707,472 posts

Thought I reached alpha mindset, AWALT brought me back to the beginning.

Reddit View
November 3, 2016
14 upvotes

TL;DR - Thought I finally accomplished frame, wife had emotional affair and now I'm re-starting at square one.

This isn't really a question. I'm just a newb poster and thought it would be better here than MRP.

Married for 10 years, two kids under 9 yrs old.

We both had deep issues when we met. First 9 years of marriage were hell. I faced my childhood demons a little over a year ago. Made some guy friends and found MRP. Started MAP and life quickly turned around.

I've had suicidal thoughts everyday since I was seven. (The "childhood demons" were the kind that really fuck up a kid.) I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I fantasized about blowing my brains out. I had guy friends, I was looking good and lifting, my wife and I were having fun, having sex, enjoying our kids and our life. I saw shit test as fore play and she never seemed happier. I thought I was an oak. I thought I was fucking aces. I thought I had found happiness.

Then I found some clues that she was in communication with an old boyfriend. Turns out she was having an all out emotional affair for the last 3 months. Talking to the guy on the phone every day, still sweaty from sex with me. (He lives in Germany and I've read many of the text. 99% sure they didn't fuck)

She asked to have one last private conversation with him to say goodbye to "close this chapter of her life." I saw an attorney, got papers and told her she had to make a choice, she closed that chapter when she married me. She wrote a text telling him not to contact her again and showed it to me before she sent.

Now I'm back to square one. I'm doing pretty good at focusing on me, but this betrayal hurts and makes it hard to maintain frame. My butthurt is off the charts, and it seeps out occasionally.

I'm thankful for this though. I would have just kept bouncing along thinking I was strong. It's kind of like I've been doing squats with shitty form and now I'm going ass to grass for the first time. I'm deloading all the weight and sore as shit.

I know, I know... "I would have nexted her and you didn't because you don't have any balls... and I can deadlift more than you." Whatever.

I guess the point is, don't count your chickens... They can wink at you, hold your arm, kiss your cheek, suck your cock, tell you how proud of you they are, thank you for being an awesome Dad, and then sneak off to answer that text from their old college sweetheart, the one she thinks about when she cranks up the vibrator.

When you finally do start to see some gains, just know, AWALT, hypergamy is a bitch, and you are not a special snowflake. Don't let gains give you one-itis. Don't get drunk on the reaction of others to your changes. Stay vigilant. Lift, read, hang and don't live for her emotions. You are in this alone, and your self respect is the only reward worth pursuing.


Post Information
Title Thought I reached alpha mindset, AWALT brought me back to the beginning.
Author RecoveringBlue
Upvotes 14
Comments 76
Date 03 November 2016 06:01 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206926
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5av68h/thought_i_reached_alpha_mindset_awalt_brought_me/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtMAPalphaAWALTframehypergamyshit testliftclosesnowflake
Comments

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia10 points11 points  (15 children) | Copy

Reading this has made me think about how we suffer from oneitis and our MAP was really built to satisfy someone other than yourself. Surprised that not even /u/sexyshoulderdevil or /u/sampsonbrass mentioned how happy you were when you were doing your best to be you. The covert contract was you thought that meant she would do better. While you may buy into the purple pill concept that some people pedal around here you should also be aware that it's still just blue pill.

My advice would be go back to where you are happy with your life, next the wife when you see fit, and rely on abundance mentality to know that out there is a woman who would kill to be in her place.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good advise. Getting my affairs in order and my shit together more and more every day. If it comes to that, I'll be ready. Thanks

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not that, its that you live your life for you and if she fits in that is great and something to be cherished. If you have to make exceptions and concessions then I am just letting you know that life does not have to be like that. She cheats once, she will cheat agian.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Uh oh, did I just get called out by the principal?

Anyway, I made a comment above that I wonder if this guy was being "alpha" almost too much. He was giving her tingles but perhaps ignored her emotionally. Hence the emotional affair with far off ex boyfriend...I'm sure she complained about her day to him and how OP ignored her feelings, etc. I'm kind of conjecturing here though.

Now, I'm personally my happiest when I don't have to consider other people's feelings. I could be projecting on to OP. But if I'm at my MAX happiest, I'd walk the world truly not giving a shit about what people think. My wife finds that sexy...and also very annoying at times. I'm not innately rude but my baseline indifference is sometimes perceived as rude. Sooo....I have to give a little on my happiest levels and start listening to comfort tests so I don't just blow shit up.

So if I'm right, he may need to dial up the comfort to avoid another Beta Bob sliding in and listening to all her feelings. Which also means he may not be at his MAX Happy Levels. Up to him.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

If his wife were complaining to him about not passing comfort tests or whatever then I would say that's all in the game. But you want to tell me that she gets to have an affair with an ex boyfriend because he slipped and somehow we have collectively hamstered that it was ok because OP failed somehow. Hell no. He should/could/would have done this or that to nip the whole thing in the bud? Hell no. She cheats, she gets nexted.

Anyways, that's my rant.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

But you want to tell me that she gets to have an affair with an ex boyfriend because he slipped and somehow we have collectively hamstered that it was ok because OP failed somehow.

If he just "slipped" then the answer is no she does not get to have an emotional affair. If on the other hand, like me, he slipped for years continuously . . . in other words was a selfish asshole a lot then OP needs to own that his woman sought comfort elsewhere.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sorry, but I cant put a blue shine on that. We don't own her shit and our shit.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We don't own her shit and our shit.

yep

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I'm not arguing the morality of what she did or if he should stay or go. I'm just looking at cause and effect of what he did or didn't do and then what she did. He can decide if he wants to fix anything or stay or go.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Does correlation equal causation? Are we to assume that his wife is just a robot accepting input?

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I think this is where I say...AWALT.

Who knows though.

I do know personally if I acted as DNGAF as I'd like, my wife would likely end up chatting with some dude for emotional support. She may not mean to start an emotional affair but it sure could head that way since she's attractive and some dude might be angling for an opening. Seeing I actually prefer a regular nuclear family and like my wife's personality (and she may or may not have big boobs too), I try to focus better on comfort tests because I tend to ignore them.

But not all men or women will cheat. But regarding this OP, his girl married an addict. Who knows what her problems are...and she may have been having affairs non-stop that he doesn't know about to cope with his BS.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

No but you got to admit that when the sex bots are invented that would be some interesting accepting of input.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a machine learning sex chat bot.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah I started to read this but then there was so much, in my view, undiscovered country between "I had suicidal thoughts" and "then I found some clues" that I just decided to leave it alone.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One day, and I hope soon. That I have the wisdom that you possess. What's that old saying? The only thing older men have to give is wisdom but damned if you can find someone who will take it?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy

My perspective is that this sub sometimes gets itself into a bind with advice because some of the "tenets" of MRP have been taken to absurd levels.

If men are to lead the relationships (women are not their equal) and to be treated as children/little girls who run on "feels" and not logic, then you take away her agency. This is convenient for many of you, because it gives you the power in the relationship.

But then, if a woman engages in behavior like the OP's wife did--sexual messages and emotional intimacy with an old boyfriend--the response is that this MUST be OP's fault because she doesn't have agency and she is just a "vessel that he fills."

See the issue here? Let's say that what I originally proposed in OP's initial post was true, i.e. that he was too far on the alpha spectrum, got an active sex life from it, and thought all was great but failed on the beta side. She reaches out to the ex. This is all just speculation because none of us know her thinking.

Let's say this is the case. So what? Her behavior is still NOT OP's fault. If he failed in bringing enough comfort, that does not come close to her INFIDELITY (and yes, emotional infidelity is as serious as physical).

As a woman, I don't excuse her behavior. I would not want any of you to think that I believe OP's wife's behavior is OP's fault or that it is "natural" for a woman because of hypergamy. Not all infidelity is a woman looking for a "better" man, and thus making the OP at fault since he failed to perform. Some of it is pure selfishness. Some of it is for temporary validation. There are reasons other than OP not being the best she can get.

I'm sure OP has made some mistakes along the way, but he didn't cheat. I won't as a female excuse OP's wife's behavior. I would not act this way, ever. When I am in a relationship, I am loyal, I have morals, and if I feel it is not working, I will end the relationship, not sneak around.

OP doesn't need to fix this unless he wants to, but he's not a "faggot" or "weaksauce" for not sticking around and "leading" his wife. If he decides to divorce her, I think he's in the right here.

Feel free to tell me where I'm wrong.

Side note: when I masturbate (which I do a few times a week), I don't masturbate to my boyfriend's image or us having sex. I have specific, very private sexual fantasies that are none of his business. What your wife/LTR thinks about when she masturbates has no reflection on how she feels about you unless it is specifically about someone else she'd rather be with. I have a few kinks/erotic stuff I like to read that gets me off that has nothing to do with my boyfriend. This isn't cuckoldry and it isn't hypergamy. It's just my private shit. I don't believe it is any of my business what porn my boyfriend watches or what he thinks about when he jerks off.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have the weirdest boner right now

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

What's interesting is that you routinely point to your "outlier" status among women, in fact going so far as to say that you're terribly masculine in many very substantive ways.

Yet, simultaneously you purport to speak for women when you preface your statement with "as a woman" or make statements that "explain" what women do or think. Do you see that?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes. But just because I am more logical and less emotional than the majority of women doesn't mean I don't have some of the same experiences as the rest of my gender.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are you sure you are not a lowkey lesbian?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely! In fact I am the straightest straight chick. I only like dick. Never did any "experimentation" with my female friends :).

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I have a few kinks/erotic stuff I like to read that gets me off that has nothing to do with my boyfriend. This isn't cuckoldry and it isn't hypergamy. It's just my private shit.

I find you admonition of this like you are just saying "water is wet" to be intriguing and appalling; and IMO points out a significant difference between men and women that I would like you to expound on. I was pondering this subject last night in the car after reading discobolus_ reply to me about how his wife doesn't like any kinky stuff but read 50 shades multiple times.

There is NOTHING I have ever fantasized about while masturbating and very little I have ever watched in porn that I would not gladly do with wife. On the other hand, it seems quite common for women to have fantasies or had experiences that they have no interest in doing with you. So you say this isn't hypergamy; then what the fuck is it?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Well, I can't speak for every woman of course ;), but I'll say that for some things, I just would rather have these fantasies alone. I don't want to "roll play" them out because it feels fake. Also, they are fantasies where it is not ME in them, but me reading erotica where this occurs.

I do think this is something men don't often get. Sometimes even the most assertive woman like me feels a little self-conscious about our really private fantasies, and we also see them as "ours" and not something we want to share. I can enjoy sex with my man doing the things that we enjoy together, but there are some things that I prefer to keep as my own.

ETA: It's not hypergamy because I'm not fantasizing at all about another MAN I'd want to be with instead of my boyfriend. It's fantasizing about certain scenarios that turn me on that don't have ME as a character. Does that make sense? It's like reading a story happening to other people.

ETA2: I can understand some of you guys feeling upset if your wife doesn't want to do kinky/fantasy stuff with you or doesn't respond in a certain way, but you're seeing it from a guy perspective. Discobolus' wife might enjoy the stuff in 50 Shades but still not want to enact that with him. Unfortunately for some of you, not everything will be on the table with some women. I like dominance myself, but you're not going to get me doing anal or chasing you begging for your cock. NAWALT :D.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

At the risk of ridicule (like I GAF), I can honestly say this assuages my Feelz.

I do think this is something men don't often get.

You nailed that, this whole comment has me going HUH? I am not debating because your explanation explains a lot of observation. I am just dumbfounded at how different y'all are.

It's fantasizing about certain scenarios that turn me on that don't have ME as a character.

No, that makes no sense at all to me. I am pretty sure, I can speak for 99.99% of men when I say I am always the character in my fantasy.

but you're seeing it from a guy perspective

yeah I am

Unfortunately for some of you, not everything will be on the table with some women.

There are undoubtedly two both independent and interdependent agents in that sentence; but ultimately it comes down to your own priorities and choices.

If you can put on your big girl pants and stand in center of arena; you might want to consider your first ever submission "Why you can't always get what you want"

[edit] grammar

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I can speak for 99.99% of men when I say I am always the character in my fantasy.

No shit. If I'm not the star, then there's no point

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Glad I am not the only guy going what the motherfucking fuck right now; but like I said this explains wife's entire attitude towards her mommy porn to a "T".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Glad this makes sense :D.

Re: the character thing. It would feel "fake" to me to roll play this stuff with my boyfriend, which doesn't turn me on. Plus, it would be too much effort. It's just as easy for me to read my erotica and get myself off.

Re: not everything being on the table. Look, the honest truth is that some women hate giving blow jobs, and wouldn't give one to Brad Pitt. Some women hate being on top and some hate doggy. Some will never do anal. Some would rather do something you would find "kinkier" than something you find tamer, just because of preferences. For example, doggy is no big deal to me; I enjoy it. I don't find it degrading. I have zero desire to get on top and ride him because I don't find that hot at all.

I sometimes think men on here think the AWALT extends to all women's sexual openness. No, she won't always do any "slutty" thing for the right man. Some will, some won't.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It does not make sense at all; but it explains observations.

I have zero desire to get on top and ride him because I don't find that hot at all.

That kinda explains the lack of PIV orgasm from yesterday's thread.

I sometimes think men on here think the AWALT extends to all women's sexual openness.

You maybe right in some cases, and certainly men are projecting onto women that we will do just about anything imaginable with a woman and not be subconcious about it one iota. On the other hand, when a woman gives you level 9 in the beginning and then backs you down to level 7 the answer is more likely "right now or with you" to paraphrase Stoney.

[–]RCMasculinity0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I thing sushi may be more RP than her man. ;)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol :D. He doesn't read these subs but he has all the behaviors. I'm more into RP on an intellectual level. I find the dynamics fascinating.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It's just my private shit.

Continue, please.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Haha ;).

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Are you acquainted with the Hamburger Analogy? Back to that some more in a minute.

You've read, you've improved some, yet OI escapes you. You think because you've made an effort at being a high value male that she or someone else owes you something. Nobody owes you anything for being awesome. You do these things in this life so your life becomes one you like living, not so you can get some feelz from a woman. By you tolerating her shitty behavior, you are showing her that reconciliation is always there for her. She knows it and I will put my left toe on the chances of this happening again at 150%.

Back to the analogy. Hamburger is for lack of a better term 80% of all men. If you started out as hamburger, you can be used in many dishes, a quick meal or an entree. What you never will be is Filet Mignon. The Ex is a 60 day aged filet and she remembers how it tasted. You can improve yourself all you want, but when she wants the Filet you will lose out every time.

In this regard it is almost always better for you to start a new relationship, one in which she only knows you as the filet.

Stop living your life expecting something, keep her if you want but know that the fire was lit and if you hadn't forced her to extinguish it. It would still be burning....

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

The hamburger analogy states perfectly what I suspect may be the case, but only time will tell. For now, I think the drama needs to fade away and we'll see how things shake out. All I can do is focus on me and my goals, and lay the groundwork for things to go my way if it doesn't work out.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your squat analogy is spot on. I want to explore it a little more.

Many men find RP and devour the material (usually once as a cursory read) start implementing dread (sprinkle some Alpha on their Beta lives) see some initial results and give themselves a big pat on the back for becoming Alpha Males.

If you found the Red Pill after being married or in a LTR and you did not have a "Oh Shit I've Been Squatting Wrong" moment, then you are nowhere near truly living out the principles we talk about here.

In OP's case, you made the mistake of thinking your lifestyle changes were going to bring her in line. This is simply not the case (as in this is not a guaranteed result). Women are still their own free will agents. They are going to follow the script of hypergamy, at BEST, implementing dread and Alpha behaviors can give you a leg up in the battle to being seen as more than Beta Bux to her, but this is why I always say you never know when Chad will come a callin'.

Assume she will have the temptation for these emotional affairs (it's just a manifestation of hypergamy). Either tell her to go fuck herself or tell her you think it's sad she values an old failed relationship over the one the two of you have built and then smack her on the ass then fuck her until dawn.

Your frame has to be unshakable. If your woman wants to be an idiot and risk being dumped by a high value male then that's her mistake to deal with IMO.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep, deload the ego and go back to proper form. That's where the pride is. That's true improvement.

God I love squat analogies. And proper form.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They can wink at you, hold your arm, kiss your cheek, suck your cock, tell you how proud of you they are, thank you for being an awesome Dad, and then sneak off to answer that text from their old college sweetheart, the one she thinks about when she cranks up the vibrator.

Maybe it's just me, but you should perhaps take a hard introspective look into whether specifics of your wife's masturbation habits and fantasies should be part of your frame?

I don't know about your masturbation habits and fantasies but lol if mine have anything at all to do with how sincere I am when I hold my wife's arm, kiss her cheek, make love to her, tell her how proud of her I am, thank her for being an awesome Mom... I know you're hurting, but that just seems silly, jealous and irrational to me.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I can relate a little with you bro. I think I got complacent when my wife started entering my frame. Slowly I stopping passing shit tests and letting my guard down. As a result my wife has been cranking up the bitchiness. I think part of the problem is that I haven't made the internal mental changes required to be a 'natural'. I still have to stop and think before I AA or AM. I've let a lot of BP laziness creep back in, in terms of leading my family. It's exhausting.

So I'm taking a couple days off in the desert next week to have some guy time and also to rest and refocus my mind. My wife will probably resent the time away, but alone time in the wilderness is part of my MAP and mission that I had let slide. Because my wife isn't my mission

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Right on brother! I think time with the guys is sometimes not focused on enough here. I think it's written in our DNA to need to be with other men we trust. To me, it's equal to lifting and reading. We are social beings and when she's the only one that fulfills that need, it leads right back to being in her frame.

[–]RCMasculinity0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I need to do some 'me' time, and soon.

[–]redearththeory1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy

I know, I know... "I would have nexted her and you didn't because you don't have any balls... and I can deadlift more than you." Whatever.

No. I would have laughed at her. Invited her to save her emotional bullshit for her little gay best friend and the come bend over for me. Especially if he lived on another continent and there was virtually no chance of her seeing him in person. I understand that emotional affairs can't be tolerated long term because of the risk of them turning physical, but I think you should look at why you're butthurt about it.

We both had deep issues when we met. First 9 years of marriage were hell. I faced my childhood demons a little over a year ago.

There's a reason she chose the (emotionally damaged) former you as a husband. There's something about your previous damage that she wanted to be close to or gave her something. You may have more problems than you expect when you change for the better. Its probably not an accident that she went back to an old boyfriend that also gave her that something.

Great to hear that you're doing better and have dealt with the issues from your past.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

There's a reason she chose the (emotionally damaged) former you as a husband. There's something about your previous damage that she wanted to be close to or gave her something.

Can you expound? I'm getting an ex_addict_bro vibe with this.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

I've snorted and smoked everything to self medicate, but none of it ever became a habit.

I was sexually abused between the ages of 6-9. I had never told anyone, including my parents until about a year ago. Now I know it's nothing to be ashamed of, but the young human mind does some funky things to survive.

[–]redearththeory2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Now I know it's nothing to be ashamed of, but the young human mind does some funky things to survive.

Congrats on facing that. That's courage.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I think most people can't really imagine the terror of admitting this to people in the beginning. Now, it's just like saying I was in a car accident or something. But when I started to understand how coping mechanisms from childhood were still present today, I knew I had to do something. Everything I read said you have to tell someone. So glad I did. If anyone else had this happen, hit me up and I'll tell you some amazing books to start you down the path to getting over it.

[–]redearththeory3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is a common story in alcoholics anonymous and narcotics anonymous - a man is a functioning alcoholic, loves to party and gets together with a sweet girl who is kind of crazy. They get married, he gets worse and for the next 10 years life is out of control - active addiction, jails, fights, unemployment - and the woman is a bit of a martyr, kind of hates him, but is totally ride or die for her man, against the best advice of her friends and family who can't understand why she stays. The man gets sober and his family is elated but the wife is luke warm. Two years later the man is still sober, he's enjoying life, his career is going great, his family thinks its awesome but his wife is filing for divorce. No one can understand it, isn't she happy for him and isn't this what she always wanted? Maybe not. She chose him because, for some reason, she wanted a crazy alcoholic. He gets better and she loses whatever she was getting.

I'm not saying OPs wife is definitely going to leave him. Far from it. I'm saying that him understanding her reasons for choosing him, with his previous issues, may not be exactly what he expects and is probably something he should look at to improve his marriage.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been thinking about that a lot. Thanks

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Two years later the man is still sober, he's enjoying life, his career is going great, his family thinks its awesome but his wife is filing for divorce. No one can understand it, isn't she happy for him and isn't this what she always wanted?

That's oversimplification.

From what I see, when I was drinking, the divorce was no option. I would not be able to support my family, either the alimony would be really small or I would be dysfunctional as fuck or there was a really high treat of suicide or all of this.

BUT when I sobered up, got my shit together, started making money... NOW we have a dude who can pay! And look, I can provoke him all the way I want and he won't hit me, he won't fuck me up, because HE'S AFRAID OF THA PAH-LEECE! AND THEY TAUGHT HIM HOW TO BE A GOOD BOI AT THE THERAPHEEEY, LOOK, WHAT A FUCKING PUSS-AY!

She looses attraction because she's attracted to saving him, that's for sure. She's attracted to the feeling of being someone better, the codependency is an addiction too, that's for sure. She thinks she can control him, that's for sure. But the hypergamy performs as usual and she gets bored.

And, if you have a drunken fuck who can't get his shit together, he won't be able to pay so divorce is basically the last resort then.

BUT LOOK AT THIS SOBER SON OF A BITCH, WHAT DOES HE THINK, IS HE ANY BETTER, BECAUSE HE STOPPED DRINKING, MAKE HIM PAY

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Here you go. OP might have been Alpha-ing just fine if he was getting all the sex and adoration he described. We don't know for sure. But he could have been failing some comfort tests. Meanwhile, old ex-bf in Germany lets her go on and on about all the other shit OP could have been ignoring which helps her fulfill that dual mating strategy she craves.

Because twice is nice: There's a chance OP was Chad but she needed some more beta...and a nice emotional affair with a "safe" and familiar dude all the way in Germany got the rest of what she "needs."

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think this may be the case. I've only started to feel emotions in the way most people do I think. She wouldn't be the first person to tell me I'm cold and distant. I've only recently realized that I've pretty much faked emotions my whole life.

[–]RCMasculinity0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You and me both, brother. When people are balling their eyes out over something emotional, I'm dry as a bone. Had to fake emotions in certain situations in the past, like when a woman is balling her eyes out, and in the back of my mind I'm thinking: really?

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You told us some cool stuff... that we already knew. Is your point just to confirm AWALT? That's already been proven plenty on here.

So, what are you going to do? Action is key. Have you read the sidebar? Lifting? Dread levels? Leadership?

How long ago did you start unplugging? More information will help us to help you.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I guess I was talking mainly to any other sprinkles that were patting themselves on the back like I was.

I've read the sidebar, yes I lift, working on dread and leadership everyday.

I think I know what to do. It just takes time. I started the process about 9 months ago.

It's like if Morphius offered Neo another red pill in the second movie, and Neo's like, "WTF, there's an even more dystopian reality than this one I need to wake up to?"

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's like if Morphius offered Neo another red pill in the second movie, and Neo's like, "WTF, there's an even more dystopian reality than this one I need to wake up to?"

Yep, growth doesn't have limits, just plateaus.

[–]RCMasculinity0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Found out a few months back that the wife was having an emotional affair with some weasely little cunt a few thousand miles away that she met playing a video game online.

Before that, I'd trusted her 100%. Now I trust her not at all. I'd started on the road to RP a few weeks before finding all this out, but hadn't put any of it into practice yet.

My virgin wife, whom I thought I'd vetted so thoroughly had betrayed her vows, even though she never fucked the guy. (100% sure of this. He's thousands of miles away, she's a SAHM, and I work from home.)

I wonder if women know what they obliterate through their unrestrained hypergamy.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she never fucked the guy

and

100% sure

and

SAHM

Find my primer on emotional affairs.

Also, this was not the first time she lied to you, but I guess you're so red pill you know that.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I wonder if women know what they obliterate through their unrestrained hypergamy.

They don't give a fuck at the deepest level. You are disposable

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry to hear that. Here's what I'm realizing through this. What they obliterate is the fairytale. To truly bring you awareness to the next level, you have to go through this. Otherwise, all that we do is one big covert contract and we'll just get one-itis again and believe in a lie.

I'm beginning to feel thankful for my wife's affair because I want that hard truth to mold me, just like those heavy plates in the iron temple.

Hang in there and remember there is nothing you could have done to stop it. The big question is, is it in her nature or is it in all of their nature?

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hi,

please read my primer on the so-called "emotional affairs" here: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/59bkve/trying_to_go_slow_fucked_up_and_got_into_a_mini/d979uo5/

And, if you really hope the dildo was all she had inside, I have some bad news for you.

Here is your square one: divorce. Your marriage is DONE. Your relationship with the girl is FINISHED. All the bitch does is she prepares herself for a branch swing.

99% my ass.

"Oh I did that because I needed to vent"

"Oh he was far away I thought it was safe"

Guess what, Germany has airplanes and trains and he has business nearby. He's going to pump and dump your precious and leave her even more tingling to him while she gives you that drip-sex to keep her beta.

Source: me. Ex wife started "emotional affair" with a guy on another continent 6-12 months before they met, what's more funny it was after I started to sober up. Look, you improve, she looks for a branch swing, is that hard enough?

[–][deleted] -4 points-3 points  (5 children) | Copy

You needed this.

It's totally fucked up, but it's a good thing you've had to face this as now the final aspect of the pill can dissolve. Everyone holds on to their little bit of ego & pride until something like this happens.

It fucking sucks, she'll never be that 'perfect' girl again, but now at least she's real & you're fully immersed in reality.

Do not hold on to resentment, she did what any woman would do when they are bogged down with a weak man. You say you were strong, but admitted to finally getting through some mental issues.

Women view mental & physical fitness the same. You can be jacked, but if you're a 'nice guy' she's gone. You can be a mental powerhouse, but if you're fat she's gone.

Don't let your past kill you & don't treat this as something to hang over her head for the rest of your marriage, she doesn't owe you shit. She fucked up because you were fucked up - if you viewed this to be irrecoverable then you should have divorced her - you didn't.

Restructure the relationship, let her know your hard boundaries, make it clear where you stand on whatever issues still linger, then move forward without turning back.

Get Over Your Relationship PTSD

Things have changed brother, adapt & overcome.

Remember you kept her you can't hang onto this or it will fester and destroy whatever it was that you were hoping to save.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. I'll take that to heart.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Please do. One of the better articles if you're in the negative feedback loop. I read that fucking article a ton of times before it started to sink in.

And as TFA says, be a mental powerhouse as well as physically fit. One you do in the gym. The other is the sidebar reading.

[–]RecoveringBlue[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Great article, BTW.

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man

[–]RCMasculinity0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. That could have been written exactly with me in mind. Much to ponder.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter