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How'd I do? Still fucking it up?

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December 22, 2016
7 upvotes

My brother called in crisis mode last night while I was working at home. I got up, took the phone to my car and then realized I was low on gas so I ran back in to grab my wallet. On my way out, wife was pestering asking where I was going. I replied with a wave and a smile as I got into my car and drove off to talk to my bro. In the first 10 min after I left, she texted me and called more than a dozen times to say I was scaring her, etc. I texted once to say "Stop. I'm fine. I'm on an important call." She wrote back to ask if it was for work. I didn't respond. Talked to the bro for a little over an hour and a half in a parking lot.

I decided NOT to tell wife who I was talking to or what about... The issues were serious and personal for him and his family. Wife gossips, family is coming to town tomorrow for Xmas, and as you'll see below, she's relentless and would interrogate me about the conversation until I told her everything if I told her even who I'd been talking to (she's done it several times)... A line needed to be drawn and I decided to draw the line at not even telling her who I was talking to. Even though my text told her I was on an important call, I didn't bring it up again during our conversation.

Got home, all lights were off. I went in and finished the work I had been doing before the phone call for about an hour. Went upstairs and wife rolled over and the following exchange took place:

W: where were you?

Me: out

W: Where? Why? What's wrong?

Me: I got gas

W: what else?

STFU

W: what else?

STFU

W: what else?

STFU

W: why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why won't you answer me?

STFU

I got in bed, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and wrapped a leg across her waist.

W: something is not right. Something is wrong. Tell me what you were doing.

Me: I told you, I got gas for the car.

W: what else? For two and a half hours? We didn't even need gas. Something's wrong, what is it? Why won't you talk to me? What were you doing?

Me: "buying a new hamster wheel" (i thought it was funny. not explaining that the low fuel light was on or that I'd been working in my office for the last hour, not gone the whole time... And trying to be humorous and hoping to end the interrogation) )

W: what? What's that?

Me: you know, the ring hamsters run around in

W: why?

Me: for my hamster. (No, I don't own a hamster)

W: Where were you? What's wrong? Why does your breath smell funny?

Me: (not explaining that I'd eaten a few cookies and wanted to get rid of the crumbs in my mouth) "i brushed my teeth."

W: yeah right. since when do you brush your teeth before bed?

Me: "every single day."

W: something's wrong. Tell me what's wrong. NOW!

Me: (aiming, perhaps poorly, at humor again) "you're right, something's wrong. I'm really horny. You should help me with that."

W: I can't help you with that.

Me: of course you can. Wanna have sex?

W: no!

Me: "ok" (not butt hurt at all... Really DNGAF. Rolled over and said goodnight.)

W: something is wrong. This isn't right. What should I do?

Me: (couldn't help myself) "i told you, I'm horny. You should help me with that. From top down, there's your mouth, your tits, your hands, your vagina, and your butt."

W: got up, took her phone (presumably to call or text MC) and stormed out.

Me: goodnight.

W: (came back in 10 min later, slammed the door, and turned on the light) "this is wrong. This is not right. What's wrong with you? Are you seeing someone? "

Me: no

W: were you drinking?

Me: nope

W: are you taking drugs? Are you on something? You can't talk to me like this and degrade me. Stop treating me like this.

Me: "no, and this conversation is really unproductive. I'm done. When you're ready to have a grown up conversation let me know. Until then, I'm going to sleep."

W: I'm ready! Tell me where you were. Tell me what's wrong! Why do you keep looking at me like that with that stupid smile on your face?

(In hindsight I should have STFU, gotten up, and left the house... I didn't)

Me: I'm amused at the conversation, that's all. And I've told you, I put gas in the car. And I really am horny (probably one too many comments about being horny, but I was trying to stay light in the face of her bitchiness... And I really was horny ;-))

(At this point, our 10 year old called through the door "can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to sleep.")

W to son: "yes honey, sorry. I'll be right there. "

W: what's going on? Why are you treating me like this?

Me: STFU

W: (huff.. Turned off the lights and left for 10 min to tuck son in. Came back, climbed into bed, and proceeded to cry audibly for 10 min.)

Me: (rolled over, rubbed her back for a few minutes)

W: you know I'm on the brink of calling an attorney?

Me: I AM an attorney. You can call me.

W: not you. A divorce attorney. I'm scared of you. You scare me.

Me: (should never have rolled over, and should have at least STFU at this point but didn't) why do I scare you? Have I ever even yelled at you, hit you, or threatened to hurt you? Have I ever not taken care of you?

W: idk, that you're going to move us into a cardboard box and file bankruptcy. That your going to take my kids away from me and I'll be all alone with nothing. (Incidentally, I'd received a bad review at work and essentially been told that rather than bringing in almost a million dollars worth of new work, I should just bill time working. I take it as writing on the wall that I should look for my next job. MC hounded me a couple days ago until I told him and her about it like the BP pussy that I'm trying not to be).

Me: chuckle... I get that this is scary for you. I get that you want me to keep working in this job to keep you and the kids comfortable. But you know I've hated this job fire at least the last 6 years. I'm going to go find the job I WANT now. (Yep, still should have STFU. Why can't I just STFU? Still scratching her back and side... Occasionally massaging her ass, which she allows, and having my hand pushed violently away whenever it strays too close to her tit, on purpose or just by accident)

W: (whimpers.) "What's wrong? This isn't right. Something's not right. You're different. I don't like it. I'm scared of you. I'm scared that I'm going to do something wrong with the you or the boys and you're going to be angry and criticize me. You're not even paying attention now."

Me: you're right, I'm probably going to screw up. And I'm cuddling you and rubbing your back because I don't care about you. You should definitely be afraid of that guy. He's bad news for sure. He's just horny. (finally STFU and dozing off to sleep)

This morning, the wife is as cold as ice. doesn't look at me and gave me a cold wave good bye as I left for work.

So there it is. I thought I did a pretty decent job of holding frame and just being light hearted and caring. But I don't want to blow the marriage up. If that's where this is headed I'll go back to BP for awhile, give her everything she wants again, and just work on OYS for a few months. If I totally fucked this encounter up, I'll do the same thing. I'll just focus on reading, learning, and OYS for the next few months.

Maybe it's the BP pussy in me, or maybe I subconsciously know I've fucked it up again, but I'm scared of how this whole interaction will turn out. It hasn't resulted in a sloppy blow job or anal sex, which seems to be the indicator of a well handled event... ;-). Just bitchiness.

There you have it.


Post Information
Title How'd I do? Still fucking it up?
Author RedPillQuest
Upvotes 7
Comments 45
Date 22 December 2016 07:03 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206737
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5jsc0p/howd_i_do_still_fucking_it_up/
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Comments

[–]innominating34 points35 points  (8 children) | Copy

You decided to draw a line at telling your wife you are taking a call with your brother? What's the fucking point. You created this entire shitstorm for no reason.

How about next time you say, "babe, my bro needs me and I need to take this call in private." Slap the ass, kiss on the cheek, take your call, come home and rough fuck her in three positions, because you are the go to guy in the family.

Instead, you created a ridiculous boundary based on an autistic understanding of Alpha. You evaded you wife's reasonable questions with poor examples of Amused Mastery, Agree and Amplify, fogging, and poorly timed STFU. All to no end.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Meh, has to be somewhere, why not pick the most inconcequential part ever? He does it here, he can work it up for things of concequence.

Plus, added benefit, if he fucks up and starts talking, she will most likely give him shit for something so inconcequential, so you can then pressure flip.

You're right, it is nothing, yet you're screaming like a 4 year old, why is that?

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Last time she asked if I was fucking someone else, I decided to get weird(er),

Said, yes, your sister.

Her sister lives across the country, is gay, and just turned 18. Oh that one was FUN

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's good agree and amplify.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It was a rough one.

[–]innominating1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You think I'm screaming like a 4 year old, why is that?

If this guy was consciously dreading his wife, that would be one thing. Instead he is drawing up a boundary like Rambo. I told him something similar two weeks ago. OP is going to be fine and he going get MRP in the long run. But, he'll look back at this post in a year and cringe.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

We all do

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You guys should have seen me in real life: threw my self on the floor, legs kicking, red-faced with tears as I wrote that comment.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Kek

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy

Leaving at night and being gone for 2 hours is sketchy behavior. You should have told her you got an important call from a friend about personal issues that you can't discuss and you also got gas and leave it at that. If she presses you for info on the phone call, AA, tease her for being nosy, and make jokes at that time. I feel like you tried to hard to be vague and mysterious and just ended up coming off like a crackhead who fucks hookers. I'm all about building your own life and creating mystery but this isn't how you do it. And good luck digging yourself out of the hole you dug with all those awful "horny" jokes. Man, you're in for a world of shit now. You need to find a way to assure her that you're not out fucking hookers and sucking dick for meth, while also not buckling to her shit tests and shitty attitude. Good luck man.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

So you were fucking with your wife by not telling her? I am not seeing the point of creating this shit storm just to watch your wife unravel.

Unless you are simply amused by it all?

After all, the guys always say don't bore her and that unless you create drama for her she will create it for herself.

Other than that, I really don't get it.

This morning, the wife is as cold as ice.

Were you fucking with her thinking it would turn her on? What exactly did you do to unthaw that block of ice other than rubbing your pecker on her back while she worried and fretted? You do not describe Kino, or Seduction, or anything that would warm her up to having sex. You describe leaving for no apparent reason and then coming back smirking and refusing to tell her where you had gone.

Why do you keep looking at me like that with that stupid smile on your face?

Sine Qua Non of trolling but I will let it slide because I suppose some guys could have this reaction using STFU and smirking. Also, you could have been smiling genuinely while she lost her shit because that was apparently your intent?

I'll go back to BP for awhile

REPEAT AFTER ME. IT IS NOT BINARY. THERE IS NOT A SWITCH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO THROW AND GO FROM TOTAL DARKNESS TO 4,000 WATTS OF SUN.

There is no an on/off "Alpha Switch." It is not a toggle. Think of it as a dimmer switch that you turn very slowly.

You are describing Dread Level 7 and 8 but it is clear you have spent NO time on Dread level 6- learn seduction and practice on your wife.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fair and accurate assessment. I didn't really plan to be an ass. I just started by being frustrated at the pestering and aggressive invasion... Felt like I needed to protect my brother, and tried to just STFU. When she responded do aggressively I felt like I shouldn't give in, so I tried sticking with what I was learning. I just fucked it up.

What do you suggest? Apologize for being a dip shit?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I suggest acting as if nothing happened because nothing did happen. You had a little fun and now it is over. Gratz on finding a button to push whenever you need it.

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Alright...

Click my username, click "submitted", go back to my very first post, and read your story, two years earlier.

I had no clue what was up or down. I was completely blind, drawing arbitrary lines in the sand because I had no clue what proper boundaries looked like. I was overly sensitive to perceived disrespect, even getting all huffy when she would react negatively to some of my early bullshit. I was an idiot.

When she asked you where you were, it was a reasonable request - unless she has a habit of CONSTANTLY checking up on you out of paranoia. Logistically, it would make sense to tell her you had an important call to take. No one is going to believe you were getting gas for 1.5 hours, and it will look like you're hiding something. For what? Just to say you have boundaries? You have got to have better reasons than that.

Overall, as you practice this you'll learn what boundaries are good, bad, worth the fight, completely ridiculous, etc. You'll look back on this in a year and laugh.

For example:

I get that this is scary for you. I get that you want me to keep working in this job to keep you and the kids comfortable. But you know I've hated this job fire at least the last 6 years. I'm going to go find the job I WANT now. (Yep, still should have STFU

I can't hear the tone, but it seems she switched to comfort test with the whole homeless bankrupt thing (obviously unfounded, but maybe she was genuinely worried?). In that case, providing comfort by reassuring her of how your badass plans are going to create security, while scratching her back, seems like a good move from my perspective.

Another point. Sometimes STFU isn't the right answer if you can lay down a good A&A.

Her: what else?

you: I was saving the world.

And all the time, when she's in accusatory/investigatory mode, A&A is the answer.

Her: why does your breath smell funny?

Wanted to get rid of my girlfriend's lipstick, so I figured I'd brush my teeth too.

Overall,

I thought I did a pretty decent job of holding frame and just being light hearted and caring. But I don't want to blow the marriage up. If that's where this is headed I'll go back to BP for awhile, give her everything she wants again, and just work on OYS for a few months

You're swinging from one extreme to the other. Which is what I did too. Its normal when you want to change so much so quickly but can't tell your ass from a hole in the ground.

So yeah, stop going through the motions, lurk more (in your marriage, as well as here), watch yourself and your wife's reactions, then analyze, and don't change too much too fast just for the sake of change. Your movements will become more measured as time goes on.

[–]BrazilRedPill5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, I am new to this, but I think you screwed things up big time. You acted like a crazy / drugged / drunk, not like an alpha at all.

You should have told her that you went to see your brother, family problems, that it is something he asked secret, and then you STFU and hold frame.

What you did makes no sense, anyone would think that you are a lunatic or cheating. Unless that is the impression you wanted to give her, you sucked as a leader / alpha.

[–]J_Incognito3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This and then: w: "Oh, so what's going on?" h: "I told you it's personal and it's not my place to tell you." w: [begging, pleading for gossip to share] h: [walk away]

[–]Thirtysomethink2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

My SO made it clear early on in our relationship that he wanted to be able to share sensitive information with me and know that I would not share it with anyone else. I crossed the line a few times, peddling information I wasn't supposed to pass on to others, and he gave me hell for it (on the occasion I remember most vividly he didn't talk to me for, like, ten days). Being put on ice like this taught me to shut up and ever since then he has known that he can trust me. For example, if he were in your shoes, he would know that if he told me that his brother had needed to talk with him, then with his family I would act like I didn't know it. It seems to me that your problems arise from not having established with your wife that you need to be able to trust her with sensitive information like this.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's certianly true

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

  • Fucking the maid.
  • What!
  • Its what you wanted to hear right? Feel better?

Fogging took a while. Imo, AA may be better for brevity in the future

EDIT: I didn't invent this scenario, your posts timing couldn't have been better

[–]jeezydasnowman3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Lmao she must love being married to your asbergers ass! Where were you? My brother called with problems and I talked to him. Have sex. Go to bed.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I laughed so hard at the Asperger's reference. So apt.

[–]jeezydasnowman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

(hashtag)pickyourbattles

[–]Nyquil-Junkie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good job intentionally creating a problem.

[–]plein_old1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"buying a new hamster wheel"

Why would you say that to her? Trying to start an argument?

"this conversation is really unproductive"

Complain bitch moan.

"I'm amused at the conversation, that's all"

When guys say this, I always wonder if it's veering over into sadistic territory. Guys openly take pleasure in their wives' discomfort, and then they wonder why they have marriage problems.

Warmth and humor and joy are infectious. Sadism - also infectious.

This morning, the wife is as cold as ice

Your wife is absorbing and reflecting your own qualities. Including your paranoia and your ice coldness. She's like a sponge, soaking it all up from you. You're just getting back the same thing you're dishing out. And in the process, both you and your wife are becoming more frightened and more paranoid.

If you don't know what you're doing, I might recommend dialing back the coldness a bit?

[–]freshona1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You didn't want to tell her what you were doing, and yet this shit takes a full page.

I wonder what went wrong.. /sarcasm

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do you notice how the more you continue to talk about it with her the more she talks about it?

Say you simply said "I was talking to a friend and it was none of your business." She would come with the usual "well what was it about? Your business is my business! Mr. Quest, you're scaring me!"

If you were to say absolutely nothing in return to that comment, literally STFU, it's over. She may yack a little more about it, but who gives a fuck? As time goes on though, she will realize that what you say is what you mean. Be a man, not a woman.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm not understanding the lack of reading comprehension in the replies here. She called him over 12 times and a bunch of texts. He replied, "Stop. I'm fine. I'm on an important call." That's it...the end. Repeat yourself once during the grand inquisition later would have been my only suggestion.

This woman sounds crazy. Yeah he drew a line in the sand. OMG op is doomed for sure. Sounds like he is doing well enough to me. She's scared her little bitch boy is gone and she's going to have to fuck him sooner or later, of which half you fucks never get to that point.

[–]RedPillQuest[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks. I appreciate the comment u/rfl52. A lot of the comments seem to be saying the same thing (arbitrary moving aside):

1) weak frame. I completely agree. I gave up my frame 13 years ago to live with my head up her ass. I've recently started trying to pull out but it's painful for her and I've got 13 years worth of her shit clogging my eyes, nose, and throat. Had my mom's Shit everywhere for the years before the head transplant to my wife's ass hole. I'll keep learning.

2) drew the arbitrary line too early... Yep, I coulda told her before I left that I was going to get gas, but that would seem really strange when I didn't come home for 1.5 hrs. Could have told her that "someone" needed to talk, but that would have made her all who and still make her spin like mad, or I could have told her it was my brother and then STFU, but then I'd have my parents and siblings asking questions, sister in law even angrier at her husband for spreading dirty laundry, etc. I'm still convinced that I drew the line in the right place.

3) STFU! I sounded like a broken record! Absolutely true. I should have said it once (getting gas), rolled over, and gone to sleep. Weak frame (see #1)

[–]SexistFlyingPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You came across as trying to hold frame the entire time. You didn't yield. This is a good thing. This was an aggressive shit test by your wife because she seriously thought that you were cheating on her.

"I'm scared of you. I'm scared that I'm going to do something wrong with the you..."

She's in the uncertain place that your new frame has created. She knew how to behave before and now she doesn't. You are taking charge, and what she's now afraid of is that she won't measure up to the new you. She's trying to frame it like she's scared of you, but really she's scared that you are going to leave her.

There isn't any amount of explaining that's going to settle her down. The situation is what it is, and she's going to have to trust you on your word. That's it.

Her behavior seems to be exactly what's expected when her man swallows the red pill. His behavior changes because his entire way of thinking has changed. Since her world is heavily affected by him, this means that her world, once familiar and safe, is now completely unknown.

[–]midlifedick1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many forget what it's like early, where the vision is still blurry and you need to begin experimenting to find out if this is all complete bullshit.

Keep reading and applying, but just make smaller adjustments until you get some solid feedback. You did the right thing at the wrong scale.

Very easy to be try hard at this stage, where you have seemingly simple strategy that everyone says works miracles; STFU. Well, it does, but there are some other pieces of the puzzle that need to fall in place to make it go smoothly.

Casual confidence, playful manner, a well placed witty comment that displays how absurd she always is, then you can shut the fuck up. It's not always completely ignore, that seems passive aggressive and butt hurt, and when you finally do open your mouth after unsuccessful attempt at stfu, now your engaging and making it worse.

Casual confidence comes from actual confidence. Read, lift, practice, reflect and you will find it.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think you did well.

This whole situation is in her head and she LOVES the drama of it. You kept your amused mastery the whole time through.

I thought the whole interaction was hilarious, to be honest.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You created this event. So you took her emotions... somewhere. This is good. But you did it seemingly by "accidentally on purpose" with your new found MRP tools. Then, from what I gathered, she was looking for comfort, and you missed that opportunity.

When you are making yourself scarce or going out, you need to be a man on a mission, going somewhere with purpose. The way you described exiting the house, it seemed like you acted like a skittish dog going off to race or get beaten or something.

Who gives a fuck if she is cold as ice? Let her do that and be un-phased by it.

And by the way, you want to know what the fuck cold would look like? My ass after my wife mentioned attorney. I'm not sure the attorney mention deserves anything but cold ass silence.

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need more oak and stfu. The poor girl has a hamster spinning so fast and it's not working for you. More calm. Slow things down. Sounds like you're going Rambo and not providing maturity.

The drunk captain looked panicked on the phone and she got scared.

You want to change your jobs and you are also changing so fast I feel sorry for her.

A leader provides oak and inspires trust.

Sew your mouth shut if it helps you. AA will come naturally once you have a solid frame and feel in control. You're not there yet.

You took her half seriously so that's progress. You didn't hold frame because you engaged . Should've gone to sleep after the very first exchange. Just say it was family problems but it's nothing for us worry about kiss and goodnight

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah man, this is completely your fault.

You: Personal things with my brother, stepped out for gas, talked in the car.

Wife: what about, tell me, blah blah blah

You: it's personal sweetie, let's leave it at that.

Now you're free to STFU.

Seems like you're trying too hard to make her think you're out cheating. It's working, good job.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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