I found the red pill/PUA community about 12 years ago (2 years before I met my wife). I transformed my life and went from blue pill Beta to strong Alpha. I was spinning plates, was very fit and had 4-5 different options I was juggling each week and avoided any LTR until I met my wife.
Met my wife at a bar while she was out with her family, was cocky, funny had everyone laughing their asses off and closed for her number that night in front of her family.
Definitely had oneitis setting in quickly, I wanted a family and built her into what I wanted to see. She moved in 45 days after we met.
Over the next 4-5 years I did ok at maintaining frame we had an amazing sex life and we're getting married. I was absolutely guilty of getting too comfortable/complacent and falling back into my Beta ways.
We got pregnant right before the wedding and because of my inability to deal with some things from my childhood I completely regressed after we had kids. Became depressed, angry, starting acting like a nice guy instead of the leader of my family and the man she had come to know and count on. She also has some childhood trauma that makes her significantly withdraw and isolate those she loves when they hurt or slight her in any way. A strong frame is required to deal with it and get her back to herself.
She had to take the lead with parenting, with house repairs with everything except finances (I do well and make $300k+). I stopped working out, I stopped having hobbies I stopped being the person she was attracted to. I got lazy, I got sloppy. House became a cluttered mess, dead bedroom, etc.
I reacted to her shit tests emotionally and took what was once a strong frame and now could barely maintain frame. It would crumble under any pressure. I would withdraw and leave at the first sign of any shit test of difficult conversation. Everytime I tried to start back down the path of self improvement my frame was never strong enough to push through the manipulation and guilt comments. Going to the gym was abandoning my family...
Two kids later. We all know where this leads. Dead Bedroom, her wanting to end the relationship.
I've spent the past month lurking here and MRP reading the prerequisites, learning how I should have been applying what I knew to my LTR and remembering the things I forgot. I'm an idiot.
I started lifting again and asserting myself . I think I jumped back in to my old ways too fast, I still have some weight to lose and my SMV while not what it once was is still high in her eyes. My T is low and so is my energy levels. I wouldn't want to fuck me..
I'm on the right path but now I responded emotionally to another shit test last night, lost frame and she locked herself in a bathroom, slid a note under the door that accused me of cheating, because that was the only she could explain my anger at her shit tests and said she wants to leave.
I recognized this as a test and said "I've been working on things but looks like we ran out of time, I don't want to make you stay in a situation you believe is bad for you."
At this point she went nuclear and slammed the door took the kids in our room and locked me out.
She woke up this morning and said that "we do have some things to work on and that I need to live somewhere else for 3 months while we figure it out. We can re evaluate our relationship after that."
Basically gave me the ultimatum, you move out temporarily or I do.
I'm lost, my confidence isn't high enough to handle this like I should. I don't want to have to look at my kids and say I didn't do everything I could. I don't want them going through the trauma of having to leave their home like I did.
I'm actually seeing this as an amazing opportunity to remove all excuses and get my life back in order over the next 3 months. I needed to be doing this anyway.
Am I an idiot for feeling like this is a good idea to hit reset and let my SMV build before trying to see if this can or is worth being reignited?