Any way you would take back your wife who had an affair?

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January 22, 2017

So my wife had an affair, and fell in love while she was working overseas after about 6 months, and was still texting him behind my back after she got home. When she cheated I was also at a low point in my life, between jobs while she worked which didn't help either. Since she had been back the relationship was doing well, frequent sex etc, even while she was still txting him also, and she was even planning to go see him. She was trying to choose, and still on the fence, I think she had chosen me, but idk.

Anyway I found out, and called her out, She admitted and begged me to let her stay so we could work it out, and I told her to leave... now she's home with family out of state and still calling, and writing me letters telling me she loves me, and how badly she knows she fucked up, saying I'm the love of her life. When she left I had told her there was no possible chance and I could never look at her the same b/c the innocent, sweet girl I knew had become a whore and a basic girl.

I don't want to let her go b/c she is a objectively high quality girl, and our relationship was great. Fun together, no fights, sex everyday or 2x per, great cook, she would do adventurous hobbies, and very pretty, probably a 9. I'm not sure I could find another as cool as her. Anyway before I pull the plug I would appreciate some perspective. I'm still blinded by emotion and confusion, so my question to you is:

TL;DR I know AWALT so is it worth it throwing away a great girl and a great relationship, for a fresh start but no guarantee I could find a girl as good?

Post Information
Title Any way you would take back your wife who had an affair?
Author archer445566
Upvotes 8
Comments 50
Date 22 January 2017 03:55 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]screechhaterRed Beret30 points31 points  (6 children) | Copy

Seems to me you already made up your mind.

If you take her back you had better learn to not give ten fucks about her Fucking someone else cause it's gonna happen.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

If you take her back you had better learn to not give ten fucks about her Fucking someone else cause it's gonna happen.

I'll be honest with you here.

I divorced, I meet with some girls from time to time and I don't give a fuck if they fuck someone else or not. Because, probably, they are or they will.

I rather look at the way she treats me. I look at the quality of the time we spend together. I don't think I'll check a girl's phone ever again. If I will - it will be rather act of "AWALT confirmation" and not checking because I'm jealous.

If the time spent together is low quality, there is no point to keep such woman in my life, loyal or not.

If I have any more kids, I'm pat-testing them.

The problem with OP is, that he is NOT in a frame to create such relationship with this one particular woman. He has oneitis, he has no IDGAF attitude, he has no outcome independence.

In short, he does not have a frame to plate his ex. And that's his real problem.

OP, if you're reading this, in my opinion, you look like you need 12-24 months of sidebar & lifting. Forget about this girl for now. And, in 1-2 yrs, you'll be in a different place, so she may be irrelevant to you by then. So this is basically your answer.

Unless you want to ask her about that BBC though. Did it feel different? Did she came? How many times? Did he call her back? Maybe you could go together to amazon to choose some lingerie for her for her next meeting with her bull?

Guess who's paying.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I think I am at a place where I would not be jealous if my wife fell on a dick that wasn't mine. But, I do not want to be a cuck/chump. I supposed I shouldn't give a fuck about what other people think, but I haven't got to a place where my pride/ego could live with everyone knowing she fucked around.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

I've always said, this is the hardest part of it. To get yourself to a point where you truly don't care if she fucks someone else is the top level of MRP success. In effect it means: I am of high enough value that if your should choose to step out on me, I'll be slaying younger and hotter. You know this too.

When you have reached this point, your wife will suddenly stop worrying about what she could get and start worrying about keeping what she has. I'm not here yet either though. Keep on keeping on bro.

[–]innominating3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have in fact slayed much younger pussy. My wife knows I'm there. I'm saying I would not care if she fucked another guy, I would lock her out and move on. But, still have an issue with what other people would think in that scenario.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The ego is fickle bitch

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is subjectively high quality, in your mind. I find her subjectively common.

Objectively, she is very low quality as she stepped out on your marriage.

You've done the right things, don't fuck up now. Draw up the papers and move on.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy


my wife


had an affair


and fell in love

Do not equal

great girl

That's it in a nutshell. Do what you want but at least know you're doing it

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

This exactly. When I divorced, I thought "oh, she's a good mother". What a bullcrap. No good mother disrespects father in the front of his children.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

None. Ever. Not even if I needed and she offered an organ.

That is my unyielding boundary. She knows it, and knows I'll begin divorce preparation within the hour.

[–]ThatKassiusGuy7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

No way! What sort of fucking question is this?

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

"Communicate, communicate, communicate". r/cuckold is that way.

but no guarantee I could find a girl as good?

EDIT: abundance mentality FTW!

[–]Griever1142 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Came to say this

[–]bangorlol5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Nah, I don't keep people in my life who betray our agreements (in this case, fidelity). I cut friends/family out of my life that borrow money and dodge me when it comes time to pay me back. Pride + good memory = minimal chances of forgiveness from me.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Why do you expect unconditional loyalty from women? I thought they were only loyal as long as you are the better choice. Am I missing something?

If you want loyalty, buy a dog.

[–]TopFourDefenseman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage is an agreement to be loyal. That's why a husband expects loyalty.

[–]bangorlol0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Marriage is a contractual agreement. If she violates our agreement, the contract is voided and I move on. It's a vocal expectation and a boundary that is not to be crossed.

I would get a dog btw, but the blowjobs aren't as fun.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Irrelevant. She crossed the boundary and guarantee she will again. You reward her by staying.

[–]abdadaRed Beret6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Weird how guys who discover a woman's infidelity always seem to assume it was her first time doing it.

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Objectively high quality women don't have affairs.

[–]GreetingsFromErf5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

The fact that you think she is higher quality than you is probably one of the reasons she is screwing other dudes. Are you not the prize? Why not? Remember hypergamy. If she really is objectively better than you, then she will end up cheating again.

I say that before you jump ship you double down on your red pill efforts. I think you will end up leaving her eventually, but consider tightening up your game before you do.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

yeah. I'm much more pro-keeping-the-marragie than most of the folks on here, but even I read the post and IMMEDIATELY thought "oneitis"

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just make sure not to "magically" get her pregnant if she makes the roster as a sparring partner. Use her to develop game, increase OI and AM, all while making a slow and steady exit.

Cheating + no kids = Gone without a second thought

[–]mabden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had told her there was no possible chance

If you back track now, you loose all respect from her. Not that you had much to begin with.

she is a objectively high quality girl,

The reality is much different.

Fun together, no fights, sex everyday or 2x per, great cook, she would do adventurous hobbies, and very pretty, probably a 9.

And options to pick up stray dick. No thanks.

[–]nantucketghost2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm not sure I could find another

Hamster speak. There are 3.5 billion girls out there and you think she's the cream of the crop??

Let go of that codependent shit. You are dependant on her to make your life awesome.

Why isn't your life awesome by itself? Why do you need a woman in your life to cook, clean, be friends with, etc? Don't get me wrong, these are all really nice things to have in a partner, but you shouldn't need these things to have a fulfilling life.

Get the pussy off the pedestal. They are just women. There is nothing magical or special about them. Learn to enjoy yourself by yourself. If she adds value to your life, well, bonus. But quit making her the value in your life.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you looking for validation because you want to take her back? You won't find that here. Cheating is a deal breaker for me personally - no ifs, ands, or buts.

[–]chief_slap_ahoe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She is not high quality if she cheated. She may be fucking you with her body, but in her mind it is the other guy.

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheating whore =/= high quality woman.

These are not the same. If you value your marriage, self worth and your vows, THAT fucking little... By all means. Take her back. But I will bet you every dollar she WILL cheat on you again.

You displayed high value by getting rid of low quality trash from your household. DONT BACK TRACK. If you let her back in, you are giving her permission to go behind your back again because she knows she can and WILL throw on the water works and Mr Cuckhold will let her back in.

Don't be a bitch. You had the right mind to cut her loose, let her ride that cock carousel.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Me? NO

Why? Because self respect.

Everyone is different.

objectively high quality girl

Hmm. .. who

had an affair, and fell in love while she was working overseas


She was trying to choose, and still on the fence

oh and

I'm not sure I could find another as cool as her

You mean a girl who basically disrespected your love and affection when you weren't a work horse?

Yeah, I am not sure YOU would be able to find one better...

I am sure a guy who had self respect would.. but thats just me

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

objectively high quality girl

High Quality girls don't play shit like this. While she was away, she fucked someone. Accept that. I would argue any woman leaving for a 6 month work period is going to catch a couple cocks. Most dudes would slide in a couple times on a work trip of that lenght too.

The problem is that she came back and played you out. That's an unacceptable boundry broken. If you take her back, she will have no respect for you and fuck other guys. How can she respect a guy who doesn't respect himself? Whats the consequence for banging other dudes? Go on time out at her parents for a couple weeks? That's a great precedent to set...

go stay at your parents and fuck your old high school boyfriend. I demand 5 heart felt hand written letters before you can return

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm different than most guys. If she's objectively treating me well, we coparent well, the house is taken care of, etc, I may still stay. Shit, I did stay but we were in a fucked up place when we cheated. But monogamy is off the table

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

Her desperation to patch things up is not for your benefit. She feels bad, feels guilty, feels that she failed in her marriage. I think about two seconds after you throw her a bone and tell her it is all right her eye will start to wonder again.

On the other hand this gives me some pause:

sex everyday or 2x per

she was working overseas after about 6 months

A high sex drive woman overseas by herself for 6 months? What exactly did you think would happen?

If you got a girl who likes to cover herself in chum, the best strategy is probably NOT to throw her in the ocean by herself.

That said, it should be noted that several men on MRP have dealt with cheating wives and "saved" the relationship by completely resetting it as the dominant man. However, this is more an issue for /u/thefamilyalpha than it is for MRP. The Red Pill solution to cheating partners is well known. Plate em, don't date em and never, ever marry em.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Her desperation to patch things up is not for your benefit. She feels bad, feels guilty, feels that she failed in her marriage

Great, on-point analysis. She wants to feel better about herself.

OP, give her a chance. Leave. Read wonderful Rollo's "Please break up with me".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

My situation was different. My chick wasn't my wife & I found out 8 years later, big difference.

For OP, drop her or don't, but don't keep her & hang this over her head for the rest of your days.

Look at your life & do exactly what you want with it.

This girl isn't special, she cheated on you and did all sorts of nasty shit with another man while she was married to you, think about that.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy


Edit: sorry, bro.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is that a hamster lol

If thinking = hamstring, then we're all fucking hamstring our lives away.

But you do you

[–]midlifedick0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your standards are too low.

[–]B00TYMASTER0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This could be your one ticket to smooth out with the courts more favorable in your favor if you cite the divorce reason as infidelity. Otherwise, shit will deteriorate soon anyways ans instead of leaving with your dignity and all your shit you worked hard to earn, she will sit on other cock and then take your shit anyways right out the front door. Stop being so stupid OP, clear your mind and make the right decision.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I gotta ask why you thought her working overseas for 6 months was acceptable in the first place? Why didn't you say no to that? It's a bad idea even if she remains loyal the entire time.

[–]gizmozed0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"She was trying to choose, and still on the fence, I think she had chosen me, but idk."

If it takes her more than 5 seconds to choose you, she's chosen him.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, I would not take back my wife if she had an affair. No way. Not even if she were the last woman on earth. Not even if that meant I'd never have sex again.

I have too much self respect for that.

Whatever you decide, it needs to be what's right for you.

[–]postscript11140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you truly don't give a fuck, take her back. How much self-respect are you willing to loose for HER to be happy?

I played this game with my wife. I even did the open marriage thing briefly and also started to see others. In the end though, the trust had been broken. I suppose trust is high on my list for a value added woman. I was not willing to change what I felt was valuable to me.

Most of this happened before I even found this sub. I had no issues finding younger and hotter women than my wife. Believe me, if I could figure that part out, anyone can. You will have no issues finding another "great girl".

Are you sure she isn't actually a dude?

[–]KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A) She is NOT a good girl. She is NOT "objectively" high quality.

B) What makes you think/imagine/hallucinate/delude yourself that you can't find another woman in 2 months that is equal to or superior to, every aspect that you just praised your cheating whore wife with?

C) Just how low is your self-esteem, anyhow?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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