Do you guys even miss your LTR/Wife when you're apart? How do you deal with LTR neediness?

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February 9, 2017

I go interstate for work about once a month for 2-4 days at a time. I don't really msg or call my wife (4 years together) that much but we do FaceTime with our daughter (2yo) after the day's work is done.

She asks me if I miss her (I don't. I don't miss anyone except my daughter a little.) and I'll deflect or try and make a joke out of it. Am I being a cold asshole? It's the truth but I'm being autistic about it instead of making her feel.

How do you approach this kind of thing? I'm too focused on myself (work, training, nutrition etc) to care when she's not around. She tells me she loves me or whatever and I don't really feel like saying it back. I've got no time for those emotions. I feel like a dick basically but I don't want to lose focus on whats most important

Context = I'm 26, earn about $10k less pa than her, nearing the end of the recruitment process for local state police, 16% BF @ 76kg/166lb, I was obese 8 months ago, I look good and am generally in a good mood. Dead bedroom is happening - sex at once a month or less... last head I got must have been 6 months + ago.... Drunk captain has been dramatically reduced over the last year...

Thoughts? Replies much appreciated

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Title Do you guys even miss your LTR/Wife when you're apart? How do you deal with LTR neediness?
Author LennyRedPill
Upvotes 9
Comments 23
Date 09 February 2017 01:04 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sex is once a month or less. She knows damn well you don't miss her.

[–]ford_contourRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't lie to her.

Do say something kind, because no one is guaranteed a tomorrow.

Find one of the following that is true, or something similar:

"I'm looking forward to having dinner with you tomorrow night." "It's nice to have some space, but I'm looking forward to (thing you enjoy doing together), when I get back."

Worst case, you can use a simple

"I'll see you tomorrow night."

Remember, the anger phase does go away. Respect yourself during it. Respect her during it.

Above all, realize it's your choices that got you here and it will be your choices that get you somewhere better.

If you feel like you might be coming across as an asshole, you probably are.

Find some awareness exercises and work through your own feelings - until you feel confident that you're treating your wife at least as well as any other woman in your life - not because she deserves it, bit because that's part of being a high value man.

Edit: Also, congrats on the weight loss. You can succeed at that, you can succeed at anything. You've got this.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Remember, the anger phase does go away. Respect yourself during it. Respect her during it.

This is so hard to internalise when you are still in the midst of it. But solid advice.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

That's a tough one. If you want her around you may have to fake it till you make it. Zero comfort is the number 1 reason women file for divorce.

I don't suggest telling her you love her if you don't. But take an interest in her day. Joke around. Be playful. You still have to game her if you want to end your deadbedroom. You dont have to dote on her. Just have fun.

If nothing changes you're on the fast track to one of you leaving.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

"Zero comfort is the number 1 reason for divorce."

You got a source? That strikes me as wildly unlikely.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

So a woman's magazine written for women reports that women say . . . .

Sounds legit.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

hahahah what a load of crap

"Women generally need to feel emotionally connected to their husbands first, and then the desire for sex grows out of that connection"

"Remember the adage, "happy wife, happy life." The simplest way to keep your wife happy is to make your marriage a safe place for her to be. Talk with her, know what she likes and what makes her tick. Connect with her emotionally, and you may be surprised how quickly your love life improves."

Weird, isnt it all about "equality"? Why does the husband has to make "wifey happy" but she doesnt need to make him happy? He has to talk to her, connect to her, listen to her feels, comfort her, blah blah blah blah and she has to..... have pussy?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah the content is a load of shit. But I think the fact is that lack of comfort from a BETA husband=divorce. Women will stick around with a high value man and there's just not that many of them

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

High value man= sexually attractive with a sprinkle of comfort here and there. Women stay with men they want to fuck. All that man has to bring is a little bit of comfort and he's golden.

Men they feel comfortable with are a dime a dozen.

[–]LennyRedPill[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We do have some fun but no sex. I'll initiate some playful tickling or kissing and stuff - then leave it at that so as not to be covert contracting for sex. She'll still 'hard no' me if I try to take it to sex regardless of how much fun she had beforehand. To which I do my best not to be butt hurt

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Zero comfort is the number 1 reason women file for divorce.


Zero sexual attraction is the number 1 reason women file for divorce. But women can't say that. No woman wants to say, or can say, to her beta husband

"you know, I just don't want to fuck you anymore. In fact I kinda never really did; I just settled for you because you were the best I could do. But I just cannot stand fucking you anymore, i think i can do better, and I'm going to try."

So what they say instead is "ILYBINILWY" or "I don't feel fulfilled, or my personal favorite, "I'm just not happy!"

[–]stonewall19792 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

God knows I'm still a rookie but I feel that you have to maintain a balance between the alpha & beta. If you're still working through your anger phase, its hard to feel like she deserves to hear the "I miss you" and "I love you". Sometimes you have to give that white lie and say you miss her. I see it as a comfort test from her. She wants to see that she's still important to you, or she's a ball buster trying to assert dominance. The tone of it should tell you what way it's going and if it's a comfort or a shit test.

Now don't be a sappy bitch about it, throw in some AA & AM. Turn it around on her with a smile, use the time away to work on your abundance mentaility, OI, and dread. Go out, meet people, chat them up at the bar or restsurant or gym. Keep worthing toward your goals, find your balance.

As for feeling like you're in or near a dead bedroom, work on your dread, if you haven't yet watch BPP's youtube videos on Dread and read his book. Keep working out, read SGM if you haven't yet. As I've been told in a past post, a scared woman is an excited woman, get the emotions flowing, go for a late night hike in the woods, haunted house, or see a scary movie. There are a lot of ways to stimulate her emotions and get her excited and a lot of smarter men then me have better examples available.

Just my two cents. I expect and hope that the MRP veterans will comment to correct us both.

[–]LennyRedPill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

From her tone, I believe its a comfort test. She probably does deserve some expression of love from me (she's a decent mother and apart from dry vagina syndrome, a decent wife) but I just don't give a fuck. I need to work on that and get some more positive energy happening.

I've watched those vids but I'm going back through them from the beginning again. Good idea with the scared woman = excited woman thing - I'll give that a go.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Connect once for every two days you are gone. When she asks if you miss her, make it playful. It will take a while to learn, since you are used to putting your dick between your legs and saying "of course, dear", but you'll figure it out if you grasp everything else we say here.

Saying "I love you" is meaningless. Just say it and save the times you dont say it for a special nuke-type situation which you are far from a healthy approach to.

You cant really build any comfort or attraction through text, phone, facetime... but you can lose it. Just do the regular shit, but cut down the frequency a little. Your wife needs to have some reason to think you may be getting into some bullshit out there on the road. And blowing kisses over FaceTime at 9pm aint gonna do it

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't miss her because you essentially have a roommate that helps you raise kids. When you were single and had a roommate did you ever miss him when you were gone? Fuck no. If however, you are ok with 1 time a month sex then you are getting what you need from the marriage. (I'm not being sarcastic here)

Overall don't worry about not missing her. It at least shows you aren't being needy and don't have oneitis. That's a few steps ahead of many here. Sidebar and continue upping leadership.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah, hate to say it, you sound like a friend of mine (navy)

Came home after a 3 month sail, went on course for 3 months a weekend after he got back. Wife hounded him 'are you done yet?' during sex, and clearly phoning it in.

They are divorced now, sad story. A few things:

  1. this shit is what makes hypergamy a bloodsport. Once you start talking with your new co workers, they will fill you in on a lot of the horror stories, and if they start to warn you, listen...

  2. Lip service. She is giving comfort tests, easy to knock these out of the park by short comfort bursts.

  3. Mentally, you have to hope for the best, prepare for the worst. You know her better than us. Encourage and lead her into a social life outside of pining for you (that will not end well), but be preapred for what lonely women can do... Establish this boundary, and make sure it has teeth.

  4. No one jumps of a moving train, be high quality. Best defense is a good offense

good luck

[–]SeamusAwl2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dead bedroom is happening - sex at once a month or less... last head I got must have been 6 months + ago

That is the crux of your problem. It would annoy me to no end to get calls, texts, something, anything from my wife when one of us was travelling during my dead bedroom. I hated that woman because I couldn't stick my dick in her. I felt entitled to her and used to joke "she said I do, but really she meant i don't no more." On more than one occasion i contemplated coming home with papers. Especially after each round of exceptional naggy bitchiness.

Then I realized, it was all me. Swallowed that red pill and started leading her and our girls. She was going to let me lead, or she was going to get the fuck out of my way. Fortunately for her she said "oh thank god" and started initiating within weeks. She said it took so long because she was scared it wasn't going to last.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

sex at once a month or less

This is your problem. Get your BF down another 3-5%. Are you lifting? Gaming her? Keno? You still have far to go on your journey.

last head I got must have been 6 months

I found grabbing her head and fucking her mouth helps. She doesn't always have to do the work. Also my favourite line lately is "I'm going to get you to start sucking my dick on the regular again". She smiles. Best delivered when she is on her knees.

This is a little extreme, but my approach is to save "I love you" for never. Show her with your actions in life, in bed, and especially hugging / affection after anything sexual. Your words are meaningless. For example she face-times "I love you" and you say "good then show me your tits". When she declines say "oh that's too bad. Look forward to showing you how I feel with my dick." If she withdraws disengage conversation in an upbeat manner and fuck off somewhere for the evening - YOU ARE ALIVE!!!

All other interaction with her should be masculine in nature. Be forward. Use innuendos. Carry her. Try to pull her pants down in the bathroom when she is not expecting it so she can say no and keep going even though she says no. Then finally just leave after telling her it's going to be great when you get inside her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nah I never miss my wife when out of town and nobody I know does either.

My kids I do miss

Good one on joining the police -by the end of it you'll be way out earning her

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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