Is she your wife or your lover?

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August 24, 2016

We all know the story: Sex was great, 3 times a day and 7 on Sunday. Couldn't get enough of each other. Deeply in love. Got married. Sex slowly died off over a year or two. Now we only have sex twice a month. She is nasty, mean, and critical of everything I do.


Much of the problem is now that you have a wife, she is no longer your lover.

Think about it! When was the last time you greeted her with a passionate kiss? When was the last time you took her hand and helped her out of the car? When was the last time you surprised her with a gift? Or made her belly laugh in public? When was the last time you made an effort to make her look good to her family?

I am NOT saying you need to do- or even should do- "date night" or become a supplicating, whiny little Beta waiting for mommy to dish out some candy to her little boy.

I AM saying that you need to be MINDFUL OF YOUR ATTRACTION. There really should be a book about "Mindful Attraction!"

This simply means you need to be aware of how you look. How you dress. How you talk. How you present yourself. Be attractive- don't be unattractive! It is that simple- your main goal is simply to be MINDFUL and aware of what is attractive and what is not.

Talk in low, measured, and deliberate tones, build a muscular frame, dress well, stay neat, maintain hygiene. Guys, this really is not rocket science.

Here is my example that prompted this post: Yesterday I had another problem with the bratty teenage son who takes my stuff. He had taken my only remaining credit card and I needed to go shopping. I called my woman because she was having dinner with her Aunt and arranged to pick up a credit card from her at the restaurant on the way to the store.

I had on a ripped up T-shirt and stringy blue jean pants from mowing the lawn. My hair was uncombed and I had not even brushed my teeth.

As I rushed out the front door to meet at the nice restaurant, albeit briefly, a little mindful voice inside my head sounded off:

"Are you going to see your wife...or your lover?"

I stopped on the front porch and broke into a laugh.

I was going to see my wife, or perhaps my mommy, to get something I needed. When you are "mindful" it is strikingly easy to see that whatever I was doing, I was NOT going to see my lover!!

I went back inside and washed my face, brushed my teeth, and ran some water through my hair, slicking it back. Then I put on a dark blue shirt with a collar and a pair of nice grey shorts. I took off my long, calf length white socks (super geek stuff right there) and put my bare feet in a nice set of gym shoes. Elapsed time: Less than 60 seconds!

At the restaurant I tapped a couple drops of peppermint essential oil on my finger and rubbed it on my lips and gums. Then I sneaked up behind my wife and waited for her to take a drink of water before grabbing her from behind and planting a kiss on her lips. I held her head and quickly and lightly licked her upper lip with my peppermint flavored tongue. She turned bright red, her whole body flushing.

"Hmmmm, how are you darling?" She said while smacking her lips and tasting the strong peppermint, clearly a bit nonplussed.

I gave the Aunt a hug, sat down, and put my arm around my lover, picking a bit of food off her plate. The Aunt's eyes widened and even bugged out a bit unsure what to make of this show of affection and dominance. After I got the credit card I stood up, put my hand under my lovers chin, looked her deep in the eyes, and gently planted a kiss on her forehead. Then I smiled, fist bumped the aunt and walked out of the restaurant.

TLDR: Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.


Post Information
Title Is she your wife or your lover?
Author BluepillProfessor
Upvotes 27
Comments 13
Date 24 August 2016 04:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betaframeplatedominancecovert contractNMMNG

[–]alphabeta49Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why is this in aMRP? I rarely come here... at least cross post, professor!

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I started out as an AskMRP post- I thought it was going to be a short field report- but it turned out better than expected.

[–]SexistFlyingPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being attractive is more than physical. A huge part is maintaining frame and being dominant. If you had told me 3 years ago what would happen if I followed the red pill, I'd have saved my marriage.

But then I set it forth in my next relationship. I did a bunch of red pill stuff I had never done before. Now, my girl can't get enough of me. She looks to me for guidance and approval in just about everything. Her one complaint of me? Not enough sex. I'm not as young as I once was, but literally every single time my dick gets hard she's ready to do whatever I want.

I recently had her crying because I wasn't paying enough attention to her. She wanted to talk. We talked. I knew what she wanted, but I just couldn't take any more right then, so we talked. She was placated for a day, but then she was back into a funk shortly. What did I do? I shut the bedroom door, stripped her naked, and fucked her brains out. Next day she's all smiles and happiness. Pre-red-pill me would have tried to talk through the problem. That wouldn't have solved the problem.

If /r/DeadBedrooms is the question /r/marriedredpill is the answer.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

scribbling furiously on MAP: wash face, brush teeth, style hair, get dressed in under 60 seconds.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spash warm water on face, Squirt toothpaste into mouth and run electric toothbrush for 5 seconds, throw water on hair and wet down while walking to bedroom, throw on shorts and shirt/take off socks.

Yep, 60 seconds.

It would have been admirable if it hadn't taken 10 minutes to find my shoes.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Are you going to see your wife...or your lover?"

Great point. Be attractive, don't be unattractive, all the time

Wife and I used to change into old bummy clothes after work when just hanging out at home. After swallowing the pill, I stopped that shit. I wear a tight-ish ringer tee or similar around the house now so that my guns, shoulders and back muscles are always showcased. Working on getting lean enough to not need the shirt at all, but for now, it has worked.

[–]Boesman120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I had a post on it a while back. Link here it took a while to realize that I have to give it a little bit more effort.

[–]WhiteTrashKillerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can always tell where I stand with my SO. Here is a lil test and her reaction will tell you where you stand.

Come up behind her in the kitchen, slide your hand down the inside of her hips and into her pants, get into her panties while you bite lightly on the back of her neck. Hold her firm or pin her against the stove or counter. Does she lean back into your bite? Does she try to get away? Does she berate you?

When you finally reach the level of being that guy, she won't ever squirm away. Kiss her ear, smack her ass and stroll away.

Now obviously, if it is shark week she will protest. If you've been a drunk captain she'll pull your hand away cause you do not deserve it. This will tell you just where you stand.

Get to be this man, you'll both enjoy your relationship more......

[–]nopeToThe43rd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Along the same lines, lately I've made it a point to treat my wife like I did when we were dating. I flirt with her, I mess with her, I joke with her, and I make lighthearted fun of her, and she does with me. I don't cry about it, I take it and roll with it and turn it around on her. We we playfully verbally spar all day. I enjoy her company and enjoy messing with her; sometimes I take it too far, but too far is a lot farther than I used to believe it was.

This is me, I have fun, and it keeps her on her toes.

[–]tim_rp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When was the last time you made an effort to make her look good to her family?

This is a point I've been mulling over for a little while. From a hypergamy perspective it seems making a woman look good to her family is a really important part of attraction. I also know this is something I need to work on.

My wife's family all live in different cities so we only see them a few times a year, but when we do it's usually for stretches of several days. My wife always raises her bitch-level by a couple of points, with more overt shit testing and sometimes an air of contempt towards me. This has always been a problem for me but redpill awareness has given me some insight into the root forces at play.

The way I see it, there are two possible reasons: Either I haven't lived up to her hypergamous expectations, and her attitude towards me demonstrates to her family that she's still of higher status, despite me. Or perhaps she's throwing down the gauntlet, virtually inviting me to step up and demonstrate how strong and attractive I am.

Either way, this post provided a bit of an "aha!" moment, helping me to see that the answer to both challenges is the same - make her look good to her family by appealing to her hypergamous nature.

From a status ("beta bux") perspective, I am solidly "behind" her siblings and parents so the tools at my disposal are to show more alpha behaviours. The last few times we've been with her family this has been about showing dominance and captaincy traits but I now see this is the wrong move. A&A has no place here because it serves to belittle her.

In OP's post, he's dominant, but in the sense that an oak tree dominates a scene, not like a captain dominates his crew. In the family scenario I guess you pass shit tests by showing you're unmoved by them, not by overcoming them.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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