659,329 posts

Get Busy! (Absence for Noobs: You might be doing it wrong)

by logger1234 | November 28, 2016 | askMRP

20 upvotes

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Some of us, especially early after discovering the pill (but not internalizing it yet), tend to see RP tenants through BluePill eyes. This is especially true with building dred through absence,

Example

A recent MRP post included this gem:

"I plan to keep my distance from her for the rest of the week. But does that just show more butthurt? or should I act like I don't care what she said and continue as normal."

Keeping absent because she hurt your feelings or rejected you is a feminine technique. We're trying to become better men and more masculine. Of course it shows butthurt!

But I thought you said be absent?

Absence is fine if you actually have things to do. Especially things that add value to your life and especially your family by extension.

So replace Demonstration of Low Value (DLVs like sitting on the couch watching TV, or playing video games) with High Value Activities.

Sometimes, to the noob, coming up with things to do is hard. Our whole world revolves around her. So here are some options:

  • Walk the dog

  • Feed the dog

  • No dog? Get a dog

  • Lift

  • Not a member of a gym? Join a gym

  • Build your home gym from home

  • Measure your weight on a scale

  • No scale? Buy a scale!

  • Go out and buy new clothes. Money is a problem? Go Thrift-store shopping. (You can get weights cheap too.) Ask if she wants anything on your way out.

  • Do something active with your kids. Don't just take 'em to the park, teach 'em a new game. For little ones, I spy. For older ones, ice skating. Unique Experiences.

  • Rake the yard / Mow the Lawn / Prune Trees

  • Go read a book on improvement by yourself in a different room

  • The Home Improvement Project you've been putting off

  • Run to the store to get something for the project (Just don't go 8 times per day and look like you can't plan.)

  • No project? Get a project. Painting is reasonably easy.

  • Clean your personal space. Stop being a slob.

  • Home repair. Replace burned-out light bulbs. Fix broken things.

  • Winterize the lawn mower. Get the snow blower out of storage. Get the shovels out of storage and some ice melt.

  • Wash the car or Change the oil in the car.

  • Cook yourself a snack or meal. No, not microwave soup. Nothing processed. If you have no skills, make a grilled cheese sandwich, or better yet, BLT. No bacon or tomato? Run to the store.

  • Go shooting. (No gun? Buy a rifle. Wimp? Get a .22 bolt action.)

  • Go for a walk

Don't get confused - sitting around is DLV.

It doesn't matter if you are reading sidebar on your notebookPC, reading askMRP or putting together a family budget, it sure looks like screwing around on the internet. If you want to work on those things, do them in private, on your lunch break, etc.

Example:

Ordering parts for your private gym on amazon? DLV

Building a private gym that arrived in the mail? DHV

Out of Scope:

This examples here are not social, they are not a hobby that builds value (besides home improvement and maybe the rifle). Of course, Once you have actually done something, schedule some guy time. Coffee or breakfast is easy. Then consider a social event, etc. 12 steps of dred will help you here.

The point of these is to get noobs in the habit of being busy, of getting things done for themselves, not to please someone else, and to kill sloth and slobbery. Of course you should think about your mission, etc, but sometimes, you just need motion to create some inertia.

Conclusion and the Punchline:

Become a better man. Stop screwing around and get busy.

If you do that, you will naturally implement absence and STFU. But it will be the right kind of absence and STFU "I want to get the leaves done by ten so I can have time to lift before lunch" - covertly pointing out the argument is taking you away from things worth doing - if you bother to say it at all.

Challenge:

Find 5 things you can just do that are worth doing. Post them here.


Post Information
Title Get Busy! (Absence for Noobs: You might be doing it wrong)
Author logger1234
Upvotes 20
Comments 41
Date 28 November 2016 03:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206835
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5fccwl/get_busy_absence_for_noobs_you_might_be_doing_it/
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TRP terms found in post
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  • butthurt
  • dhv
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  • ons
  • lift
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Comments

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

DLV, DHV??? What the fuck is this shit? My go to rule whenever I start to get even a little frustrated with my wife is: What would I be doing if I were single? Then I do whatever pops into my head, i.e. whatever I want. If you're worried about all this DLV/DHV crap that means she's the prize and the one doing the evaluating. You're either high value to your wife, or not and it can change in a heartbeat. I don't really give a fuck what my wife perceives me as. If I'm too low for her she knows where the door is. At the end of the day, the key to not looking butt-hurt is to not be butt-hurt. Get busy doing what you want and not worrying about her, she'll get over it or she won't, not my problem.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

I got those terms from bluepillprof's book. You could ask him.

Honestly, RedPillMarried has a different hook and outcome. The hook is "get your wife to change", and is aimed at people who are focused on just that. Those people are generally victim-y and in the wife's frame.

Eventually, you get to self-improvement, OYS, etc, but you have to go through the rabbit hole first.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

"Demonstrate" implies doing it for another.

It doesn't matter if you are reading sidebar on your notebookPC, reading askMRP or putting together a family budget, it sure looks like screwing around on the internet. If you want to work on those things, do them in private, on your lunch break, etc.

Fuck that noise. Who cares if she thinks I'm screwing around.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you make an interesting point. Worth discussing on the main sub, I think.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is pretty spot on.

I mean, live your life as you were single. If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

You do what needs to be done. Things you would do if you were single. If you want to have a drink, have a drink. If you want to go to gym, go to gym. If you want to play a Battlefield, play the fucking game.

She is not your judge, you are.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man - why don't you fucking chill a bit and you do you huh ?

This OP has come miles. He obviously has done a lot of work and this is part of the process.

Ya DLV, DHV HB 9, LTR WTF ? I don't give a fuck He will get there too. You just might also

[–]tim_rp3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

This topic is something close to my heart because my own issues with absence - specifically, not enough of it - are a glaring hole in my MAP. While I recognise the demonstrations of high value in the list above, I'd like to put forward that this is beta-provider-esque Generally Owning Shit; it isn't true absence.

Generally Owning Shit is a beta DHV and I'm really fucking good at it. True absence is an alpha DHV and it's something I'm working on.

The key elements to true absence are physical distance, mental distance and a touch of mystery. When my wife and I are at work, we're physically distant from one another. We're focused on something else so we're mentally distant. But I know she's getting shitty at office politics and she knows I'm endlessly jumping between phone calls and emails. There's not a shred of mystery there.

But come home unusually an hour later - that's absence. Absense as a DHV requires that sense of mystery about it: "What's he up to? He should have called by now." In that sense, it's an opportunity to get the hamster wheel spinning.

The other side to it is keeping that mystery in play. Don't tell your life story. I was at a party on the weekend and was unlucky enough to have a drunk throw up beside me, with splash-back hitting my feet and legs. When I got home I spent a while in the laundry cleaning up my sneakers, then had a shower. Those actions were unusual enough to potentially get the hamster wheel - "why is he showering after the party and what was he doing in the laundry?" - but had I come home and told the story about sitting in the wrong place at the wrong time there would be no mystery.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yup, you got me, the post is primarily for the career beta with oneitis who has put her on a pedestal. It is not about removing beta comfort (yet).

Good, positive, clear reply. Maybe you should do a post on mystery?

[–]tim_rp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, maybe when I actually sort out my own absence issues.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Lifted yesterday? Do Cardio.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

See this is for guys that haven't done shit with their life and avoided work for most of it.

If you had a descent part time job as a teen the first thing your boss told you is that there is always something to do. Even if all the manly tasks are done, then move on to the ones she hasn't done.

Fuck then look for upgrades you can do. Changing your lightbulbs to LED. Get a college class on your schedule.

Again I'll beat the paramedic/EMT route I took. Fucking beautiful. I have to gain X amount of Continuous Education. I take them all. Every year I have like 300 hours of classes. Doesn't cost me a dime, just schedule with a local private company or fire department. But it gets me out of the house 2-4 hours a week on the weekend.

this is where you think outside the box. In the meantime add an hour to any errand or activity you do. Drive in circles if you have to. Set the standard that you are busy. Something will come along and fill the time once you have it fenced off.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

See this is for guys that haven't done shit with their life and avoided work for most of it.

Yes. It is for noobs to the pill who would be posting on askMRP. If you've unf*cked yourself, the advice probably seems silly.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP. Ya!!!!

Keep your fucking foot on the throttle

Your about the right height to get on the roller coaster. Stay the fuck off Stay strong and don't let up

Always improving.

What's tv again ? Fucking time suck

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

No dog? Get a dog

AFAIK the MRP standard is two whippets.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Any sighthound will do. Rollo goes fullsized, I stick with italians. No one has a saluki yet, so theres a chance, I am curious who has a whippet though.

Plus, frenchie grabbed a beagle I think, and TFA has a lab

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lab for the win, smartest fucking dog I've ever seen/owned. Must be his owners leadership.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You know what they say about dogs right?

The easiest ones to train are the smartest ones.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you read How to be your dog's best friend?

It was the combination and some advice from my sister who trains w/ Cesar Milan that I got my 'dog game' on point. You're correct with the training though, my dog could have trained himself. Smart as fuck, sometimes too smart...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My guys are retards. Will not fetch or use stairs, but can recall pretty well

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I have two whippets. I saw yours in a picture and thought they were whippets too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Score! The big guy is oversized, he's about 17 pounds and whippet height.

Learning something new. Hilarious though. I've heard they are higher energy than iggies and full sized ones. Do they still sleep 20 hours a day?

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Whippets are the laziest of them all, that's why we got them. They'll sprint like crazy for a minute or two, but other than that they just want to lie down somewhere. When we go biking in the forest, after 20 minutes one of them can barely keep up any longer.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, that sounds about right. Chomsky will last at least 27 minutes, I know this because a 5k for me is around 30 minutes, and he stops dead at 4.5k

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This guy is the most fun dog I ever owned. Also rescued two greyhounds from tracks, which were also awesome.

RP guys and sighthounds. Weird.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

hmm, never heard of this one.. must read

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I knew one in montreal, those dogs are awesome!

[–]sunthas0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I just realized the other day that I tend to do household chores when my wife is gone either at work or grocery shopping.

However, that means if I finish prior to her arrival and I fire up a video game or w/e there is zero understanding that I spent x hours getting all the leaves picked up.

It doesn't specifically matter if she recognizes or appreciates the amount of work I put into the home until she asks me to vacuum or something. I've began to respond by not flat out saying no, but just asking if she wants to do leaves for a couple hours.

Seems like a good way through a minor shit test.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

" but just asking if she wants to do leaves for a couple hours." I think you made a few typos here and I'm confused. Could you rephrase?

[–]sunthas0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Like rake the leaves or other outside chores.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh I see.

Wifey comes home

She: "Can you vaccum the house?"

You: "I could, but I'm just about to go outside to rake leaves. Do you want to rake leaves so I can vaccum?"

This beats whiny butthurt I'd rather play video games. It implements absence while adding value.

This morning I spent ~20 minutes on the couch reading "Gates of Fire" by Pressman. I'll give it to her when I finish. It is about being a warrior. Then I got busy. I think that is better than vidya. Dunno. Mixed feelings. It is what I wanted to do.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great post!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You don't want to go about letting her think less of you so you'll change when and where you'll be productive with that budget and gym ordering. Tell me how this isn't in her frame.



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