"RP on hard mode" on hard mode

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psycho_tyrant
November 3, 2016
13 upvotes
askMRP

TL;DR: wife found out about RP and seems like she uses it as an Infinite Indignation Generator to give her an unending source of victimhood feelz.

Backstory

Long marriage with teenage kids. Found out about RP a good time ago, started to implement it. Read the sidebar, the books, lifting, got in shape. DB resurrected.

Complication: wife found out about RP and I think she read a large part of the literature and the related subs.

E.g. she uses RP terminology in her shit and comfort testing: "alpha", "dread", "my SMV is too low!" etc.

This by itself is not a problem. I can deal with shit tests now, comfort tests also. They don't phase me any more.

But what I notice is that she's getting so heavy into victim mentality in a way that's too much even for a woman. E.g. reacting to a romantic surprise trip with crying and over the charts indignation. "How could you do this to me! you're a monster!" kind of stuff. Everything I do (or don't do) is assumed to be part of a power play (can be as simple as replacing a household item).

I'm getting the feeling that her completely exaggerated and unwarranted woe-is-me-my-husband-is-a-psychopath mentality has little to do with my actual actions or things I say, but rather the horror stories she reads on /r/exredpill or who the fuck knows where.

I believe being an "RP-victim" became a big part of her identity now. She reads about it all the time and mentally projects those stories on our relationship.

I never discuss RP with her. I don't DEER about it (or about anything else). She also doesn't mention it outside shit / comfort testing.

Does anyone have experience with this?

(BTW the amazing stuff is that this shit still works even when she knows about it.)


Post Information
Title "RP on hard mode" on hard mode
Author psycho_tyrant
Upvotes 13
Comments 57
Date 03 November 2016 11:09 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206925
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5aw3oi/rp_on_hard_mode_on_hard_mode/
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Comments

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs23 points24 points  (11 children) | Copy

Frankly, the main red pill sub really is something of a cesspool sometimes. A lot of low quality guys, especially in the comments, who aren't interested in facing their flaws or improving themselves. I'm not surprised a woman would be repulsed. I see MRP as a different animal.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

The biggest difference here is that the flaired members and the mods here are just guys. I don't see anyone as some sort of leader or lord of the manor type. Sometimes they (and I) say some shit that is shit and we get called out on it, a light discussion may ensue, but I think we tend to mold each other's world views sometimes.

There seems to be a cult of personality with some of the flaired guys in TRP. It's probably a by product of having several thousand more users who skew young and are most likely former or converting incels. I can definitely see why ExRedPill and the like see RP as a cult: easily moldable men who are lacking in a lot are offered what seems to be a magic bullet and they try to go from total incel to total player overnight and then they seem tryhard.

Here: reading the sidebar 101, reading the dread steps, lifting, and STFUing are like boot camp... most spend no more than 6 months in this phase before they start seeing serious changes from the lifting. Then when the confidence sets in, the other information makes more fucking sense. We seem to have a loose system but that seems to be more structure than TRP offers.

Another big difference here is that we have a woman who witnesses the change and we can see her treatment of us as we change. We get instant feedback on our progress. Yeah, it's a bit of a safety net, but I think it makes us a bit stronger. Downside to the safety net... we can't fully game other women all the way through (well, we can, but most don't.)

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

That's a difference, but to me the biggest difference is something else.

This may sound strange, but MRP reminds me of . . . a group of long-timers in a prison yard, trading stories and insults. Everyone here has been in the arena, and everyone here has failed and been beaten in one way or another, has accepted some painful truths about life and himself, and yet still stands.

TRP is a bunch of kids in comparison.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

MRP reminds me of . . . a group of long-timers in a prison yard, trading stories and insults.

Choked on my Canada Dry. It's a bunch of guys who came here because their women defeated them. The fact we have actually come up with a workable praxeology to combat them and win is pretty awesome.

A lot of the Terps are never going to get caught and are never going to prison (because they are always right and anybody older than 22 is "old"). However there are older EC's like me so it is not as bright a line as you paint.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The older ec get lost in the noise/signal ratio. Some of the ec's there have no frame to speak off and use trp sub as a validation fiefdom

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, I didn't mean it as an insult. The image in my mind is of Red and Andy shooting the shit in Shawshank Redemption, with maybe some Cool Hand Luke mixed in here and there.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't mind it. So much so that I'll spare you my early morning diatribe on the various things incarcerating us all. But yeah, not being the old dude that works in the library. I've got to go boil some eggs now.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I agree with that about the OP's, but a lot of the comments are quality, and that's where the solutions are anyway.

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm glad I'm not the only one that's noticed this.

The comments tend to hold the meat... the OP is usaully just a jumping off point.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah don't care how RP you are, occasionally everyone get stuck. I think sometimes people don't get past the OP because it appears they are so disgustingly beta, but in reality they might just be stuck temporarily. The old saying applies, the devil is in the details.

I am just a student among students, and there is something to learn from everyone - even if the lesson sometimes is just I don't want to behave that way

[–]Kosmoknots0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree. Unfortunately were too late for a name change.

I unsubsidized from the main sub because I am a grown up.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

eh - more low quality people posting on mrp with a total lack of self awareness posting on mrp too

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (20 children) | Copy

No experience with this, I have no idea if my wife reads my writings. If she does - Hey Girl

The bigger picture here is that you seem to give a fuck. Why?

When she starts on that tirade let her know you'll be taking off to go do something as you have much more to do in life than discuss an internet forum. If she wants to be a MRP/TRP stalker then she obviously does not have much else going on in her life.

Why not develop that aspect and get her ass off Reddit?

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy

If she wants to be a MRP/TRP stalker then she obviously does not have much else going on in her life.

She has tons to do, but indignation and victimhood are like crack to her (like many other women).

DGAF was my approach for more than a year now.

But I'm not sure any more if it is the right one. It's as if my wife had a group of nasty gossiping girlfriends who kept poisoning the well before anything I do or say. A posse of Grima Wormtongues.

She does it at home, announcing unprompted that she couldn't sleep because she cried in the bathroom. I'm 70% sure that she exaggerates and it's just weaponized (invisible) tears, but I treat it like a comfort tests, pull her close and hug her.

She does this on vacation and by the time she gets out of the indignation loop because her tyrant psycho husband dared to take her on a surprise getaway and she finally starts having fun, half the vacation is gone. I'm 95% sure that it has almost nothing to do with me, she just casts me as "misogynistic psycho RP husband" in the movie that she runs in her head. It's a badly written piece based on the caricature of angry TRP kids. But in this movie she can play RP-victim, which is just too enticing.

The problem is that it changes the equation for me. It's approaching the point where it's not worth putting in time, money and effort into activities with her, because she's acting like a bitch too much.

This is why I'm strongly considering changing my approach and taking this head on. I just don't know how to how kick Grima in the face without being too overt about it and breaking the 'demonstrate don't explicate' rule.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

DGAF was my approach for more than a year now

You want to be a dominant husband & have a submissive woman, yes?

Because if that's what you want, then you need to learn how to lead better. You've had a year & no progress. At what point were you going to realize DNGAF wasn't working?

This woman needs you to help her break this addiction, yet you are passive & don't care. It's hypocritical, we can't sit on MRP & say our wives should follow us, yet when they need guidance & leadership we employ DNGAF.

You have to give a fuck, this is your wife & she needs your fucking leadership.

half the vacation is gone.

Again, if you know this is coming why don't you employ some preventative maintenance instead of always waiting to do corrective?

You need to talk to her & tell her that you found TRP because of failures in yourself and dissatisfaction with your marriage. We say Don't talk about fight club but for you, it's too fucking late.

Tell her TRP is what awoke you to other aspects of failures in your life and ways that you're working to improve. then tell her that you are living in the now and if she wants to spend her time on the site then she is fre to do so and you're going to go on actually living.

You view your wife as the enemy, you repeatedly say shit like:

  • It's as if my wife had a group of nasty gossiping girlfriends who kept poisoning the well before anything I do or say

  • indignation and victim-hood are like crack to her

  • she exaggerates and it's just weaponized (invisible) tears

  • by the time she gets out of the indignation loop because her tyrant psycho husband dared to take her on a surprise getaway and she finally starts having fun, half the vacation is gone.

  • it has almost nothing to do with me, she just casts me as "misogynistic psycho RP husband" in the movie that she runs in her head.

  • she can play RP-victim, which is just too enticing.

It's approaching the point where it's not worth putting in time

It seems like you haven't put any time into this up to now so what the fuck are you going to do? Care even less?!

This woman is a reflection of you so I think you need to start accepting that this does have to do with you and this is your fault. Tell her about the site and how she is destroying the moments you could have together.

Then take real fucking actions, and have fun.

You guys should be enjoying each other, not playing victim & innocent arrogant fuck.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy

psycho husband dared to take her on a surprise getaway and she finally starts having fun, half the vacation is gone

You failed an epic shit test here. Why would you spend your valuable time with a woman who didn't appreciate it? Fuck if I wouldn't have left her home.

Frankly this is akin to the "you're an asshole lately" statement. Sooner or later they all say it. It comes from her being unsure of her position in the future. Be stoic, be the oak here. If she comes in with this mentality show her that she's here by choice.

"Babe, I'm here because I want to be. I decided I wanted to change and improve myself, this has nothing to do with you. If you are not here because you want to be, there's the door. "

But you better be ready to pull the trigger.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Frankly this is akin to the "you're an asshole lately" statement. Sooner or later they all say it.

I don't think you're wrong. But since she knows about RP, it comes out as:

"You are an asshole for having joined this misguided misogynistic psycho cult."

I keep hearing "you're wrong about everything" all the time. I simply ignore it.

I've been shit tested about it from day 1 pretty much. She used everything in the toolbox to put me back into my beta cage: weaponized sex, weaponized tears, indignation, silent treatment, playing the ice queen etc etc.

I dealt with these over the months and the intensity is down now. But the constant pressure to give up my approach and "come to my senses" is always there in the background.

Of course, I can't "unlearn" things now that my eyes are open. Even if I could, I'm convinced that after I gave in to her demands returned to my beta provider box, the DB would return soon afterwards and that's not going to happen. Bring on the divorce rape.

But you better be ready to pull the trigger.

That is actually not a problem and she knows it.

This is both good (I don't have to fake OI, I have it) and bad, because I think it feeds into her victim mentality. Along the lines of "my husband is pointing a gun at my head and blows up the family unless I follow his tyrannical ways".

The way she put this: "I can't win, can I?" <- good illustration of the victim mindset she's in.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All of the following things from your wife, I dealt with in spades for many, many months……….

"You are an asshole for having joined this misguided misogynistic psycho cult."

"you're wrong about everything"

...the constant pressure to give up my approach and "come to my senses" is always there in the background.

..."my husband is pointing a gun at my head and blows up the family unless I follow his tyrannical ways".

... "I can't win, can I?"

My answer to her for all of these, consistently was……

Yes, you are probably right, and that is just the way I am (with an unspoken "now")

She used everything in the toolbox to put me back into my beta cage: weaponized sex, weaponized tears, indignation, silent treatment, playing the ice queen etc etc.

With each of these, depending on the severity at the time, I did the following, isolating, escalating things:

Go to sleep----leave the room----leave the house-----go camping----go on a road trip

Granted this is the same advice that you have seen before. But it works. Best

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Let me ask you a question... are you using RP to fix your wife, to fix your marriage, or to fix yourself?

"You are an asshole for having joined this misguided misogynistic psycho cult."

I'm not unsympathetic to the way that TRP and MRP are viewed by those outside the community. There are a lot of topics about "making her your slut" or "my wife is so submissive since I did X", but the base line is that we are teaching men to take responsibility and improve themselves. This is first and foremost about owning your shit; being the best man, the best father, and the best husband you can be. I don't see you in any OYS thread and this is your first victim puke, so I can't say whether you're actually on your game or just sprinkling some alpha -- but it's probably the latter.

She used everything in the toolbox to put me back into my beta cage: weaponized sex, weaponized tears, indignation, silent treatment, playing the ice queen etc etc.

And MRP frequently talks about dread, OI, and "gaming your wife" as strategies to assert yourself in your marriage. For men stuck in an unhappy marriage, whose life (or wife) has just become complacent, these are a good way to shake things up. But for men stuck in an unhealthy marriage, whose wife has become unbearable, these are essential tools to re-assert yourself and break the cycle. If you've really been following MRP for a while, you should already be familiar with the back stories of men like me, /u/Persaeus, /u/2gunsgetsome, and /u/ex_addict_bro to see the spectrum.

You say that you have OI... but let's be fair, most newbies don't know OI from the anger phase. We see plenty of guys who go pedal-to-the-metal on their MAP, and shit all over their stressed-out wives as some sort of payback for minor offenses and broken covert contracts ("frankly my dear, I don't give a damn"). There's a reason that we talk about rolling these changes out over time, that WISNIFG and NMMNG are at the top of the reading list -- because they provide a good, stable foundation for the changes you'll need to make, and put the focus on changing yourself first.

Look, even if your wife wasn't aware of MRP, she'd still know something was up with you. Why did you come here in the first place? What hard steps have you made to improve yourself and your life? Are they paying off for you and your family? Does she see and appreciate these, or are they more slings and arrows in her tale of victimhood?

Let me suggest you read this thread on the phases of the MRP end game. If you really are at this point (and not just sprinkling alpha), then its likely that she's resisting because she's still not ready to enter your frame.

The way she put this: "I can't win, can I?"

You've already said that she's weaponized sex, and if you're here, you're almost certainly applying some of the MRP tools in your marriage as well. And to be clear, there are benefits to viewing RP through a game theory lens, but that should not be the only mindset. Because as long as either of you approach this relationship as an adversarial process, then you should resign yourself to the fact that someone will end up feeling like they've lost.

You're both asserting yourselves, and she has the stronger narrative here, because it's you and MRP against poor her. I'm sure her friends and family have all heard about your misogynist cult, which only reinforces her feelings and resolve. And it's a good narrative, because it puts all of your actions into a suspicious light. "Did he leave because he was angry/unhappy, or is this a power play?" "Is he doing chores just to one-up me because I was busy elsewhere?" It all comes down to keeping score.

But you need to establish frame and define your own narrative. What are your priorities, and what are you really trying to accomplish here? Is she right, and you allowed this marriage to become adversarial? Or are you on a path to self-improvement, and would like her as a willing companion? Have you made tangible progress on these things, with or without her input, and do you have a plan for your life going forward, with or without her. Because, she can choose to see this as an ultimatum (FMoFY), or you can show her that it's not really a game after all, and that the only way to win is not to play.

So, the next time she plays the victim, just ignore it and have fun -- or flip the script with a little amused mastery "yes honey, you got me, it's all part of my evil plan to be a better husband." Then go on the vacations, and let her hamster spin about whether its all another RP mind game or just that you're an awesome leader, and maybe she should just relax and enjoy the ride.

Let me wrap up by quoting J10 on keeping score:

See, you don't "win at Red Pill" when this happens.

You only win when your wife enters your frame, looks around, and asks, Wait, where's the scoreboard?

And you say, Oh, was hoping you'd show up. Funny you mention that, it's in the back.

And then she says, Wait, why isn't it on?

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

are you using RP to fix your wife, to fix your marriage, or to fix yourself?

RP already got me out of a DB. It's been a very long relationship and I still have a long way to go, but it got me on a path of self improvement. I don't know if the marriage survives it. I'd prefer to keep it together.

I don't see you in any OYS thread and this is your first victim puke

I stopped posting here because that's how I doxed myself a long time ago. And she can't process the FR / OYS style language. She absolutely freaks out.

One day she got access to my phone (my fault), got a glimpse of my private journal (that I use instead of OYS) and that was enough to get her into an indignation loop that lasted weeks. No sex, no talking. She acted like I murdered her family.

She can't handle this kind of stuff in her current state. It might have been a dumb idea from me to make this post, actually.

but let's be fair, most newbies don't know OI from the anger phase

I've been guilty of this. I did the RP "Rambo" thing early on. I'd like to think I got better by now. (Of course in my wife's prevailing narrative anything I do or not do is part of a punishment or power game. It means that I can't judge by her reaction if it's too much or not, which means in some sense I'm flying blind.)

You're both asserting yourselves, and she has the stronger narrative here, because it's you and MRP against poor her. I'm sure her friends and family have all heard about your misogynist cult, which only reinforces her feelings and resolve. And it's a good narrative, because it puts all of your actions into a suspicious light. "Did he leave because he was angry/sulking, or is this a power play?" "Is he doing chores just to one-up me because I was busy elsewhere?" It all comes down to keeping score.

^ Yep, you got it 100% right. Exactly this.

So, the next time she plays the victim, just ignore it and have fun -- or flip the script with a little amused mastery "yes honey, you got me, it's all part of my evil plan to be a better husband."

I've been doing pretty much this. But the reason posted is that I feel that this is a problematic issue that I haven't seen discussed too much yet. And until I find a way to get rid of her victimhood addiction, further progress in other areas will probably be slowed down significantly.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Let me suggest you read this thread on the phases of the MRP end game. If you really are at this point (and not just sprinkling alpha), then its likely that she's resisting because she's still not ready to enter your frame.

I think my wife does everything to make me believe that we are here:

"You are leading, and she is only following out of fear, obligation, whatever."

(ie. she's a victim)

Until I repent my sins, turn my back on this RP cult.

She can and does enjoy herself and our time together. She started losing weight herself, our home is tidier etc.

But holding on to her victimhood is just so damn enticing that sometimes she prefers it to enjoying herself.

It might be her last (?) effective shit testing tool, everything else I can easily deal with. But look at me, after more than a year, her RP-shaming was effective enough to make me post on Reddit despite my best judgement. :)

[–]PurpleVeteranRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

But holding on to her victimhood is just so damn enticing that sometimes she prefers it to enjoying herself.

The RP narrative is that we're giving men agency in their relationships. The BP narrative is that we're diminishing women's agency. There's truth in both of those viewpoints. We like to throw around solipsism as an essential attribute of women, but a casual survey of FRs shows that we are just as guilty of it. Hell, we're all here because we're so self-centered and needy, right?

You can own this, and show her what RP has done for you, and even dismiss the parts that you disapprove of (at the risk of DEERing). You can make it a running joke, or you can say that you just needed to vent to the guys -- and some of the advice they gave was helpful, while other bits were... well, more suited to the locker room.

But eventually, it comes down to 2 things:

  1. Are you the type of man you want to be, living the life you want to live?
  2. Is she willing and happy living with that man?

I mean, she'll either get over this or she won't. Because, let's be honest, she's right -- you are still running your encounters through the RP filter, and acting accordingly. Maybe you've really improved, so that most of it's not an act any more, but she still doesn't trust her eyes. She needs more time to see that you're not playing mind games or pretending to be something you're not, but actually self-motivated and that your words match your actions. And if she wants to blame RP for the bad stuff, she should also accept that you've improved because of it as well.

I will be honest, that if my wife came here, she'd probably overreact as well -- even without reading my victim pukes. But I also think that my experience here has been a (huge) net-positive, and that (eventually) she'd be able to get past the initial distaste and accept my changes as genuine (even if the methods and company I keep are distasteful).

she realizes that she reacted exactly how RP described she would and absolutely hates it.

While we dabble quite a bit in pseudo evolutionary psychology, most of our discussion and prescriptions are still based on outward behavior and less on the why. "Women do shitty things, so just call AWALT and apply dread level X. You'll know it works when she does this." The fact is that, just being in a relationship with someone changes their behavior. There is no straight cause and effect -- and operant conditioning falters when you can pull back the curtain to see the levers. But she's still her own free agent, and her primary choice is whether she enjoys being with the new you.

Or maybe she just enjoys the drama, and you'll never hear the end of this. In which case, DNGAF and AM should be your best friends -- because they work even when she knows what you're doing. :)

Edit - Let me add the obligatory... why the fuck do you care what she thinks? Her feelings are her own, and not yours to fix. Let her have her feelz and blame you for them, because you are a man on a mission. A mission to be awesome.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know she needs her feelz, but when they fuck with our vacation fun it's very hard to suppress the urge to try to fix them somehow.

I guess I'll stay the course with DNGAF for another year and hopefully it keeps getting rarer.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let me preface this with: I really, really like J10 and his comments. And I used to really like his phases model for the MRP end game.

  1. Stop Operating in Her Frame
  2. Build Your Own Frame
  3. Your Wife is Operating In Your Frame

J10 has lots of good advice for getting from step 1 to completing step 2. But he had no advice for getting to step 3 and that's the puzzle he left us with.

Bad news. If you do some research on "Walk Away Wife Syndrome" it looks exactly like "Your Wife is Operating In Your Frame". This ends very badly. So it looks like if you try to push for her to be in your frame, what you've really got is a dangerous failure mode:

  1. Stop Operating in Her Frame
  2. Build Your Own Frame
  3. You Think Your Wife is Operating In Your Frame
  4. Vindictive Divorce Rape Ambush

J10 was unsure about how to even get Your Wife to Operate In Your Frame and was more hypothetical about it as the desired endpoint anyway. I think his idea was that your wife likes your frame and chooses to operate in it. But in reality we're stuck with the unobservable: is your wife in your frame because she likes it or because she dislikes it?

My current theory on an alternate end game is that husband and wife both build and operating in their own complimentary frames. But this raises a different and more complex question about whether the wife even starts out operating in her own frame and how to encourage her to build one which I'm still puzzling over.

So... where does this leave OP? Is he still building his frame? Or has he achieved step 2 and is operating in his own frame. It's clear that his wife does not like it, does not respect it, and will not operate in it. Maybe he's going to have to remodel his frame a bit to make it tolerable. But it's pretty clear you can't battle your wife into your frame.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let me wrap up by quoting J10 on keeping score

Okay, this was the best thing I've read in a long time. I miss that guy.

I set up a reminder for myself to read it again in a couple of months.

[–]Willow-girl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow, that sucks!

I actually turned my boyfriend on to these sites after I found them a month or so ago. We've had a gigantic good time reading threads and cracking up over the some of the antics described (mostly the young virgin lads desperate to spin plates over on asktrp).

It hasn't really affected our relationship, but then he was a manly man to begin with, and I like being his woman, so no probs there.

[–]plein_old2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I treat it like a comfort tests, pull her close and hug her.

If it's really as bad as you say, perhaps you are mistaking shit tests for comfort tests?

Maybe you need to spend less time with her, develop a social life outside of your marriage, etc. Not as a "punishment" but as a way to stay happy yourself, and so you're not where you're not wanted.

If your wife doesn't look forward to spending time with you, and doesn't enjoy being with you when you are there, then a million hugs and a gazillion cuddles probably don't mean much to her, and don't have the effect you are seeking.

It's also possible that this is some sort of hormonal or chemical problem that has nothing to do with you or your relationship, like maybe she's eating something that doesn't agree with her or something.

breaking the 'demonstrate don't explicate' rule

That's one of the most important rules. Break it at you own risk. :P

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If it's really as bad as you say, perhaps you are mistaking shit tests for comfort tests?

It's definitely a possibility, her comfort tests were always mixed with shit tests. E.g. she cries but when I can come close she starts to give me shit about sth.

On top of this her shit / comfort testing can get meta sometimes. :D

She cries, I come close to hold her, she starts acting disrespectful, I disengage. After that she announces "That was a comfort test and you failed it!"

Here's my guess what goes on with her (at least part of the time). She knows about RP theory but can't help get the feelz that she gets. And she realizes that she reacted exactly how RP described she would and absolutely hates it.

E.g. enjoying sex without me meeting her listed demands first or calming down when she cries and I hold her.

She gets these feelz, realizes that this is what RP said would happen, she gets angry about it and lashes out. If she gives into her feelings the misogynist terrorists win! This makes my job very hard, because she doesn't want to let herself enjoy things that are completely ok to enjoy.

I somehow need to get into her head that the fact that she sometimes acts (and/or feels) like a little girl doesn't make me think she's an idiot. I actually find it cute. I don't want to live with another dude, I want an actual woman.

[–]plein_old1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Does she have feminist friends that she hangs out with and listens to every day?

I'm not saying this is right, but in some cultures, it was considered the husband's responsibility to help guide his wife in terms of what she should believe in. Or what kinds of influences she should be exposed to.

"That was a comfort test and you failed it!"

That sounds like a lot of nonsense to me. My idea of a comfort test is when someone is hurt and wants comfort. Very simple and straightforward.

Playing games, mind games, and piling strategy on top of strategy tends to be a sign that comfort can't help the situation at all. It's like rewarding a dog that just bit someone. Sure, the dog is going crazy and needs comfort in some sense, but first the dog needs to be guided into a situation with boundaries, rules, limitations, as they say. Giving comfort at the wrong time just makes things worse.

her comfort tests were always mixed with shit tests

I don't think it works that way. I think maybe she's just trying to confuse you.

If comforting someone helps them, then do that. If it makes the situation worse, then don't do it. If your wife doesn't respect you, then perhaps she is incapable of being comforted by you, no matter what you do.

Only when she respects you can you even be capable of comforting her, I think.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does she have feminist friends that she hangs out with and listens to every day?

Now she does, thanks to the anti-RP subs. :) IRL probably not, but it's possible.

I don't think it works that way.

Unfortunately shitty comfort tests are a thing. This is not unique to her. She does use them extensively.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Does anyone have experience with this?

Ummmmm....

If she wants to act like a spoiled, bratty little girl then treat her like one. I bet that is exactly what she wants (but could never express to you in words).

The RP references are just shit tests. Nothing more, nothing less. Smile, don't treat them seriously, agree and amplify etc. Could also be a "shitty comfort test" in which case pull her close and look her in the eyes.

I would encourage her to read /r/redpillwoman and stay away from /r/exred and the Blue Pill.

If she wants to understand this better, buy "First Kill all the Marriage counselors" and make her read it.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would encourage her to read /r/redpillwoman

I think she said that she checked it out but it wasn't for her.

If she wants to understand this better, buy "First Kill all the Marriage counselors" and make her read it.

I started reading this one. I'll have to see if it's a good fit.

[–]RPSigmaStigmaRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This changes nothing. Good game works even if she knows it's game. Her indignation is just more shit tests. Don't DEER about it.

Edit: commented before I finished reading. Sounds like you have the right idea. What is your question?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I have experience with this.

My wife knows about this place. Fuck, she lurks here more than I do. For a little while I was concerned deadsandsushi was an alt account of hers. /u/marmar80 might be able to say more on this subject, especially the victim part and how to shed it.

But yeah, she loves the shit out of it.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha! Should I be flattered that you thought I was your wife's account, or upset? ;)

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

But yeah, she loves the shit out of it.

I'm guessing not from day 1?

How far in did you get before she learned about it?

And how long until she started loving it?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No not from day one. Had to get past the main event. I had to get over my relationship PTSD, sort myself out and calm the fuck down.

I, like a dumbass told her 6 months in. Took a solid year to get here though. So for about three or four months we've been doing much better; with an occasional shit test as a reminder to bring the drama.

Now, that might not translate well because I wasted a lot of time being angry rather than putting it to good use. Entirely my fault.

[–]bangorlol1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I've said it here a few times, but my wife reads TRP and MRP frequently. We're both on the same page with how and where it applies to our lives and it aligns with our relationship criteria. She'll often times call out the guys fucking up and blaming their wives for their mistakes to me, which is always really fucking funny.

Anyways, we use RPT as a tool to help supplement our traditional marriage. Both of us grew up in poor households with no real leadership or positive examples to follow. If your wife is intelligent and logical, she'll embrace it. She gets the better deal at the end of the day. If she's dumb and emotional, she'll cite RPT as the reason you fucked up and destroyed your marriage.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

We're both on the same page with how and where it applies to our lives and it aligns with our relationship criteria.

So you explicitly discussed RP theory with the wife?

Until now my policy was to STFU about it.

[–]bangorlol1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. My wife understands biological sciences and has a pretty good grasp on anthropology, plus she also had pretty RP relationship beliefs when I met her. We talk about our thresholds necessary for mutual attraction, where we want each other to improve for ourselves and our unit, and the kinds of people we want our eventual children to be. Having someone onboard as a first mate that actually has the capacity to understand what is going on has made my relationship with her extremely easy. The only stress she has in her life is gradschool. Because she isn't flipping shit at everything and trusts me, I get minimal shit tests and live a pretty damn stress-free life. Of course that can and probably will change, but I'm prepared for mutiny. I still make the money, have final say on all decisions, and ultimately the responsibility for the success of my marriage relies on me. It's the role we as men evolved into, and I embrace it.

It's worth noting that my situation goes against RPT in the sense that I discuss this stuff with her. Use your best judgement. If your wife is dumb or just uneducated I'd strongly advise against it cuz feelz.

[–]nonnimooseWoman, something something dark side0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I read them and my husband doesn't, he doesn't understand my fascination with reddit at all. (It's OK, I don't get his interest in professional sports either.)

While I understand how women would be upset if their husbands adopted the TRP sub mentality, I don't see what they would have against MRP. Advising to men: own your shit, lead your family, get in and stay in shape, fix stuff around the house, help with the kids & housework, knock off the porn, create excitement & fun, be great in bed - what's not to like?

[–]RPAlternate42Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

TRP has two kinds of posts: long-winded posts that have some decent content if you can filter the self-righteous vocabulary contest (I think they are all trying to write like Rollo) or the short confusing posts where TRP neophyte attempts to make a connection to prove a thought he had while wiping his ass.

The latter are useless and the former are never read in their entirety, I think.

What ensues is a circle jerk for the first hour, then some common sense comments come in and actually get voted near the top.

Those that refuse to read the posts in TRP or any of the good comments spend all their time in AskTRP where they look for some kind of quick fix or demonstrate, through their omissions, that they aren't doing anything to help themselves. Perfect examples are the, I've been lifting for 6 days... I'm thinking about steroids. sort of posts or the I keep getting rejected by women... I mean I'm 6'1 and 150 lbs and I've been lifting for the last 5 minutes... what gives? kind of posts.

With out beating my own dick off, MRP does have a higher level of maturity as our ages tend to skew higher and we do tend to accentuate the idea of improving yourself first.

Don't do anything about this "problem." If she gets annoying, go away. If she says... you're just trying to dread-game me by leaving Just shrug and say, "I can see why'd you'd think that." Just do you and if she wants to continue to be a shrill shrew, there is nothing to be done about that.

Red Pill readings are the same as her watching "The View" or "The Talk" or any daytime talk show or reading any woman's magazine where they spew advice for women. The difference here is that our advice works for us and her advice works for no one. Smile, knowing you're right, be awesome, slap her on the ass, wink, and go lift.

You're not in a new boat... a few other wive's have "discovered" the redpill.

Try this too: tell her there's a RedPillWomen sub and that if she is so bothered, she can go vent there.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

TL;DR: wife found out about RP and seems like she uses it as an Infinite Indignation Generator to give her an unending source of victimhood feelz.

*TL/DR- You have to quit giving 10 fucks... *

Lift, STFU and stay on course

[–]SubPrimeMate1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This has been very informative. I have been dealing with this too. Very similar situation, wife found my OYS post.

Definitely has been an issue, but I told her, now that she learned about it, she had to learn all about it. Took a while to explain the difference between MRP and TRP, but I think she's finally getting it. In truth, MRP is amoral, but I am a moral person and I think what's happening here is a very good thing. Men discussing how to save marriage in an age when its endangered. Yes, the conversation is sometimes raw, but so is the problem.

Here's what's worked for me. If she brings it up, tell her you can discuss the philosophy in a respectful way. She wants to know about fight club? Fine. Tell her. But don't tolerate her knocking something she doesn't understand. Now, she brings it up, I say OK, we are talking about this again. You cannot just make unfounded comments under your breath. I even show her some posts that have impacted me. Now, she understands. The feminist in her will never admit that its GOOD. But she knows I'm a good dude and she likes how these ideas have encouraged me to be the best person I can be. She can't simultaneously knock the ideology and enjoy the benefits, so she has settled for the latter. This approach has worked for me. Now, it rarely comes up.

[–]Graped_in_the_mouth2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

TL;DR: wife found out about RP and seems like she uses it as an Infinite Indignation Generator to give her an unending source of victimhood feelz.

If this is how derisively you talk about your own wife, maybe you shouldn't have a wife.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If this is how derisively you talk about your own wife, maybe you shouldn't have a wife.

I thought about replacing her with an underage Vietnamese girl, but now that she's properly tied up in the basement, she's not that much trouble any more.

I can barely hear her screams since I put in the new door.

[–]tallRedPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quick tip: don't repeat your same old jokes over and over again to help avoid doxxing.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Pretty sure my wife has better shit to do than read on here. Maybe she needs a hobby or something.

[–]psycho_tyrant[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think it's not abnormal for a woman to go full MI6 when she feels that the family nest or her way of life is being threatened.

And the chocolate & peanut butter combination of secrets + indignation can make it almost irresistible. ;)

[–]red-pill-man0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read all of the responses. Sounds to me like she's putting on the full court press to manipulate you into getting your beta back.

Don't fall for it. That said, if your wife is too much of a feminist control freak it might not be salvageable.

[–]Nyquil-Junkie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Tell her you are having her committed for long term evaluation and treatment for her erratic and possibly violent behavior.

About the time you get to the front desk I imagine she'll crack. Or maybe she is nuts and will stay a while.

[–]Nyquil-Junkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

But seriously, I could not deal with this sort of interpersonal drama. She would have divorce papers in her face before the weekend came. Life is too short to be married to someone who is a perpetual stress machine. Great greasy jesus on a sharp stick. The more I read the rainbow of pills, the more I thank the god I don't believe in for my SO who doesn't understand this shit and the women/men who wallow in it any better than I do.



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