TL;DR: Recovering Beta Porn Addict Fatass seeing early results and feeling pretty damn good. Still a long fucking way to go.
34 y.o., been with my wife since we were 19, married for the last six years. Pathetic beta almost all my life -- in fact I am a former orbiter of my wife from HS who got with her in college. I didn't realize it then, but I got her originally because I took my SMV up several notches in college. I didn't learn a single lesson from that, and over time fell back into my beta ways. Sex, which up until a few years ago was a daily event, has dropped to twice a month since our son was born 18 months ago. I know others here have it worse.
Over the last few years my SMV has declined dramatically, displaying almost entirely beta and even some omega traits while allowing my weight to balloon. Hers has dropped off too but not as fast -- at this point I would say I am a 3 she is a 5. Started checking r/deadbedrooms after getting shot down for sex on my 34th birthday. After a few weeks lurking there I found the advice to be pretty much the same shit I'd been trying the last few years as our marriage and sex life deteriorated.
I discovered MRP and askMRP after an argument with the wife in which she said, "You know, I like sex too." Whether she meant to or not, the implication was that she likes sex, just not with me. Read up on MRP and that point got brought home like a brick smash to the fucking face. I don't actually think she is cheating on me (she displays few of the signs Athol Kay talks about in MMSLP, other than an obvious lack of attraction for me), but at this point I wouldn't blame her. The day I discovered MRP I got on the scale for the first time in 2 years. I weighed 289.7 lbs (I am 6'1).
Step one. I've dropped a nasty porn habit and gone nofap. I've been a porn addict since before I started dating my wife. I never realized until I stopped just how much fucking energy I've been wasting. I still get the urge for the occasional cyberspank, but I try to find something else to do. Nofap isn't for everyone but it's been a key piece for me so far.
Since then, I have been trying to plow through the sidebar. I have read NMMNG, MMSLP, The Rationale Male Year 1, the first half of WISNIFG, and the first half of the Book of Pook. I've been trying to work in some Alpha behaviors and trying to do it slowly. Sometimes I fuck up and move too fast, which leads to her wanting to "talk" about the changes in my behavior. I'll acknowledge to her I've been acting a bit differently but for the most part try my best to STFU.
I am lifting 3 days a week with at least one day running in between, with plans to ramp up the weights. I've begun the process of building out a weights area in my garage. To date I am down 25 lbs and definitely have a leaner look. Still a fatass at 264, but less so than I was.
Around the house I've been keeping much busier. I've been busting out items that have been sitting on our to-do list forever. I am taking a beginner's carpentry course starting in September (I SUCK at working with my hands. Going to change that). I do have guy friends and try to hang out with them when I can -- one thing I do feel I have always done well in this relationship has been an insistence on "me" time -- time for me to hang out with my buddies or even go off on my own for a while.
I've been trying to get more creative and surprise her. For far too long, any weekend night typically consists of us ordering take out and watching a movie on demand, with a side of duty sex. Last Friday I surprised her with a bottle of wine and a paint-by-numbers competition (technically not the most masculine idea ever but she ate that shit up) -- we ended up fucking on the kitchen floor after. In two weeks (I am away this weekend), I've already set up plans to have her mother come over to watch the kid so I can tell her to get dolled up to take her to a 5-star restaurant, which is definitely something we hardly ever do.
Positive Early Results:
Sex is up to 2-3 times a week. I know I am not exactly swimming in pussy, but it's an improvement.
I feel great. I have a ridiculous amount of energy that I was previously wasting on jacking my pud to computer pixels. It's allowing me to exercise more and the additional will power seems to be spilling over into my food choices.
Wife has commented on my improved appearance and general attitude. Important to note I have not been asking for comment from her, she offered that on her own. The other thing I've noticed is that she doesn't seem to shit test me as often as the other wives of the guys in these subs. That's not the she hasn't, and I certainly haven't passed them all, and I suppose it could just be that I am too new to recognize a lot of them.
I am increasingly feeling like what is motivating me to continue down this path is the sense of general improvement it makes me feel, even if the initial impetus to start was getting more vag.
I am far less bitter/resentful of my wife. This isn't her fault, it's mine. That realization has made me see her in a whole new light and it's making me more pleasant to be around.
Negative Early/Results and Questions:
I do not have anything resembling OI. I still get butthurt when I get a hard no. I get even more butthurt when just out of the blue gives me a pre-emptive no without me even initiating. For the most part I try to just STFU to hide the butthurt (in the past I'd react by trying to "talk through our issues"). I am wondering if I should respond to the pre-emptive nos with Kino/initiating on my own and make her give me a hard no. Just trying to find the balance between taking the initiative and seeming desperate.
Sometimes I think I need to SFTU more. I have a habit of telling her if I've hit a workout/weight loss milestone, or telling her about what I've eaten in a given day. This is lameass beta validation seeking and I need to stop.
I want to get better at approaching random girls and striking up random conversations/flirting. I do not want to cheat on my wife, but I have bought in hook line and sinker to the idea that demonstrating that I COULD has value. I know at my current SMV that chances of legit flirting are slim to nil, but given that I've always been poor at approaching women, I figure I'll start getting practice in now.