My brother called in crisis mode last night while I was working at home. I got up, took the phone to my car and then realized I was low on gas so I ran back in to grab my wallet. On my way out, wife was pestering asking where I was going. I replied with a wave and a smile as I got into my car and drove off to talk to my bro. In the first 10 min after I left, she texted me and called more than a dozen times to say I was scaring her, etc. I texted once to say "Stop. I'm fine. I'm on an important call." She wrote back to ask if it was for work. I didn't respond. Talked to the bro for a little over an hour and a half in a parking lot.
I decided NOT to tell wife who I was talking to or what about... The issues were serious and personal for him and his family. Wife gossips, family is coming to town tomorrow for Xmas, and as you'll see below, she's relentless and would interrogate me about the conversation until I told her everything if I told her even who I'd been talking to (she's done it several times)... A line needed to be drawn and I decided to draw the line at not even telling her who I was talking to. Even though my text told her I was on an important call, I didn't bring it up again during our conversation.
Got home, all lights were off. I went in and finished the work I had been doing before the phone call for about an hour. Went upstairs and wife rolled over and the following exchange took place:
W: where were you?
W: Where? Why? What's wrong?
Me: I got gas
W: what else?
W: what else?
W: what else?
W: why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why won't you answer me?
I got in bed, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and wrapped a leg across her waist.
W: something is not right. Something is wrong. Tell me what you were doing.
Me: I told you, I got gas for the car.
W: what else? For two and a half hours? We didn't even need gas. Something's wrong, what is it? Why won't you talk to me? What were you doing?
Me: "buying a new hamster wheel" (i thought it was funny. not explaining that the low fuel light was on or that I'd been working in my office for the last hour, not gone the whole time... And trying to be humorous and hoping to end the interrogation) )
W: what? What's that?
Me: you know, the ring hamsters run around in
Me: for my hamster. (No, I don't own a hamster)
W: Where were you? What's wrong? Why does your breath smell funny?
Me: (not explaining that I'd eaten a few cookies and wanted to get rid of the crumbs in my mouth) "i brushed my teeth."
W: yeah right. since when do you brush your teeth before bed?
Me: "every single day."
W: something's wrong. Tell me what's wrong. NOW!
Me: (aiming, perhaps poorly, at humor again) "you're right, something's wrong. I'm really horny. You should help me with that."
W: I can't help you with that.
Me: of course you can. Wanna have sex?
Me: "ok" (not butt hurt at all... Really DNGAF. Rolled over and said goodnight.)
W: something is wrong. This isn't right. What should I do?
Me: (couldn't help myself) "i told you, I'm horny. You should help me with that. From top down, there's your mouth, your tits, your hands, your vagina, and your butt."
W: got up, took her phone (presumably to call or text MC) and stormed out.
W: (came back in 10 min later, slammed the door, and turned on the light) "this is wrong. This is not right. What's wrong with you? Are you seeing someone? "
W: were you drinking?
W: are you taking drugs? Are you on something? You can't talk to me like this and degrade me. Stop treating me like this.
Me: "no, and this conversation is really unproductive. I'm done. When you're ready to have a grown up conversation let me know. Until then, I'm going to sleep."
W: I'm ready! Tell me where you were. Tell me what's wrong! Why do you keep looking at me like that with that stupid smile on your face?
(In hindsight I should have STFU, gotten up, and left the house... I didn't)
Me: I'm amused at the conversation, that's all. And I've told you, I put gas in the car. And I really am horny (probably one too many comments about being horny, but I was trying to stay light in the face of her bitchiness... And I really was horny ;-))
(At this point, our 10 year old called through the door "can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep.")
W to son: "yes honey, sorry. I'll be right there. "
W: what's going on? Why are you treating me like this?
W: (huff.. Turned off the lights and left for 10 min to tuck son in. Came back, climbed into bed, and proceeded to cry audibly for 10 min.)
Me: (rolled over, rubbed her back for a few minutes)
W: you know I'm on the brink of calling an attorney?
Me: I AM an attorney. You can call me.
W: not you. A divorce attorney. I'm scared of you. You scare me.
Me: (should never have rolled over, and should have at least STFU at this point but didn't) why do I scare you? Have I ever even yelled at you, hit you, or threatened to hurt you? Have I ever not taken care of you?
W: idk, that you're going to move us into a cardboard box and file bankruptcy. That your going to take my kids away from me and I'll be all alone with nothing. (Incidentally, I'd received a bad review at work and essentially been told that rather than bringing in almost a million dollars worth of new work, I should just bill time working. I take it as writing on the wall that I should look for my next job. MC hounded me a couple days ago until I told him and her about it like the BP pussy that I'm trying not to be).
Me: chuckle... I get that this is scary for you. I get that you want me to keep working in this job to keep you and the kids comfortable. But you know I've hated this job fire at least the last 6 years. I'm going to go find the job I WANT now. (Yep, still should have STFU. Why can't I just STFU? Still scratching her back and side... Occasionally massaging her ass, which she allows, and having my hand pushed violently away whenever it strays too close to her tit, on purpose or just by accident)
W: (whimpers.) "What's wrong? This isn't right. Something's not right. You're different. I don't like it. I'm scared of you. I'm scared that I'm going to do something wrong with the you or the boys and you're going to be angry and criticize me. You're not even paying attention now."
Me: you're right, I'm probably going to screw up. And I'm cuddling you and rubbing your back because I don't care about you. You should definitely be afraid of that guy. He's bad news for sure. He's just horny. (finally STFU and dozing off to sleep)
This morning, the wife is as cold as ice. doesn't look at me and gave me a cold wave good bye as I left for work.
So there it is. I thought I did a pretty decent job of holding frame and just being light hearted and caring. But I don't want to blow the marriage up. If that's where this is headed I'll go back to BP for awhile, give her everything she wants again, and just work on OYS for a few months. If I totally fucked this encounter up, I'll do the same thing. I'll just focus on reading, learning, and OYS for the next few months.
Maybe it's the BP pussy in me, or maybe I subconsciously know I've fucked it up again, but I'm scared of how this whole interaction will turn out. It hasn't resulted in a sloppy blow job or anal sex, which seems to be the indicator of a well handled event... ;-). Just bitchiness.
There you have it.