Advice please, gentlemen. Three months into my journey and starting to get past the victim pukes, anger, resentments into doing some practical action. Yes, I am lifting 3x weekly, thank you for asking.
Reading Chapter 4 of NMMNG and very much aware of my covert contracts and caretaking stuff. I'm down with the programme that I have to own this shit and fix it for myself because no-one else will.
Then I read in the activities 13 & 14 that the book suggests I should start discussing things with wifey: asking her how she feels about my covert contracts, telling her explicitly that I've stopped caretaking for a week ("so they don't get confused"). This seems to conflict the principles of STFU and Acta Non Verba.
My gut tells me that bringing these issues into the open just invites long-winded, emotional conversations where she defines a great big frame for me to step into and I spend a few hours dancing around the emotional minefield, trying not to DEER or start begging for her approval again.
On the other hand, if I back out of doing what the book tells me to do, am I just making excuses to not do the sidebar properly?
Experience/advice, chaps? Is this a time I should quietly recognize my covert contracts and eliminate them in the background? Or is it wise to follow Dr Glover's advice and talk about these things with my other half?