I have now seen it all.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have now seen it all

Something inside me ....... just doesn't completely believe that. But then again, we are talking about the Bogeyd man.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Can't even believe, two people cheating on each other and yet still clinging to want to save the hoe. What got me is he wants to be with his BPD wife only because he doesn't trust her. That's some really messed up thinking.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That's some really messed up thinking.

It isn't thinking. Won't even pass for stinking thinking.

Rollo basically says hanging around a BPD will change you and never for the better. Plus there is a recovery time.

I'm still in recovery myself. When you stay for the kids with a BPD woman, you get fucked up. Does his stupid, BP cheating on her remind you of that frenetic shit that old Over_60 did?

They hamster that it's for the children, but are/were so deep in with BPD crazy that they think it passes for rational thought. If she really is BPD, he does not have the ability to judge for himself. Just like an abused wife, all kinds of excuses to stay. All of them stupid. Been there, and the tattoo won't wash off.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It reminds me exactly of that. I sometimes forget how easy it is to make the right choices for the wrong reasons. I don't know if I could have ever been with a woman like that. It just doesn't make much sense to live an abnormal life. Was talking with one of my employees about his son who keeps getting arrested and cops coming to his house. His eyes kind of fell down when I told him "Normal people don't deal with the police every week". Kind of made him have a moment. Of course it's his child, so you do what you have to do.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It just doesn't make much sense to live an abnormal life.

As you know, turn the heat up slow and that stupid frog will just sit there and smile at you while he slips away..... So many come here when they should have jumped out long ago. But they just sit there, smile back at us and apologize for posting their stuff.

[–]Terribledragon4Hire1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, wtf, get out now.

[–]milkywayer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have forgiven my wife in that I'm not throwing it in her face.

Only mistake you had, luckily, you can turn this around.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

NEXT

I fucked up by agreeing to have a kid with her. I doubted she could handle the extra responsibility but I wanted too make her happy. She swore up and down that she wouldnt get fat and would make our sex life a priority. After the kid was born things instantly changed. Shocker.

BRIFFAULT’S LAW:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1anu3q/briffaults_law/

I confronted the wife, screamed at her. And we started therapy.

Shit.

I want to salvage this marriage

No abundance mentality.

because the thought of not seeing my son everyday fucking kills me.

He'll be fine. Make sure you see him every week or so. Your influence over him will be great.

Your kid will either learn how to be yet another blue pill henpecked man, or will learn how to keep boundaries and be a true man. Your choice.

Also, my wife was diagnosed with BPD and if we split I don't trust her to not end up with some Nuttball psycho and have him be around my son.

You can't trust her NOW not to do this. You have no power over her.

Not to mention divorce rape.

Better than ball rape - aka your balls squashed every day.


I don't think this is salvable.

Fundamentally, it won't matter what she says and you say.

Deep down she will never respect you. She will resent you for not leaving after cheating.

Not matter what she says, she will snap at you, she will disrespect you, she will nag you, and she will be a general bitch because there are no consequences. She tested this by wrapping her lips aorund a stranger's cock and you stayed.

Worse yet, she has discovered that wrapping her lips around another cock gets her a beta provider who cares, lifts, and tries to stay with her. She knows how to dread you into doing what she wants.

Free yourself.

[–]izual19[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She has had some consequences. She had to quit her job of 10 years or I would file for divorce. I have also gone out of my way to destroy the lives of the assholes who dared to cross me and my family. I also banged some other chick's and that pretty well devastated her. You are right about the lack of respect thing. It kills me. I've never had to put up with that level of disrespect in my entire life. I was an nco in the Army. And I work in a very blue collar male dominated environment now. I'm used to shit tests but blatant disrespect still triggers anger in me.

[–]ramjethero0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It will be a hard choice to leave your child. The child will always be yours and as long as you try to be the best father you can be. The option of staying will result in pain and insecurity about what's she's done or could be doing. You can't control anyone else only yourself. Do what's best for you and your goals. But without trust this relationship is not going to be a good one

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Watching a man pick up BPD from being so far in wifes frame, also funny

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

thats a sick sense of humor you got there. blue tinged.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Salvageable? if you were stronger or quickly change your mindset to a hardcore DGAF alpha. You'd literally have to have the position of frame that can tell her to pack up now and leave.

But you are a serious white knight. You shouldn't even try this.

You need to get to work and stop. Start recording everything about your kid. What you do what she does to take care of him. YOu have work ahead of you.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Next her. She isnt worth it.

You better search the forum here for lawyer advice because you have an uphill battle with courts.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Pretty much everyone here is saying to Ditch the Bitch (tm). I know that is a tall order for you, especially since you have a kid involved and are concerned for the kid's safety. But one big thing to keep in mind is that if you do a clean split from her, meaning strict no contact beyond simple logistics (and all in writing via email or text message), then you will be able to provide your child with at least 50% normal, sane parenting and 50% crazy BPD bitch. This is in contrast with the current situation where the kid is BPD bitch 100% of the time. At least some of the time your child will get to see what life with a normal parent looks like. And since she is legit BPD, if you play your cards right, there is a decent chance she'll do something fucked up enough for you to get primary custody, if not sole custody.

[–]izual19[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm serious when I say I doubt her capacity to care for our child solo. She's a slob.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't doubt you. But that does not change the fact that the status quo is your kid gets crazy bitch 100% of the time. Not only that, but she also gets to see you live a completely miserable life and tolerate a certifiable nutjob. What exactly is she learning there? That it's okay to sacrifice your own life and well being in order to save a kid? Is that what you want your child to do should they find themselves in the same situation? Or do you split cleanly and give her the shot at having at least 50% of her time spent in a non-crazy bitch environment, with the added bonus of showing her that sometimes you have to make a tough decision, but that you will be okay in the end.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This HAS to be two of the most amazing sentences EVER in all of human history to put together back-to-back.

She sucked this guy's cock while my son slept upstairs.

I want to salvage this marriage

On the other hand....

I lived in exile downstairs for 10 months. The wife and I work different shifts so we rarely see each other. We had sex maybe twice during that time. I grew butthurt and depressed. Started snapping at my wife like a bitch. And she spiraled and became more and more negative. In my depression I stopped lifting and checked out of my marriage. I played video games and drank. I got fat. Truly pathetic shit.

What did you expect her to do? You were checked out so it wasn't like you were actually "with" her so it wasn't really cheating. Hamster.

[–]izual19[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Gentlemen, I thank you for your insight. I'm going to leave this broken whore. And I'm going to do it on my terms. She smugly threatened me with her debt? I'm wracking up my own and restoring my bronco. She threatened me with not seeing my son? I've got photos of her legs bruised from the ankles up due to her self harming herself for fucking up so bad. She is not stable.

A lot of your comments were brutal, but they were not wrong.

[–]gizmozed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Depending on which state you live in, you may not be responsible for debts incurred by her before the marriage.

[–]TexasThomas0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

so you only have sex with your wife twice in 10 months, yet she's giving blowjobs and screwing around with other men?.....what am I missing? why do you want this to work out? She's got you wrapped around her finger for sure. She must be really good in bed, when you actually get it every few months. sigh



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