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Liar wife equals cheater wife?

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February 21, 2017
7 upvotes

Three months redpill aware. Came here due to dead bedroom problem. I've lost 17 pounds, I am way more fit, read WISNIFG, NMMNG, MMSLP, The Rational Male, Book ok Pook, The Game. I've got rid of covert contracts, learned A&A, and all of that did a great deal of benefit for me and my marriage, thank you.

Sex frequency increased, but not on ideal terms for me. I get 2~3 times a week now, versus 2~3 times a month before.

My wife lied to me on some important stuff to me and keeps on lying. I have no proof that she is cheating at all, and yet it bounces my head. I can't know for sure, but I would like to know what you guys would do. Right now I am seriously considering ejecting this marriage. Here is what happened:

Five months ago wife was noticed that she was going to a 10 days job meeting on another country. That's something that happens once every year.

I told her that I was going too, taking our daughter with us and staying in the same hotel as her, in the period of her meeting. She didn't like the idea, no way. She has put a lot of different reasons why I shouldn't go. She said I should go after the meeting was over only, and not while it was happening.

I then said I was going 4 days before the end of the meeting, and staying one week after that. She disliked the idea. What if the kid got sick? I won't have time for you. I will be locked inside the hotel. Nobody is bringing the family, only after the meeting is over. I argued that I would pay for medical insurance; I would see her after 6pm, when her daily meeting is over; that after 6pm she is free. I said I couldn't believe that nobody was bringing family during the meeting, but I took that argument. She got angry at a certain point and said for me to go then, but it would suck big time. Jesus, I wanted to do something nice and cool and she clearly didn't like the idea. I decided that I would stay at home with the kid.

Three days ago was her travel day. I took her to the airport and her male colleague was telling everybody that his family was going to meet him there, 3 days before the end of the meeting and staying a week more after that. Pretty much my plan, which she declined.

She started making excuses again, telling that it was expensive, we didn't have the time. I have refuted all her excuses, then she said: Why didn't you decide to go? I told you could go! My wish at that point was to smash her head. I went home. I felt bad about that.

During these days she is texting me, saying she loves me, that the meeting looks like a prison, that she can't do anything.

Well, Facebook doesn't lie. Her colleagues (and her, of course) had a day off, went to another city. The opening party was huge. Dance music, laser effects, smoke machine, stage with Dj performances, open bar. I saw videos on Facebook about all of that.

Today she videocalls me. I ask about the meeting. She said it was boring. I asked about the opening. She said it was a minor thing, just a simple thing.

So, my friends, she lied using false excuses for me not to go, and is lying about the entertainment that happens between meetings. I am pissed.

Either she is faking the size of the party so that I don't get pissed, or she is hiding the fact that it is easy as hell to cheat on such a meeting. And also, she lied for me not to go there. I am seriously considering to eject. Please give me your impressions.


Post Information
Title Liar wife equals cheater wife?
Author BrazilRedPill
Upvotes 7
Comments 38
Date 21 February 2017 03:47 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206491
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5v9dr7/liar_wife_equals_cheater_wife/
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Comments

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy

Standard fare from a woman who isn't attracted to you. Not to mention she knows you don't really have a spine to just do what you want despite her protests. You just kept trying to logic your way around things.

Read the sidebar. Adjust your physical body to something more attractive and rewire those neural pathways so you can become a playful but dominant man.

Is she cheating? Who knows. She could be OR she just thinks you're too much of a puss to take along on a cool trip.

[–]Aaren_Augustine5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's like seeing a UFO and automatically going to aliens from outer space rather than more obvious answers first.

If I remember correctly, Athol Kay said something about women keeping themselves open to the possibility of a more dominant cock. So they'll do everything they can to avoid even her husbands dick in or around her pussy if he's beta.

It could or it couldn't be that she's cheating. OP still needs to be far more dominant with his mindset. But if she's not a total piece of shit, its fair to start with she's just embarrassed to be seen in public with OP. And given his behavior, he's probably too much of a hassle to spend time with. i.e. he's a drain rather than a oak

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The one thing that helps guys in this, when they let themselves go, she usually will too. And a frumpy mom of 3 isn't the first choice of Chad...

[–]SeamusAwl1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I remember correctly, Athol Kay said something about women keeping themselves open to the possibility of a more dominant cock. So they'll do everything they can to avoid even her husbands dick in or around her pussy if he's beta.

Yes around ovulation time. If they must perform a sex act, they will switch to just BJs or handjobs to avoid any pregnancies with the beta. And if she has a chad, she will find some way of meeting him around that time as well.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just a quick observation that the camps are pretty divided on this. One camp is feeding OP's fears, and the other camp is saying to focus on self improvement and everything will be awesome either way.

The top comments (upvotes) are with the camp saying to focus on self improvement because worrying is a waste of time and energy. She's going to do what she's going to do, and mate guarding may push her in that direction if she has any inclination in that direction.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I then said I was going 4 days before the end of the meeting, and staying one week after that. She disliked the idea. *What if the kid got sick? I won't have time for you. I will be locked inside the hotel. Nobody is bringing the family, only after the meeting is over. * I argued that I would pay for medical insurance; I would see her after 6pm, when her daily meeting is over; that after 6pm she is free. I said I couldn't believe that nobody was bringing family during the meeting, but I took that argument. She got angry at a certain point and said for me to go then, but it would suck big time. Jesus, I wanted to do something nice and cool and she clearly didn't like the idea. I decided that I would stay at home with the kid.

Sounds like a woman relishing the opportunity to get away from an unattractive man child filled with insecurities while managing to be overbearing at the same time.

Three days ago was her travel day. I took her to the airport and her male colleague was telling everybody that his family was going to meet him there, 3 days before the end of the meeting and staying a week more after that. Pretty much my plan, which she declined.

She started making excuses again, telling that it was expensive, we didn't have the time. I have refuted all her excuses, then she said: Why didn't you decide to go? I told you could go! My wish at that point was to smash her head. I went home. I felt bad about that.

And here's the confirmation. Mommy didn't give permission so baby didn't make the plans.

The difference between the male colleague and OP is that male college decided on something and made it happen. OP asked mommy to come up with a plan and is now having a pout fest and shifting blame.

Well, Facebook doesn't lie. Her colleagues (and her, of course) had a day off, went to another city. The opening party was huge. Dance music, laser effects, smoke machine, stage with Dj performances, open bar. I saw videos on Facebook about all of that. Today she videocalls me. I ask about the meeting. She said it was boring. I asked about the opening. She said it was a minor thing, just a simple thing. So, my friends, she lied using false excuses for me not to go, and is lying about the entertainment that happens between meetings. I am pissed. Either she is faking the size of the party so that I don't get pissed, or she is hiding the fact that it is easy as hell to cheat on such a meeting. And also, she lied for me not to go there. I am seriously considering to eject. Please give me your impressions.

And here's the salt.

[–]KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not only is she not attracted to OP, she is actively and deceitfully seeking opportunities to cheat.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you ever attending this kind of internal conference? I have. The focus is usually on team building during the event and after hours, i.e. your wife is very likely expected to go get drinks with her colleagues after the daily meetings. Knowing your spouse and kid are in the same hotel would be pretty awkward if you're put in a position where you can't really spend time with them. I really don't care what her male coworker does since you aren't married to him.

All you've demonstrated is how insecure you are.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah...you need to go back and read that shit again. Maybe even take your time.

You don't have proof she's cheating but you think she is right? Right? I mean otherwise you wouldn't have come here, spilled out that bullshit. Either that or your pissed she's out having some fun and you're stuck with the kids....and home.

You are way too worried about her. If she cheats she cheats. Nothing you can do about it, but except what you SHOULD have been from the beginning....be a fucking awesome guy.

She's lying because you are making a big deal out of it. If she goes out so what? She enjoys a work party? So what? Offices have parties all the time. Some for families others just employees. It, in itself, is not a conspiracy. Tell her have a great time. Girl's weekends? Sure go ahead. It's nothing to me because I know I am awesome and if there is a Chad out there better then...well...I need to meet him because I got some shit to learn. Most guys here will warn you that she's after Chad's cock. Again. So what? You should be able to replace her in a week.

Through your actions these are the messages you send her. Some women need it spelled out. Like taking a 10 week vacation with the girls. Myself I am not concerned with a 3 day weekend or some shit. I do it. She should have that chance too. Now...a true week or 2 week vacation is a whole other thing.

Just be ready to push the button once you find out she's banging guys all over and you make her remember that by being an awesome guy. But we know this right?

I feel that some RP men worry about their women cheating like kids worry about the boogie man. As RP men we know what to do to hedge against it and to deal with it once it happens. So do that.

We all want to have fun. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with our partner. But we do. Men are encouraged to do it here. So what are you doing? What are you doing to SHOW her the behavior you find unacceptable? I will tell you the more you whine, get angry, demanding the more she is going to do it. When faced with someone who is just an angry ass most folks will do just enough of what they want so that they don't get into trouble. What she is doing now is slowly figuring out what and how much she can get away with. Likely already has done so.

My impression? You're seriously in her frame. You have nothing of yourself here. You need to get to work, bub.

[–]BobbyPeru4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's not necessarily cheating, but she clearly didn't want you on the trip. Keep doing the work - make yourself attractive.

I'm going to be straight up - you screwed up by mate guarding, but most of us have done this at some point in our journey. Your best move is to never bring it up, and have a DGAF attitude next time.

If You're being brutally honest with yourself, would you say that you wanted to go because you really wanted to check up on her? Brutal honesty.

[–]rp_findingmyway7 points8 points  (6 children) | Copy

You gotta let this go, develop some OI and DGAF and move on. If you somehow find out your wife has cheated, you draw up papers, discuss nothing beyond logistics and move the hell on.

For background, my wife travels a lot (she's mid-40's, outranks me SMV-wise if I'm being honest). She's out of town every two or three months for business for 4 or 5 day stretches at a time. She goes back to the city we moved from a year ago to see her old girlfriends. I set some boundaries, but are they honored? I can't be completely sure, but she's a good wife, bedroom is in great shape and a loving mother so I don't sweat it anymore. She's going out of town for 4 nights with some older friends (50's/60's) to visit museums and I'm sure late nights drinking and dancing. Will she fall on a dick? Doubt it. But if she does, I'm taking my newly-buff body to a girl 10 years younger than her and thanking my wife for giving me the best 20 years of her life. No tears. Just DGAF and moving on.

[–]LymanRP3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Will she fall on a dick? Doubt it. But if she does, I'm taking my newly-buff body to a girl 10 years younger than her and thanking my wife for giving me the best 20 years of her life. No tears. Just DGAF and moving on.

This is the right attitude to have. No amount of worrying, hamstering or mate guarding will prevent your girl from cheating. Your only defense is to be the most dominant and attractive man you can be.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Took me a long time to reach this mindset myself. No better way to kill the reek of desperation than to develop a solid frame of OI and DNGAF. No better way to drive her into falling on some strange dick than to come across as needy, paranoid and afraid.

[–]LymanRP0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Took me a long time to reach this mindset myself

Ditto. It's tough to get to, especially in a LTR/marriage environment. I used to always harbor some sort of insecurity/fear that my LTR (now wife) would cheat on me. It took a lot of self improvement and TRP work to finally get to the point of OI.

What was the turning point for you?

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

The day when I finally realized that all the insecurities were nothing but fear based. Killing that fear was the turning point to OI and DNGAF for me.

Ultimately what is there to fear? If she isn't cheating, you enjoy your time together, live in the moment, and have a great life for as long as it lasts.

If she is cheating, you enjoy your life together, live in the moment , when you find out you move on to someone else that makes you happy.

Coming to the realization that the fear does nothing but remove your ability to enjoy the present for what it is was instrumental for me. There's absolutely no point in worrying about all the "what if's" as they are 100% beyond your control.

What is within your control is your thoughts, actions and ability to improve yourself. Worry about being the best version of yourself everyday. If that's not enough to keep her from straying then so be it. As the saying goes, "she's not yours, it's only your turn".

In the meanwhile enjoy the ride while it lasts.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I upvoted your comment, but this little part was BP:

move on to someone else that makes you happy.

Only you can make you happy

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're correct, better wording would be "someone else you are happy to be with". I caught it myself after submitting it, but chose not to edit it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

as others have pointed out, you are deep in her frame.

But let's get specific about what I mean by frame.

At this point, she is able to control you with her emotions. She doesn't want you to do X, so she can get MAAAD at you and you'll back down. This will lead to creeping disrespect.

What she seecritly wants you to do is what you think is right.

Of course, you're coming from the hole. So you'll probably want to start your assertions small.

Being aware of being in her frame is the first step to getting out of it.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

So far most everyone else here had nailed it. Do you have any other proof she is cheating? Any solid evidence? Because while this behavior is certainly consistent with a cheating woman, it's also consistent with a plain, boring, homebody who just wants to get done with a stupid business trip. My wife would absolutely describe a function like this as boring because she has no interest in loud parties, dancing, clubs, etc... and the last thing she wants to do is go through the hassle of international travel for work. She just wants to clock her time at the office and go home.

So yes, she could be cheating and lying, or she could be telling the truth. We don't know. The only thing we do know is that you completely fucked this one up. Bravo...

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I asked her for permission, she said no, now I'm butthurt. I then saw her having fun without me.

Cheating isn't the issue, that will be reconciled once you find another girl who will touch your dick, keep lifting. Right now, I see mommy saying no to a child, who is having a simultaneous temper tantrum, and insecure mate-guarding behaviours.

Assume she did, assume you will find out, and assume it's over, you're waiting to get your shit in order first. Now what?

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is nothing good that comes out of mate guarding and arguing about this.

I think you should have made a decision to go or not, then talk to her about it, and ignore any nonsense she says.

About the suspicion of lying, create some distance. You've asked, now go (happy frame) STFU, and give yourself some time to assess the situation - to verify. In the mean time, this will let her hamster go to work for you, and it looks like it already is.

Don't let the paranoia visibly get to you. Trust, but verify, don't show your cards with mate guarding and visible paranoia. that's unattractive.

Also don't confuse her view of a situation with "lying". If it is her view that the function is boring and others don't bring their families that may well be true in her mind. Solipsism, and female reasoning. They don't think, they feel, and you pressing the issue on verifying her "facts" may be putting strain on her because you're forcing your rational outsider view of a situation on her feelings and that confuses her big time.

I found that this sub (rightfully or wrongly) ups my paranoia about cheating big big time - what with the wild stories about cheating that crop up here. I happen to have all access to my wife's FB/google search history/emails (she doesn't know) so I get a very unique "insider view" info her mind. Time and time again I found her way too scared and inept to even contemplate the possibility of 1 on 1 contact with the opposite sex.

By the way this "unique access" into her mind is way too much fun. So much confirmation of everything TRP teaches about female psychology.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yo, the fact of the matter is you are not attractive enough.

It's ok, I understand, we all do. Chill and work on your MAP. Read up and get to not giving ten fucks.

It gets better, it really does

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I have to stop visiting MRP, keeps getting my blood pressure up...

She may not be cheating, but there is definitely the reality that she wants time away to party. Lying is a bad sign. Claiming that the meetings are boring when there were in-fact no meetings is a major red flag. I think you are within a reasonable doubt of her fidelity if not her respect for you. I would not blow things up quite yet, but instead start preparing for a split (follow the advise available on here) and start doing research to find as much truth as possible.

From there, if you feel it is go time, then make it happen. Confronting her will not do you much good, without proof all you get is an argument with no resolution. You already know she lies, her trying to shame you about confronting her won't change or help the situation.

If you think that you want to give her a second chance I would still prepare for the split, both mentally and logistically, then sit her down, tell her to shut her mouth and listen, and give her a list of your issues with her behavior. It is important not to come off as mate guarding (where you are being a big pussy begging her not to cheat). You are telling her that your train is leaving the station with or without her, but to get on she needs to pay the price. If it were me it would be something like this:

"I don't give two fucks about whatever you may or may not have done on your meetings. You deliberately lied and were clearly focused on keeping me out of the loop on whatever you were doing. That is not how my wife behaves. We are done. The divorce is in-progress, the papers are in this envelope ready to be signed, that is that. Further business, I now have an opening for the job of wife, if you are interested I can consider you. Just know that your past history is not good. The job entails etc. etc. etc., do you think you can do this?" You are not here to negotiate, if she wants to argue you sign your part of the divorce papers, drop it on the table and leave. When you return again she will either be on board with what you need her to be or not. You DNGAF either way.

[–]SexistFlyingPig4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

She's having an affair.

What's your question?

[–]chief_slap_ahoe2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Or at the very least looking for strange

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Occam's razor says that the simplest explanation is almost always the right explanation.

Yes, it could be that she thought it would be awkward to have family around if nobody else was doing it. It could be that she found the opening ceremony uninteresting and all the meetings boring. All of this could be true. It could also be true that the evidence found on facebook that the opening ceremony was VERY cool and all the stuff that's happening is tons of fun is all an elaborate lie.

Or, it could be that his wife is cheating on him with someone at work. She isn't attracted to /u/BrazilRedPill any more, and is trying to secure the branch that she's going to swing to when her divorce gets finalized. Dollars to pennies says that person is above her pay grade at the company. If her boss isn't willing to commit to her, then she will sue him for sexual discrimination when her current husband kicks her to the curb.

Regardless, he should implement the ideas in the sidebar to improve his life. This marriage is probably over and he needs to be thinking about his future.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Making herself available

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I misread your statement as "Or at the very least [it looks strange]"

Yes, "She might not be actively having an affair, but she wants to" could be an explanation, but the possibility isn't as likely as that she's currently pursuing her next relationship with her boss.

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

/thread.

next question?

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well basically your failure was in asking her. Had you wanted to go on the trip as you stated at the start, you do it and DGAF about what she says. This is pussy shit. Men don't ask, they do. What's the worst that could have happened? She gets mad at you?

The real problem here is the fact she didn't want you to go and gave every excuse possible. She probably wants to be able to catch some stray if the opportunity arises. Especially now that you displayed serious mate guarding/insecurity/beta bitch traits. What's done is done man. What matters now is where you go from here.

You shouldn't nuke it over this. The way you handled it shows you complete lack of frame. It wreaked of beta pussy. If you leave her before internalizing the material of the community, you'll definitely make the same mistakes next time. Look at her as a training course with the slight possibility of fixing.

As for what to do now. Don't feed the insecurity/jealousy dragon for a second. The most important thing you can do is be awesome. Take your daughter away for a few nights yourself. Make sure you guys kill it when you're gone. Don't post it on FB though. (FB is for fags anyway) Keep the contact to your wife at a minimum. Only enough to not seem but hurt. If she starts hammering you with shit test via text, even better. This is a prime time to start the "does he even need me" thought in her brain.

When she returns, accept the fact she may have fucked someone else and you'll never know. From here on out, her feelz don't mean shit to a man with frame. It's essential you show a DGAF attitude about her trip while simultaneously not bragging about how awesome your trip was with your girl. Being as solopsistic as she sounds to be, this will eat her alive.

Time to be a fuckin man and stop being a fuckin pussy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. good advice. You don't say "I'd like to go on the trip, can I please come with you?" You say "I am coming with you on the trip with our kid and these are the dates we'll be there with you".

and it's not "we'll stay at the same hotel". It's "we'll all stay together in the same room". Married couples do not get separate hotel rooms. Married couples stay together in the same room.

On something like this you do not ask. You tell. You direct. You decide and then you do.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She's embarrassed of you and doesn't want to lower her value with her colleagues by being seen with you. You don't complete her, you defeat her.

Also, she's probably fucked her way to her position and expects to keep "rising" in her career. You'd derail that too.

[–]mabden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She didn't like the idea,

She has no attraction for you. Any women/wife that has any attraction for you would do everything she can to spend time with you, especially trips away from home.

it would suck big time

She is threatening that; if you go, then you will regret it.

She started making excuses again

damage control now that you know she is lying

she is texting me, saying she loves me,

patronizing you with the bare minimum she feels is required

She said it was a minor thing

She thinks you are stupid and has zero respect for you.

she is hiding the fact that it is easy as hell to cheat on such a meeting

What's to hide?

I am seriously considering to eject

Make sure you have a good parachute so you land on your feet and not on your back.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

God

Get the fuck out of her frame

Stop being unnatractive

Yeah, shes giving shitty excuses. Yes, shes gaslighting. Yeah, she might cheat. She might not. Stop listening to the shit she says, its just babble. Stop taking her so seriously.

You are so scared she might cheat! What if she does, then your life is over? Oh god, she screwed your life! Its all her fault! If she wants to cheat she will cheat, and you cant stop that. You build an awesome life, be awesome and she should be thankful to be part of your life. Not the other way around.

[–]Aswad44-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"When the river sounds, it's because water flows". If she only cheated with this trip, I do not think she cheated, I think more on get some time for her. If I were you, I 'll talk to her as she cheated, in fact her behaviour was a person who wanted to cheat. Hear her answers and decide from there.

[–]BrazilRedPill[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I realize I must agree: I am deep on her frame, I need to have a stronger frame. Wife is still out and only returning next week.

Thanks a lot for your inputs. I didn't answer before because this seems to be pretty controversial; I got all kinds of answers, ranging from "she is certainly cheating" to "this is her response for your unattractiveness, mate guarding, insecurity and you are deep in her frame" so I had to take a time and try to figure out myself. Since I can't know for sure, I went on DNGAF posture and decided to get out of her frame.

Here is what I did: I didn't message, call, or have brought the subject with her for a whole day. I am going to a very cool carnaval samba party saturday with my kid and my friends.

She messages and calls me, says she wanna go the party too when she comes back (it's a several days party). She says it was an awesome idea, sends me nudes, says she loves me, sent me a video showing that the meeting went on until 8pm local time, says that she is missing me.

All I did was DNGAF about her and stayed out of her frame.

I am not satisfied, there were lies and that shit is intolerable, but without a doubt, I must focus on getting out of her frame and DNGAF, for me and for my future with her or another bitch.



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