Heya, I'm a new MRP, found NMMNG 2 months ago when my frustration and depression with my relationship reached a climax where I started flipping out and realized I have to end.. something.
Basically few weeks prior to my explosion I thought I finally knew why our relationship isn't working -- I was pretty sure in my mind my wife is cheating on me. After all, the cirmumstances reminded of the same than all of my prior relationships where my GFs ended up cheating on me. (lack of sex, no respect etc.) Although I failed to collect any hard evidence that shit took control of me and finally I exploded, took a shitstorm on her and tried to forcefully with all my interrogation skills to dig it out of her. After that episode I was over, I realized I'm pretty messed up either way and started packing. (didn't get no admits)
The next day I just had a moment where I realized that MAYBE there is a reason all my relationships and prior gfs had played out the same script and I got fucking lucky when I discovered NMMNG.
Now 2 months later I've read it twice and I'm now reading through The Married Man Sex Life Primer and lurking here daily, making changes in my life. Things are already looking better although I've only begun... it feels like my life is saved. Finally someone got through to me and shook me awake..
Anyway, right now I'm really struggling trying to swallow the "cheating pill". Ideally, I'm trying to accept that in this world people do cheat on people all the time, my wife or anyones wife definately may have cheated on their husbands without no-one ever knowing etc. But the image of my wife in some dudes lap is just turning me inside out. So far in life I've kept my eyes wide open, trying to control my wife so that she never goes to places of high likelihood cheating. (for example, 2 days cruise ship is pretty popular trip here.. fair to say a lot of cheating happens there) In times of great anxiety I've even gone through her phone and shit like that, so that I feel that I have this situation under control. Of course now I realize among all things that I can't definately control that, she will cheat on me if she will no matter what and most likely I'll never have a clue if she's not intending to get caught. I really need to grow and rise above this issue of mine and stop spending energy on it and fearing it.
I don't know if its my shitty past (that I don't blame anyone for except myself) but it's just so goddamn hard to really truely trust although I really don't have reason not to with this person. Except that she's human, and most cheat at some point and I've been hell of a beta for many years.
What is your take on trust anyway? Should I be able to trust that my wife is better than 90% of the women out there? Or is it enough to trust that if she does cheat on you and gets caught, you'll be ok eventually and somehow find peace in that thought?
I know this is quite beta shit but I feel like I need to pass this obstacle right now and would like some feedback from men who may have tackled with this stuff in the past, so I can move on.
Now that my eyes are open to how this world really works its just a struggle everyday to stay cool headed and moving forward. The sun is so bright to my eyes still.