Heyhey. Been grinding the MAP steadily and paying the dues. I don't think its relevant to this post so I'll skip the news.
I'm trying to find a strategy for my/our sexual life, but I'm having a hard time figuring out which way to go. I just read a long post on TRP about consentual rape or whatever you call that obliged starfish sex and effect of it and it echoed my concerns.
So, pre-mrp I was shit at asking directly for sex, (went with turtle slow feeling under clothes in bed most of the time, you know the bomb defusing routine) butthurt at rejections and at our worst I even negotiated "if not whole week then sunday starfish it is".
After beginning my MAP, its been a rollercoaster. 2-4 times a week. Around 20% I managed to seduce my wife by oil massaging turned dirty and sexual clues. Around 50% has been "I guess I need to give it to you" starfish. 30% seemed to me like game gone right/good sex without too much effort and the rest 10% is crazy sex after disputes.
Last night it had been five days with a couple of rejections I managed to not get butthurt by. But I really wanted her pussy that day. I dropped some game throughout the day and everything seemed green but by the time we got our kid to sleep she was covered in blankets watching tv half asleep. I'm pretty sure she does this partly to avoid the event.
Then I told her "not tonight you don't" and I just pushed her hard with a light tone, made some jokes and denied the soft no's and soon lead her to bed. She wasn't into it at all but I decided not to let it bother me that night and just take it. I got one hard no when I took off her pants and I said "if you don't want it that bad, thats fine" Oddly to me even this time I didnt feel any incoming butthurt for myself either and i think my tone implied that. Then she took them off herself and we had starfish sex. Well I had.
Afterwards I felt my bp instincts feel the need to apologize to her or start a discussion how bad sex that was, but I know better now and strangled those bp thought in my head. Much to my surprise she seemed pretty happy afterwards, like she was proud of doing her job as a wife and I gave her a boyish grin, hug and a kiss. End of night.
So it got me thinking anyway is there a general consensus here as to what type of sexual strategy works the best in my situation? Should I skip all these starfish nights, even the nights when thats enough for me?
On one hand, it got me thinking that if I keep doing these kind of nights sometimes and reward positive behavior, she might learn to throw herself in the moment. I think she's unhappy about having to give me the keys of power when its not her own idea to open the locks ultimately, but I might be able to show her how it can be a good thing.
On the other, the trp post I referred and my fear is that the obliged starfish sex diminishes the possibility of growth of desire if she assumes a 'rape victim mentality'.
I know NMMNG says to not accept bad sex and wank a lot, sexual moritarium etc. but I'm not sure if thats the right play here?
I've been developing OI about sex and got better at it. Stopped watching porn 3 months ago. I think my wife is starting to realize my changes and that other women are eager to get in her place. I've begun to learn to game her, she's not responding to that well most of the time but I don't care, I need to practice anyway and its fun for me either way. There's some elements of desire and respect surfacing too, so the total outcome in my eyes is still hard to predict, but currently looking better.