706,399 posts

Been mostly BP for 15 years with wife. Have a 9 month old and she wants one more. I don't want to reward bad bad behavior. Can this still work after 15 years?

Reddit View
March 9, 2017
7 upvotes

Married 7 years. Together for 15.

Sex is starfish. If I don't initiate, there won't be any sex (until she wants a kid, when she suddenly rips my clothes off to fuck).

My job is solid, my body is solid (have always lifted hard, squat/dead/bench are strong, 6 pack, etc.

My wife wants another kid. Now. Once she got pregnant, we had sex 3 times during the pregnancy. We have had it four times since she had the baby nine months ago. All starfish except the last time, where I knew she was trying to butter me up for "I want another one."

What's my next move? Last time, I told her I wouldn't get her pregnant until she worked on her attitude toward sex. That ended up just prolonging things (three years) and I finally gave in. I'm not going to this time.


Post Information
Title Been mostly BP for 15 years with wife. Have a 9 month old and she wants one more. I don't want to reward bad bad behavior. Can this still work after 15 years?
Author pantsuitdespiser
Upvotes 7
Comments 34
Date 09 March 2017 06:14 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206435
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5ydhgd/been_mostly_bp_for_15_years_with_wife_have_a_9/
Similar Posts
Comments

[–]SepeanRed Beret17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

My job is solid

Irrelevant. It's a beta quality.

my body is solid (have always lifted hard, squat/dead/bench are strong, 6 pack, etc.

Good.

You're completely missing the most central traits that make you attractive: frame and game. Read the sidebar.

Last time, I told her I wouldn't get her pregnant until she worked on her attitude toward sex.

You can't negotiate desire. Read the sidebar, you'd know.

Can this still work after 15 years

Yes. It worked after 11 years for me. I went from worse than you (mostly getting rejected when initiating and my wife did the "disgusted starfish" when we rarely did have sex) to emailing her an instructional porn video to show her how I want her to spit and moan during BJs.

[–]elemenno0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

source?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

Two in diapers will be a mother fucker and you are right to stand your ground, however >>>> side bar- reading.

If you got a problem with starfish now, you are gonna have to fix you. Then it will be fixed

May I suggest - this for your reading/implementing pleasure ?

And, this

And then this

[–]username_malachi0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

SGM is listing from $149 at Amazon. What's with that? There were copies listed at over $400 on that list. Sheesh.

[–]rocknrollchuck4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

[–]username_malachi0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This is awesome! Thanks so much. I had a pdf of SGM and am nowhere near ready for it yet, but even more excited for this load of material.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're welcome. It's a real treasure trove, for sure!

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. It's ridiculous. I rarely advocate for book piracy but in the case of price gouging like that, know there are other means with which you can get the book in less than legal ways.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Bro, I normally check a person post history to see if they have previously posted, so I can get more of a background to understand the situation better. You only have 2 posts (I'm far from judging you by the way). You need to realize where you are though man.

You don't come to MRP and expect specific advice from people, if you don't better lay out the context of your relationship. My guess is you're not too understanding of the principles of this sub. The advice you'll get with the limited info you provided is sidebar and don't have the kid. If all you wanted was dudes to tell you not to knock her up, then job well done.

Do you want to have a better relationship? Do you like your wife? What sort of problems around the household have caused you to be where you are? Are you guys affectionate even though the pussy is lacking? How was the sex before the kids?

People can't gauge your scenario without knowing your shit. You can't become a better man without admitting you're shit. Sex will be the side effect no longer being shit.

Side note: I'm 100% for adultery. Provided it's done from a position of power and ownership. I'm guessing this isn't the case though is it...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, OP. This dovetails nicely as an add to what u/Sepean gave you. +1

Everybody is being really nice to you OP. You need to be more forthcoming or our will advice dry up faster than your wife.

[–]pantsuitdespiser[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Sex was never great. It was "good" 15 years ago and went to "fine." By 7-8 years ago it was bad. Starfish, me nagging for sex. I got to a point where I said fuck it, and saw how long it would take for her initiate. It went four months once.

I like her when she doesn't have an attitude problem, which honestly I never know what is coming. The smallest thing can set her off (me not cleaning the counter, not pushing in a chair at the dinner table, etc). It's not as if it happens every day, but it's enough to annoy me and just nip at me deeper and deeper.

I almost ended it before having the kid. I always wanted kids...and I (sadly) felt like since we were together for so long, I owed it to her to have a kid since she would have been in her 30s without one. But like I said, I passive aggressively didn't have kids in my 20s because of my girl's attitude about sex. When it never changed, I gave in.

I try to be affectionate but she usually says I'm just doing it for sex. We do pecks in the morning and before bed, but that's it.

I do feel like I am facing an uphill battle in terms of happiness/attitude. She has 3 older sisters. They are all miserable in their marriage. Surprise surprise, so is her mom.

Any more background let me know. Thanks all.

[–]weakandsensitive3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Jesus fucking christ.

The way you write makes me want to fucking puke.

Ton of I statements where somehow you're still the direct object of the sentence.

Fuck your victim ass mentality. I can see why she has no interest in fucking you. I doubt any other women would want to fuck your pathetic ass either. Frankly, I pity your wife for having had to deal with you for so long.

You act like a helpless cunt. Well, guess what - you are what you think you are. To answer your question, no, this shit will not work for you because you are a weak little bitch.

MRP folks - save your energy on this one. No reason to sink resources into a lost cause.

[–]pantsuitdespiser[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow I thought this forum was to help other people in similar situations. Save the fake tough guy talk. You're hiding behind a keyboard. I guarantee you that you're soft in real life and have never been punched in the face (or you have, but always got beaten up as a kid).

I get it, I need to improve my situation. But your post was zero help and encouraged others to not help either. For no reason.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Although u/weakandsensitive is probably right, I'll give you a shot.

Sex was never great

Not a good sign man. If the sex was never good, chances are not the greatest it ever will be

Starfish, me nagging for it

Those seeds of a weak ass baby about sex are very hard, maybe impossible to undo.

saw how long it would take for her to initiate

From now on you initiate when you want it and don't get butthurt like weak ass little bitch when you get denied.

I like her when she doesn't have an attitude problem

Her moods are a reflection of you as a leader of the family. Unfortunately you're a soft little bitch, so she treats you as such.

me not cleaning off the counter

I'm curious, what would your honest reaction be to this shit test? Or is this a legitimate concern of hers because you never clean up after yourself?

but its enough to annoy me

I'm sure the feeling is quite mutual

I owed it to have a kid since she would have been in her 30s without one

You can lie to yourself here if you want, but don't fuckin lie to us. You knocked her up in an attempt to shut her up and maybe have some sort of a positive effect on your sex life. Surprise, surprise, she is still and bitch and the sex still blows.

didn't have kids in my 20s because of my girl's attitude about sex

Your covert contract about child = sex is fuckin lame man. You should only have kids because you want to. Never any other reason.

When it never changed, I gave in

Of course you did. Spineless pussies always cave in to the pressure from mommy.

I try to be affectionate but she usually says I'm just doing it for sex. We do pecks in the morning and before bed, but that's it

Gee, I wonder why she only gives you starfish? I have a stronger emotional connection with the girl I hit on at the coffee shop.

I do feel like I'm facing an uphill battle

Fuckin right you are

She has 3 older sisters. They are all miserable in their marriage. Surprise surprise, so is her mom.

All 4 are probably married to mentally weak emotional tampons. I wonder why she picked you?

Listen man, you have so much work to do to save yourself. Nevermind the marriage, if you don't fix yourself and develop some frame, you'll spend your life banging randoms until she catches you and let's the courts dry fuck you. The good thing is for the first time in your life, you have put yourself in a situation to actually be happy.

So the question becomes, do you stay and do the work it takes to become the man you want to be? Or do you leave and forgot the time you almost took control and finally got what you wanted out of love and life? Choice is yours faggot.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The smallest thing can set her off

Because she needs a good dicking.

[–]Griever1142 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

First answer me this:

Do you want another kid? It sure as hell doesnt sound like you wanted your first one.

Sex life being fixed should be NON-NEGOTIABLE. In fact, i would say more kids is off the fucking table. In this case, you need to work on the sidebar (MMSLP, etc) if she is not responding to this, then she is only after your paycheck (snagged a provider, nothing more). From there you need to decide if she is adding value to you (especially with no sex).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, this.

And - if OP doesn't want another kid, that's the end of the matter. Whenever you have one spouse who wants a kid and the other does not, the issue must be resolved every time in favor of "doesn't want a kid". The spouse who does want another kid must then decide whether to stay or go.

Those are the only ways to resolve disagreements on whether to have kids.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly.

[–]pantsuitdespiser[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I do want another. I did want the first one.

I'll keep working on the sidebar. Somebody earlier mentioned it's possible...but I fear that after 15 years her habits will be hard to break, regardless of what I do. I'm going to try though.

[–]milkywayer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do not reward shitty behavior with another child. You may want one but if you give in, again, to this. You will NEVER get the wife you want

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

you don't want one? Then no

Regardless, that isn't your problem anyways, it's you holding onto the singular power-card in your arsenal, hoping you can leverage it into some kind of victory...

Sounds like you need more cards

[–]pantsuitdespiser[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I do want one. But I don't want one right now because our sex life has been shitty for years. Whether that's on me (let's say that it is), giving her a kid isn't going to be incentive for her to be more open about sex.

[–]2ndalRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last time, I told her I wouldn't get her pregnant until she worked on her attitude toward sex.

Nice little sex and affection contract you had with her. Notice how that worked out for you.

I don't want to reward bad behavior

Operating in her frame. Do you want another kid? Sounds like no. Don't make it about her. Make it about you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

If you want another kid for your own reasons go ahead and do it.

My wife is a total cunt but my kids have brought me amazing value and joy

[–]pantsuitdespiser[S] -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

I do want one more. But should I have it with her? Or do I give another woman a chance?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By the time I already had my 2 I felt like you so I can't answer that.

[–]InvincibleKraken0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get lost.

"I won't get you pregnant until you work on your attitude toward sex."

You don't have a clue. No idea why you posted. Read the sidebar.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you want another kid?

I was telling someone else the other day: Whenever you have one spouse who wants a kid and the other does not, it's always resolved in favor of "no kid". You do NOT bring a child into a marriage where one spouse doesn't want that child. Then the disappointed spouse who wants a kid must then decide whether to stay or go.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I got the big V about a year ago. We have two kids. It's enough for me. Wife originally freaked out once when she thought she was pregnant with the third. Kept saying, "you need to get the surgery." I waited about a year to make sure I was good with only two kids. Then, when I did set the appointment she was all, "well, I could probably have one more but you don't want to." Not really confrontational but it was classic female blame/responsibility shifting. If you don't want more, don't have more. Tell her and get snipped

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't care if you are Arnold Schwarznegger. What have you done since unplugging? Nothing else matters. You are measured by improvement, not by how you were when it was a dead bedroom.

You are an absolute fool if you put another baby in the belly of this sex denying woman.

However, a couple thoughts. First, "If I don't initiate, there won't be any sex" is NOT a problem. AWALT. Men have the burden of initiation. Second, "rips my clothes off to fuck" when she wants a baby in her belly. Again, AWALT so....TELLING her to "work on her attitude about sex" is useless. You must SHOW her. Instigate, Isolate, Escalate. Learn seduction. Use Dread Game.

I would not fuck her rawdog for AT LEAST two years of enthusiastic, responsive sex. She will do one of two things. She will cheat and cuckold you by telling you about how the condom broke. Or, she will "change her attitude about sex." Either way, it is something you must FORCE her to do, not something you can NEGOTIATE.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You could work really hard to turn things around, which may or may not work. The lack of sex can't be blamed on pregnancy, since you commented that it was bad for years beforehand. Usually guys come in where it used to be good. If it was bad before you even had kids...

If you would like to become a legend do the following: 1. Secretly get a vasectomy. Tell her you got hit in the nuts playing company softball to explain your discomfort. 2. Once you are sure you are shooting blanks agree to trying for another. 3. Enjoy the crazy sex. Seriously, you haven't seen a woman's top gear until she is thinking about getting pregnant. 4. Eventually she will get frustrated and things will go back to normal (shitty). That's when you spring the divorce plans (which you have diligently been preparing for during #3). 5. Find an upgraded model to spend your time with.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Better yet, eventually she will "find herself pregnant."

SHAZAM!



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter