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One week in MRP, I think I might have done this too much too soon. please advise

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February 28, 2017
7 upvotes

Updates: She called me this afternoon and said she wants to discuss things with me, I playfully teased her for 2 minutes and told her that I am meeting with friends, and she should call me later at night.

Later today, she called again and spoke for 15 minutes about how the only reason she was too much into our relationship and that she doesn't take care of herself.

She took an old history from her book, and tried to bargain with it : One month ago, while in LDR I told her that it is no longer acceptable to go out and drink unless it is with people I trust, she tried to make a fuss about it but finally agreed. Today she decided that it is time to renegotiate that deal, and said since she will be thinking more of her needs maybe she will start going out against my orders. I confronted her about it and asked clearly "Are you saying you will go out and drink without my approval" she said I will think about it and before I do anything I will let you know. I told her that if she does that its over...she shut down, literally, it felt as a if I unplugged a battery-less laptop.

After some shock processing she said that she knows she loves me and that she needs to think about all this and clear it up with herself, I eased the conversation into a more fun one, teased her for a bit; at the end of the convo she ended up by "I love you" to which I replied "me too" before hanging up.

Now as I am writing these lines, I have mixed feeling about it; I can't help but feel it is a small victory for me in my quest of regaining rein of this relationship, but I also know you guys are definitely gonna point out something I did wrong, so please tell me if I am DEER'ing or I am genuinely getting somewhere here.

Original Ppost Let's get straight to the point:

I am 26 M, typical bluepill and I have been in LTR for 3 years now (1.5 year living together) with a hot sweet girl. 6 months ago I got a generous offer from a reputable private equity firm 600 km away, and moved out. we decided to have a long distance relationship.

I have never read TRP (before last week) but I have been listening to youtube podcasts of a guy named "Coach Corey Wayn" who is preaching some of TRP materials, and it was, in part, thanks to him that I got my current gf.

It wasn't until this week that I realised I am in a "unhealthy" relationship as I am not really acting as a man: I am letting her make many decisions, I apologize to her just to end and argument, I fail her shit tests...as I said, typical bluepill.

On the other hand I am pretty focused on my career at the moment and, I think, that is maybe the only reason she is still with me as it helps me pass "some" shit tests, even if I am not aware of them.

Today was my first try at using what I learned in TRP:

Context: she is going to buy a car, 5 minutes before she met the salesman, I talked to her in the phone and told her to ask him about typical stuff such as technical inspection, intervention history of the car... She doesn't know shit about this stuff, asks anyway and didn't understand what the salesman threw at her. She ended up looking like a an unexperienced, unprepared and fake buyer.

She swarms out of the dealership, calls me and start bitching about how I didn't prep her for the sale, and finally blamed me for ever telling her to ask about the stuff.

My reaction: before I would just bear it, hang up and talk to her when she cools off. But today I didn't, I decided to test TRP.

I calmly asked her if she is angry with herself or me. She said she is angry with both and started bashing me again. Right then I stoped her, told her, angrily, that its no manner to talk to me, that its her fault if she wasn't prepared and that she is responsible for her actions. I let her know (quite aggressively - is that good?- ) that I will not hear anymore of her banter and if she wants to discuss this calmly we can, else I am not interested; she then tried to say something loudly and I hang up!

10 minutes go by and she calls me again, this time way calmer, she told me that she doesn't understand why I did what I did and that the way I reacted was violent. I said that I wasn't interested in discussing my reaction,but I will gladly discuss her inconsiderate action. She tries to reel from that subject and discuss my reaction but I didn't cave, then ended the conversation said bye and hang up!

The retaliation:I went to the gym, when I got back she had left a message saying "I feel this is the beginning of the end". Now I need to say that she never said anything like it, she never been manipulative and this was a first.

I got scared for a bit, but then rationalized that since this is the first time I react this way it is only normal to see some new things from her.I told her that she can call me if she wishes to discuss, she did.

Long story short, she acknowledged the fact that she has no right to talk to me like this, but she insisted that she did it because she was angry and that she can't always control her anger and that she expects me to be more understanding. I said that I will not tolerate any lack of respect whether intentional or not. She then said she wants to think about whether she can be with someone, with whom she should always be mindful of what she says and does.

I held frame (if that's what it is) and told her she should think about it and do what she think is good for her, as I ll be doing what is good for me; I then said good night and hang up.

So MRP please tell me:

Have I just lost my gf? Was my approach to TRP state of mind correct? if not what have I done wrong, and what is the right way to do it.

side question: about the part where I angrily and violently answered her, I read in TRP that I should never be (or at least show) anger. However, I don't see how I could've handled it differently, do you have any ideas??


Post Information
Title One week in MRP, I think I might have done this too much too soon. please advise
Author Alfre9D
Upvotes 7
Comments 44
Date 28 February 2017 06:51 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206475
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5wprmx/one_week_in_mrp_i_think_i_might_have_done_this/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
DEERframelong term relationshipLDRshit testthe red pillthe blue pill
Comments

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (6 children) | Copy

we decided to have a long distance relationship.

full stop. We don't do LDR's here. LDR is you giving your attention without anything in return.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

LDR is what we call an imaginary girlfriend.

[–]GC0W30Fat, needs discipline0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"She's in Canada. Don't try to find her!"

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

taxation without representation. wars have been started for this.

[–]SeamusAwl6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

She comes with or she goes away

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

too late for him. But maybe returns? I might even let her.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also to add to this, she's gone:

"I feel this is the beginning of the end"

/u/Alfre9D when they overty tell you they think they are leaving, they have already decided to leave!. Women only revert to covert communication when forced. She's probably been telling you for months in subtle ways.

Wish her luck, tell her good bye, and ghost her. Any further advice would be shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have I just lost my gf?

She was never yours, Neo.

edit:

she told me that she doesn't understand why I did what I did and that the way I reacted was violent.

about the part where I angrily and violently answered her

Red flag. You raising your voice on the phone is "violent"? Is she a feminist? This would very much concern me.

It also concerns me that your parroted what she said in your own words. You are so deep in her frame that her words are popping out your mouth.

[–]BobbyPeru9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You lost me as soon as you made the decision to argue with a woman.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

You can't let your woman's anger and temper and bitchiness affect you. My gf is super emotional and prone to bitching and acting bitchy. When I first started I was like you, I wanted to demand respect and to not be talked to like that, but that's almost like asking a fish not to swim.

Women are emotional, and that often comes out in frustrated bitchiness. I don't tolerate blatant and offensive disrespect, but I also understand that she is the most responsible child in the house and expecting her to be able to control her emotions and think and communicate as calmly and rationally as me just isn't fair.

I think you did the right thing in shutting down her disrespect of you, but you were wrong to get angry about it. Try treating her like a bratty kid. Chuckle and pet her head, use amused mastery and tease her a little. Don't take anything she says personally.

[–]Alfre9D[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

So you are saying I shouldn't demand respect as in asking for it, but rather act as if I already have it, and she will follow ??

what would be an example of correctly handling her disrespect in this case?

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

You can't negotiate desire and you can't negotiate respect. It's either there or it isn't. Asking for it will just make you sound like a bitch. You CAN tell her that you won't sit around while she talks disrespectfully to you, that part is ok. Just don't let her emotions and bitchiness make you upset or angry. You don't care if she respects you or not, you just won't sit around and be treated disrespectfully because you have better shit to do.

If I were you and my gf called me with those problems, at the first sign of disrespect I would have said something playful to piss her off. Tell her that her panties are in a bunch, that she should have enrolled in my 12 hour car buying and tantric sex seminar, or some other stupid funny shit. When she gets angrier, tell her she's cute when she's angry and try to have a normal conversation. If she is still bitching at you, tell her that she's being too bitchy and you'll talk to her about it in person when you see her later. I'd probably throw in a comment about how I'm going to spank her later for giving me attitude like that.

If you let her get you angry, is tells her that you don't truly understand the nature of women. She knows she is emotionally immature and childish, and she wants a man who A) won't tolerate it, and B) won't get all pissy and get his panties in a bunch if she throws a little attitude his way. Be the bigger man she wants you to be and rise above.

[–]Alfre9D[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Clear, sound and to the point. I got what I needed thanks man

[–]AmericanViking641 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She knows she is emotionally immature and childish, and she wants a man who A) won't tolerate it, and B) won't get all pissy and get his panties in a bunch if she throws a little attitude his way. Be the bigger man she wants you to be and rise above.

I've recently began "passing" frame tests and I was astonished when I found not only this to be true, but it gives them something to get wet about.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Who the fuck are you to demand anything? You can't demand fucking anything, best bet is you command respect...

And I guarantee you aren't there yet. you don't even have a frame, let alone respect

[–]SexistFlyingPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've been lied to your whole life. Your girlfriend doesn't want an equal partner. She wants someone who is stronger, better, faster and more knowledgeable than she is. When her emotions roll up and down like a rollercoaster, your should be solid as a rock. When she says she's mad at you, don't worry about it.

Her: "I'm mad at you for what you told me about the car dealership. blah blah blah"
You: "Okay." Her: "That's it? Just 'Okay'? That's all you're going to say?"
You: "Yep. Time for me to go to the gym. Then I have dinner, some work and then sleep. Talk to you tomorrow." <click>

Then ignore her for a day. Let her hamster run. Let her mind overthink the whole problem and she will eventually come around to realizing that her shitty behavior has driven you away. She behaves badly and you withdraw your attention. She behaves badly and there's no relationship. Trust me when I say that this is the absolutely worst possible outcome for her: that you simply disappear.

When she send you 100 texts screaming at you, you can respond to the 100th one with a simple, "Are you done now?" If she's not, let her go on for another 100 and try again. Be the adult.

Don't wrestle in the mud with pigs. You'll get dirty and the pigs LOVE it. Don't argue with your girlfriend about stupid crap. You'll lower yourself to her level and she'll LOVE it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have I just lost my gf?

probably (who cares, she wasn't yours anyhow)

Was my approach to TRP state of mind correct?

not really. You poked your know-it-all nose in but didn't finish the job. If you had to be the hero and show her how to buy the car, you should have been available by phone if she had questions. You created a dependency situation and then abandoned the person. Shit move. Next time just let her buy whatever car, however she wants.

However, I don't see how I could've handled it differently, do you have any ideas??

Let's see. If she gets ripped off because you weren't involved and you live in different cities...where exactly is your downside?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ok, fine, look :

she insisted that she did it because she was angry and that she can't always control her anger and that she expects me to be more understanding. I said that I will not tolerate any lack of respect whether intentional or not. She then said she wants to think about whether she can be with someone, with whom she should always be mindful of what she says and does. I held frame (if that's what it is) and told her she should think about it and do what she think is good for her, as I ll be doing what is good for me; I then said good night and hang up.

What happened was she fucked up. Then made an excuse about why that is ok for her. Then she told you that due to HER fuckup, she will decide if you are good enough for her.

THAT is having frame.

Your answer should have been :

"Who do you think you are talking to?"

Click.

She shows up at your house, blows you, makes you dinner, then blows you again... THAT is how she can get to be your GF.

Otherwise, its her way.. and you just gave her the excuse she needs to tell herself you weren't good enough for her anyway.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, see /u/humansockpuppet and his bitch management guide to see the depth in curves statement

[–]mrpthrowa3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen, if mrp was mounteneering then you're still in the Mariana trench trying to climb naked.

End this relationship and start some serious reading.

You need monk mode. 2 months minimum.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

1) She's a GF man. You have no legal paperwork. You care WAYYYY too much about "losing her" vs "being free."

2) You're going wayyyy too fast. Dude. I did that too. Watched BluePillProf's podcasts and said "that's disrespectful!", "try again!" and, afer more disrespect, took off for a couple hours. Dumb-dumb-dumb.

Like she's going to suddenly respect a low-value bluepill man because he gets butthurt. hahah. That's still failing.

Read the 12 levels of dred. Try one per month. At two weeks in, the strongest message you should be giving is declining compliance tests.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to decide what you want out of life. A woman who doesn't disrespect you from across the country?

You can learn to maintain frame and deflect shit tests by reading the sidebar. You lack abundance mentality because you put yourself in a stupid situation (LDR) because you have oneitis. She may be a great girl and all, but believe me-- do not stay with a chick just because she's hot.

Sure, you can put up with her shit-- but why?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

we decided to have a long distance relationship.

What scurvemuch said, plus:

No you don't have a "relationship". All you have is "long distance".

You "lost" your GF when you moved away.

End this thing now. Put it out of its misery. Tell her it's not going to work out, your mind's made up, it's not going to change. You're done. End it now and move on.

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read the Rational Male, downgrade your GF to a fuck buddy when she travels to you only, lift, work on game, spin plates.

Welcome, and be glad you found this before you married her or knocked her up.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Either youre devil may care, or not. Make up your mind and quit bullshitting yourself

[–]Alfre9D[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

fair enough. Post edited.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't care if you edit it. I'm calling you out for incongruence. you're acting as if losing a GF is the end of the world, she's just a chick, and you're validation seeking behaviour is not beneficial.

IT's said in almost all these threads, sidebar readings, they put it better than I can in a single post

[–]Soberskipper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I've never read TRP before last week"...well what the fuck are you doing wasting people's time asking stupidly retarded questions here then. 1. Lift 2. Read all of the sidebar (books included). Thats where your answers lie and you know it. 3. Stop been a lazy fuck and put some work in before you start posting. The answers are there for you to find yourself.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, this is married red pill. Ditch the bitch and find another one while you still can. You are nowhere near even reaching your peak SMV. Learn game, fuck tons of other chicks, and then you will be ready to settle down with the pick of the litter when you are in your mid 30's. Don't make the same mistake the rest of us have done here.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not pro marriage, anti divorce-rape

[–]zeteomegaleio2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

So... you prep your woman on one of the biggest purchases a person can make by giving her a 5-minute crash course when "she doesn't know shit about this stuff"?

Exactly how are you leading her in this scenario and setting her up for success? She was correct that you didn't prep her for the sale. She was looking to you for guidance/leadership and you failed her here.

You could have discussed this and provided her with a list well before she went to the dealership (either verbally so she could write down notes or send her some typed up questions via email) or she could have put you on the phone with the guy who could have answered your questions directly.

She was clearly not going to be able to formulate solid follow-up questions and get the right information from the guy coming in with no experience/idea of what she was talking about and your bullshit 5 minute call.

And then you turn it on her for not being a solid captain? You're on the same fucking team, idiot. She's not the fucking enemy, she's a woman being upset because she let everyone down due to your shoddy leadership.

What you can do is say "You're right. I did not prepare you well in 5 minutes. So later tonight let's talk a little longer and you can jot down some notes and key questions to ask so that you can get me the answers he gives. If you're unsure at the dealership, don't freak out, just get me on the phone with the guy. No big deal!" You take more ownership with some confidence and lead your woman through this major purchase.

[–]Alfre9D[S] -3 points-2 points  (5 children) | Copy

I presented just an arc of that story, if you knew the whole thing you would understand.

Anyway, I think you are focusing on a the wrong matter, valid matter, but wrong matter.

This is about me applying MRP too much to soon and not knowing how to handle the results.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

You're missing the entire point, and DEER'ing.

[–]Alfre9D[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

please explain

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Reread the post from zeteo above.

Also, LDR = no relationship.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

while Zet isnt wrong, he is treating it like an actual relationship that matters. Its an LDR, not LTR, not marriage.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This was just you practicing having a spine. Now you have a glimmer of what that feels like, you are losing if you are in a LDR. She might as well be a plate now.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No one is talking about it but YOU fucked up with the car thing. She had this all figured out...at least enough so that she's seeing a salesman about a buy. Then you come in and direct her to talk about some shit she doesn't understand. Do you know how many times I've seen others or myself been on the receiving end of a task dropped on my lap that I do not understand and it's go time NOW. It pisses me off to no end. No wonder she got pissed.

Either let her do her thing and buy her car...or take control, go with her, and handle it. This shit where you snipe in and unleash unknowns and stress to her and then fade into the background is weak. You left her high and dry.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She called me this afternoon and said she wants to discuss things with me, I playfully teased her for 2 minutes and told her that I am meeting with friends, and she should call me later at night.

You walked right into that one. This isn't a conversation, this is getting into power plays, your spidey senses were not tingling, at all?

Also, you didn't RP anything. you tried to mate-guard and be in control I wager she ranted about what an asshole you were to some dude, and they have a great connection from it. Good job, next time offer to put his dick in directly, save the dancing.

You didn't lose it, it was never yours. as soon as you went LDR, it was over, you just didn't know it yet.


I do notice, when guys with GF's come here, instead of TRP, it's usually because they figure, a bunch of guys who are in LTR's and married will offer some kind of blue pill tempered relationship perspective, and tell them what they want to hear.

Don't kid yourself, TRP isn't a cudgel to throw at lifes problems, it's a way of learning from the mistakes and successes of other men. You most certainly did not try TRP, in the week that you've had, I'm surprised you've learned anything, and you're still making obvious mistakes with your mindset, strategy, and other actions.

as a wise man once said, thats all you get.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your entire approach to this is wrong.

First off, a relationship when you're 26 is one where you exchange your time, attention and money for sex. A long distance relationship is one where you exchange your time, attention and money for ... not a goddamn thing.

Why the fuck are you in this relationship?

That's the first problem. You should just focus on your career and take all the time you would have spent talking to your friend-without-benefits and go to the gym instead.

That's the big-picture problem. The little picture problem: buying a car isn't a 5 minute prep task. You're going to be spending hundred or thousands of hours worth of your labor for this material possession. You should probably invest a couple of hours into the process. So when she says she's 5 minutes away from the dealership, and what questions should she ask, you should tell her to turn around and go home. This isn't a 5 minute-try-to-remember-what-I-just-told-you conversation. It's a conversation about ideas and theories and incentives and emotions.

But really, you shouldn't be training her on how to buy a car. You should either do it yourself or let her do it. Who is paying for the car? If it's you, you should buy it, unless you consider a car to be a gift and you don't care about the money involved. (I'd like to point out that for the price of a reasonable car ($36,500) you could have a different $100 hooker come to your apartment and blow you every single day for a year. Or you could have your girlfriend not have sex with you and live 600km away).

You didn't lose your girlfriend because you didn't have a girlfriend. You had a leech who wanted you to treat her like a spoiled princess.

Go to the gym. Lift. Work on your career. When you're fit and confident, women will drastically change their behavior towards you.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In reply to your update: "Honey, you can go out drinking with your friends if you want. You can do whatever you want. I will too."

There's a really good story about a girl who is going to go on vacation for a couple of months in Europe. She wants to be able to 'fully experience the trip' and tells her boyfriend that she wants to have an open relationship so that if something happens on the trip with her, it won't be cheating. Her boyfriend says 'okay'. A couple of weeks in to the trip, the girl isn't really having this hordes of super hot guys competing for her attention like she wanted. She gets an email from the lady who lives across the hall from the apartment she shares with her boyfriend telling her that another girl has been coming over and spending the night a lot. The girl freaks out and desperately tries to get her boyfriend back.

Your girlfriend can do whatever she wants to do. So can you. Your sexual marketplace value (your SMV) is going up and will continue to do so as long as you take care of yourself and your career continues to develop. Her best years are already behind her. She will never be as hot as she is right now. Time is on your side.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she decided that it is time to renegotiate that deal, and said since she will be thinking more of her needs maybe she will start going out against my orders.

Dude, you staggered right into just about the most treacherous possible mine field the mind could imagine.

And negotiating that while in a LDR? You have got to be kidding.

Counselor, I was arrested with the knife in my hand, covered in the victims blood, and the videotape shows me repeatedly stabbing her.

Help me MRP, what should I tell the police?

I guess I would tell her that you expect her to remain exclusive with you and drop it. She has every right to look after herself more and if this was a wife I would say you should support her in this. As a girlfriend? I would be supportive but would begin looking for additional plates to spin. This is war, and...all warfare is deception.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Also, Red Pill 'tactics' don't work for an LDR. If you try Dread Game with an LDR she will usually cheat. If you are not physically present to provide comfort it is going to shit quick. I thought that was obvious.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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