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Proper response to "I can't get in the mood for sex unless you make me feel loved (aka do X, Y or Z for me)?

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[deleted]
December 13, 2016
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Title Proper response to "I can't get in the mood for sex unless you make me feel loved (aka do X, Y or Z for me)?
Author
Upvotes 8
Comments 59
Date 13 December 2016 03:04 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206779
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5i410y/proper_response_to_i_cant_get_in_the_mood_for_sex/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (16 children) | Copy

So , she is trying to initiate sex by getting you to touch her? Cool

She wants JUST a massage, book her an appointment with Ingrid

She wants a massage from you, thats literally her asking you to make her feel like you want her.

The only difference is how YOU view it. If you view it as massage for sex, its not going to work.

Look, sometimes I just want my back scratched as I fall asleep. Sometimes I want head. So, you know what I do? I initiate getting what I want.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

Good grief man... Touch her. Massage her without sex. If everytime you touch her, you are going for sex.. what is special about that?

Give her a massage or a freaking foot rub. Make her feel special.

I mean she is spelling it out for you. You are failing comfort tests if she feels the only time you touch her is for sex.

She wants your hands on her body. Put your hands on her body. You want her to get used to your hands on her body.

[–]spexer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree. These are clearly shit tests.. not comfort tests.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Could be her way of initiating. Remember, women communicate covertly. They rarely initiate by straight up saying "please fuck me", or by jumping in your lap naked while youre on the computer, no matter how "hawt" she thinks you are. Their initiation is more like them covertly trying to get you to initiate. Inviting you to rub your hands all over her sounds like just that.

Massage her if you want, escalate if you want, don't get butthurt if she rebuffs your advances. If she hard no's you Twice consecutively after a good massage and escalation, stop doing them. don't half-ass them either- massage her, or don't massage her. The 2 second shoulder rub so you can go back to video games is gay.

Edit: oh, and stop with the "you want the D" type comments too. That's not attractive, it's unattractive and comes off as creepy/desperate. Internally assume she does want the D and proceed as such unless and until she explicitly says otherwise. That's confidence.

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I see this as a basic compliance/shit test. You want sex, she has the vagina, so she is creating hoops for you to jump through. It's choreplay.

You are the prize. She needs to be massaging you so you don't run off and empty your balls in all the young available pussy that abounds.

  1. So she throws out an I need a massage, and your first response is good, "I'll pound you out," then she doubles down and says a real massage, and you do what? Give her a shitty massage. You comply and get no sex. Shit test failed. Pressure flip and say, I need to give you a real pounding. Or, STFU, no massage, move on.

  2. You give her a good, unsolicited massage, then you escalated sex. You created your own compliance test, and she won. Now you've really trained her that good unsolicited massages lead to sex, otherwise no sex.

  3. She has to ask for the massage this time, so sex is off the table from the beginning, you give her another shitty massage and walk away appearing butthurt. She calls you on it. She shit tests you about only wanting to touch her for sex, and you muster a shrug. A good response would have been "I like stroking your hair when you a giving me head too!" Or, "I always like to slap your ass when you a making me sandwiches."

  4. Stop watching TV with her, it's pointless. When shit tested AM, AA, or STFU.

You are right, you have to reverse the dynamic. At the very least, the back rub happens after your balls are empty. Balls empty, then back rub. Balls empty, then cuddle. Balls empty, then TV. Whatever.

You need to work on your AA, and AM, or just STFU and leave the house and come back two hours later and take a shower, if you initiate sex and she asks you for a backrub.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

If you want to massage her, massage her. If you don't, don't. Separate massages from sex. If she says she wants a message before she'll fuck you, but you don't want to give her one, laugh and walk away. It's not worth jumping through hoops to get something you could (theoretically) get elsewhere for absolutely free, possibly even with other benefits to you. Be willing to walk away if it's not worth it.

Be mindful of the level of comfort you are providing. Remember that most women will want to at least feel like you like them a little before they'll have sex with you. The cold aloof alpha thing really works more in movies than in real life, at least in my experience.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm still learning so take this with a grain of salt: I give massages all the time, sometimes because I like to, or often because she is being unresponsive and I feel like blowing my load on the small of her back. I tell her to get on her belly and move her that way physically. If she is tense, it's over, I do something else. During or right before the massage, the pants and underwear always get pulled down with authority. If there is resistance, massage is over.

Once the pants are down you have two options. Push off on her or penetrate. I most often just push off because usually the "massage" sex is pretty starfishy. Bonus points if you do a poor job cleaning up make her feel that load for a bit.

But I think the best advice I've gotten on the two MRP subs is get the fuck into shape and lead. Like the shape has got to be jaw dropping and woman need to be mentioning your change to your wife out loud in social and family get togethers. This IMO pays the biggest dividends. I strongly suggest Keto if you still have zero mid section / abs and veins popping.

Edit: A couple more notes after re reading your post.

Video games = Beta Working on motorcycles or repairing your wife's gas powered dildo is not

If she is struggling to self massage... Jesus that just sounds hot. Go fuck her.

Can't I just have a massage? Your answer: No (if that is where you are at).

If your SMV is that much higher than you need to learn to game her better. Seems like you are showing too much investment to her, and her pussy is getting dry.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the right answer. You need to improve to the point that you transcend this bullshit.

[–]J_Incognito1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For me, I want my hands on my wife - I'm good with lots of Kino and massaging. It's bad form to be hands off and then pounce on her in bed. You still need to seduce your wife. Don't wait for her to ask, the default should be hands on when relaxing on couch or in bed, or passing each other in hallway or kitchen.

Now, on the other hand, if she says flatly "no sex until X" - you follow the don't negotiate w/ terrorists approach.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Variety! Be unpredictable!

Sometimes you give her a massage before sex.

Sometimes you give her a massage and leave.

Sometimes you fuck her then massage her afterwards.

Sometimes you just fuck her.

Sometimes you give her a massage when she asks; sometimes you don't.

Sometimes you throw her down and give her a massage before she asks.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Or flip it all on its head and have some fun with it. Become a sexy masseuse who has a terrible accent and a penis that pokes her a lot during the massage.

Read this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/41wu1b/married_game_the_coconut_spa/?st=IWNQXNGX&sh=aa8e5fcb

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes! And if she complains about the penis whacking her head, tell her she needs to hold it out of the way...amazing how many times her stroking it "just happens".

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

TFB- Typical Female Behavior. They were born whores and they will die whores.

They are programmed to get the best deal for even grudging or much wanted access to their fetid little holes.

Maybe you can offer to leave some money on the dresser?

As for me, it gives me great pleasure to massage my wife and I am happy to do it just about any time. She even talks in terms of "what do I have to do to pay for my backrub?"

AWALT!

Read up on my Dystopian Tale of Power for further insight.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice piece of writing.

[–]spexer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do not give her a massage for sex.

You win the battle if you so, but lose the war.

and stop the half ass 2 second backrubs.. just say no.

or flip it on her and tell her you want a back massage.

But show her that backbone you say you have grown and stop caving to her.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

If she makes the quid pro quo overt, and if you can pull it off with a smile, I sometimes say "I don't negotiate with terrorists."

[–]sunthas0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I understand why we don't like the idea of this negotiation, but it seems hundred fold better than covert contracts. Here, I'll rub your back for 20 minutes and then you give me a blow job. She gets something she wants that I can enjoy, I get something I want that she can enjoy. Win-win.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You do know if "The Rock" were in town and wanted to fuck your wife in the ass she'd give it up every day of the week.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I see this claimed a lot but I don't see good evidence for this proposition. Women will absolutely turn down Chads. Angelina Jolie is divorcing Achilles for God's sake. What chance to guys who are not the son of god have?



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