Questions about future children and "biological clock"

anythinginc · 2016-11-15T17:40:17+00:00

Amendment:

1 Year ago: Feeling somewhat uncomfortable with PiV
1 Year ago: Hot sex without strong gender polarity, is it possible?
10 months ago: To men (or males) how many of you feel a need to satisfy women
3 months ago: When meeting someone in real life, when do you disclose your status? (self.nonmonogamy)
9 days ago: Who should be the initiator of sex? (self.askMRP)
5 days ago: Men's sexual oppression goes deep, and starts with every adolescent boy learning to hide his erection

Dude, you are so new to not being an scared, scarred, androgynous, tabletop gaming pussy. You really shouldn't be thinking about kids right now. You have a lot to sort out, and probably a lot of baggage and resentment from the past 7 years and probably early childhood, adolescence, puberty, high school, and college too. Don't worry about her clock, don't worry about doing right by her, don't worry about kids, don't worry about all this sex you may have with other women in the near future. Lift, Read, Self-Actualize, Get healthy, Take on life on your terms as you prepare for it.

2016-11-15T17:06:20+00:00

I think this is stupid and it made me lol. Loudly. Especially the quotation marks you put around the word "allowed." And your use of the word theoretical. And that she is so "awesome" that you can for see a "non happily ever after" future.

You should delete this

2016-11-15T18:45:43+00:00

Don't forget, don't listen to what she says, watch what she does.

Think of this as a hell-yes scenario. If you aren't 100% yes, then the answer is no. Women do it all the time. And sure, there's always that self doubt, if you didn't have it, you wouldn't be here.

As far as what to do, that's on you, a few thoughts:

Is she so incapable of making decisions that your unwillingness to have one prevents her from walking out and getting a guy who wants babies?

Is she actually wanting one, or is this throwing stuff out there? I'll bet her social circle is talking about it, so she is talking about it.

Get a dog or something. A lot of the time, women want something to download some emotions onto. Men love women, women love children, children love puppies. It's a trope, but there is some merit to cutting out the middleman.

As for expectations, if you're worried about your conscience, whats the problem with being fucking honest? I don't want them, but cannot say for certain that in a few years I'll agree. If this is important to you, do what you have to do, I understand.

My SO brings it up once a year, until this year. "If you haven't gotten the bug by now, you aren't going to" was the last words we have had on the issue.

You are not responsible for her life choices. If she really wants them and deludes herself into thinking you aren't on board yet, when it's not on board ever, that's not your problem. She is a grown up. There's a whole other conversation to be had if she decides to unilaterally make this decision for you, simply keep your eyes open, I'm sure you'll see signs if that comes.

You were not put on this earth to fufil someone elses life script or ambitions. You offer what you are, you are unapolagetic about it, and let the players fall around it as they may.

Also, you need to figure out if you're just a scared little boy, afraid to say something mean, because she might leave you, this is another form of one-itis, and I guarantee if she truly wants to go down that route, she will capitalize on your weakness to get her means.

2016-11-15T18:59:20+00:00

Upon reading again :

Look. If you can not promise her something, you can't. You need to tell her that. You need to give her permission to give up and seek someone else to give her that baby. Or to go out and adopt... what ever. This is the reverse / inverse of Rollo's please break up with me post.

If you are not SURE you want kids... you need to tell her that. The rest of your post not really relevant...

2016-11-15T16:58:16+00:00

I think you shouldn't have posted this on MRP and instead gone for a walk and thought about your life.

UEMcGill · 2016-11-15T18:12:36+00:00

Listen here you fucks. No moralizing. He wants to spin plates and has agreement to fuck other women, that's his business. Focus on the question at hand or get put in time out.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4z84w5/posting_quality_guide_for_rmarriedredpill/

BobbyPeru · 2016-11-15T18:45:36+00:00

If you are not ready to have kids, you shouldn't have them. Quit making it so complex. Also, 33-34 is not "problematic."

anythinginc · 2016-11-15T17:04:46+00:00

As a mid 30 something recent divorcee without children:

You'll never be ready, the timing will never be right, nothing will ever be perfect. Do some soul searching, you are either okay with this woman being the mother of your children and attempting to raise them with her, or you are not. Disney isn't real. What is real is two people committing to each other to do the best they can for each other and their family. Honestly, it sounds like you are not ready to do that, with your two more years and then potential uncertainly after that.

I'm not going to moralize about stringing a woman along through her childbearing years, they can always leave if they want, and many of them do. Neither of you owe the other anything at this point. What is not "Red Pill" is living in a state of equivocation about such things to avoid the chips falling where they may. I think you are cognizant of this. After seven years, you should know if you are okay having kids with her. It doesn't get more clear, it's either:

Hell no
Unsure, not the right time, blah blah
eh, if it happens okay
I need my seed in this woman!!

If, after your soul searching, the answer is negative, then it would be in both your interests to move on at some point probably. You talk about her time line and finding someone, but you apparently need to fuck some more (to validate yourself? Because it "became a real possibility" now?) and find a woman you are okay having kids with, and apparently it can take you up to seven years to decide, why stay in an LTR (and risk pregnancy with a woman you are unsure of?) when you have other shit you would rather be doing, and a world full of women you potentially will be sure of.

2016-11-15T17:15:42+00:00

I think you did not say anything that made us think that there is an issue...

did she give you an ultimatum or something?

RuleZeroDAD · 2016-11-15T17:49:29+00:00

Consistent, quality post yet again.

On par with the Yugo, the Cable Company, and the IRS.

sh0ckley · 2016-11-15T16:50:12+00:00

This is just what you need. Here are your options….

Decide what you want, and, do that.
Or, decide what you want, and don't do it.
Or, don't decide and go with the flow.
Or, don't decide and do what she wants.

Looks like you have some decisions to make, or not.

UEMcGill · 2016-11-15T17:02:58+00:00

31 going on 13.

You don't want kids, she does. You want to fuck other women.

You shouldn't be married.

2016-11-15T17:24:13+00:00

the children-duties will be very old school - she will be doing most of the caring, I will continue making money and advancing my career.

If your vision is to be an absent dad, don't bother.

You also don't seem to have the "where's my heir!" thing going that some people have, either.

So... meh. I think you'll hate it and you'll run away when it gets rough.

ford_contour · 2016-11-18T03:28:07+00:00

Let's make this much more immediate:

Your wife is digging around for a promise you're not ready to make.

So don't make it.

Don't fiercely defend not making it, either. Just don't make it. Be a high value man who isn't committed to ever having kids.

Then she gets to romanticize the whole story when you finally make up your mind. And until then she gets to romanticize the mystery of how you'd be a great father, but have some deeply personal brooding secret reason not to be one.

You can't buy stuff this good. And all you have do is keep your mouth shut and listen empathetically.

When you're sure, one way out the other, then you can tell her what you decided, when it comes up.

Disclaimer: This doesn't mean you're deciding in a vacuum. You'll still listen as she tells you her reasons pro/con. You'll still occasionally share your own non-binding thoughts on the topic, when she asks nicely.

But you will reserve your right not to decide until you're ready to decide.

And have a little fun with it. You're now the mysterious brooding contemplative one with deeply personal reasons. Let her enjoy it. She'll enjoy it more if she suspects you are too.

Title	Questions about future children and "biological clock"
Author	wild_deer_man
Upvotes	3
Comments	35
Date	November 15, 2016 4:30 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5d3f1o/questions_about_future_children_and_biological/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/questions-about-future-children-and-biological.206873 https://theredarchive.com/post/206873