708,624 posts

Best way to handle a wife's bad mood?

Reddit View
August 1, 2016
8 upvotes

Trying to figure out whether what I'm about to describe is a shit test and, if so, the best way to handle it. It goes something like this: although there's no apparent reason for it, the wife seems to be in a bad mood, and she displays this almost entirely through non-verbal means: big sighs, body language, how she's closing doors and cupboards, the tone of her voice or curtness of her responses, etc.

I've recognized that I've historically handled this sort of thing like a co-dependent Beta bitch. I couldn't be happy if she seemed unhappy, so her bad mood would make me worry whether she was upset with me. So typically I'd ask her if she was upset with me. Weird thing is, 99% of the time she says "no" and gives some reason having nothing to do with me. I would then feel somewhat relieved, but would still feel unsettled that she was feeling unhappy about something.

Since taking the Red Pill I've tried to handle this situation differently based on my (hopefully accurate) understanding of RP advice. I'm making a conscious effort to overcome my codependent tendencies, which means not letting her moodiness or unhappiness bring me down; trying to be emotionally independent of her moods. So now when I detect a bad mood, I've stopped swooping in like a Beta Nice Guy, asking her about it. I've started to just let her marinate in her moodiness without a word from me about it. I figure if she wants to talk about something that has something to do with me, she can and should just open her mouth and fucking say so like an adult. So unless she says something, I just ignore her moodiness and don't let it affect me. I've been successful at doing that 99% of the time lately.

However, there have been a couple recent exceptions. The other day she was doing this moodiness shit and I was ignoring it and just letting her deal with it. I'm almost certain she was wondering where her Beta boy was and was probably wondering why I wasn't swooping in to ask her what was wrong. Then I ask her if she knows where X is and she gives me a bitchy "how would I know?" response. So I wheel around and, raising my voice, say: "Are you in a bad mood or something?"--but with a loud, pissed off tone that conveyed something more like "hey, that was a bitchy reply, what the fuck?!" Surprisingly, she said "no", pretended like she wasn't in a bad mood, and from that point on she acted nice and non-moody. This incident puzzles me because although I like the outcome of that interaction--i.e., she stopped acting moody--I have this nagging feeling I took the bait and failed a shit test.

Another recent incident: she was being moody, I was ignoring her moodiness, I'm sure she was wondering why I wasn't asking her about it, but I backslid back into my old Beta boy behavior, saying: "you seem tense, honey, is everything ok?" She said it was nothing to do with me (as usual), but I got this distinct sense that she was relieved I cared enough to ask--as if she was relieved to know that her Beta boy was still in there. The fact that she showed relief indicates to me that she's been noticing that I've been more indifferent to her moods lately. This got me to worrying that if I continue to ignore her moodiness like I've been doing 99% of the time, she's going to spiral into a "he doesn't care about me" mentality. Yes, I recognize this is Beta bitch worry, and I guess this is my confession that I sometimes backslide into Beta bitch territory.

I'm sure my wife isn't the only woman who does this sort of thing--acting huffy and moody without speaking up and saying why. So I've got to ask: is this moody-for-unspoken-reasons behavior a silent shit test and, if so, what's the best way to handle it? Ignore it? Confront it aggressively? Ask about it non-confrontational way?


Post Information
Title Best way to handle a wife's bad mood?
Author Alpha_Rising
Upvotes 8
Comments 32
Date 01 August 2016 10:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207280
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4vpad3/best_way_to_handle_a_wifes_bad_mood/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betashit testthe red pill
Comments

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (14 children) | Copy

Don't. It's her mood.

Be absent if she takes it out on you

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy

Pussy, too afraid to get flowers and ice cream? Real men know when to give massages, buy flowers, rent a chick flick, and smash their balls with a hammer because that's how real men make their wives get into better moods.

Mysogynistic fuck, I bet you think girls like guys with muscles too..

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

Just being myself

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You do you

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Would you say it's always worked for you?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Lol, much as he hated me, I miss that goofy pedantic bastard

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah I ken you've got a soft spot for pedants lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Wut- know yer Scottish ?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lol people talk funny in the mountains "afore ya know it" you sound jus like them. I always be learning

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So what yer sayin is dey dun broke yer frayme?

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

You are on it today.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

She's quiet, and guys are getting freaked out.

I'd tell him to headbut her, but he's probably connect forehead to forehead... Knock himself out

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She's quiet, and guys are getting freaked out.

Yup, like a woman being quiet is a bad thing?

If you're giving any of you're bandwidth to a woman's 'mood', guess whose Frame you're in?

Seriously, how is this shit so hard to understand?!?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't even have to understand, just do it. Then when things get better, you've already internalized the lesson, and don't spend your days plotting it on a spreadsheet

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's offering you a truckload of passive aggressive, and you're not buying into it. Good. Keep at it.

First psychology article link googling "codependent passive aggressive" basically mirrors what my advice would be, but written much better.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Confront it in a playful way.

"You're cute when you're crabby" with a shit eating grin.

Then keep teasing her when she gives you shit for saying that. If she keeps being grumpy just tease her some more while you give her a big hug.

If she really gets angry and disrespects you, go away and focus your attention on something else.

Womens emotions are irrational, so whatever you do DO NOT try to engage her with logic, or rational problem solving. Change her mood, not her mind.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice here OP....

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like this approach as an alternative to ignore. For those with kids who've watched Finding Nemo try getting really REALLY close to her face and pull a Dory: "Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills." Basically ANYTHING except taking her current state seriously.

[–]KyfhoMyoba2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

So I wheel around and, raising my voice, say: "Are you in a bad mood or something?"--but with a loud, pissed off tone that conveyed something more like "hey, that was a bitchy reply, what the fuck?!" Surprisingly, she said "no", pretended like she wasn't in a bad mood, and from that point on she acted nice and non-moody.

A woman will take the shape of her container. ("You should write this down." - Van Wilder)

For extra credit, read The Way of the Superior Man.

[–]mrpCamper0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup. My initial thought was to go read The Way of teh Superior Man. I think you are searching for answers that this book and only this book directly answers.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stay busy and get more busy. You are Mr. Fucking Awesome. You cant be hampered by Princess McBitchy and her shitty childish moods.

Be awesome and you will stop worrying about her and her shitty behavior. You are still her beta bitch because you still care.

Stop caring

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Sigh.

You need to lift more.

[–]Alpha_Rising[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Every other day, holmes

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then lift harder. She being all sulky.

" ok I'm here when you're ready to talk"

And go lift.

Or go do something fun and invite her along. She doesn't want to? Great go do it anyway.

Or you know - be a fun magnet for pleasant people. We can get into the BS of how you need to hold frame and her feeling are her responsibility ... But you have not enough frame at this point to pull that off.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

So unless she says something, I just ignore her moodiness and don't let it affect me.

FTFY

I have this nagging feeling I took the bait and failed a shit test.

Correct, you failed the test. Better response would have been AM and find it yourself.

what's the best way to handle it?

Ignore it and stay in your positive "I am the man and their is a party going on in my head" frame. You don't have to ignore her, just pretend her mood does not exist. If she escalates to more aggressive attacks, you should be prepared to withdraw your attention and physical presence while saying nothing (her hamster will do the work for you....). A question you may want to ponder is "was she always like this or did she become this way due to my beta leadership?". The answer will indicate how hard this particular nut will be to crack.

she's going to spiral into a "he doesn't care about me" mentality

Jesus H. Chrysler OP, go back and read NMMNG and WISNIFG again if you are seriously asking this question. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER EMOTIONS, and she needs to learn how to use her big girl words if she has a problem.

One last thing for you to consider:

Then I ask her if she knows where X is and she gives me a bitchy "how would I know?" response.

I use to have the bad habit of losing my things and then asking other people (wife in particular) where my shit was. Often I would have a shitty attitude because for some lame reason, I suspected someone moved my shit. Major DLV that I have killed. This is akin to a boy asking his mommy where he put his toys. This may not apply to you, but FYI.

[–]MindfulStoic0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Mine does similar shit as the OPs.

I've gotten good about not letting her shitty mood affect me and ruin my evening though. I'm still going to enjoy the meal, movie, book, social interaction, etc. that is lined up for that evening. Her sulking doesn't affect my enjoyment of what I'm doing.

HOWEVER...

I do start to resent the fuck out of the fact that I have to live with someone who succumbs so easily to shitty negative moods. While I am capable of not letting her shitty mood affect me, I would much prefer to live with someone who doesn't have shitty mood swings at all.

I suppose I need to ask myself what I have done/not done to let her feel comfortable with being in a shitty mood around me.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I suppose I need to ask myself what I have done/not done to let her feel comfortable with being in a shitty mood around me make myself happy and achieve my mission.

FTFY

Your giving WAY too many fucks. She is in a shitty mood because she wants a man who is on a mission independent of her Feelz. Your are the rock, she is the storm. Guess which one molds around the other.

[–]MindfulStoic0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Ok. I'm just saying I'd prefer to not have encounter storms at all.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm just saying I'd prefer to not have encounter storms at all.

LOL, you should consider going gay or MGTOW if that is really your goal.

Seriously though, your looking at the storms in the wrong way. These storms are foreplay for women. She is overcome by her Feelz, and if you stand firm as her emotional rock her legs will open up like magic and buckets of juices will flow. I know this because I have applied the praxeology and this was the result.

Your post history looks pretty fresh in MRP, read the sidebar books MMSLP, BPP book "Saving a Low Sex Marriage", and Rollo's The Rational Male if you want to go into the deep water.

[EDIT] Don't forget to lift bro.

[–]MindfulStoic0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I appreciate the stock answer. I've been lurking for WAY longer than my profile indicates. I've read most of the sidebar...I've internalized TRP and have applied it successfully to my relationship with success.

It's an ongoing process though. Change doesn't happen overnight (much like lifting, bro). I am in the process of retraining her.

It just gets exhausting sometimes. Sometimes I feel like the only way to win is to not play the game at all. That's where I relate with MGTOW guys. The juice just isn't always worth the squeeze.

Perhaps AWALT. Perhaps some chicks are less moody and bitchy than others.

Or perhaps you can just spin plates and not even have to waste brain power on any of this bullshit.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's all good. Glad to hear you are well into the journey, and you are right making a MAN is work. However, the alternative is kinda shitty.

The juice just isn't always worth the squeeze.

Maybe, depends on your priorities. For me, I just love fucking too much....plain and simple.

Or perhaps you can just spin plates and not even have to waste brain power on any of this bullshit.

Agreed, it is not hard or suicide (+kids) mode. However, you still be using some brain power for "bitch management". A friend of mine once said: "All I want is a pillow and a blowjob". He ended up with neither.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your problem is you're still too Blue and you don't know when to STFU or DGAF.

If she's moody indirectly. Ignore her and be productive or awesome. If she's rude or disrespectful, be absent without being obvious or butthurt.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter