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How/When To Work On Improving Bedroom Dominance

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February 1, 2017
8 upvotes

Question: I want to up my "dominance" game (ala SGM) and improve my initiations, but honestly it makes me a bit nervous. Is that a good sign it's too early, and I should just focus on myself and forget initiating?

Or should I work through that discomfort and get rid of the fear of failure by trying and failing/learning from the process?


Context: Hey all,

I've been working on MRP stuff for a few months now and have seen a lot of real progress - broken a 1.5 year-long sexual moratorium, looking much, much better, working on leading more, passed some major shit-tests, gotten some IOIs for the first time in forever, etc.

But I'm still working on those things, and frame/not being butt- is a big weak point for me.

Right now, one of my area of improvement is initiating with my wife. Historically, I've had shitty, half-assed initiations (the classic "slowly rubbing your back for 20 minutes hoping you respond"). As I've improved myself and read up on the subject, I've noticed my wife exhibiting some signs of a "submissive" style of sexuality - she doesn't lead in bed (expects me to), doesn't initiate overtly (just kind of puts herself in my general orbit more than normal), takes a while to respond to initiations, etc.

In short: she doesn't make it easy for me in any way, and I've had trouble reading her responses or picking up on whether she's receptive or not.

Question: I want to up my "dominance" game (ala SGM) and improve my initiations, but honestly it makes me a bit nervous. Is that a good sign it's too early, and I should just focus on myself and forget initiating? Or should I work through that discomfort and get rid of the fear of failure by trying and failing/learning from the process?

What's worked for you? Thanks!


Post Information
Title How/When To Work On Improving Bedroom Dominance
Author resolutions316
Upvotes 8
Comments 34
Date 01 February 2017 08:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206562
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5ri6ho/howwhen_to_work_on_improving_bedroom_dominance/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
frameorbiterdominancegame
Comments

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Let's assume that you're lifting and working on your frame, or she's simply not going to be interested in fucking you. If so, here's a reasonable progression that will feel out her boundaries and ease her into the idea of more submissive sex. Try these out, adding one every week or two.

  1. AA/AM - Be confident, be flirty, be "the prize".
  2. Slap her ass, chase her up the stairs, tickle her.
  3. Come up behind and kiss her roughly on her neck and her hairline. Nibble her ear.
  4. Give her a pet name.
  5. Straddle her on the couch or in bed, make out for 5 minutes, then go lift.
  6. Whisper inappropriate things or grind against her when the kids are in the other room.
  7. Suggest she may need a safe word, with a big grin.
  8. Put your hand on the back of her neck, pull her to you and kiss her deep.
  9. Jump in the shower with her, get soapy and have fun.
  10. Push her against the wall or fridge, press your shoulders against hers and make out.
  11. Carry her up the stairs, and caveman her.
  12. Insist she pick a safe word. Suggest "chocolate".
  13. When she's laying back during sex, rest your hand so that your thumb and forefinger rest lightly on each collarbone.
  14. Run your hand through her hair, tighten your grip on her scalp a bit, and pull her to you as you kiss. Don't pull her hair hard.
  15. Flip her over during foreplay. Kiss behind her knees, bite her ass, work your way up her back to kiss her neck as you lay on her and grind her ass. Don't go for anal, just rubbing.

See how she responds to each of these -- some may be instant turn-offs, and others just may not work out because she's not in the mood.

  • Don't just spring something new on her out of the blue. Game her, apply kino.
  • Don't give up because she gives you the stink eye or some soft resistance.
  • Don't DEER or constantly ask about her boundaries, how she feels, if this is okay.
  • Be ready to offer some comfort, and to stop when she directly says so.

There are several D/s and BDSM subs that will offer advice for beginners as well. Keep in mind that the point is to make the experience intense, but still fun. Part of exploring boundaries is finding out what works for both of you and what doesn't. And there are 3 other letters in DEVI -- don't neglect them.

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great reply, I really appreciate all the specifics. I'm going to work on implementing some of this, but I think you're also right that frame is a big part of it. Will take it slow.

[–]2ndalRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife sounds like mine.

I found what worked really well, for both upping the dominance and making sex more emotional and visceral for her, is dirty talk.

I started out safe and slow, vocalizing a few things here and there, but nothing too raunchy, and increased it from there. Now I tell her long, dirty stories with my hands between her legs so I can feel her getting wet, call her my little cumslut, and tell her with authority what exactly I want her to do while looking straight in her eyes.

[–]GongShanks1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A great way to talk dirty is to be possessive. And then amp it up from there over time.

Go from just explaining something to increasing your possession of it.

"You like getting fucked don't you?"

"your pussy is wet"

"That pussy gets so wet for me."

"You like when I fuck that wet pussy don't you?"

"That my girl, fuck me with that wet pussy."

"That's my pussy, and I'm going to fuck it hard."

"Whose pussy is this?"

And so on...

You go from simply normalizing dirty talk, to slowly having her tell you it's your pussy to do whatever you want with. This might take place over a few sessions. But if you jump in with "Whose pussy is this?" Right away she might be like "ummm mine?" Or "what the fuck are you talking about?"

Build it up slowly but methodically.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Being dominant in bed requires work. I used to be very passive/lazy. I liked to lie next to her and let things flow from there. Gently stroking her back and hair. Then I'd mount the usual missionary style when she said it is time to mount. Finish and cuddle. Wait 3 months.

I let go of the passive/lazy approach totally. I now climb over her, putting myself in a position of power. You have to physically tower over her with her lying down. Push her down into the bed by the shoulders or hips. I put my hand around her neck. I don't choke her, but my hand is in the choke position, as if I could choke her if I wanted to. Vary this with grabbing a hand full of hair or pinning her wrists above her head. I don't pull her hair, but by holding it still she would pull her hair if she moved her head away.

BUT, and listen closely, I built up to this. I didn't go from zero to 100% dominant in one shag. It can either work or totally backfire as she does not see you yet as her top dog. Definitely start with being in a position of power and stop stop stop asking about positions or if something is working for her or not. It is ALL about you planting seed.

And keep it fun, you don't need to go dark triad to be dominant.

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It is ALL about you planting seed.

Isn't THAT the truth?

I definitely take your point. Low and slow. I certainly don't plan on going crazy. Your suggestions are very useful.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once her legs are open, drive it like you stole it.

If you are in your comfort zone, you're doing it wrong

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"broken a 1.5 year-long sexual moratorium"

No sex at all for 18 months? Ouch!

[–]resolutions316[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell me about it. In a way, it's good - brought me here. And now I know what being a monk is like

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

How did you handle the 1.5 years??!!!

[–]resolutions316[S] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

My secret is a steady diet of jerking off and self hate.

The real, sad secret is that it dampens your sex drive after a while.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

they didn't let me run marathons, instead of going to another venue, I chopped off my legs and proceeded to seethe.

Quash that woe is me bullshit. you're allowed to be angry and call her a cunt here.

[–]resolutions316[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh believe me, once I let myself get angry, it was intense. And it's still there.

Now, though, I just view it as a learning experience. It led me here. My life is better and will continue to get better. I can't be as bitter about it now.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can be bitter. It feels good to say that cunt is a sexless cunt for 1.5 years.

Yeah yeah we know we are faggots and not attractive but you feel better saying it and its funny

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Have you checked the posts on my blog regarding sex?

I could rehash a million words here, or you could just head there and check it out.

Bottom line, have fun and get out of your head.

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

I have "Keeping your wife on her toes" and "Creating your slut" (not sure of the exact titles) saved in Evernote, actually. Those were super helpful and pointed me in this direction in the first place. I appreciate the writing!

Bottom line, have fun and get out of your head.

This has been the hardest part. I'm a thinker by nature.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You should also be masculine by nature.

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

ha. Yes, well. That's a long journey for me - something that was taken from me quite young and that I am working very hard to connect to (combat sports, hanging out with other men, etc).

My rationality and goal-orientation I view as largely masculine, but they can trap me in the platonic realm of pure reason if I'm not careful.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Just do.

It seems simple, but in everything going on in your life. Just do the genuine real thing you want to do.

Don't do combat sports because MRP said so, idgaf what it is you choose to do, but you have to choose it.

Genuine living man, we all need to reach the point where we are who we are and not who we think she should be.

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Totally agree. I suppose the hard part is separating the voices in your head - the genuine YOU vs. what you have been TAUGHT to think.

Like I said, a long process. Coming here and working through it at home have shown me the first real progress I've made in a long time. Just need to keep at it.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't do combat sports because MRP said so, idgaf what it is you choose to do, but you have to choose it. Genuine living man, we all need to reach the point where we are who we are and not who we think she should be

Excellent point. The way I see it you can be a hairdresser or a florist and totally own it. I know guys in both professions, some are totally gay, others have to carry bear mace to keep woman away from them. Same goes for hobbies/activities.

[–]Greeniegriz1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

As others have said, you must start slow.

Here is a thread with some decent info: Guide For Men On How To Dominate A Woman

[–]resolutions316[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the link, will read!

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

ABC - always be closing

Kino is an art and it's also foreplay:

http://archive.is/uLPwJ

[–]Mecha750 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Begin with talking emotionally and holding her hips down. Dont ask her to change positions. Tell her or move her yourself. Once she starts to respond to the small displays of dominance, begin to increase it. That is how you will convert her. Dont do what i did before SGM. I pulled my wife's hair and she shut down sex for awhile. Now, by slowly upping the levels, i can pull her hair and she gets wetter.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I want to up my "dominance" game

Then do it. As soon as you have the "I want something" thought, work towards that desire.

it makes me a bit nervous.

What are you nervous about?

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Mostly just rejection. Hence the musing about whether to do this now - or whether I should wait till that nervousness is gone altogether.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If something frightens you, that's usually a good sign that you should do that thing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Here man, read this very carefully. Keep reading it until you stop giving a fuck. Cheers.

[–]resolutions316[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for this. I had read this a while back but it is far more relevant to me now.



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