Dealing with the petulant denial of sex

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January 16, 2017
8 upvotes

I have been RP aware for several years. I read MMSL in 2012. I lazy assed red pill for 4 years ...ebbing and flowing. Reading way too much and acting way too little. I redoubled my efforts about 4 months ago. I quit Athols board because I sensed I was getting terrible advice from the ever increasing female brigade over there. I found AskMRP in July.

I made three commitments to myself; Fitness, reading sidebar, and financial progress have been (and still are) my main focus.

I am nowhere near where I need to be on fitness. I started out fat. I am short (same height as wife). I am now less fat but weight loss stalled between thanksgiving and New Years. Mind you I am as thin as I've ever been since being married. But still sitting at 27-28 bodyfat%. Diet is on point now, I've dropped 5 pounds since New Years. I do stronglifts. (Grade C+ and rising)

Financially I am still digging out of the hole of a failed business. Probably still 20k behind the 8 ball there but making steady gains. Found a new job and it's a good fit. (Grade C and rising). Tough to get ahead when you are paying out so much interest. That will be done by the end of the year.

sidebar I've read: NMMNG, Book of Pook, SGM, MMSL, mindful attraction plan, currently reading WISNIFG.

I've really only been mapping my initiations and sex for 3 months. I can say unequivocally that my success rate has fallen to all time lows. I consider myself to be in monk mode at this point. I initiate almost as an experiment, assuming failure most times. I look at it like lifting, I want to attempt just to be better able to deal with the failure. I know that's fucked up but I'm being honest here. I know when I'm going to fail but I make her say no.

Anyway, the point of this post is dealing with the petulant, shit testy "no I don't want to have sex with you." It isn't any kind of soft let down. It's more of a "fuck you pig, I can't believe you just asked me to have sex."

I am a pig, I get it. But how do I deal with it in the moment. It's disrespectful but I'm confused on whether to address the disrespect, literally STFU, move on with my day gleefully, or other.

When faced with this yesterday (and the day before) I simply moved on. Wife works swing shift and kids were at friends, house was wide open. She was throwing up the defenses but I wanted to initiate sex so I did. She sarcastically responds "yeah I want it fuck baby..." So I said "cool" let's do it "she then deadpans "no I don't want to have sex with you." In those words...the "with you" part hung in the air like a toxic black cloud. After a few seconds I just said "yeah that's what I figured." I didn't say this in a mean way...more of a disappointed puppy way. But it was honest. I was disappointed.

How could I have better responded? Should I just not initiate when I know it's a no go. (pick a reason ...kids are home, I'm tired, I worked last night, I worked today, you didn't do dishes, you aren't nice to me anymore, I don't feel well)

Sex happens on her timeline or not at all. It's her way or not at all. We doing it the same way 90% of the time. Or we don't do it at all. She will start fights during sex instead of changing positions. I am 20 years married. I am this close to calmly pulling the eject ripcord. She has no clue I've got it in me to do so. She is fully confident in her mastery over me. I'm not even mad at her. I'm just tired of fighting her for every inch.

Swing away gents.


Post Information
Title Dealing with the petulant denial of sex
Author GongShanks
Upvotes 8
Comments 101
Date 16 January 2017 03:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206645
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5obe2r/dealing_with_the_petulant_denial_of_sex/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
WISNIFGmonk modeliftthe red pillcloseMMSLNMMNG
Comments

[–]dandar46006 points7 points  (14 children) | Copy

But still sitting at 27-28 bodyfat%.

I am a pig, I get it.

she then deadpans "no I don't want to have sex with you."

Can you blame her? Were you her, would you want to fuck you?

Keep lifting, lose another 50 pounds and she will change her tune.

[–]GongShanks[S] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

The diet is even more important to me. I don't blame her but I think the fact that I've stopped taking her shit to a large extent coupled with still being fat has really tapered her desire down. She could deal when I was being a good little boy. Now I'm not her little bitch anymore and my other warts are more apparent.

Less apparent to her is that she's turning gray at an increasing rate. This is also a big turn off to me. She seems to care not one bit.

[–]dandar46004 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's all connected. She's turning grey and she doesn't care cause she has no one she wants to look good for. Lose the weight, dress better, stop referring to yourself as a fat pig but rather as a fit attractive man and she will try again.

My wife is a hair stylist. She had this old lady come in with grey unkempt hair. She kind of looked like a witch. She left as a 40s attractive woman. The 2 hour transformation was nothing short of astounding.

You worry about yourself. When you become someone worth fucking she will get that hair taken care of.

[–]Mecha751 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you become someone worth fucking she will get that hair taken care of.

yup. been hitting the gym for 2 months now. My wife has burned herself on her straightening iron twice since I started. I don't think she has even looked at it in the previous 5-8 years.

[–]anythingincRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

http://truth-dealer.com/physiology/fundamentals/lean-body-weight-03.html

Start at the bottom of the page and scroll up until you get to the point that any self-respecting woman would consent to enthusiastically fuck you.

Hint: You're 10 percentage points and many months away. That site has all the math, plans, exercises, and timelines you need.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the link. It's pretty spot on.

[–]Coniferous_881 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Just curious...where would you rank you wife's SMV relative to yours?

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Higher than mine. Slightly. Maybe one point above mine. She's naturally got a better body. She's pretty but no makeup or hair game.

[–]Coniferous_881 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Get into the right body fat % range, and things will be better for you...this should be your mission...getting as fit as possible for summer time. Otherwise, keep initiating sex and use your newfound dedication to fitness as a bolster to OI. Your thought process should go something like this: I feel like sex so I'm going to initiate...got shot down...hey, no worries, I have more time for pushups or squats...go workout until the anger/frustration goes away...repeat daily. The point is always make her be the one to make sex not happen. By initiating lots, you set a certain level of your sexual expectation, she should never have to guess if you are horny...it should be assumed. This is important, because when you do get fit she will KNOW YOU WANT SEX and now you're better looking and perhaps getting IOIs from other women and you can cultivate abundance mentality and then you can use that to generate dread. Everything builds on itself and one of the very best things to learn how to do is initiate with OI.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

My diet is my main focus. I do a modified stronglifts routine. I'm not initiating sex for at least 30 days. I've grown too invested in it and use it for validation. Thus it hurts way more than it should when I get rejected.

[–]Coniferous_880 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Just make sure you're reasons for not initiating are 100% for you to make efforts at self improvement...

If you're not initiating as a way to force her to do it or see how long she will go before bringing it up then you are heading down a long miserable path that goes nowhere.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

They are. Absolutely. It's a fast. I'll fuck her if she initiates but I will not initiate. I did initiate a hug and a kiss. Nothing more though. I just want to break my dependency on her pretty much. Or at least learn about it.

Don't care if I go the whole month with nothing. I'll live. I'll probably learn something about myself as well. I thought about no fap here too but decided against that. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself.

[–]Coniferous_880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't buy into too much of the NoFap stuff, but...there is one key thing that I do like about it. If your wife becomes the only outlet for your sexual release, then you will be driven to game her more and put in the effort to work on yourself, or if that doesn't work you have motivation to go out and implement active dread.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. It does do that. However in my case I think that would be counter productive.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

I am a pig, I get it. But how do I deal with it in the moment. It's disrespectful but I'm confused on whether to address the disrespect, literally STFU, move on with my day gleefully, or other.

MRP is hard mode, and that sucks. But you have to suck it up, develop and display OI to rejections, and maintain a positive frame.

It's disrespectful but I'm confused on whether to address the disrespect

You can't negotiate respect; any attempt to do so just decreases the respect even more.

After a few seconds I just said "yeah that's what I figured."

FFS, respect must start with self-respect. How can anyone respect you, if you don't show respect to yourself? So she doesn't respect your piggy, broke business failure self ... yet; fair enough, you've got work to do. But never disrespect yourself.

Sex happens on her timeline or not at all. It's her way or not at all.

You sound like you suck right now, and really aren't worth going to much inconvenience for. Fix yourself, and I bet this issue will disappear.

[–]GongShanks[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Maybe. I can't fix myself in a day. I work at it every day though. I think my biggest issue is looking externally for validation. A different user pointed that it earlier. Always been that way with me.

I need to decouple sex and validation for sure. I am a bit worried that she doesn't offer me a whole lot outside of sex though. I mean it isn't like I need her conditional friendship or to listen to her bitching st the kids all the time.

[–]midlifedick1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You remind me of Eeyore. No wonder she sees sex as a chore, you mope. Be more fun.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Nailed it.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I think my biggest issue is looking externally for validation.

This destroys attraction. In most cases, even more than being fat. Check out /user/prarrott's saga; getting hawt hasn't fixed his relationship, because he's still been lost in terms of frame and external validation. Don't neglect working on this in covert hope that just getting buff will flip her switch.

I am a bit worried that she doesn't offer me a whole lot outside of sex though.

You may not discover what she has to offer until you're worth offering it to. Or, she may have little more of value to offer. Time will tell.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's it. It's like I'm in a holding pattern in terms of her needing to show me value. I don't even want to worry about that shot until I'm in much better shape. I will find out though. I am basically saying to myself "you don't get to say shit about her until you show yourself you can become the fit guy you want to be. So shut the fuck up already. You do not deserve her best. Don't act like you do."

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

you summed up your whole problem

You care about what she thinks. This isn't about her, it's about you.

I'm copying from /u/stonepimpletilists

What do you want?

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I consider myself to be in monk mode at this point.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Embrace it fully rather than merely accepting it as a consolation prize. Spend more time on introspection and meditation to help you better internalize the truths you're digesting while cultivating OI and self respect. No need to waste attention on her.

You can't give what you don't have. While you want to sell an awesome life to others and are marketing this to those around you, they see your stock is either empty or antithetically awesome, so no one's buying.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I agree.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

sidebar I've read: NMMNG, Book of Pook, SGM, MMSL, mindful attraction plan, currently reading WISNIFG.

You use the word petulant, which is not congruent with the self awareness you write about in the rest of this. why?

Shit test, how about no?

She already thinks you're a fuck... own it.

Keep things simple. Go pack a gym bag, then go get shot down, preferably as cruel as possible. then go take it out on the iron. Intensity will beat out any problems with a workout program.

Then, go get WISNIFG, hit on her again. Hopefully she laughs at your small dick. Go to starbucks and read for an hour or two. She can't stand you, and it sounds like you can't stand her, you're providing value for the first time in a while to those around you by your absence.

Leave with a smile, say nothing. come back with a smile, say nothing. "Out" is the only word in your vocabulary for a while.

Hey, try it for a third time, except this time, when she shits on you in front of the kids, "I am here to put up with your bullshit, not them" And go take them for a fun afternoon.

I put it sleightly better in embracing your inner psychopath

Hooker, fuck another fattie outside your marriage, jerk off with VR, doesn't matter. Join the fucking boyscots with the kids, and be gone most of the day. You have (or should have) three short term goals here.

  1. look fuckable
  2. not care if she is fucking you
  3. your time and attention is based on the value provided

Do what you have to do to get there, morality be damned. Morality seems to align well with whatever women prefer, it's a fake, slave morality, designed to vilify that which great men can take from the world, and treat your inability to achieve masculine things as virtue.

Regardless of all this. Whatever it is in your MAP you have, you need some strength(value) and, as my boy Bruce puts it[paraphrased]:

Strength is the well that all other qualities drink from.

[–]DonaldBaelish-3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Some men just want to play victim and get their validation. They want a comment from someone like their wife, who has been treating them like a mother , which is repulsive. They want her responses , her "It will be alright sweety." which from a masculine point of view is also repulsive. They call themselves fat and get hurt when someone from the comment section calls them fat too , which is pathetic. They say they are dieting but downvote those who call them out on their shitty keto-attempts , which is retarded. They downvote harsh words.

To each his own.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

TBH, OP is taking it much better than most do. Will see, but mentally, he seems to be humble enough to accept change.

time will tell if he's sprinkling alpha, or seriously trying to achieve.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

One thing I've always been able to do is step outside my own head and see things objectively from different points of view without emotion clouding it too much. I notice a lot of people simply cannot do this and they act totally irrationally.

I'm not sprinkling shit on anything. I've resolved to do the 30 day sex moratorium as described in NNMNG. I certainly not using these 30 days to see how much of an asshole I can be. I'm going to focus on how I feel each day moving forward.

I am still working through WISNIFG. Got a copy on my computer at work. There seems to be a lot I can use here. The shaming for things like cleaning my room when I was a kid certainly rings true. I had a mean drunk stay at home stepmom growing up. Got beat many times for shit I didn't do. My dad was an alpha, but not present. He would threaten violence if I stood up to step mom in his absence but never punched me. So I think the approval seeking I do is somewhat tied to that.

I guess what I hope to accomplish is decoupling sex (and by extension approval) from my wife in an effort to see what other value she adds. I know she adds some value. I am having a hard time identifying it though. She's not lazy. She cooks and cleans and works s full time job making good money. She's honest and loyal (IFAIK). Never does GNO, she's a total homebody. Boring.

So I am going to journal and try to spot some patterns in the next month. Keto is going well. Pulled off another pound yesterday. Three pounds away from my high school weight then only 25 more to go after that to round out the 50 lbs. then I will see where I'm at.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think the sex moratorium is a good plan. As well as focusing on your cool qualities. The levels of dread sound tailor made for you. Learn how to flirt and game women. First on your wife and, if she's still rejecting you harshly, with someone else. You could use a good dose of abundance mentality

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy

I can tell you're struggling and I don't like to kick someone who is down, but your problem is obvious, and so is the solution. You're fat, and you've got to lose the weight. That doesn't make you a loser, it doesn't make you weak. I'm not someone who sees weight in moral terms.

But it is the hard reality.

[–]GongShanks[S] 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

I appreciate it and I know you are correct. To be quite honest I think I'm worried that even after losing the weight and getting the finances in order she still will see herself as superior to me in every way. Worried that she has an very unrealistic opinion of her own awesomeness. If that is the case, and I tend to think it might be, I will have a very serious choice to make.

She is a woman who seems to think she is above everyone. Not just me. She is condescending to her parents, the kids, most of our peers. I don't think it's even that she has a high opinion of herself, more that's she's got a low opinion of everyone else. She's not arrogant, she just condescending if that makes sense. I feed into it too much as well.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Your worries are retarded. Stop being a faggot who worries about retarded things.

Either way, when you're a man of value, she will get in line, or she will GTFO. Regardless, your life will be better by the end.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just read one of your posts on the 6 sigma 5 whys. Powerful stuff. It's crazy how you can start off in one direction and end up somewhere totally different....even if you just change one answer.

Not getting sex I want Why? Because I'm too fat to fuck the way I want Why? Because I haven't made fitness a top priority Why? Because I've been able to get by in the past being lazy Why? Because my wife truly dug who I was Why? Because I wasn't around too much and did my own thing all the time.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

even after losing the weight and getting the finances in order she still will see herself as superior to me in every way

[Maybe](even after losing the weight and getting the finances in order she still will see herself as superior to me in every way). Maybe not. Doesn't matter. I wrote that post hoping that it would provide a shortcut to know if your wife will respond to your changes. But don't listen to my advice if you're not reaching maximum attractiveness. You assume your wife won't respond, but you don't know for sure unless you try. I'm speaking to myself here too.

People who have a low self esteem try to mask it by trying to look down on everybody. Sounds like your wife.

And again, it doesn't matter. What does matter is you. Some cocky, self-assured, overblown confidence, sauteed in a pan of outcome independence, paired with a good glass of fun-loving attitude... that's the ticket.

Even deeper now... your inner game needs more work than your outer game. Sure, work on your BF% and looks. But you're solidly in her frame and overthink what she may or may not be thinking.

You mentioned monk mode. That's good. That's your job. Thinking of it this way might help to take the focus off of her: you're improving yourself so that someday you'll be able to have sex with a hot, submissive, doting woman. Whether or not that's her is irrelevant.

[–]weakandsensitive-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

you want to feel better about yourself by making your wife feel shitty about herself? you're a fat useless cunt that's a sad excuse of a man. i pity your wife for continuing to put up with your useless bullshit.

fuck off.

how about you try "i'm a fat cunt who's unattractive lazy and have a shitty attitude. i bring no value. it's no surprise nobody gives a shit about me because there's nothing to give a shit about." next time and leave it at that?

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Where did you get that from? About making myself feel better by making her feel worse?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

petulant. and your 'disappointed' bit.

There was a reason you expressed your emotional state to her. It's not because she gives a shit, women just don't.

He's guessing that you wanted her to feel bad, because you feel bad

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Got it. Makes sense and spot on.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I sent a link to 'shit tests, how about no?'

Seriously, for a while, use that as your shit test response. You speak like a woman, and need to learn to kill that with fire

[–]weakandsensitive-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

in order she still will see herself as superior to me in every way. Worried that she has an very unrealistic opinion of her own awesomeness. If that is the case, and I tend to think it might be, I will have a very serious choice to make.

She is a woman who seems to think she is above everyone. Not just me. She is condescending to her parents, the kids, most of our peers. I don't think it's even that she has a high opinion of herself, more that's she's got a low opinion of everyone else. She's not arrogant, she just condescending if that makes sense. I feed into it too much as well.

You talk shit about her 100x more than you talk shit about yourself. how about you try "i'm a fat cunt who's unattractive lazy and have a shitty attitude. i bring no value. it's no surprise nobody gives a shit about me because there's nothing to give a shit about."

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe, but probably not. I economize this as something I sometimes do and I see a lot of guys do, which is imagine that my wife's issues are uniquely bad. Obviously, some women are different than others. But until you've run your map, you really don't know how she'll respond.

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would consider goin on a keto diet if I were you. This helped me greatly through the Christmas season. Eating no carbs made staying in a good weight range easy. Any sugar? No thanks. Beer? No thanks but I'll take a whiskey I feel you have one.

I bet if you got serious about that diet you would loose tons of weight. You are just too fat right now. But you can change that with work. However right now your dedication just isn't there. I honestly don't think you are taking this seriously. And if you aren't, why should she?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

You talk about significant improvements and then say this:

I can say unequivocally that my success rate has fallen to all time lows.

But you say earlier:

I dropped 5 pounds since New Years.

First, how do you know it is at all time lows if you have only been tracking for 3 months? These statements are strangely inconsistent.

Second, MRP is not just reading and pontificating. Our motto on MRP is "Actus Non Verba." Actions Not Words. You are down 5 pounds. Keep heading in that direction. Stoney literally changed my life when he told me to just stop eating. I can't recall the exact words he used but it was about fasting for the day and I tried it. Now I usually eat an Atkins power bar for lunch and make it home for dinner (after all day walking hither and thither) on less than 1,000 calories. I make it a game to see how low I can get my blood sugar without passing out on the drive home.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its so wild but when you don't eat and lift hard you get thin.

Eating light meals is much much harder than just going hungry.

Try and not eat til noon and keep the calories under 500 THEN have your dinner

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

On the frequency, my method was simple. I guessed.

The fasting is big too. I can deal with hunger pangs.
I am far enough into ketosis that I don't get the blood sugar roller coaster.

I've made some pretty significant financial gains as well. I am learning that, while all that is nice, without being trim and fit there is little impact on attraction.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How do I know? Well I live my life every day. I don't need a spreadsheet to tell me I'm striking out more often than before.

Your diet simply sounds unsustainable. Why would you do that to yourself? Sounds red pill Rambo to me. But if it works for you great.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Day 5 of my initiation fast. I don't think I've had an erection yet. When I got my testosterone tested it was in the low 300 about a year (and 25 lbs) ago. I think I need to get that checked again. I suspect its low.

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You have to decide if she adds any value to your life. If she doesn't continue your progress and dump her.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She adds a lot of value. She's a trooper. Makes great money and goes all out as a mom. I just don't get her engine revved anymore. The problem is me.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yeah, don't have much going for yourself. Lift, read, career,

STFU in the meantime.

For example:

After a few seconds I just said "yeah that's what I figured." I didn't say this in a mean way...more of a disappointed puppy way. But it was honest. I was disappointed.

NO! STFU here, and MAP

I'm not sure I'd want to be with a chick that was that disrespectful personally. I mean, I get it that she doesn't want to fuck you but it seems like she's rubbing salt in the wound. Does she have any positive qualities to offset her lack of character you've described in the comments?

Keep this in mind though, this is only a temporary snapshot of your life - If you do the work, your life can look completely different (in a great way) with or without her in a year. When I said you were a loser, I mean the snapshot of your current situation. You have the power to mold your life however you want. Take charge. Do the work.

[–]GongShanks[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

The disrespect is like the fly in the ointment. It permeates every relationship she has except a couple. She does rub salt in wounds with me. And she doesn't know when to back off the kids either. She will just rail on them well past the point of getting a message through.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, can't make a decision for you, but you have to look at all the pros and cons of staying in this relationship regardless of whether you improve yourself or not. It's usually best not to make any rash decisions until you can MAP up and work some of the dread levels in any case

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It permeates every relationship she has except a couple.

Those couple of relationships it doesn't permeate, what is different about them and the relationship to them? This might be a good opportunity to see the difference in a real world setting so you can start to "get it."

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

It is literally impossible not to cut to under 20 percent (which is fairly average and not special) by eating one whole foods meal per day and lifting heavy 3 to 4 times a week.

Quit bitching and start planning this weeks workouts and meals.

If you get hungry, chew ice and drink espresso . By spring you will be in new wardrobe and can take a breather as you get set for the next cut (sub 15%)

Fat men don't get a lot of sex. Sorry if you thought otherwise

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

This fat guy used to. Weird.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Then why are you looking for advice about sexual strategy fatso?

The ego protection on some new folks is unreal. How can you possibly learn and improve if you can't face criticism from men who have been in your shoes and fixed shit

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I just don't see a lot of value in speaking in absolutes. It's lazy commentary.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

course not. you think you are special.

millions of men face the same exact problems you do. most are like you, lazy cowards who would rather whine about it than DO something hard to solve your problems.

As GLO said yesterday, lots of lesser man than you have the physique they want, have the job and money they want and fuck the bitches they want but it takes planning and hard work and sacrifice.

this was written especially for men like u

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5oa5zf/comment/dchugyr

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're taking a beating here.

I will give you some weight loss advice that might be kind of obvious but I almost never see it is used here. If you're not doing any cardio, consider getting on the elliptical machine for a half hour at least before lifting.

If you're doing it right (moderate resistance at a high / 10-11 mph rate), a guy your size should be able to burn 400 calories per and the cardio benefit will continue if you immediately lift weights afterward. I topped out at 200 lbs at 5'11 and dropped 25 lbs and 4 inches on my waist in 6 mo this without even really dieting this way. I've moved on to a 3-mile run per from there.

Just throwing it out there.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm thinking about it. I like the idea of about a 6 hour Windows. Perhaps 4-10pm would work well for me. I don't really get hungry in the morning once Keto adapted. So this is a natural fit for me.

[–]bala-key-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

But still sitting at 27-28 bodyfat%

That's still very high. If you're making good progress, stay the course.

I'd personally recommend /r/keto but whatever works for you. Just stop doing what doesn't.

It's a marathon. Don't be impatient.

[–]Griever114-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

Your monk mode is not monk mode. You need to start pulling time and affection AWAY from the wife. Honestly, she is nothing more than a roommate right now while you work on yourself.

Lose the weight, keep digging yourself out of financial losses and only give a fuck about yourself because, newsflash... she doesnt fucking care.

I dont know how much time you spend with her right now, but even if its a movie night... fuck that. She can be a bitch on her own time. You are too fucking busy working out being awesome. Mind you, you are still overweight and NOT that awesome... but she needs to start thinking the opposite.

While you are doing this, keep up on MMSLP. Start gaming other women so you can start to game your wife again. Once you can handle a stranger, you can deal with your disrespectful wife.

Just so we are clear, its one thing to not want to have sex with you... its another to be a cunt about it like she is doing.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Right!!? That's my thought too. It's like for fuck sake, the biggest whale on earth could ask me to fuck and I would not mock her for it.

It's troubling because it's a window into her character (thinking people are beneath her). Maybe AWALT but I'm not so sure that's true about this.

I do need to start parsing my time. Huge weakness.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]GongShanks[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That is the best post I've ever read. Thank you. ''Tis is exactly what I did.

I'm a moron.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Once you start being an awesome, BUSY, attractive man... things will come around however, you have lots to work on.

[–]Aaren_Augustine-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You like to punish yourself? In the early days that's why I set myself up for failure. It was the only way I could get external motivation to accomplish my goals.

I had to let it go. Let it go that validation was not going to come from her. I HAD to produce. Had to cultivate discipline. NOT set her up for failure and make choosing divorce easier.

[–]GongShanks[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do. One thing I've been trying to do is actively being my own judge. I think a big part of my problem is seeking validation from others. WISNIFG is an interesting read for me.

[–]GongShanks[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'd say hers is slightly higher. I'm a 6 and she's a 7 or some such thing. My innate sense is shes sexier than me. However as I lose the weight, that delta is shrinking. She's losing SMV and I'm gaining. I'd imagine with 5 years mine will be significantly higher.

The truth of the matter is shes by far the second hottest woman in our peer group and close to the first depending on preference. I am probably the 3rd or 4th ranked male. So there is definitely some room for me to gain. We live in A remote area and there isn't a lot of emphasis on fitness around here.

She'd do just fine right now in the local sexual market. Me, I'd still struggle most likely in my current state.

[–]ThrowTheEgg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're at 28% body fat, and you're a "6". You're not just average, but above average in sexual/masculine attractiveness and value.

Try again. Lose the ego this time.

[–]DonaldBaelish-2 points-1 points  (15 children) | Copy

You could have lost that weight only by furiously masturbating these whole years you claim you have been RP aware.

If you are fat and can't lose that weight alone , get a Personal Trainer for fuck's sake. Order him to make you a food regimen. You come here telling us your diet is on point and you are at 30% bf? Does your diet have coke and chips in it , but only once a day? You can't do it alone. You need profesionalls that can make it for you. The whole Fitness Industry has been cashing on making diets for people and not only that. Do you know what a fat burner is? I sound like a PT now , desperately trying to sell shit. But honestly , these things work.

You come here throwing victim puke at us and at your wife. "Yeah , thats what I figured." is such a good problem-solver. You were not dissapointed , you were hurt because you are weak and fat. I can't say you have read MMSLP or even the sidebar if you come asking how to deal with sexual rejection. You know what , fuck her timeline. Initiate everyday , all the time , whenever you want. All those faggy reasons you listed up there are written in the books you claim to have read.

You have been fighting for how long? Four months? And you are tired? From what? Do you even do cardio to have an excuse to be tired?

You are in a place where people will help you lift yourself up. All that victim mentality won't lead you to success. You want people to tell you that things will get better but are you realling putting the effort? Are you four months in or four years in?

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy

No, I don't drink any calories. I drink back coffee and water. I don't eat any breads. I don't eat carbs period.

I have read the books. My problem seems to lie in knowing the path but not walking the path. I don't know what fat burners you are talking about. I consider 95% of diet products to be placebo garbage or downright dangerous.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Intermittent fasting, start to control your hunger cravings as well.

Remember, you can have a deficit and still gain muscle, your body has a wealth of calories from which to use

[–]GongShanks[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am actually in hour 22 of s 24 hour fast right now. It was planned. Nothing to do with the weekend. I am just going to plan to fast from Sunday dinner to Monday dinner every week. Not even hard to do.

Maybe even longer, not sure. Thinking of sticking it out until tomorrow morning actually.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Slow but steady... now to apply that to your GAF factor

[–]JustOneMoreAcct-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you do daily IF? I usually eat only between 1 and 7pm; the 24hr is too long for me. IF pls keto along with not heavy lifting (knee tendinitis) has resulted in me going from 282 to 223 in 6 months. I'm 6'3 so I still have a bit to go.

[–]DonaldBaelish-2 points-1 points  (9 children) | Copy

What about your other meals? How many times per day do you eat? Is removing bread and carbs what you call a diet?

I'm also talking fat support supplementation. Talk to a professional.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Keto is what I call a diet. That's what I do. Coupled with intermittent fasting. I'm currently on hour 19 of a 24 hour fast.

[–]DonaldBaelish-1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy

I hope you are not doing it wrong then. Keto is great and provides results the fastest imo.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

I am monitoring it more closely. I look at it like my sex life is basically on hold until I hit my goal weight. I don't have shit to say about my wife until I hit that weight.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

You mention your BF% and your diet stalling, but not your height, weight, lifting routine and diet. Add those and you'd probably get a lot more usefull suggestions.

It's EASY to drop 1-1.5lbs a week while holding onto lean mass if you're disciplined. I know, I've been doing it the last 6 months. Getting close to 40lbs lost in that time.

If your not tracking your calories and macros, start NOW. MFP makes it easy. Make sure your getting your 1g/lb of protein, fill in the rest with fat and carbs from vegetables. Avoid all refined sugars and sinple carbs. You don't have to go keto, you just have to keep simple carbs away.

If you're Keto and not losing weight, you're either eating way too much, or grossly underestimating your carb intake. With just a bit of berries, 2 cups of brocolli, a banana, the 5g in my protein shake and 2 sugar packets/day (coffee) I'm usually over 50g of carbs a day. That's with zero "carbs" in my diet. Are you sure you're in Ketosis?

Get to a true 500cal deficit, start tracking your food, get your workouts in. There's no excuse other than being lazy. I know, I lived it for 15 years.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I am getting some great suggestions. I'm 5'10" weigh 209 pounds. I do a a modified stronglifts (using body weight instead of weighted squats) and eat Keto with intermittent fasting (24 hour fast once per week).

I am into ketosis according to the strips. I have been since January 3rd. As I mentioned I am down actually 5.2 lbs since January 1.

I think the weight is my main focus. I don't drink calories. Coffee is black or not at all. I need to just continue what I've been doing for another 3 months and I have no doubt the weight will be there.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

If you just went back to Keto since Jan.1st then the 5.2lbs you lost is probably 90% water weight. Your body finished off it's glycogen stores and you lost the 3-4lbs of water you were holding along with them. Don't believe me? Go eat a few pasta meals this weekend and marvel at the 3-4lbs you gain over the weekend.

Any weight you lose in the coming weeks, while keeping to your Keto diet will be true weight loss.

All your doing right now is fucking around with the scale. What have you lost in the last year? How many pants sizes have you dropped? Consistent fat loss over time ads up. You just need to stick with it. Plateauing over the holidays tells me you cheated....a lot.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I don't give a shit what kind of weight it is. I'm well aware of how Keto works.

Intermittent fast went well today. No cheats. Just coffee and water for 24 hours. It wasn't transformational but it did give me a malleable goal for the day.

[–]SexistFlyingPig-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

How does she bring value to your life?

She helps you to feel shitty about the things in your life you already feel shitty about.

Doesn't that make you angry? Great. Go lift and shut the f*ck up.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy

I forget who said it on here a few weeks back but something to consider:

She is not the gatekeeper of sex. She is the gatekeeper of sex with her. Next time you're out, flirt with someone. Remind yourself that you're not dead. Allow someone else to enjoy this new found confidence that your journey has brought you.

And ignore her for almost everything outside of logistical requirements. Right now she sounds brutal, you can thank yourself for that.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Agreed. I had a woman majorly flirt with me and invite me to give her a ride home a few months back. It was really cool to feel that sense of attraction again. Haven't felt that in a long time. With my wife it's more a sense that she tolerates me on her schedule and only in this way or that.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

I caught and released for the first time last week. Quite a rush and basically added some logs to the fire that's been keeping me warm from the ice storm that my wife has been generating.

[–]GongShanks[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Interesting. I almost did it but too. But just did not go through with it. I had a big professional day the next day and didn't want to fuck my mind up with a bunch of guilt.

How did you feel afterwards? Guilty? Relieved? Excited?

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think I'm much further along than you. I'll post a field report later today but honestly, I felt great. No guilt and zero concern about her finding out.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

When you say catch and release you mean you gamed, flirted, maybe got a number and said farewell? Right? If you fucked her there was no "release." Pun intended but inverted.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

that's right.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Still fun and good to practice



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