Question on frame, STFU, earning the right to complain, and "My girl doesn't..."

man_in_the_world · 2017-03-20T05:43:47+00:00

earn back the right to complain

Complaining always comes from a position of weakness; it's either whining about something you have no power to fix, or a covert pleading for help or comfort. You should never complain.

what do we do in the meantime to express our displeasure with our woman's behavior without losing frame?

Your displeasure is expressed through actions:

enforcing your boundaries as and when you develop the frame and power to do so
withdrawing when her behavior is unacceptable toward you
taking ownership of necessary tasks on which her performance is below standard

mrpthrowa · 2017-03-20T09:02:22+00:00

Read this first.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vr5ih/how_to_build_boundaries_during_your_transition/

Have some patience. There is no forcing anyone to do anything. Acta.

I use the "my girl" construct very sparingly, but very effectively. You need to clearly have a higher SMV. I use it usually when I discover a transgression several days after the fact. e.g. I find out that she came home late with my kid because she went to the supermarket. No no in my book as it screws up his routine.

Exchange:

Me, several days later, very calm and stated as matter of fact: "I'd like my family to always be home by 6pm, and I'd like my wife to come straight home after work".
She: "I needed nail polish yadda yadda and when I need stuff I'm not going to listen to this."
Me, with a smirk: "I didn't say you shouldn't do this, I said my wife shouldn't do this".

and I walk away.

This is extremely powerful, and an instant disqualifer for her because it disqualifies her as my wife, and gives her a very clear hamster path to redeeming herself. It puts the entire onus on her to self-certify, and no doubt she'll have that on her mind if she thinks about this again. The act of walking away also is a pavlovian trigger - I can and do walk away if you transgress.

Like most of you, I'm having to set these new boundaries because I haven't enforced them in my earlier years of the relationships. It sucks to have to do this work, but better late than never.

The idea here is not to force her to do or not do something, the idea is to put your ideals on the table and let her take pride in conforming to them on her own. And she will - and she will be happier for it. A woman's subconscious desire to submit to an Alpha is very strong and she will literally be miserable on her own if she transgresses. Make that work for you.

You should also never complain about the relationship in general in no clear terms. Ask for specific things, and enforce specific boundaries, but don't do a general "I'm unhaaaapppyyy and you need to do more" crap.

Ideally, you want to set clear boundaries very early in the relationship, and punish for even thinking about them with the readiness to drop her compleltely. e.g. If she asks for permission to go party with her girls, tell her you never thought your girl likes to do this, then ghost her for a few days. She'll either come apologise and now knows her place in the relationship, or she won't in which case you don't want that kind of dumb woman who doesn't understand boundaries in your life.

nastynickdr · 2017-03-20T15:45:24+00:00

Lets say something is a deal-breaker for you in a LTR. For example, your LTR wanting to "keep in touch with her ex". You decided, for your own reasons, that you arent going to be in a relationship with someone who keeps in touch with her ex. Then your LTR hits you with:

H: "Hey, I ran into my ex at the supermarket and he wants to meet me tomorrow at the cofee shop to "catch things up".

Y: "Cool, but my girl doesnt keep in touch with her exes."

H: "Why cant I go? Dont you trust me? Hes just a friend! Stop controlling me!"

Y: "Sweetie, im not saying you cant go. Im just saying that my girl doesnt keep in touch with her exes".

Then, its up to her to go or not. You cant and you shouldnt try to control her. She goes, you show her the door. Its her choice to be friends with her exes or not, its your choice to be in a relationship with a woman who is friends with her exes or not.

JDRoedell · 2017-03-20T12:43:17+00:00

Never complain. Leaders don't complain. Get to a place where you don't care about the stuff you used to complain about.

UEMcGill · 2017-03-20T18:59:34+00:00

Bitches complain. Five year olds complain when they are tired. Why the fuck do you want to complain?

Your mission in life is your purpose. If your wife is being a harpy nag, tell her to knock it the fuck off. It's not that hard.

With that said, what do we do in the meantime to express our displeasure with our woman's behavior without losing frame? I

You get going. Go do something. Ice her out and she'll soon figure out, "Wow, I'm a bitch, he's gone. I'm sweet, he's around." If she's too stupid to understand that, then tell her "You're a bitch and I don't want to be around you because I have better things to do."

Acta, non verba. Bitches complain, Redpill men do.

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2017-03-20T02:50:15+00:00

Read it all again. Complaining about the relationship is literally never the right move.

If you're on Level 1 and 2, I assume that means that your wife won't have sex with you because she's not attracted to you in any way. If that's right, then you don't have any leverage to express your displeasure. Your post history is a mess. Fix yourself first.

screechhater · 2017-03-20T23:30:44+00:00

"I get the concept of STFU and it seems to me like while we are internalizing the fact that everything that is wrong with our relationship is our fault we need to earn back the right to complain about problems in our relationship, by lifting, reading, and regaining Captaincy of the ship

Holy fuck

I get the concept of STFU and it seems to me like while we are internalizing the fact that everything that is wrong with our relationship is our ~~fault we need to earn back the right to complain about problems in our relationship, by lifting, reading, and regaining Captaincy of the ship~~

You have a lot of reading to do and I mean a lot

Until then shut the fuck up

Edit -

Add When going through the work remember to remain upbeat and cheerful. Nothing, not even her moods will fuck with you and bring you down anything shitty she says goes in one ear and out the other......

Title	Question on frame, STFU, earning the right to complain, and "My girl doesn't..."
Author	CaptainJackSorrow
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	March 20, 2017 2:18 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/60dz8d/question_on_frame_stfu_earning_the_right_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/question-on-frame-stfu-earning-the-right-to.206387 https://theredarchive.com/post/206387