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Separated wife wants to go on winter vacation with together as family.

Reddit View
February 7, 2017

One month in to RP and MRP. Reading voraciously. Mind blown. Grateful. I've been blue pill to the max (except that I've always lifted and taken care of myself). 45 yr. Married 17 years, 2 kids. Last year wife wanted a separation. We've been living separately since the summer. Since then, I'd been working on owning my shit through therapy and running my house with my kids half of every week. Now I'm working on really OWNING MY SHIT via RP/MRP/Sidebar. Blessed. Wife makes more money than me so she can handle her half of the finances. While we're separated, wife is still very present and is over at my place every morning to take one of the kids to school and over in the evenings for the kids' bedtimes. Weekends, we trade off while each goes to the gym and does errands or hangs out. So while we're separated, there's little actual separation. Of course, there's zero affection or anything physical. Now I've been setting boundaries - telling wife she can't come over on most nights when I've got the kids. Wanting more "separation" to this separation. I'm working on plates, dread. Wife occasionally shows signs that my frame has been working. I'm doing this for me. Now she wants the four of us to go together to a resort for winter break. I'm torn. Part of me wants to say "No can do". I'm not up for the four of us going together as if we're one happy family "pretending" with the sleeping on sofa bed. On the flip side, I'm thinking "I'm strong. Not the same blue pill dweeb I was" - still a long way to go but still... Thinking I can go on this trip next month and work on Alpha'ing the wife and kids and not giving a fuck and use this trip as an intense boot camp to strengthen myself while catching some rays and margaritas. What do you think? Agree to go on family trip and work on RedPilling the shit out of the week? Or stick to boundaries and decline the trip since we're supposed to be separated and I don't want to pretend otherwise?

Post Information
Title Separated wife wants to go on winter vacation with together as family.
Author radarshines
Upvotes 14
Comments 69
Date 07 February 2017 03:12 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
alphaframeplatethe blue pill

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill26 points27 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm all for giving the kids a good environment, but you my friend have no boundaries.

You've let her have her cake and eat it too. She gets to separate. She get's to spend a fuck ton of time with her kids even when they are with you. And now she's got this great idea that you guys go on vacation so she can split the cost all the while, she is still not fucking you? Man this sounds like a great upside.

Now I agree not all divorces have to be nuclear wastelands but you've failed the "separation" part. You've put everyone but yourself first. She's dribbling out her presence with you all the while taking your valuable resources, namely time and energy.


She wants to be divorced, fine. Tell her you need space. She needs to stop spending time with you. By god do not go on vacation with this woman.

Google the Divorce 180. I think you need it.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

tell you what. tell her to book you a separate room. She can pay for it. The kids stay with whose ever days they turn out to be.

The days not with the kids? Be seen getting head from a ski bunny .


[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dang, how did you write my reply 2 hours before I even read the OP?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

apparently, when you get flaired, you become psychic

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd like to get Ric Flaired, then I'd be psycho too

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

If you go on the vacation so soon it's just going to reset you back to square one with her. Tell her she can take the children and go to the resort. Make plans to do something for yourself that weekend. You are the only one going without sex so maybe try to arrange a date during that time and get laid. Its a separation so it's not cheating. A different vagina will do wonders for you and help to take your ex-wife off the pedestal.

Edit: A word.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yep. This right here.

OP, do not think for one minute that your wife is not sleeping with other men during this separation. She most definitely is.

[–]WesternhagenWinner3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

"My wife wanted a separation" ALWAYS equals "my wife wanted to sleep with other men".

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


Someday I'm going to do a post here where I translate fem-speak and femsplaining into plain English.

EDIT: Actually, it's:

"My wife wanted to sleep with other men while remaining tied to me, my money and my commitment, just in case the sleeping with other guys thing didn't work out; and just in case she couldn't find a better guy than me willing to wife her up."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Duh... of course she is.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not go on the vacation with her.

You're separated. SHE wanted the separation. Separation means you're living apart as if you're not married.

You're either together or you're not. RIght now you're not together, so you should not be attending events, vacations, etc. as if you are together.

Also, it's likely to be a miserable week with you taking care of the kids, sleeping separately, and watching your wife flirt with the resort staff.

Don't do it.

[–]SexistFlyingPig3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you get out of her coming with on the family vacation?

Seems to me she's just trying to cockblock you from ever moving on, and at the same time denying you sex to drive you crazy.

"No, we can't vacation together. I'm moving on."

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (27 children) | Copy

I doubt your control of your situation, is.

Let me answer your question with another question. Picture the dude/s shes fucking while you take care of the kids. Picture them getting that deed she never gives you.

Bet it gets you a little pissed doesn't it? I hope it does, that means you're a normal guy, if not, your problems are bigger than MRP can help with.

She has convinced you to be a roommate and babysitter, and you seem perfectly able to insulate her from the consequences of her actions. If you haven't read 'the manipulated man' it's on TRP sidebar, I'd suggest you prioritize this.

Now, after reading that, and picturing the poolboy balls deep, you tell me.

Do you want to take her on a vacation?

How old are your kids? Are you an empty nester in a few years, and you're running out the clock? Are they 5 years old, and primed for a lifetime of shitty parents that can't stand each other? What is it you're aiming for in all this? I hope to fuck you have a direction.

That will at least help us see any holes in your strategy, because this reads like 'letting life happen, react to things she throws at me' and I'm telling you right now, no one should waste their time on that.

[–]radarshines[S] 2 points3 points  (25 children) | Copy

Thanks for the reply. Kids are 5 and 10. We're in late 40s. I'm aiming to not be the pussy I was all these years and put things into practice. I already told her shortly after separating that I'm not going to wait for her to come around. I'm not going to remain celibate. She says she understands I won't wait for her but that she's in no mindset to fuck around with anyone else. Whatever. I don't care. I'm going to take this separation to gain abundance and get laid for myself. I know you're all going to flame me here...but I know the readings/actions I need to do for myself.

Side note: While all this is going on, does the idea that she needs to figure things out for herself play any role in her dry vagina? Did my blue pillness create this dry vagina on its own or does she need to go to therapy and figure out why she's afraid to be affectionate want to have sex?

So while I'm happy to go on vacation and provide happiness for my kids and hang out on the beach, I can see this trip fueling my newly-found RP motor. Not agreeing to go on this trip for her sake but for me, myself and my kids. If she comes around and demonstrates attraction to me, that's a bonus but not a means to and end.

That's my thinking right now. I hear what you're saying about me having been manipulated and a babysitter. Shit's going to change.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shes hamstering a reason for her emotions, stop helping her.

Suffix her sex drive with "with you" and it all Makes sense.

And i guarantee no woman separates before a new dick is lined up, unless youre beating her, even then...

[–]mrpthrowa3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have no abundance mentality and you're hoping to drench your dick in her pussy juices to validate your "RP mentality". Admit it and move on.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

she's in no mindset to fuck around with anyone else.

She's full of shit. She is at the very least, seriously considering having sex with other men, if she isn't already.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

They have been separated for a year and he has not been laid once in that time.

Who wants to bet she is or has been living with somebody? No way this woman went an entire year without dick.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy

I know you're all going to flame me here...

Again with this. Will someone please explain to me the point of this phrase? For real. Scurv, Pikadildo, anyone?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (17 children) | Copy

Early Internet equivalent for trolling see here:

[–]HelperBot_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Non-Mobile link:

HelperBot v1.1 /r/HelperBot_ I am a bot. Please message /u/swim1929 with any feedback and/or hate. Counter: 28472

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

He asked for the leaders on the spectrum, suddenly, a social normie appears! with the win, no less

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I Pmd swim1929 with feedback and hate.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was on pine for first email, and a regular on listserve and geocities back in the 90's. 14.4 dial up.

I've seen it all from the beginning. Being well rounded is the exception now. Too much Self-specializing, identifying, and cloistering.

We should want to be Renaissance men, not well-sharpened tools.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy



[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

since when am I spectrumie?

wtf. dude

non kool

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

He saw purplepilldo and made a leap.

I would never go to a physician on the spectrum.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

yea weird association. me no like

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You gonna be OK? If I go fuck around on PPD for you to amuse yourself, will you feel better?

Lol, you should know by now, we are all on the spectrum, incels, or whatever insecurities people thrust upon us

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Lol. Def feel better. Just association with pika ... weird

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

He's not wrong, I didn't pick those names randomly...just not for RZD reasons.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So ... why?

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

This has to be a troll post.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why? This kind of thing happens all the time. Women don't want to fuck their husband. Woman fucks the football team. Woman wants comfort and security. Woman tells her latest boyfriend she is going on a GNO for the week. Woman goes on vacation with her family and enjoys the warm fuzzies and the break from being thrown around by Chad.

Win-Win for everybody.

Everybody except the man- but who cares.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's another clarifying question: If you knew that she wasn't attracted to you and never will be again no matter what you do - she's flat out never getting back with you - would you still want to go? If so, go. If not, not.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Separation is a legal tool so she can fuck around while you are sat at home with the kids. Then when she gets pumped and dumped she is sad after looking in the mirror after her ONS with what she found to be not-a-chad, she can come back legal free because divorce never happened.

If you are serious, divorce her.

If you go on this trip, she gets the couch.

If you go on this trip, you better be hitting up the snow bunnies.

If you go on this trip, you better be doing it in front of her too.

You shouldn't go on this trip with her though. Why would she get fun trips with you (the prize) when she decided to give up that prize?

[–]BrazilRedPill5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I see what you are thinking. You want go to this trip, be stoic but with a wishful thinking that she will notice how amazing you are and will want to come back for you and you will all live happy forever.

Admit it to yourself: do you want to make a last try with your wife?

If no, just say no to her. Period. Tell her to go with the kids and you set your mind that it's over for good.

If yes, you need an action plan, the last attempt to try to make this woman to want to be with you. This is where you will be stoic: your only action is to find out if this relationship is worth for you. If she responds well, you go back to living together; if not, it's game over for good. Anyway, you will have your answer.

You will be the best of yourself in his trip, in order to make a conclusion on staying or separating. So don't be butt-hurt for anything, have always fun with yourself, be communicative, be polite. And set boundaries for anything that she does and you don't like, using a short statement, STFU and holding frame. Don't argue, don't make ultimatums.

Two rules that I would open settle with her:

  1. If you are going, you will be sleeping with her on the bed, every night. No sex included, if she asks.

  2. No rides alone. She will do stuff with you and you will do stuff with her.

Remember that it is a test. You are looking for an answer. And in the end, you must make a decision.

If you have sex during the trip and if she accepts to move back with you, I would say that there's still hope.

If she won't have sex with you and doesn't want to move back, it's the fucking end of your shit relationship.

[–]radarshines[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I can't thank you enough for your replies. Going to think on this today but going to stick to my boundaries and say no to the "family vacation". I actually am enjoying this separation - thriving on my own, evolving, improving and having my space, free to try to fuck who I want right now. I'm in no mood to want her to move back with me. What I want to start as phase 1 is for her to be but one of my soon-to-be plates and enjoy without pressure, guilt, shame or blue pills.

[–]lukeyj_gtfc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't bother. Not worth it. I separated and went RP. I ended up progressing and she tried and tried and tried to rebuild and renegotiate on my terms. By that time, I was mentally checked out and she was too hurt by it all.

Any false hope and lack of follow through is going to result in insecurity and then resentment and that isn't a good situation with children. Decide, do you want an amicable separation with good access to kids or do you want some second rate pussy that you used to have but isn't what it quite was.

Don't drag your kids through that when you have a right hand and a box of tissues at a bare minimum.

Anything else and you're likely still in her frame, lying to yourself and using RP as techniques and not a mindset shift.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Now if you could just flip this situation where you get sex with no time invested, then you'd really have something.

But as it is, she's manipulating the shit out of you somehow. Part of you doing your MAP needs to be figuring out how she does it and why it works (as in, you're blind to some needy part of yourself but she's playing it all day long). See The Manipulated Man for starters. Might find some clues in there, although NMMNG is probably the better call a month info MRP.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go on the vacation! Better yet, book another room and bring your own guest. Can't be much more blunt than that.

Just let it go and prepare for divorce, you're not there to help manage her emotions. If she comes around so be it(divorce papers could be pulled) , but you need to plan for a permanent break

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just a question, since splitting up have you or your wife actually dated anyone?

Right now it sounds like she has all the advantages of being married without the disadvantages, and vice versa for you.

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Separation = divorce.

She wants her cake (other cocks) and she is getting it. She cant have a family and want a separation.


If you want to go on vacation, its YOU AND THE KIDS AND NOT HER. She doesnt get to go. She cant have a "happy family" and want to be separated. She made her choice.

You need to get those fucking divorce papers in order. More than likely, she hasnt had success with other males and wants to get back together since she realized she fucked up BIG TIME. You have been improving and she notices.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you ultimately want?

I would be too busy fucking 24 year olds to have time to go on this trip. I would also be divorced by now.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to ask yourself one simple question. Do you want this woman back? I mean truly ask yourself while staring at yourself in the mirror.

All of your comments come off like you really want her to take you back. That's at least the underlying communication I'm getting from it. So she definitely is getting that too.

I'm not saying that making it work is the wrong move. Only that if you choose to, make sure you do it from a position of power, not weakness. Otherwise she is in control she is now.

Think about it man, she gets to have a beta husband that she is separated from. She can fuck whom she wants (she totally is) and still get your affection and companionship. He could be a tattooed ex biker serving weekends at the county who simply takes her to pound town. The beauty of this, is that your perfect relationship as separated parents getting along so well draws all the attention away from how shitty, she may, be treating you.

Make a real list for us. It should say all the thing she does to make your life easy and all the things you do to make hers easy. Do it as objectively as possible too. You're only lying to yourself otherwise. My guess (and hopes), is when you compile this list, you will see this at face value.

Or you could move back in with her as is and make it a open cuck relationship...

As for your question, if you sleep on the sofa...

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Do you or do you not want to get divorced? The answer to this guides your path.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True, but not in the way that you mean. If he's done and wants to get divorced, then he should go. Why not? Fun with the kids.

But if he wants to win her back somehow, then the last thing he should do is go on the trip.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Really, it's about what you actually want. Do you want to have her with you at a resort? Is that how you imagine you winter holiday? If it's not, you're seeing your life through her eyes and that's gotta suck.

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are you out of your mind?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I'm doing this for me. Now she wants the four of us to go together to a resort for winter break.

Just No! Separation is just a prelude to divorce... you need to be planning for that outcome- nothing else.

[–]radarshines[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Divorce is definitely on my mind considering this ongoing separation. However, we do get along...I make her laugh...And now I'm holding frame and turning things around in terms how I view myself, smv and how I want to live my life now - devoid of insecurities, low self-esteem, social awkwardness and feelings of not being worthy of being her husband. Even with the fact that she makes significantly more money than me (I do pretty well) I pay for childcare and rent for my home and expenses and she pays for kids' school, her rent and expenses. So I'm not in a position of having to reconcile with the idea that half my $ goes to her in a divorce.

Physically, I'm doing well. She's still pretty, attractive but definitely at the wall while I continue to look very young for my age.

Update: I told her yesterday I'm not going to do the vacation.

I honestly don't think she's been with anyone. Seriously. She's got issue with fear of intimacy and opening up, trusting anyone physically or emotionally. Not just in the marriage but with friends, family.

So I'm going to go about my life and get to work and see if I can't hook up with someone new soon.

[–]2gunsgetsome0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Even with the fact that she makes significantly more money than me… So I'm not in a position of having to reconcile with the idea that half my $ goes to her in a divorce.

Bro, have you even been to a lawyer?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Of course he has not. He doesn't realize that most family courts have outdated sexist laws and sexist judges that will just find a way to give it to a guy just on principle. One of my friends was in a similar situation and the judge still made him pay a token amount to satisfy his sexism.

On a positive note the fact that she is employed at a substantially higher level of pay does give him some divorce protection if he plays it right. More significantly is the shared parenting issue. If she works a lot (assumed due to pay gap), then he can fight for greater custody of the kids and child support from her. I can bet now, that he would never dream of asking for child support from the ex.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's simple

What do you want?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you answered your own question

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm not up for the four of us going together as if we're one happy family "pretending" with the sleeping on sofa bed."

Tell her if she wants to make the headboard shake on vacation, she's welcome to vacation together with you. If she gets pissy, hang up the phone or leave.

No, you can't say it at your house while you have the kids over.

(edited to be stronger)

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have my permission to go- if you bring a girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]2gunsgetsome0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sure. And bring one of your plates.

Wife occasionally shows signs that my frame has been working.

Who cares.

I'm doing this for me.

coughbullshitahem, because:

I'm thinking "I'm strong. Not the same blue pill dweeb I was" - still a long way to go but still... Thinking I can go on this trip next month and work on Alpha'ing the wife

Yeah, you'll show her, won't you.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

If you really want to be married to this woman, I'd go on the trip. You can't improve the marriage if you don't spend quality time together.

Hey, if your arrangement works out for you and the kids you may not want to change it up. I personally wouldn't want to be tied to someone who won't have sex, but reaps the benefits of my companionship.

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy


[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Drunk Post?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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