Should I skip starfish sex always? (Sex strategy advice needed)

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March 15, 2017

Heyhey. Been grinding the MAP steadily and paying the dues. I don't think its relevant to this post so I'll skip the news.

I'm trying to find a strategy for my/our sexual life, but I'm having a hard time figuring out which way to go. I just read a long post on TRP about consentual rape or whatever you call that obliged starfish sex and effect of it and it echoed my concerns.

So, pre-mrp I was shit at asking directly for sex, (went with turtle slow feeling under clothes in bed most of the time, you know the bomb defusing routine) butthurt at rejections and at our worst I even negotiated "if not whole week then sunday starfish it is".

After beginning my MAP, its been a rollercoaster. 2-4 times a week. Around 20% I managed to seduce my wife by oil massaging turned dirty and sexual clues. Around 50% has been "I guess I need to give it to you" starfish. 30% seemed to me like game gone right/good sex without too much effort and the rest 10% is crazy sex after disputes.

Last night it had been five days with a couple of rejections I managed to not get butthurt by. But I really wanted her pussy that day. I dropped some game throughout the day and everything seemed green but by the time we got our kid to sleep she was covered in blankets watching tv half asleep. I'm pretty sure she does this partly to avoid the event.

Then I told her "not tonight you don't" and I just pushed her hard with a light tone, made some jokes and denied the soft no's and soon lead her to bed. She wasn't into it at all but I decided not to let it bother me that night and just take it. I got one hard no when I took off her pants and I said "if you don't want it that bad, thats fine" Oddly to me even this time I didnt feel any incoming butthurt for myself either and i think my tone implied that. Then she took them off herself and we had starfish sex. Well I had.

Afterwards I felt my bp instincts feel the need to apologize to her or start a discussion how bad sex that was, but I know better now and strangled those bp thought in my head. Much to my surprise she seemed pretty happy afterwards, like she was proud of doing her job as a wife and I gave her a boyish grin, hug and a kiss. End of night.

So it got me thinking anyway is there a general consensus here as to what type of sexual strategy works the best in my situation? Should I skip all these starfish nights, even the nights when thats enough for me?

On one hand, it got me thinking that if I keep doing these kind of nights sometimes and reward positive behavior, she might learn to throw herself in the moment. I think she's unhappy about having to give me the keys of power when its not her own idea to open the locks ultimately, but I might be able to show her how it can be a good thing.

On the other, the trp post I referred and my fear is that the obliged starfish sex diminishes the possibility of growth of desire if she assumes a 'rape victim mentality'.

I know NMMNG says to not accept bad sex and wank a lot, sexual moritarium etc. but I'm not sure if thats the right play here?

I've been developing OI about sex and got better at it. Stopped watching porn 3 months ago. I think my wife is starting to realize my changes and that other women are eager to get in her place. I've begun to learn to game her, she's not responding to that well most of the time but I don't care, I need to practice anyway and its fun for me either way. There's some elements of desire and respect surfacing too, so the total outcome in my eyes is still hard to predict, but currently looking better.

Post Information
Title Should I skip starfish sex always? (Sex strategy advice needed)
Author TaistoKarhu
Upvotes 7
Comments 22
Date 15 March 2017 10:53 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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Red Pill terms found in post:
hard nobutthurtMAPgamethe red pillNMMNG

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (1 child) | Copy

This thread holds the record- FIVE (5) links to The Blue Pill AND FucktheRedPill.

Nice job guys!

They freak out because going cave man works and they don't want men to know that it works. There is a reason that SGM- Sex God Method- is on our sidebar. Bloops are the students of Catherine MacKinnon (marriage under the patriarchy is "nightly rape" for women) and many fear and hate strong men like some of you shitlords.

[–]mrpthrowa7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

There is no short term fix.

Tactically, starfish = go caveman and be selfish. Unload and unroll.

Strategically, get better, and read Sex God Method.

Don't stop initiating. As well as getting your balls drained, initiating whenever you want and going caveman builds up dread.

[–]TaistoKarhu[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah thats what I did and done but I'm concerned can it diminish the possibility of her growing desire? ('rape victim mentality')

Edit: 5 mins after posting effect kicking in... 'Why do I care so much if she'll grow desire or not?'.. Hmm...

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy


If she finds you attractive / sees you as high value she will want to bang you

The rest is just hamstering and excuses

[–]The_LitzRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

It is only as big a deal as you make of it. Women in general, don't see sex as such a big deal as we do. Think of n-counts. If the dude was not balls deep into her snatch it doesn't even count as sex. Blowjobs in the parking lot and being fingered in the public pool by Chad AND Brad, doesn't count.

Don't be a pussy about it, that is the main thing. Fuck her and move on. You are on the right track by not being butthurt. Once things are rolling along nicely and you have frame and IO, you can stop mid-coitus and actually tell her she sucks at sex and go wash your car. Frame is key.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

stop mid-coitus

Yep. Done this a handful of times. Sometimes the message needs to be sent. Your time is too valuable for this level of low effort

[–]J_Incognito0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

stop mid-coitus

I've done it a couple times as well. You need frame to pull this off. First time I unrolled with a sigh of butthurt despondence and laid there staring at the ceiling - she begged me to finish the starfish (so she could claim the chore as done) which I did to nobody's satisfaction. The second time, "this isn't working for me", jumped to my feet, tossed her clothes and the magazine she was reading to her, and left to finish home repair project. She initiated 30min later w/ BJ.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I laughed at the bomb diffusal annalogy. I remember that.

I think you are still in a cautious mindset about sex though. You still interpret her 'being wrapped up in a blanket' as her saying no. Did she say no? No. You thought she said no. You shut yourself down.

I like the "not tonight you dont". Go further and rip the covers off of her. Then pounce. Amplify until she gives you that hard no. Then go do something else fun.

There are still some times my mind hamsters what her mood is. It's a fools errand because a few times I've pushed anyway and we fucked. Keep may surprise you.

[–]TaistoKarhu[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah you hit the mark here. I'm still looking at her sexual availability, convincing myself most of the nights "nah dont feel like it tonight" when I sense only the possibility for starfish but who am I kidding. Work work...

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

Whenever my wife lets me masturbate with her pussy, I take that as a sign to completely ignore her and just fuck the shit out of her. I go deep, I go hard, I grab her tight and take the fuck truck to pound town. Occasionally she gets into it, but mostly I just completely ignore her and just fuck.

[–]Coniferous_881 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly- if she decides to give no-effort-sex, then my concern switches from 'our' experience to 'my' experience and I do whatever I want...which has included everything from going full on caveman to stopping right in the middle.

[–]anotherswingingdick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ghengis Khan was the DNA ancestor of a ridiculous fraction of current-day humans

He didn't worry about whether the girls were putting on a show of enjoying it, did he?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you know the bomb defusing routine

love this analogy and really gives me flashbacks (PTSD kind). sounds like you already stopped that shit.

the answer is your FRAME. do whatever YOU want and OWN it. if you want a nut, caveman her and then go do something else. starfish does not postnut cuddles. if you get bored then step off and go about your day. be prepared for a comfort test after stepping off as I always get them. if she comes for it, give her the comfort. don't be a dick. you don't want to train her that giving you her pussy when she is not all in is a bad thing.

[–]AmericanViking642 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going through a similar situation. Starfish response = selfish caveman. I've gotten positive feedback after showing I just don't care about her orgasm (nearly as much) anymore. I listen when she verbalizes how I can be better in bed, and shes coming around to the idea that she needs to get more involved if its going to be more enjoyable for her. Sometimes starfish is all I'm going to get though unless I can radically change the direction of her emotions after we both had a long day at work and with the kids. I make the most out of what I have and what I have to offer.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your actions were good. Everything that went wrong was in your head.

If NMMNG says to pass up lifeless pussy and become Sir Wankalot, I disagree. Even your wife was OK with rejecting this idea. She reacted well because you acted like a man and not a fem-centric pussy.

The relationship is her problem; your concerns are to make yourself happy as a man. Happy you, happy wife.

[–]nantucketghost2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

RBuddDwyerRed Beret 4 points 6 hours ago Whenever my wife lets me masturbate with her pussy, I take that as a sign to completely ignore her and just fuck the shit out of her. I go deep, I go hard, I grab her tight and take the fuck truck to pound town. Occasionally she gets into it, but mostly I just completely ignore her and just fuck.

OP read until eyes bleed

Quit thinking about sprinkling alpha on anything at this point and fuck away. Don't turn shit down, but learn to fuck her good as in leg quivering try side bar- >>>>>>> Sex God Method

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Starfish is to be ignored

Fine, she's not into it. My reaction to this has been to treat her how she is acting: like a despondent hooker. I do this to varying degrees. Once I came in her, pull out, got dressed and went to watch TV. Once I came on her, rolled over and went to sleep. Once I just went full caveman on her and went as rough as possible with her. The first two had regret responses. The 3rd she responded to...

Go Caveman on Starfish

As in the 3rd example above, I just railed her with no regard for her comfort or pleasure. Whether she responds or not is not important. If she wants to be a warm RealDollTM then put her in whatever position you want.

Figure your Feelings During

Perhaps you go caveman but you can't get her lack of interest out of your head. Sometimes this turns me off... and it's normal. no one wants to have sex with someone who is showing disinterest all the time. Try to get it going and if you still can't get into it, then break it off and dismiss yourself from the situation. Here's the important part: you have to leave the room, at least. If she asks what's wrong "I'm not turned on; I'm bored, so I'm going to go do something more productive."

Treat Starfish as passive refusal from the get go

Initiate as normal, be completely normal in this. Do all the things that have worked in the past for you. If, in this case, she is just disinterested and despondent and you know it's not going to do anything for you, just politely say, "You aren't turning me on so this isn't going anywhere" or something to that effect.

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Instead of starfish missionary, flip her round, bend her over and caveman that pussy. Pull her hair, slap her ass and ignore any complaints. Finish when you want, then do whatever you please.

The reason I say this is because when it's starfish missionary, it's your wife putting out (Unwillingly) laying there been an unattractive cunt. Which makes us FEEL like a worthless, unwanted man.

When you bend that bitch over and go caveman, your using HER. She's not giving you anything, your taking it. The hair pulls and spanks are for your enjoyment, and they are light punishment for her unwillingness to jump on your cock and blow you eargly as soon as you walk through the door. (verbal dominance and confident dirty talk will help). This will make her FEEL that your in the powerful position, your the one has the hold over her not the other way round. Your using her. Your not bothered how she feels. You're doing you. And guess probably like it, but you have to hold frame tell her to shut up if she complains about hair pulling etc. And hold frame (acta non verba, quite often when I'm drilling my ltr from behind shell give me a mid -fuck shit test eg. My kneck hurts or your been too rough bla bla bla but at the same time she's backing that ass up rapidly properly fucking me back. Dirty talk blows these shitests away).

You are the prize, adopt that mindset. Once she realises that your using her pussy without eye contact and half assed kisses and your going into beast mode everytime she reluctantly takes off her pants her hamster will hit overdrive...because she's no longer a special snowflake you could be plowing any chick in her mind ...and then she'll LOOK to PLEASE YOU out of dread and attraction.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Depends. I've done both (powered through starfish for myself and walked away as she laid there pantless with my hard-on waving around. Depends on how I'm feeling at the moment.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

slow feeling under clothes in bed most of the time, you know the bomb defusing routine)

That's a good one

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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