696,979 posts

Wife just Asked For A Divorce - My MRP Path

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March 14, 2017
31 upvotes

First of all, I am very happy its come to this, and without MRP I would have handled this very differently.

Some time ago my wife fell out of love with me and sex stopped. Not only that but I felt constantly walked over and disrespected. As many of you did, I looked inward and built my life by lifting, reading, and going through the stages of dread (I was at the fuck-me-or-fuck-you stage - she chose fuck you).

I originally went into MRP with a hope it would fix my marriage, but instead it fixed me. I stayed on top of my game, fitness, job, and social life and developed abundance mentality. It allowed me to view my relationship from a different prospective and I saw I wasnt getting any value out of it, and there were plenty of others that could give me what I needed.

Some truths I experienced during my journey:

  • Always watch actions - not words. She told me she loved me, but none of her actions showed me that. Turns out is was not true.

  • There is a real difference between forced dread, and natural dread

  • MRP will build you to the point where you can easily get laid, just maybe not with your wife.

  • (Going through breakups before) Women seem to throw waterworks during the initial breakup, and then its shuts off like a switch and then they DGAF. Having true abundance mentality helps shake that cold heartedness.

  • The more I committed to her, the less I ended up getting back in the relationship.

  • When the sex dries out, prepare to leave because that is what she is doing emotionally.

  • Lifting is the foundation of rebuilding your life.

  • For hard headed people with confidence issues, it may take cheating on your wife to take her off the pedestal and to develop abundance mentality.

Anyways, I suppose since I am getting divorced I will move over to TRP. Keep fighting the good fight. I am frustrated about having to untangle the living situation, but I am excited for my future.


Post Information
Title Wife just Asked For A Divorce - My MRP Path
Author VengefullyY0urs
Upvotes 31
Comments 74
Date 14 March 2017 01:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206418
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5zc5zt/wife_just_asked_for_a_divorce_my_mrp_path/
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Comments

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill[M] 29 points30 points  (9 children) | Copy

Speaking as a mod, I'd like more of you guys here. We are MarriedRedpill, and sometimes that means unmarried. In an investment it takes a smart investor to realize he's at a loss and to pull up stakes and get out, before he looses even more. But it also proves to those guys who are on the fence that you can get out, you can improve, and you can have a happy life with a great woman if you want, even if she's not the woman you are with.

So please, give us some field reports on how you progress, and let us hear about it.

Lawyer up, keep lifting.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

I second this.

MarriedRedPill can also mean "I was married" or "I might get married"

We are a little more mature on average than TRP, your experience, past and future, is valuable here. Best.

[–]Coniferous_886 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also agree- we always hear and repeat, "We fix the man not the marriage"....so it would be great to hear from some of those men who fixed themselves and left the broken marriage.

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am trying to use as little legal aid as possible as we have a house and 2 dogs, nothing more after that really i care about.

I will take the dogs or the house and I am happy either way, just as long as it is done.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Hope for peace, prepare for war.

Once she gets a taste for blood, expect to see those dogs weaponized. I had a buddy named Matt. When she divorced him, she took his Jack Russel. Didn't want her, gave her away in fact.

Just didn't want him to have the dog.

Many guys take 'just want it over with' and roll over and play dead. I've heard that sentance on every single summary trial I've had to be the AO for... And every time, the guy gives his belly to the courts on a platter, begging for mercy.

Every time.

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well as much as I love the dogs, if she takes them i will get another one.

Right now she wants each of us to have one. If that happens I am still getting a same breed as the dog I lost and might even name it the same haha

by the way thanks for your help in particular. You knocked some sense into me early on in my journey.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No worries brother, Iron sharpens iron! God knows weakandsensitive and ultmateCAD were around to do the same for me when I started, offering the same kick in the ass.

[–]MisfitPL90 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Are victim pukes OK to share ? and why we found MRP?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sure, but sooner or later these guys will call you in your shit. There's no limit, but also little patience.

[–]MisfitPL90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks - maybe thats what I need, I have found some Victim Pukes to be interesting - especially the good advice from TRPr's

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (13 children) | Copy

Wife filed for divorce

After the MRP path: "lol. Cool"

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

Pretty much. I am kinda frustrated that someone could flip and just be emotionless about it, but then I remember AWALT, and think of the numbers I have gotten, crushes i have flirted with off and on and whoever I happen to meet at the bar this weekend.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

you mean her?

oh, they flip the switch oftnen

Rollos War bridges gives an evo psych angle to it. In fact, thats a great thing, it's your indicator to when she's checked out, and Iron Rule 7 is about to kick in

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

This also rings a bell I havent heard rung in awhile. She told me at one point she never had a positive sexual experience. My rebuttal: the video we made early in our relationship where i made her cum 6 times on camera, and her smiling and enjoying it the whole time.

Revisionists history man.

[–]WesternhagenWinner3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

"She told me at one point she never had a positive sexual experience." - Haw. I am hearing that now. Not even gonna bother trying to respond with "you remember that time we..." because I know it is pointless (as well as a supplicating DLV). I don't have video, but the hamster is so powerful, you could show a woman the video and she'd still deny it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've really taken a fondness for the work of Vinkatesh Rao (gervais principle) because he is embracing the narrative based decision making model.. Short hand term is 'making the hamster work for you'

People tend to use narratives to anchor their frame, and by controlling and being aware of it, you can learn how to manipulate it to positive effect. My last post is my initial attemps to condense what I've learned on the topic. It's as close to a dark triad in practice as I've seen... Mostly, they tend to talk about morality in the abstract, never in actual application. James Franco hits it well too in Practical Female Psychology... frames the female lifecycle very well, a narrative for you to work within.

It's why I think the sidebar is barely a starting point for a mans MAP

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I find the social evolution differences in men and women super fascinating and I wish marriage counselors were more aware of this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

True, other than Ironwood, and I think early Athol Kay, they largely don't. Mostly because women are their biggest clients, so by being that way, they lose business...

It's also why Rollo's work is so valued. He's taking his training in behavioural Psych, and applied it to relationships.

though psychologyofmen and thelastpsychiatrist both had the potential. But because of Doxxing and other attacks on them, have largely gone silent.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I've had girlfriends flip the switch and insist "everything was always shitty" - but it's naturally more galling when someone you've dated / been married to for 19 years starts saying it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

It's almost as if it's stupid to think there's some kind of 'time token' you can keep plunking, and all of a sudden a woman isn't a woman.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

It actually is stupid (or at least, not at all credible) to rewrite the history of a relationship once it achieves a certain longevity. Doesn't make her sound very intelligent if she stayed in an "everything was always shitty" relationship for 19 years. Doubtless she will play the long-suffering victim card to anyone who cares (e.g., her therapist). But regardless of how stupid and implausible it is for her to throw the light switch after 19 years, it has happened.

Note to self, if next woman tells me that her previous relationship was always shitty, take that with a grain of salt...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It's not credible, by a mans standards, you're right.

It's been talked about often with OG Roisey and Rollo. Judging women with mens sense of these things is a fools errand. In this case, a sunk cost fallacy.

Just look around at some of the stories here. /u/rulezero dad had it at 17 years. I had it at 7

Again, you keep talking about it in blue pill terms. You're right, she shouldn't be like that. This is why should needs to be removed from your lexicon.

Or like the saying goes, shit in one hand, wish in the other, see what fills first

And your solution is also sound. Ignore what she says, watch what she does. You think any girl is going to admit that the guy was perfect, but she was such a cunt that she lost him?

Find one, I will wait as long as it takes

[–]AmericanViking640 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I posted a while back about the words "I feel" and have been removing that from my vocabulary and modifying my thought process. You mentioned the word "shouldn't" ought to be removed and that is one that I have been kicking to the curb with frequency as well as they are commonly tied together.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Add should to the list of pointless words. Words of judgement distract from action.

Do or don't, and don't talk about it. Allow others into your life or don't and don't talk about it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Congrats man.

I will move over to TRP.

Stick around, your perspective could do a lot of good to guys who are at where you were. Plus the "After action reports" are useful as well.

[–]briareos_uk1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I certainly enjoy finding out what happens for dudes when pushing on through and coming out of the divorce process - I'm sure it's painful in places, but every after action report I've seen has painted the image of a well-levelled, well-prepared-for-this-shit free man. Stick around, your presence is appreciated.

[–]TravelingShitLord2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You don't have to move anywhere. There are good lessons on both sides of the mountain.

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

On second though I might stay here... All I could find were young kids posting on there.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mans role there is to guide others, those kids don't have dads to teach em shit.

Been working for a more of a 'captains table' dynamic here

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Second that.

I just unsubscribed TRP in favor of just going MRP/ASKMRP.

I appreciate all the help TRP gives me, but after a couple of years over there, I can kind of anticipate everyone's answers.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

She told me she loved me, but none of her actions showed me that.

Care to elaborate, how do you judge that? Just curious cause I'm starting to feel I'm in the same situation

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

First the vast difference in her behavior. the first year we were together we fucked hard, she wrote me love notes and told me she loved a lot.

Within the last year, sex stopped completely, and she never told me she loved me. She also put activities and friends above me in priority. She would only call me to complain about stuff, never asked how I was, and going back to the counseling days, she had my "love languages" spelled out and she could never bring her self to use them.

There was also the amount of importance she put on her phone and facebook when we were alone. She would just write message after message to the same person with no response (this person was a single friend she live vicariously through). I am sure I can think of more, but there were no many red flags she didnt love me it was ridiculous.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

this person was a single friend she live vicariously through

Lol, she couldn't even have a slutty divorced friend, like most divorce-wannabes use, she had to follow one on instagram...!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

damn sounds hard, looks like you'll be better off now!

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she doesn't want to do anything for you (and by that I mean, not even non-sexual things), doesn't want to talk to you (spends her time poking at her phone instead), and doesn't want to be around you, even when you're alone in the house together, those are important clues.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

glad it's not that bad... it's a bit like druganswer says... no lust just "love"... it feels like brother and sister love or something like that...

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Good on you. Looking forward to seeing the lessons you learned, so you can pay it forward to other guys who got their 'ultimatum'

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I have made pilgrimages to deadbedrooms and no one is willing to take responsibility for themselves there. In fact, calling them out is against the rules...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I meant here, and yeah. Usually every 3 months, a MRP regular goes over there and offers some advice, TBP go in there and shame all the guys until they virtue signal how they hate RP, and go back to their coping mechanisms and being miserable

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Its kinda funny how you can convey the same message without the MRP phrasing and women over there whole heartedly agree with you haha

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I've gotten top post in the past at TBP on a post specifically shitting on me.

Emotions make all kinds of stupidity possible

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If people get past the stigma and focus on the message its hard to disagree with the premise no matter who you are.

You cant control your wife, only yourself, to make your self as valuable as you can and someone will appreciate, but maybe not your wife.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best of luck to you bro! Continue your path to happiness and remember only you can truly map and forge the way

[–]Coniferous_881 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Some time ago my wife fell out of love with me how I made her feel and sex stopped."

FTFY

Internalize the difference or you may be doomed to repeat the pattern.

Best of luck on your journey and congrats on going into the future with such a positive attitude...please drop an update from time to time.

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for that fix - this rings so true, and she showed me and is showing me through her action that she feels nothing for me, and I dont care because of my potential and what I have lined up for the future.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do you feel a sense of freedom that you have not felt in a long time?

A sense of loss is also common. If so, does this make the sense of freedom feel odd, or incongruent?

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Its kinda hot and cold. i will see her change her name on her facebook and get support from friends and it hurts a little, but then I ask myself what value was she bringing to the table. I also look at my phone with now active plates and kinda get lost in that too.

The hardest thing for me is whats going to happen financially, and will I need to get a roommate. I have an interview for a job making almost double I make now and onto the second interview, so that could be life changing as well.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Went through a divorce over 25 years ago.

The hard part is realizing that you mortgaged your future with your marriage vows. Now it's time to pay up. Literally you have to ransom out your freedom. Yes men can be slaves in the matrix analogy.

In hindsight, there can be no price tag on your happiness. Never forget the men that paid the ultimate price of suiciding out. You are one lucky guy!

Pay the price and move on. Some day you will laugh that you ever doubted yourself or concerned yourself with the money. Best

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The hard part is realizing that you mortgaged your future with your marriage vows. Now it's time to pay up. Literally you have to ransom out your freedom.

I am in negotiation with my wife about splitting our assets etc. right know.

This sentence is really spot on.

[–]spacemonkey661 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Op this happened to me yesterday.found this place too late.without what I've learned from the sidebar and lurking I would be lost.now I'm down but not out and I will rebuild myself the right way

[–]MisfitPL90 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Welcome bro - happened to me 3 weeks ago.

[–]spacemonkey661 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Worst part for me was seeing all the wrong blue pill shit I did to try to fix myself and marriage.if there is a faggot bp checklist I hit them all.

[–]MisfitPL90 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Likewise mate. All the best on your re-discovery

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The Ration Male is a good starting point buy Rollo "My Guy" Tomassi

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy

As many of you did, I looked inward and built my life by lifting, reading, and going through the stages of dread (I was at the fuck-me-or-fuck-you stage - she chose fuck you).

I'd like to hear how the previous stages went about. Other women see you as high SMV but your wife doesn't?

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 7 points8 points  (16 children) | Copy

I basically took to lift, STFU initially, and a lot of reading. Slowly updated my wardrobe and start becoming less available but with plausable deniability ( I am lifting, at band practice, with my friends, all planned before her random idea for me to spend my time and affection on her).

I was out of the house 3-4 nights a week. Eventually I went back into talking to women, and they really responded well. I got numbers and I hooked up a few times (probably not the best idea).
I became very social with waitresses while out on dates and with her friends (one of them grabbed my hand and put in on her crouch at one point).

This was the point where she felt dread without trying to project it or even thinking about it. Finally I spent my extra gaming other women and stopped with my wife. This is where YMMV. She felt great about the relationship at that point, and i tried to game my wife again. She commented about touching and flirt made her feel uncomfortable (although I had other women tell me how into it they were). At that point I told her I will not in a sexless relationship and starve that side of me. If she didnt want it, I would go elsewhere. This was followed up by a couple days of being busy and unavailable and then she came to me to end it. There was no bargaining, no pleading. I just said "ok, I want x and x, and you can take the rest. I am leaving". I stayed at a friends house and started on plates again, starting with a 22 yo hottie in a hotel room on Saturday.

I am a fit model, musician with a good job, and lots of friends and options. You cant please everyone, and thats ok, she can spend her not not having sex with someone else.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Was it a total dead bedroom or just too infrequent?

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well she had a medical issue and then I think I made that worse early on by piling negative pressure. I fixed me and she really wasnt willing to meet me half way (non-penetration sexual encounter).

When the thought of me flirting with her made her uncomfortable after all I did and the results I was getting, I became numb and stopped caring all together.

[–]2gunsgetsome0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck yeah.

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I will note I started the stages back in jan 2015, fucked up, wen redpill rambo, cracked and had to reset a couple times. got it right starting in june of 2016

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

(one of them grabbed my hand and put in on her crouch at one point)

lmao, what it must be like to be Trump.

Really glad you had an overall positive outcome after building the man.

Finally I spent my extra gaming other women and stopped with my wife.

Powerful message here for a lot of guys, including me. I went back to platetown in January. Now in process of dialing it back to leave enough of me to still game wife.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

platetown

I believe that Mayor CAD offers small business subsidies there

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

fuck I need subsidies, spinning plates is a fuckton of mental effort.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

haha, give less fucks if they break. it frees up the time and they want you more not less

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Solid advice, and so far working exactly as you say. Do not want to put too much stock in early results; but same and what I have learned appears to be having same affect on wife . Thank god for Ciallis

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

side bitches are so fun. but never forget, they belong on the SIDE.

Your mission is front and center

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And time, way too much time.

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

plate townis the easiest way to take your wife off a pedestal so you can view her for what she is - good or bad

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

agreed, it is also very effective for isolating the gaps in your own game from your wife-feelz. not that I am recommending this course of action to anybody. don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

DON'T EAT PAINT

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Iwth the combination of receive little no positive emotion form my wife in this process and the gorgious early twentys girls I have effortlessly hook up withm the feelz left a long time ago.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Do you think you over-dreaded her? And did she find out about your affairs? It would help a lot of guys calibrate their actions

[–]VengefullyY0urs[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dread in the situation is irrelevant because I didnt consciously try to dread. I simply built my own life and enjoyed doing what I wanted to to do. past step2-3 dread was not even in my vocabulary of thought.

She wont find out, and is oblivious. There is no reason she would dig either, and if she did, I covered my tracks pretty well. There was also a point in our relationship where she told me she didnt care what i did, as long as I left her alone, and i could always fall back on that.



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