Should i just act totally beta (allow her to call me names and disrespect me in front of the kids) until i can build up every area of myself, build dread then flip it basically saying “fuck you, i have the power now.” how do you take this shit. how do you swallow your pride as a man and allow someone to treat you this way. should i just keep putting my foot down and deal with the hours and days of misery it incurs, or should i totally beta/bitch out in a trade for some fucking peace? seriously at a fucking loss, not sure i can become “alpha” fast enough to keep my sanity and “make it through.” legit ideas, suggestions, comments, and criticisms please! be brutal.
Still very Noob, starting to question if i can ever become ALPHA but doing my best not to Rambo anything and just defaulting to what i would assume are Beta tendencies when i get into a situation or conversations I'm not sure how to handle. I have not completed the side bar, i have not reached my lifting goals, i have not reached my diet goals, i HAVE hit my financial and work goal, and I have made good strides in all other areas, but there a lot of work to be done.
trying to keep this as brief as possible, when my wife is upset she’s completely solipsistic and emotional (duh). No one’s feelings matter but her own. She has a mother who acts the same way to this day. Nothing is off limits, especially with regards to verbal attacks. “piece of shit, asshole, pathetic, loser, simple minded idiot, dickhead.” are some of the variety of choice comments she chooses to make. When i discovered the pill i read a tactic that when wives get to this level men leave the house. I've implemented that. i told her that if she disrespects me to the level of using those insults, especially in front of the children, then she will get nothing and i leave. This drives her CRAZY. at first she didn't know how to respond but now she has said that i am not allowed to leave in a fight.
“you may not say ‘Fuck You’ like i do but when you leave it is saying the same thin.”
She said in turn i need to acknowledge that her feelings are hurt and let her know i care about her and want to speak with her. that she matters and her feelings matter. OK, fine, i use this line the next time she gets this way and her attitude doesn't change. i leave, shit totally escalates when I'm back. Reconciliations are only about me and what she wants “me to change.” i agree i can make changes (i mean thats why i am on askMRP right) and tell her i am actively working on becoming a better man, husband, father. Her response is that she will not change anything until she knows she can be “vulnerable with her feelings with me and not get hurt.”
Totally seems one sided to me. Really struggling with this bc i feel like i am totally admonishing myself and having to agree that “you’re right honey, i am a piece of shit asshole loser pathetic creep.” “I am sorry i am so mean and disrespectful to YOU.” (i do not call her names or act that way. i just shut down.) Then i do a number of acts to make her feel loved (beta bullshit buying flowers and writing her a nice card about how great she is as a mother and wife and person and that i will work on managing my life better to give her ‘the husband she deserves’.)
Her apology, maybe a day or two later, right as we are about to fall asleep, “i am sorry i said those things to you, you're not all that stuff.”
Me:” OK, thank you for apologizing.”
That’s it. no different actions, not making up for anything, i am still last priority and the second a kid starts whining or crying, it’s “Honey, what are you doing!” her fucking mental checklist of me never fulfilling her expectations is tallied.