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Handling infantile narcissistic bullshit: puke

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[deleted]
July 24, 2016
8 upvotes

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Title Handling infantile narcissistic bullshit: puke
Author
Upvotes 8
Comments 42
Date 24 July 2016 03:13 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207297
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4udhqe/handling_infantile_narcissistic_bullshit_puke/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

silent treatment

If she does it to you, then do whatever you want as long as it doesn't reward her shitty, passive aggressive behavior. If she does it to your kids, then nuke it.
 
My wife did that to my daughter, who was 4 years old at the time. She had yelled at my daughter about something minor. When my daughter apologized later, with tears in her eyes, my wife didn't acknowledge her at all. She looked at her and walked away. My daughter's apologies got louder and more desperate.
 
I walked up to my wife and quietly said, "Come with me."
 
We went behind closed doors.
 
"The silent treatment? Are you kidding me? Do you know how damaging that is to a child?"
 
"But she... <rehashing of the minor infraction>"
 
"But nothing. There is no excuse for giving our child the silent treatment. She's trying to apologize to you now, so go out there and acknowledge the apology."
 
This was around October 2014. There has not been another incident.
 
If she acts like a passive aggressive bitch, then shut her down like a passive aggressive bitch. Do it calmly. Stay in your frame. It's not a reaction to her shit. Don't get wrapped up in her emotions. She's fucking up and needs a course correction.
 
The next step is to figure out why she's fucking up. Does she need parenting skills, stress management, more sleep, better physical fitness, etc...

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia7 points8 points  (46 children) | Copy

How to handle the silent treatment? Oh boy, you got the luck of the draw here. First thing I would do is enjoy the silence and maybe work on a soduku or something. Then head out to the garage and work on whatever I got going on. Currently I am building a go-kart so a few hours of uninterrupted work would be just what the mechanic ordered. Maybe get some lawn work done too, because i am the laziest fucking landscaper. I've wanted to do some maintenance on my truck, if the treatment lasted long enough I would get that done too. There is always chores to do around the house and shit you have been putting off because you are "just too busy" to fix the leak in the roof.

The last thing I would do is talk to her or attempt get her to talk to me. If she can keep the silent treatment up for decades, imho you would have the perfect marriage. You need to work on your OI and frame baby. You are living squarely in hers.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (43 children) | Copy

Yeah!

Silent treatment = gift

great frame lol

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia5 points6 points  (42 children) | Copy

There is nothing like being on the receiving end of a good long silent treatment. Wife once two days. Best days of my life.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (39 children) | Copy

Best days of my life.

As Frenchy used to say, they feel the need to narrate our lives.

Seldom will they actually STFU. I have come to the conclusion that they believe that they are controlling outcomes by constant narration, and, fully believe that when they stop, they might die.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (36 children) | Copy

My wife does this, and takes it a step further. There is always constant chatter during the waking hours. About this, that, and everything in between. Always mentioning something. Which for me is off putting, because I am not much of a mentioner.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (35 children) | Copy

Mine recently started reading again.

It's truly a good thing

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (32 children) | Copy

Mine seriously needs a hobby and friends.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reading, hobbys and friends - YES YES YES. Starting the push today.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (30 children) | Copy

Same on the friends. Where's a gay guy to take her shopping when you need one?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (29 children) | Copy

Make sure the fucker is gay :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (28 children) | Copy

I'm past mate guarding. Gay is there to keep her from buying dumb shiy

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So your saying wife reading 30 hours a week is a good thing . I will ponder that

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's a hobby, I'll take it

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

when they stop, they might die.

Can confirm

In fact, this is likely why men live less... they were convinced!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Narrative = (attempted) frame control

Silent treatment = gift

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You are a man to be admired, silently….

[–]jigglydee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I envy you.

[–]jigglydee1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I chuckled at this. So true. Wish my wife would give me the silent treatment. Alas she has never in the 8 years of marriage.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol! Why would she reward bad behavior :D

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

First off, stop being such a little bitch. You sound like her annoying little brother instead of the calm cool alpha badass you're supposed to be.

"Things deteriorated rapidly"

AKA you turned into a bitch and fell into her frame, where you still reside to this day. I don't know what you said or did that made things deteriorate but I'm sure it was too much talking and too much of being in her frame.

You're feeling dread because you don't know how to handle your wife's shit. You got no bitch management skills. Next time play it cool and smooth and make her actually want to come back to you, instead if forcing her to come back under threat of butthurt. Her anger, or whatever emotions she's going to throw at you shouldn't effect you at all.

About the silent treatment, again, I don't know exactly what was said or just how much of a pathetic whiny beta you sounded like, but you need to reverse that trend, fast. Honestly, I would have encouraged her to stay for another whole week, and make her hamster spin a little bit.

Basically, stop giving so many fucks. When she comes back, play it cool and keep it light. Your main goal right now should be learning how to not let her influence your emotional state. You're supposed to be the rock in the storm, but instead you're more like a rotten palm tree on the beach. Let her be angry, honestly, it's a little justified in this case. I'd be mad too if the "man" I married acted more like a little bitch than a man.

I don't really know what was said, so maybe I'm being a little harsh, but I doubt I'm very far off. Instead of sinking to her level of narcissistic infant, rise above that shit and handle her like she wants to be handled, by a big strong man that doesn't give a fuck about her bullshit.

If you actually think you can find a woman who isn't infantile and narcissistic, I'd love to sell you some real estate on the moon.

Seriously though, you're actually considering leaving to a hotel because your wife doesn't want to talk to you? Just remember to stomp your feet and slam the door on the way out so your point really gets across.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Rotten palm tree is it? Yes possibly I acted like one.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP, this is the CORE of what you need to do. Takes time, many of us been there too.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great breakdown for OP. +1

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Most days I'd like to take the easy way out and move into my own apartment. I used to think it was because I was OI. Now I think it's because it would be a fucking lazy blue-pill passive aggressive tactic. Would my life be better on my own, without responsibilities in the house? Absolutely, 100%. I'm curious as to why you wanted her back sooner. If my wife took an extended vacation with the kid, I'd be thrilled to live the bachelor life again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Well I could clarify a few things I guess. First, the children are away at college so she is alone at the house in what is essentially a resort town.

Second, I did not demand that she return or even suggest that she do so. I admit I did lose my temper for her to text me, drunk, after visiting a bar. Add to that her statement that she needed a few more days to "relax" and I pointed out that possibly the previous 45 days of relaxation might have been adequate. I never minded funding her leisure when the children were at home but it begins to wear on me.

I still have a lot of work to do.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Lonely wife, out drinking in a town filled with foreigners?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Well, it's not foreigners. It's in the US. Typical lakeside type situation where families have houses, similar to Bass Lake in Cali or Lake Glenville in NC or Lake Lanier in GA. That type of situation. Not like she's in Panama City Beach or Mexico. But I take your point. It's been our custom to be apart a good bit of the summer especially when the kids were young and they all piled up there for the summer.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

K, well as long as you know the scale.

[–]red-pill-man1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your wife is out of town alone....in a resort town...for 45 days....?

So many red flags.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's a summer house. People open the houses for the season year after year. This year is the first year the kids didn't go because of school. I agree with you though. Limits are needed.

[–]Clapboom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well I wouldn't bet she was "alone" the whole time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Silent treatment = blessed relief.

Literally go do whatever else you want to do with your wife and maybe your kid.

She wants the silent treatment - attention seeking passive aggressive behavior. Ignore. Pretend she does not exist

silent treatment to a child is mentally and psychologically damaging and will result in an emotionally fucked up kid. If she does it, put her aside and let her know you will not tolerate purposeful negligence towards your child.

Then go and have fun with your kid. If your kid mentions her mom, tell her that you are the one spending time with her now, and if she did something bad ( if she really really did do something bad) teach her about how and why not to do what ever that was. As for mom giving her a silent treatment just tell her your wife should not have done that.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"I know this situation is all my fault and I'm working on getting my shit back together."

"Yet, I still feel dread about having to deal with this so I am obviously not all the way there."

This is a great time to get it together and stare her down. Don't be a weaksauce. Seriously, just fucking stare until she cracks, don't say a fucking word...... you'll be there when she starts crying

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Here is the problem...

-Not that your wife is being an insufferable cunt.

-Not that you are towing the line and letting this shit continue.

-Not that you are a newbie

The problem is YOU. You say this shit:

I know you can tell me "go be awesome." "Bang 10 other chicks" etc..etc.. and I'm working my way through the sidebar material and a fitness program so I can do just that. In fact, I really don't even care if we ultimately get a divorce other than how upsetting it would be to the kids, but they'll survive. It won't even be a financial problem if it happens. I'm not worried about being single. I know this situation is all my fault and I'm working on getting my shit back together. Yet, I still feel dread about having to deal with this so I am obviously not all the way there. Last time I told her I was sick of her infantile narcissistic bullshit and that she should grow the fuck up. For once I am actually thinking about going to a hotel. But fuck, this is my house.

Its called work. DO IT.

If you know what we are going to say, fucking do it

[–]redearththeory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I love the silent treatment. I go do all the fun shit I normally don't have time for.

OP, if this bothers you its because your wife is threatening something you value. What's being threatened by your wife's behavior that you value?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What do you want? Do you know?

I can't figure out for the life of me why do any of this... Bitch habit? "for the kids" that aren't there anymore?

To bad you didn't develop a plan with all that silence

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The very questions that brought me here.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If you want other guys to tell you what you want, it's not going to go well for you.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Silent treatment? No problem, what would you do, what would your decisions be if you were single today? If you plan to wash the car, wash the car. If you were going to walk the dog, walk the dog.

The fact that you dread the silent treatment is testament to weak frame. You are still dong things hoping she accepts and validates you.

What were you doing these last 45 days? Keep doing that.

[–]donerkebabplease0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Enjoy the silence, get on with some shit that needs doing. With the middle finger emoji, you did turn into a little bitch, NBD, it will most likely not be the last time that happens, at least you see it.

Sounds like she's doing her. Why aren't you doing you?



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