TLDR – MRP progress, RP father was estranged but repaired last 2 years, he is dying from cancer, asking advice on how best to continue being the Captain while dealing with crushing grief.
3.5 months into RP, working SL 5X5, 200 down to 178, finally squatting my own body weight, read NMMNG, Rational Male, WISNIFG and working through MMSLP.
I am looking for advice on how best to show/share grief from a RP perspective. I found out this morning that my father is in the last stages of fighting cancer. He was a great example of RP most of his life. He was military and spent lots of time blowing VC to hell with a Special Forces helicopter squadron in Vietnam. I followed him into the USAF and we shared several similar experiences.
Growing up, I always saw him as distant. Mom spent lots of time trying to “raise us right” so that we didn’t’ exhibit similar characteristics to my Dad. It drove a wedge, to a degree, between Dad and I for a lot of years. It is only within the last 2 years that I have grown really close to my Dad and he opened up to me about where he was at and why there was the distance when I was growing up. It was a very different story than the one I got from my Mom.
It came at a good time in my life and has helped me on my own RP journey. Now that I am about to lose him, I am really struggling.
When I got married, I thought it was to a partner and friend. I know understand that my wife is not my friend like I need. I feel a lot of temptation to just let it all out to her along with the tears of anger at my Mom, my pain and ultimately my grief at losing my Dad. Something tells me that this emotional release will be a mistake. I have been making steady progress and don’t want to give that up, but God, this really hurts. When he goes, any ideas on how to handle the crushing grief without giving up the Captainship?