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Ending scheduled sex

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January 18, 2017
10 upvotes

I'd like to do this right. Interested in how everyone here would handle this. I'd like to drive home the point that by me ending this, she'll be losing the one element of power she is still hanging onto. Background: lifting 6 days per week (5:30am), taking care of shit around the house and NGAF if anyone recognizes it (very different than my old ways), reading constantly instead of phone surfing, out of the house way more often and on a schedule (self employed and used to sit at home working in PJs / being a beta slave), dressing much better and making sure I look and smell great at all times, in general more stoic -- but trying to avoid Rambo. My wife sees the changes. She has upped her game BIG TIME in the kitchen which has been awesome (hot breakfast every morning when I return from the gym and excellent healthy dinners) and has been much more pleasant and feminine (I've teased / complimented on how I like her to dress and do her hair and she's been dressing / doing her hair how I want). She rarely asks me to do anything and if she does she's very polite about it (recognizing that I outwork her by a long shot right now) and often apologizes for asking. She'll shit test from time to time and occasionally spout that what I'm doing isn't working, but then she'll quickly apologize (since I'm not rushing to fix things after her blowups like I used to) and say how much she appreciates / how impressed she is by what I'm doing or she'll just let it be. I've initiated regularly and she's pushed back every time other than the scheduled day. And now we're full circle in this post on ending the scheduled sex.


Post Information
Title Ending scheduled sex
Author stew7000
Upvotes 10
Comments 28
Date 18 January 2017 08:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206636
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5os0q3/ending_scheduled_sex/
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Comments

[–]RedPillQuest4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

I've been in this same position. In fact, there's a post about it here, similar to yours. If you want to end scheduled sex, end it. But I don't think this is what you really want. Tell me if I'm in the right ball park here: you want MORE sex not less, and you think that if scheduled sex is off, you can successfully initiate more. The idea that she is fucking you out of obligation or a negotiated desire drives you nuts... That's not how it's supposed to work. So it might even decline a little in the short term, but damn it, she can get in the mood and want your dick when on schedule, so getting rid of the schedule combined with the changes you're starting to make means she'll get wet and lay you like tile on cue.

Let me ask a question: What if it takes a year for her to be attracted to you the way you want her to? You willing to go without sex for a year? I'm not. It may be weak and pansy assed of me, but a few guys made some really good points... 1) You get sex on schedule... Lots of guys on here would kill for even that. 2) you aren't Chad Thundercock yet. If you were, she'd be waiting naked for you to come home so she could rip off your clothes, eagerly blow you, and beg you to fuck her in the ass. I'm not there by any stretch either man. But I do recall what it was like to have women do just that, so I know it's not an unreal fantasy... We're just not there yet.

My guess is that if you slow down, you'd rather take the scheduled sex over no sex for the next year. And I agree with you. You have fucking needs (pun intended).

Here's what I did. I couldn't stand the idea that she was ever fucking me entirely out of obligation, so I told her that. I said "babe, I'm going to start initiating more often. I want to screw you. You're fucking hot. I get that in the past I've been hurt if you turned me down. That won't happen anymore. If you don't want to fuck when I initiate or on a sex night, tell me. I'm not interested in fucking you if you don't want to fuck me." She asked if that meant I was doing away with scheduled sex. I replied "no, but I'm going to initiate on unscheduled days whenever I want sex, and if you aren't willing or really don't want it on scheduled days, say so." The end.

It's largely been scheduled days since then. But I've initiated on other days too. Big key is no fap and no porn. If she says no, I'm not butt hurt about it. I smile, say " OK" and leave the house for a couple hours to get my dose of dopamine by working out.

Hope that helps.

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

How does she react to you going out for a couple of hours? Does she translate that as butt hurt?

[–]VengefullyY0urs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There have been posts on here and advice saying that you should try to initiate before you have some place to be (work, scheduled class, etc.) That way if you get the hard no you can go back to your regularly scheduled program previously setup and she cant cry butthurt.

Stone pimp is right though, it doesnt matter what she thinks as this is for you. With that said, be attractive, dont be unattractive, and seeming butthurt is unattractive

[–]RedPillQuest1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hope not. I try to make it clear by the way I respond to her denial. I make it a point to smile, say "Ok babe," stop any keno or other affection, and change the subject to engage her on a different unrelated topic (it's been hard to find a topic to move to, so I try to have one in mind before I even start initiating... Just in case). I talk to her for 2-3 minutes just so it's clear that I'm not butt hurt, and then I tell her I'm gonna go get a good workout. I don't wait to see how she reacts, I just get ready and go once I've told her that I'm going to. She's asked once if I was going to workout because she didn't want to have sex. My response was candid... "Of course. I'd rather pump you, but pumping iron will get the energy out too. Good night babe. Enjoy your book." (I know, corny, but there it is). I gave her a smile and a kiss on the forehead and then I left. She hasn't asked since.

That said, I'm very much a newb at this. I'm still learning. I've probably only initiated on unscheduled nights 10 or so times. It's only worked twice and those are iffy (we'd skipped a scheduled night before because I'd been sick or because we'd been out doing something else with the kids instead, so she might have viewed it as simply a make-up for the day we'd skipped.). She's not begging to suck my dick. In fact she still won't even when I ask her to. And I'm still trying to even figure out how to build a frame, let alone keep it. But hopefully I'm doing this little thing right. At least she doesn't get offended or criticize me for just caring about sex.

The other thing that comes to mind is that we've got a lot of momentum from the last 10 years of me getting rejected and getting butt hurt, or me begging for sex and getting butt hurt, and my covert contracts (thinking that she might suck my dick because I bought her a new car was probably the stupidest thing I've ever imagined, but I digress). Add all her friends' gossiping about their beta husbands getting butt hurt, media, and her own parents, and.... I'm guessing that part of her does think I'm probably butt hurt because she rejected me. But I'm genuinely not and over time, she'll realize that. And hopefully, by the time she realizes that, she'll also find that she gets wet and has dirty thoughts whenever I come home. I'm just going to keep working on me.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Who gives a fuck?

You aren't leaving the house to get a reaction, you're leaving becuase you have something better to do, or pretending to while you find soemthing

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

This is great: You're not leaving to get a reaction, you're leaving to pretend you have something better to do until you find something better to do.

Just leave the house at 11 PM on a Tuesday and if she asks, tell her you were at Barnes & Noble.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Guys have all had it. I've always left to go to the gym, starbucks to read the rational male, and sometime to take the dogs out for an afternoon. Escalation? probably a hotel and party for a night.

Bogey has driven to a parking lot and read quietly.

others take their kids out for the day.

Even if you have nothing to do, once you're out there, you'll be bored, and have to find something. Just do it, work out the details in situ

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ask yourself this: If you were not married would you ever drive to a parking lot to read quietly by yourself or spend a random night in a hotel? If the answer is "no" then it is all about attempting to get a reaction out of the wife.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some asshole in a bar is picking fights, so you walk away, and go have a burger at the In n Out.

Same thing, if you're sitting there and pondering her reaction, then you're doing it wrong.

[–]crimson_chris7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Okay. The problem is not scheduled sex. The problem is that you have been a beta bitch for 10 years (did I get that right?) and you have implemented MRP for 2-3 months. Hmmmm.

How has your wife reacted to your physical and mental changes that you have made for less than a quarter of a year? Does she snuggle up to you on the couch? Does she cradle your buldging arms and shoulders? Does she rub your abs? Has she started to defer to you on decisions? Does she follow you around like a petulant little girl if you remove your attention? No, right?

If you had a pretty good relationship you may see some newb gains for the first 2-3 months (like I did). If your shit has been fucked for years, don't expect random bj's for a while (fuck - I still don't get random bj's).

I had scheduled sex with my wife starting last year. But...it was positioned as a minimum of two times a week. Every Wednesday and the weekend Fri/Sat/Sun was the "option" night - so it never felt too planed. We never offically cancelled this....it's just that as I improved we started having sex more often. It just happened as she became more attracted to me - she started initiating (and not on Wed).

In summary, you are not a man that your wife wants to fuck - yet. Hell, I am not a man the my wife wants to give random bj's to - yet.

Lift heavy. Eat light. Run fast. You have a long way to go cowboy.

[–]stew7000[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This response rules. Thank you. So would you keep it or end it then?

[–]crimson_chris1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Neither. It's about owning your needs. My scheduled sex (now that I look back at it) was a medium/crutch for me to let my wife know that I desired sex at least twice a week - and I expected from her. It was also a shield from rejection as I built my self-esteem back up (it goes to the shitter after 16yrs of being under-sexed).

At that time I'd give myself a C- on the MRP man scale (physical and mental). So although her desire was not 100% there, I expected my basic needs to be met at home. Since I had a MRP grade of C-, I also only expected C- sex. Which was a step in the right direction. You need to be honest - but trust me, you are most likely getting the sex you deserve. Right?

So the answer is where are you in your confidence? How much are you truely owning your shit? How do you handle rejection? How strong is your frame?

At some point you'll realize that this is not about sex - it's about making yourself a better man. And you'll realize that there is no spoon.

[–]trp_dude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Keep it. You're in no shape to switch over.

Your wife is not attracted to you yet.

That's it. That's the problem. Nothing else needs to be discussed. Well, I lie. The problem is actually:

You're not attractive to women yet.

That is to say, you will know that it's safe to stop scheduled sex when it's clear other women find you attractive. Your wife isn't going to be attracted to you until you're attractive, period. So when you get to a point you can N-close, you won't need to schedule sex any more.

We used to have a rule, sex at least twice a week. You know how we got rid of that? When we started having sex every night. Because she wanted to. Because... lifting + dread.

If you get rid of scheduled sex, you will get no sex.

You really need to tell us your weight, how much you've read, body fat, where you are on the lifting.

[–]drty_prRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

To end it, say "I've decided I'm going to randomly schedule the day we have sex from now on". Then fog the shit out of anything she says afterwards with a little AM.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And don't make a big deal about it.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree the best way would just be to stop having sex on the regular day. An alternate solution is to have it on the same day, but switch the time. Do it first thing in the morning. It conditions her that the time isn't fixed then you can wean her off that day

[–]atlhartRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

To me, the best thing you could do is, when scheduled sex time comes make other plans, tell her you're no longer interest in scheduled sex. Don't DEER. State the situation. Then Go out. With her. With your buddies. By yourself. Doesn't matter. Leave the house during the regularly scheduled broadcast and be active and abundant. Maintain frame.

Then, next night, initiate. Initiate whenever you want sex. Focus on OI.

But in this approach. It's important to initiate the very next night. When you tell her you no longer want scheduled sex, she's gonna have some feelz. By initiating the next night you communicate that you still want sex with her, and you have communicated that it will no longer be scheduled.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Before I comment, can I ask how in fucks name scheduled sex ever became part of your life? That is fucked up and I ask that with the utmost respect.

Anyway just burry it whenever and shut down any initiation on scheduled days. You need to reset the sexamogrifier.

[–]Nyquil-Junkie0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don't get how scheduled sex is ever stimulating for anyone.... I mean when it's on the list for a certain day at a certain time every week. Is seems like it would be a real buzzkill.

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly. It's like Taco Night. Why would you limit yourself to yummy tacos just one night a week?

[–]crimson_chris0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So here is how my "scheduled" sex went down (this happened early last year). One day my wife joked about me cumming before her the last time we had sex. I told her that maybe I'd last longer if we had sex more than once a week (this was a light/joking convo). She said that was a fair statement. So we landed on Wed and one day on the the weekend Fri/Sat/ or Sun as the minimum - so other days are not off the table, but a basline is set of when we'd have sex. So we had a very loose "schedule. There was no time, place, duration or position agreed upon.

This was my beginning MRP days, so I was not where I needed to be mentally or physically. So at the end if the day we agreed on sex twice a week. It worked for me because it was a less stressful way for us both to start having sex more often and we tried to make it fun - all pre-MRP improvements.

So sometimes we had sex twice a weeek and sometimes more (rarely less - shark week). But it got her to the place where she knew that not having sex with me multiple times a week was not acceptable anymore. Now a year later - quality and quantity are much better and she's initiating about 30% of the time. So...it worked for me.

This is not a solution for everyone...but for a lot of guys the taco restaurant is not open every night. So, you can make the long trip to the restaurant every night hoping that it will be open. Or....start off calling ahead until you both get your shit together.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a lot of wordy responses here.

Valuable...but really:

Initiate when you want. Stop paying attention to what day it is. If she initiates then you take it whenever or expect biological fitness fail blow back.

If she uses the day as an excuse not to, then treat it like a lmr , you'll push past or get a hard no.

Get your head space out of the false dichotomy of her frame of "scheduled vs. unscheduled".

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey rambo, how about if you get a little further along in your MAP, chill and in the meantime fuck her into the matress ?

Edit-

We had some starfish sessions last year and I just banged as deep and hard as I could, one session ended with her flooding the mattress and her literally waking up one of the kids. The starfish shit didn't end after that, but she did comment, she was up for more more often. The hard no's started to recede YMMV

[–]BrazilRedPill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You don't have sex on scheduled day. It's that simple. You will have sex on any day, but not on scheduled day.

[–]Mecha751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Her mind is saying that she is doing her part and being a good little wife. But she still doesnt see the OP as an alpha worth fucking yet. She might never.

[–]youcantdenythat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Simply skip sex on that day. Don't say anything. If she brings it up, tell her thanks but you're not in the mood.

Don't explain, DEER, etc. Pretend like it means nothing to you. Abundance Mentality, etc. Act like you get plenty of sex whenever you want but be completely mysterious. Try to get her hamster spinning.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start initiating when you're horny, don't initiate when you're not. Throw out the calendar. How hard is that?

Just stop being concerned on wether or not it's sex day or not, and remain OI. Who gives a shit if she turns you down cause it's not the scheduled day. Eventually she'll get the message that you don't give a shit about it anymore.

As for tonight, if you want to fuck, initiate, if not don't. You're overthinking this.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're still on this you're not attractive in her eyes.

Internalize the schedule is hers. Not yours.

Then do what you want. Use the MRP tools.

It's simple



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