These are the shit tests I have the hardest time with. For example:
Early morning, toddler is getting wife all worked up. I'm just about to get up anyway, but now she's barking at me to get up. (Edit: To be clear we also have a baby and I stay up much later at night to handle that. My not being up first in the morning is an arrangement that is explicitly understood between the two of us. I'm not beyond waking up earlier than expected if she's having a particularly rough time. I would never say no if asked, even if I'm not happy about it. But I will no longer be commanded to do so like a child no matter how worked up she is. It's my fault that I allowed that to happen in the past, but I'm not going to accept that behavior any more first thing in the morning than any other time of day.)
The tone is unacceptable so I ignore. She starts raising her voice, gets nastier and nastier. Now when you read this, keep in mind this entire time I'm calm and she never drags me out of frame. Not even an inch.
Her: "do you hear me?" "Huh?!?" Me: (10 seconds later) "yup, I can hear you." Her: "Then why aren't you answering me?" Me: "Cause I'm not responding to that tone." Her: "I ASKED you to HELP ME." Me: (snickers) "That's a funny way of asking for help."
Next come the tears.
Her: "why do you hate me?"
At this point I audibly chuckled, and told her to go chill out. I assure you this amusement was genuine cause it was such a caricature of a shit test and I couldn't help it. I don't even remember what she said when she stormed away, something really dramatic like good luck dealing with them after I kill myself yada yada. Very very dramatic. I distinctly recall being called a self righteous bastard ask she walked away.....that put a smirk on my face, cause I figured mission accomplished lol. After she leaves I get up a minute or so later, and have a fun morning with the kids, watching Star Wars, etc. I think it pissed her off even more that the kids didn't get under my skin and we were genuinely having a good morning. Whatever though, she'll get over it.
She's really persistent with the shit tests sometimes, and she's kind of got me between a rock and a hard place with this specific type of shit test. If I get up while she's barking at me, I comply and fail the test. But until I get up, I'm not handling my shit. And I was going to anyway. I just don't want to give her the impression that I'm getting up in response to her nasty shit test. I thought I did the best I could by not allowing her to get under my skin, getting around to doing what needed to be done on my terms, not hers. But in the end it still was a form of compliance I suppose. Was there a better way to handle it?