We all know the story: Sex was great, 3 times a day and 7 on Sunday. Couldn't get enough of each other. Deeply in love. Got married. Sex slowly died off over a year or two. Now we only have sex twice a month. She is nasty, mean, and critical of everything I do.
I CAN NAME THAT SONG IN ONE NOTE!
Much of the problem is now that you have a wife, she is no longer your lover.
Think about it! When was the last time you greeted her with a passionate kiss? When was the last time you took her hand and helped her out of the car? When was the last time you surprised her with a gift? Or made her belly laugh in public? When was the last time you made an effort to make her look good to her family?
I am NOT saying you need to do- or even should do- "date night" or become a supplicating, whiny little Beta waiting for mommy to dish out some candy to her little boy.
I AM saying that you need to be MINDFUL OF YOUR ATTRACTION. There really should be a book about "Mindful Attraction!"
This simply means you need to be aware of how you look. How you dress. How you talk. How you present yourself. Be attractive- don't be unattractive! It is that simple- your main goal is simply to be MINDFUL and aware of what is attractive and what is not.
Talk in low, measured, and deliberate tones, build a muscular frame, dress well, stay neat, maintain hygiene. Guys, this really is not rocket science.
Here is my example that prompted this post: Yesterday I had another problem with the bratty teenage son who takes my stuff. He had taken my only remaining credit card and I needed to go shopping. I called my woman because she was having dinner with her Aunt and arranged to pick up a credit card from her at the restaurant on the way to the store.
I had on a ripped up T-shirt and stringy blue jean pants from mowing the lawn. My hair was uncombed and I had not even brushed my teeth.
As I rushed out the front door to meet at the nice restaurant, albeit briefly, a little mindful voice inside my head sounded off:
"Are you going to see your wife...or your lover?"
I stopped on the front porch and broke into a laugh.
I was going to see my wife, or perhaps my mommy, to get something I needed. When you are "mindful" it is strikingly easy to see that whatever I was doing, I was NOT going to see my lover!!
I went back inside and washed my face, brushed my teeth, and ran some water through my hair, slicking it back. Then I put on a dark blue shirt with a collar and a pair of nice grey shorts. I took off my long, calf length white socks (super geek stuff right there) and put my bare feet in a nice set of gym shoes. Elapsed time: Less than 60 seconds!
At the restaurant I tapped a couple drops of peppermint essential oil on my finger and rubbed it on my lips and gums. Then I sneaked up behind my wife and waited for her to take a drink of water before grabbing her from behind and planting a kiss on her lips. I held her head and quickly and lightly licked her upper lip with my peppermint flavored tongue. She turned bright red, her whole body flushing.
"Hmmmm, how are you darling?" She said while smacking her lips and tasting the strong peppermint, clearly a bit nonplussed.
I gave the Aunt a hug, sat down, and put my arm around my lover, picking a bit of food off her plate. The Aunt's eyes widened and even bugged out a bit unsure what to make of this show of affection and dominance. After I got the credit card I stood up, put my hand under my lovers chin, looked her deep in the eyes, and gently planted a kiss on her forehead. Then I smiled, fist bumped the aunt and walked out of the restaurant.
TLDR: Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.
Edit: NEW GUYS ESPECIALLY: DON'T ENGAGE IN SEDUCTIVE BEHAVIORS LIKE THIS AS A COVERT CONTRACT!!! AT LEAST READ "NO MORE MR. NICE GUY" FIRST!!!!