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NMMNG: discuss with partner vs STFU/Acta Non Verba

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March 31, 2017
8 upvotes

Advice please, gentlemen. Three months into my journey and starting to get past the victim pukes, anger, resentments into doing some practical action. Yes, I am lifting 3x weekly, thank you for asking.

Reading Chapter 4 of NMMNG and very much aware of my covert contracts and caretaking stuff. I'm down with the programme that I have to own this shit and fix it for myself because no-one else will.

Then I read in the activities 13 & 14 that the book suggests I should start discussing things with wifey: asking her how she feels about my covert contracts, telling her explicitly that I've stopped caretaking for a week ("so they don't get confused"). This seems to conflict the principles of STFU and Acta Non Verba.

My gut tells me that bringing these issues into the open just invites long-winded, emotional conversations where she defines a great big frame for me to step into and I spend a few hours dancing around the emotional minefield, trying not to DEER or start begging for her approval again.

On the other hand, if I back out of doing what the book tells me to do, am I just making excuses to not do the sidebar properly?

Experience/advice, chaps? Is this a time I should quietly recognize my covert contracts and eliminate them in the background? Or is it wise to follow Dr Glover's advice and talk about these things with my other half?


Post Information
Title NMMNG: discuss with partner vs STFU/Acta Non Verba
Author son_of_petruchio
Upvotes 8
Comments 24
Date 31 March 2017 07:24 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206336
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/62jsxw/nmmng_discuss_with_partner_vs_stfuacta_non_verba/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
DEERframeliftNMMNG
Comments

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not talk about these things with your wife.

While Dr. Glover's insights in NMMNG regarding covert contracts and breaking free of codependency are central to MRP, he is a marriage counselor and his talk-with-your-spouse recommendations are not endorsed by MRP thought.

[–]vorverk5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

When in doubt, STFU.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

STFU for at least the 1st 6 months.

STFU doesn't mean brood and literally not talk. It means STFU on fitness tests, and Change the subject.

It means follow the first rule of fight club, and that extends to new knowledge that is only really assimilated with more time/ experience.

[–]trpbritguy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't tell her anything unless I feel she needs to know it which means I don't really tell her much at all.

You should probably do the same!!

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

The NMMNG boards all agreed universely that this was the one point where Doc missed on. They all agreed don't talk to your wife.

It's not insidious, you're not hiding it from her. In fact if it came up where she directly confronted you, own it.

The best reason not to tell her? Ego. Remember, she's an emotional being. She will see this as a personal affront to her. You're in an unhealthy relationship and trying to correct course on that, you don't need someone else accusing you or undermining that progress.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So what's with the NMMNG sub. Found it recently. Is it supposed to be a parallel for here without the RP stigma?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We've had some mod talks and as it grows we may use it to focus on the NMMNG message. Also no focus on the LTR or MRP.

Don't think of it as without stigma, more like red pill prep.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

One of the MRP mods is now also helping mod the NMMNG forums and we are incorporating some of the value it provides like the breaking free exercises.

NMMNG precedes Red Pill and is actually one of the main precursors of Red Pill thought so we are just getting back to our roots.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like a good plan.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The NMMNG boards all agreed universely that this was the one point where Doc missed on. They all agreed don't talk to your wife.

Didn't Doc Glover also later cede that point?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If. Memory serves

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If. Memory serves

Totally read that in a Chairman Kaga "voice-over" voice.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Question I asked myself:

Why?

What resolution was I expecting, to talk about my feelings or desires with the old lady? Only answer I could come up with was that she would do what I wanted her to, because I'm just so damned great (My mom thinks so anyways)

Of course, 500 examples of guys doing just this, and I screwed my head on straight, and realized it's an invitation for a fight. A fight with no goal. What would I win? She would stop fighting. She would win a change of topic.

So again, why... Theres really no point.

Know what did work when I wanted to stop 'caretaking', or in my case, being kicked when I was down? I stopped. when she asked, I had a simple broken record statement

'I'm going to be selfish from now on, you're going to have to get used to it, I've been taking orders for 12 years, I'm done'

She would get mad, argue, bitch and moan, leave shitty long winded texts emails and sticky notes. Didn't care, didn't read, saved for future laughs.

End of the day, I did me, she wisely chose to get on board. Had she not, I had a plan for that too.

Go I like some of glovers stuff, this one made no sense to me.

I will say this, my financial selfishness correlates with her newfound corporate drive to succeed. Maybe a coincidence, but the less of my money she has available to her, the more of her own she seems to make... interesting

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Those are the parts of NMMNG that I don't agree with, in addition to the parts about having grand discussions.

I don't think they apply in the usual blue pill marriage.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's definitely a book where you should expand upon ideas you read on here, but leave the rest behind.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Absolutely do not tell her. The sidebar is a guide but some things are "take it or leave it." STFU, frame and self improvement are not up for debate. Talking to the wife about any if this is almost always a "never."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No problem was ever solved with a

long-winded, emotional conversations

This is one time you should listen to your gut. Reading your post I recall my wife telling me once that I was like an envelope. Try to rip it open and you risk ruining what's inside. You've got to steam it open very gently. I'd forgotten about that until just now. Must be getting senile. Anyway, I read that book and I'd suggest you bypass that recommendation. Stay inside your envelope.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do not follow everything blindly. It is good that you are having this reflective dialog in your head. For clarity: Do not talk to your wife about the red pill.

You may also get confused when you read Athol Kay's book and he says to say to your wife: "I don't really have a clue what to do to you , or for you , or with you, to make you feel loved by me, the way I do love you.” Say that "the way I do love you" bit with feeling. Pretend you’re in a movie and this is the turning point of the on screen romance.

This question was my second post on MRP. It sounds incredibly blue pill, and no I never said it.

[–]WisdomTangoFoxtrot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My gut tells me that bringing these issues into the open just invites long-winded, emotional conversations where she defines a great big frame for me to step into and I spend a few hours dancing around the emotional minefield, trying not to DEER or start begging for her approval again.

Yes, yes, yes. It does all of that. Further, it causes you to resent her for doing that and instantiates feelings of butthurt and autism because you can't un-know what you know now. At least it did with me.

Then I read in the activities 13 & 14 that the book suggests I should start discussing things with wifey: asking her how she feels about my covert contracts, telling her explicitly that I've stopped caretaking for a week ("so they don't get confused").

Skip that part. STFU. Spare yourself days/weeks of tedious damage control and frame rebooting. RP men can tell you how she feels: She hates it. She thinks you suck. She wishes you would stop doing it. She will question you needing a book to tell you something she knows by instinct and because she see's everything like a woman and assumes you think the same way and ergo you should know too.

As far as anyone you know and are concerned with, it's like the mafia: There is no redpill.

Get your mental reading opsec tight. Either hiding in plain sight and laughable deniability..."Those books? Some friend gave them to me. You know I can't/hate to read. I don't even know what a rotational male is." or read at the office only and/or when she is away. Hide the books in a Playboy or Golfing magazine. Whatever you have to do.

Tomassi is right. This is teaching slaves to read and it's an offense that will be punished.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh man. You poor fucking sap.

Read the side bar wiki What are you here for ?

Part of the course of books is to identify, course correct and move forward.

The other day I am watching the interaction of a beta and his wife that recently gave birth. You could see the repulsion in her face of all the spineless shit that Fuck was deferrrimg to her, cause you know she just gave birth.

They were part of a group. There was another couple same scenario, but the look in her eyes when he spoke to the waiter, she was ready to drop and blow him. She was happy. The other was bitchy, moody and loathing the fag that dropped his seed in her.

Don't be him. Don't give your wife any opportunity to hamster or loath any of your actions or words.

[–]LaLongCarabine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Brother, I'm about as new as you to this but I have internalized all of this based upon "the first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club"

You are in the fight of your life.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This seems to conflict the principles of STFU and Acta Non Verba.

This is MRP, not NMMNG and most Terps and Merps think he got that one aspect wrong. We have determined this from thousands and thousands of experiences with men who are interacting with their wives. Beyond doubt STFU works better than "Talk" about your problems. Just about everything else is right but talking to the wifey only works if you are from a position of strength. Even so, she will cajole, manipulate, and store the information for later use against you.



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