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Noob FR- Early Success and a few failures

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August 25, 2016
11 upvotes

TL;DR: Recovering Beta Porn Addict Fatass seeing early results and feeling pretty damn good. Still a long fucking way to go.

34 y.o., been with my wife since we were 19, married for the last six years. Pathetic beta almost all my life -- in fact I am a former orbiter of my wife from HS who got with her in college. I didn't realize it then, but I got her originally because I took my SMV up several notches in college. I didn't learn a single lesson from that, and over time fell back into my beta ways. Sex, which up until a few years ago was a daily event, has dropped to twice a month since our son was born 18 months ago. I know others here have it worse.

Over the last few years my SMV has declined dramatically, displaying almost entirely beta and even some omega traits while allowing my weight to balloon. Hers has dropped off too but not as fast -- at this point I would say I am a 3 she is a 5. Started checking r/deadbedrooms after getting shot down for sex on my 34th birthday. After a few weeks lurking there I found the advice to be pretty much the same shit I'd been trying the last few years as our marriage and sex life deteriorated.

I discovered MRP and askMRP after an argument with the wife in which she said, "You know, I like sex too." Whether she meant to or not, the implication was that she likes sex, just not with me. Read up on MRP and that point got brought home like a brick smash to the fucking face. I don't actually think she is cheating on me (she displays few of the signs Athol Kay talks about in MMSLP, other than an obvious lack of attraction for me), but at this point I wouldn't blame her. The day I discovered MRP I got on the scale for the first time in 2 years. I weighed 289.7 lbs (I am 6'1).

Step one. I've dropped a nasty porn habit and gone nofap. I've been a porn addict since before I started dating my wife. I never realized until I stopped just how much fucking energy I've been wasting. I still get the urge for the occasional cyberspank, but I try to find something else to do. Nofap isn't for everyone but it's been a key piece for me so far.

Since then, I have been trying to plow through the sidebar. I have read NMMNG, MMSLP, The Rationale Male Year 1, the first half of WISNIFG, and the first half of the Book of Pook. I've been trying to work in some Alpha behaviors and trying to do it slowly. Sometimes I fuck up and move too fast, which leads to her wanting to "talk" about the changes in my behavior. I'll acknowledge to her I've been acting a bit differently but for the most part try my best to STFU.

I am lifting 3 days a week with at least one day running in between, with plans to ramp up the weights. I've begun the process of building out a weights area in my garage. To date I am down 25 lbs and definitely have a leaner look. Still a fatass at 264, but less so than I was.

Around the house I've been keeping much busier. I've been busting out items that have been sitting on our to-do list forever. I am taking a beginner's carpentry course starting in September (I SUCK at working with my hands. Going to change that). I do have guy friends and try to hang out with them when I can -- one thing I do feel I have always done well in this relationship has been an insistence on "me" time -- time for me to hang out with my buddies or even go off on my own for a while.

I've been trying to get more creative and surprise her. For far too long, any weekend night typically consists of us ordering take out and watching a movie on demand, with a side of duty sex. Last Friday I surprised her with a bottle of wine and a paint-by-numbers competition (technically not the most masculine idea ever but she ate that shit up) -- we ended up fucking on the kitchen floor after. In two weeks (I am away this weekend), I've already set up plans to have her mother come over to watch the kid so I can tell her to get dolled up to take her to a 5-star restaurant, which is definitely something we hardly ever do.

Positive Early Results:

  • Sex is up to 2-3 times a week. I know I am not exactly swimming in pussy, but it's an improvement.

  • I feel great. I have a ridiculous amount of energy that I was previously wasting on jacking my pud to computer pixels. It's allowing me to exercise more and the additional will power seems to be spilling over into my food choices.

  • Wife has commented on my improved appearance and general attitude. Important to note I have not been asking for comment from her, she offered that on her own. The other thing I've noticed is that she doesn't seem to shit test me as often as the other wives of the guys in these subs. That's not the she hasn't, and I certainly haven't passed them all, and I suppose it could just be that I am too new to recognize a lot of them.

  • I am increasingly feeling like what is motivating me to continue down this path is the sense of general improvement it makes me feel, even if the initial impetus to start was getting more vag.

  • I am far less bitter/resentful of my wife. This isn't her fault, it's mine. That realization has made me see her in a whole new light and it's making me more pleasant to be around.

Negative Early/Results and Questions:

  • I do not have anything resembling OI. I still get butthurt when I get a hard no. I get even more butthurt when just out of the blue gives me a pre-emptive no without me even initiating. For the most part I try to just STFU to hide the butthurt (in the past I'd react by trying to "talk through our issues"). I am wondering if I should respond to the pre-emptive nos with Kino/initiating on my own and make her give me a hard no. Just trying to find the balance between taking the initiative and seeming desperate.

  • Sometimes I think I need to SFTU more. I have a habit of telling her if I've hit a workout/weight loss milestone, or telling her about what I've eaten in a given day. This is lameass beta validation seeking and I need to stop.

  • I want to get better at approaching random girls and striking up random conversations/flirting. I do not want to cheat on my wife, but I have bought in hook line and sinker to the idea that demonstrating that I COULD has value. I know at my current SMV that chances of legit flirting are slim to nil, but given that I've always been poor at approaching women, I figure I'll start getting practice in now.


Post Information
Title Noob FR- Early Success and a few failures
Author AttemptedUnplug
Upvotes 11
Comments 14
Date 25 August 2016 06:04 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207188
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4zjweq/noob_fr_early_success_and_a_few_failures/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
hard nobutthurtWISNIFGalphabetaorbitercheatingkinonofapsexual market valueshit testliftNMMNG
Comments

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No issues with your post other than the usual.

You are probably not ready to hit on / flirt with anyone. The idea is that in a natural interaction they girl-hit on you.

Also, you may/ may not want to change your name at some point...

There is no "attempting" Do, or Do Not.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yea, STFU about your gym achievements. She doesn't give a fuck. All she cares about is what you look like right now. Also, the more you talk about how hard you work and how proud you are, the worse off you will be. You want to make all of your achievements seem natural and easy. Women have no concept of how a man's effort relates to his appearance. When you finally get those abs and muscles you want, it won't mean shit if you spend your whole way there talking about how hard it was. If you get fit and stand next to another fit guy, your wife will not think "hubby worked hard to look like this, so that guy must also work hard to look like that". She won't, her brain just doesn't work that way. Instead she'll be thinking "hubby had to work hard as shit to look like this, and that guy just naturally looks like that." and he will have a higher value in her eyes. It's frustrating but it's true.

I met a guy at a bar recently when me and my gf were out and he had a great physique. I started talking to him and asked him about his diet and workout plan and he told me, and her, that he doesn't work out and eats whatever he wants. I had to roll my eyes because now I look like a bitch who has to plan meals a week in advance and basically only eat chicken and broccoli and rice and this guy is making me look like a chump. Maybe he was lying, or maybe he works in a very demanding physical job and doesn't go to a gym . Either way, he GETS IT. He knows that it's more attractive to be "born that way" then to get all hyped up over the work involved, even if he does spend 16 hours a week at the gym. My girl, and probably any other girl he tells will believe him. That's just the way it is. Talking about the work you put in will only hold you back.

You can definitely be proud of yourself. I am proud of all the hard work I put in, I just understand that my gf doesn't get it, and doesn't care to learn.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is a great point. Never complain about anything. This week things had been going well with my wife. She'd been pleasant and horny. Good times had by all. So what do I do? I start getting complacent and let my BP tendencies show. I was tired, so I complained about being tired. Work was stressful, so I complained about work, thinking I might get a little sympathy. Dude, that pussy dried right up and she got super bitchy.

Never complain to your wife

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Born that way"

same thing applies to success in academics / work / finances - which is why it actually hurts a man to work from home. He is SEEN working, so the effort is seen.

And this is why MOST guys shouldn't go to the gym with their wives before they already look good doing it.

[–]CountpudyoolaMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you crank it to 11 you'll miss the tone in between. IMO a concentration for you here is to curb the butthurt over O.I.. Especially if you have a history of bh on rejection. O.I. could end up just seeming like a larger expression of butthurt if you take it to leave.

So more along the lines of "cool"...and then O.I. is more just out of the room going to do something and not coming back.

Start adding in pauses (count to 3, whatever the number would be before it gets noticed as weird) before you say ANYTHING in response in a conversation. In that pause say "is this validation seeking?" Yes? Then think of something else to talk about or STFU.

You're also (besides validation) rewarding parts of your brain and it will INCREASE the odds of you not meeting your goals.

With the approaching other women? Baby steps, my man. Or at least until your lardness can do so without tipping over.

You want that happening as a consequence of your increased confidence and not a forced interaction. If you fail a flirt in front of your wife it's 100 times worse than having not tried yet.

[–]red_blue_and_hot1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Agree with the comments already here, but one thing stood out to me: The date night to a 5-star restaurant.

If there's a particular place you've been wanting to go to for forever, and she can come along, ignore this and go right ahead. But, more likely is this is a covert contract where spending a lot of money "entitles" you to sex afterward. This just leads to increased shit tests. If you "get lucky", you might get duty sex.

Thinking more, even if it's just a place you want to go, tread lightly. A dinner date means you need to fill time talking, likely sitting across the table from each other. Most married couples end up talking about their kids, or how that bitch in Accounting did whatever, or some other pussy-drying topic. Especially at your level of game, there's plenty you can say to throw sand in her pussy, and practically nothing that will get her wet.

Action dates are much better. That's why the painting thing worked so well. You both have fun doing something, and because it was a competition, it pulled her off the pedestal. I'm sure it provided plenty of opportunity for teasing, too.

[–]AttemptedUnplug[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I've had a lot of good, useful feedback on this post. This is my favorite. Yes, I was walking into a 5-star covert contract. When I saw your post a few minutes ago I asked myself if I would go there alone to eat if we got into an argument the day of. I wouldn't.

So the reservation is cancelled. I've booked us on a speedboat tour of Boston Harbor for Saturday evening. We are going hiking with our son earlier in the day. It's going to be too loud and bumpy for any pussy-drying conversation and should get some adrenaline going. And this is something I would do on my own or with guy friends. Thanks for the suggestion.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Pretty good stuff brother.

An app called "My Fitness Pal" has got me down to 210 (and counting...) from 255.

-1.5lbs+ per week like clockwork.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nice - me too

It's a race to 180 then!



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