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Don't want to f*ck this up. How to proceed.

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[deleted]
July 22, 2016
9 upvotes

Background: LTR 16 years, married for 5, 2 kids under 3. I'm the breadwinner in the family, successful career, alpha in the relationship. Wife is stay-at-home, takes very good care of the house and kids. No issues there. I spend my time working, bbqing unctuous meats, and renovating my house. Currently building my first deck, we'll get to that later.

 

Got tired of the sexual side of the relationship. After 16 years it just needed a boost. Found MRP. Swallowed the pill about a month ago. Still very much in the discovery, educational phase.

 

Situation: I'm currently building my first deck. Took weeks of prep to make sure I had all the right materials, right techniques and help to get it done on time. Brought in the building inspector, yadda yadda...big deal. I had a helper who was only able to be there for two consecutive weekends so those 4 days were absolutely crucial to get all of the two man stuff done. I couldn't deal with any distractions. I STFU and got busy. Then I found MRP. Basically channeled my attitude managing the deck build into solid frame. Used this frame as the foundation for interacting with my wife. It's worked fantastically. Not a real departure on my end, just that I'm conscious of it now and how it could effect my progress if I stray.

 

For the last month I've kept absolute frame. Been following the 2/3's rule for affection. She rarely gives any affection, not much cuddling, no touching, no flirting. I get a peck before I leave for work. So I've basically haven't shown her any attention physically over the past month, light kino, etc. I've done all the normal stuff like listen to her, kept up jokes and stayed positive and stoic. I haven't mentioned sex at all. There's been no venting of sexual frustrations. And there's no anger at all. It's like I've transcended and am now able to just live without having my dick run the show. Have also been doing pushups in the bedroom with her in it and I've lost 10 pounds working on the deck. I'm 5'10, 180. Not unattractive at all.

 

My bedroom is a lot like others on here starting off. Lot's of reneging, covert contracts, and lack of enthusiasm which would result in me loosing my cool, getting frustrated and exhibiting beta moves.

 

Last night, we decide to watch Love on Netflix after the kids go to the bed. Lots of sex in it. I can tell my wife is starting to hamster. She's wearing a very low cut tank top and mentions to me that her shirt is super low. I take a glance, say some words to keep the mood light, but still holding back any looks of desperation. I do my pushup sets, we finish up and fall asleep.

 

TODAY IS WHEN THE REAL GAME BEGINS. We're all getting ready for the day this morning. I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth and the wife comes in, no shirt on. She just sits at the dryer staring at me (hoping I notice her tits just hanging out). She mutters something under her breath. I ask her to repeat what she said. She ignores me. I ask again. Can't remember what she said. I keep it light, acknowledge that her tits are hanging out. Make a joke how if guys had tits, we'd just walk around with no bra on swinging them fucken things. I didn't molest her like old me would have done. My spideysense is now starting to tingle.

 

We head to kitchen to feed all the kids. I'm getting some breakfast ready for my son when the wife hits me with the first shit test. We're conversing about something and she sneaks in a "yea, it's probably cause you're cheating on me with one of your facebook friends or something". I deflect that shit like a pro.

 

I know she's wondering why I haven't tried to have sex with her in a month.

 

Then she says "I just haven't wanted to have sex since our dog died." I said, "Me neither". She says apologetically, "Cause it's been a month or so". I follow up with, " I know, I've been busy too with the deck and with the dog dying too., etc etc. She then drops, "You must be watching a lot of porn". I say, " I haven't at all. I've been busy" The whole time I'm keeping frame and being stoic.

 

She then comes up to me and says, "Well we can have sex tonight...If you want to". I'm guessing this is her coy way of saying she wants to have sex tonight, but doesn't want to look like the one initiating it? I say "OK" and move on.

 

Later in the day, we're in the car parked waiting for something. She turns to me and says "You know you're very handsome right". I say "You know it" jokingly, but confident.

 

Lastly, she comes into my office 20 mins ago. I'm doing some light kino, slap her on the ass and she's actually trying to flirt with me. I continue to keep frame and go back to work.

 

This is where I need your help. My instincts tell me she's not really horny, but she's more in shock at the change in my behavior and therefore testing me.

How should I proceed with tonight without fucking up my MRP progress. Did I pass the shit tests from this morning? You think i should have said other things? I just don't want her to think she can sink into her same old bullshit tonight. High chance that she could just fall asleep, say she's not in the mood or just lay there. Do I NOT have sex with her since she's trying to make it on her terms? "Well we can have sex tonight...If you want to".

 

Thanks again for reading.

 

*UPDATE***

TLDR; WE HAD SEX. IT WAS FUN AND PASSIONATE AS FUCK. And it was against all odds.

My wife was in the kitchen all day cooking food for her dad's retirement party. She came to bed around 10:30 but still had do something for the party. It took her forever find and send pics to walgreens for printing. I ended up falling asleep for like an hour or two and woke back up. She was still doing shit in bed. I waited until she was done. Sex was NOT on her mind at this point. She was tired.

 

I waited for her to get done. I said to her, "Put the computer away and take off your clothes". She looked at me funny and gave me weak LMR. Gave it few minutes, then said it again. She puts the computer down, walks into the bathroom and comes back with a stronger LMR. "I'm tired, been in the kitchen all day, wah wah wah". I'm already naked in bed at this point. I get up instantly, put on some underwear and a shirt and go directly to my family room and pop on some TV. This room is far from my bedroom.

Hamster hamster hamster.

 

10 minutes pass and she comes in the family room and lazily says "Ok, I guess we can have sex now". I look at her and say "Why are your clothes still on?". She retreats back to the bedroom.

Hamster hamster hamster.

 

I saunter back in after 5 minutes and she's in bed, under the covers, eyes closed. It looks like she's sleeping. I say, "You better not have any clothes on under there". She says she doesn't. I rip the covers off. Clothes are still ON!. I leave the room and go back to the TV room. Chill for a few minutes.

Hamster hamster hamster.

 

Go back in the bedroom to put on pants and leave to go to a bar or something. It's 1am at this point. She's in bed and goes "FINE" and proceeds to rip her shirt off. I jump into bed and rip her pants off. What followed was an extremely fun and passionate session against all odds. She was tired and def in the kitchen all day, but she played along. I expected starfish, but she was having fun. Old me would have let all of that LMR get in my way and piss me off. For some reason, my antics worked! Thanks MRP. Been upping my kino since friday night happened. Gonna keep this train rolling. Baby steps.


Post Information
Title Don't want to f*ck this up. How to proceed.
Author
Upvotes 9
Comments 30
Date 22 July 2016 07:47 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207301
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4u4m40/dont_want_to_fck_this_up_how_to_proceed/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm guessing this is her coy way of saying she wants to have sex tonight,

Just to be clear on one thing, in case you're thinking you can bank on this:

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SEX PROMISE.

This is her way of saying that, at this exact right now moment, she's either a little turned on, or trying to figure out WTF has been going on lately and is thinking of throwing you some nookie just in case you're planning to leave or something (her hamster has already invented a cheating scenario). Your best bet is to wink, say "why wait?", and initiate.

This does NOT necessarily equate to her being turned on, in the mood, or anything whatsoever tonight. So don't go through the day, expecting this to actually materialize into sex tonight. Tonight will be a brand new moment for her. If there is to be sex tonight, it will be from the fresh start of one of you initiating (preferably you). If there is no sex tonight because you fall asleep early, or she hard no's you, or whatever, don't start going on about keeping score or reneging on promises.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A SEX PROMISE.

Yes, this should be somewhere in the Wiki!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, I've been down this road before. Very aware of the empty sex promises and not falling for that shit ever again.

[–]nopeToThe43rd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It took me too long to figure this out.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

don't be a harpy sex denying woman.

if you want to fuck your wife do so...

if your wife wants to get fucked by you, oblige her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Sounds so easy in a couple of short lines.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

yes

It is fucking easy....

think about it... it's stupid to deny your wife the very thing you are on here reading and trying to figure out.

Obviously I am leaving out lots and lots of internal things... but the basic point is... do you want to fuck your wife???

its pretty much yes / no

If you try to negotiate with her at your apparent "stage" ( no baby I want you to tell me YOU want it , because I don't care, HAHA, now you know how it feels ... )

you want her to feel your pain at a rejection...? Or maybe you want her to just break down and tell you how right you were all along...?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

hahahah that's funny. Definitely not trying at all to teach her a lesson or doing this out of spite. Not trying to deny sex at all too. I'm just skeptical at her intentions. She did mention a few times today "Oh you haven't had sex in a while...You must be really horny...." Aw poor baby, here comes the duty sex.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like your ego wants her to beg for it. I get it, I wish my wife would beg once in a while. Usually she starts begging for my dick after about 15 min of kissing/oral/fingering. Maybe learn some sex moves that'll make her beg

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

yes she is seeing what your frame is.

chances are, she will either go wild on you or starfish you ( depends on the time of the month)

If she starfishes you, stop and go work on your deck... you gonna polish wood anyway.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Bahhahahahahahahaha. I'm just gonna go alpha in the bedroom. Not gonna go full gorilla, but I'll ease in. If she's really horny, then she'll play along. I'll know instantly if she was just trying to test my frame this morning.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

one does not go alpha.

One is... or is not.

cheers

[–]Sapphire_Jizz3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dude, she wants the dick. Lay some pipe.

If she's giving you starfish, or is being weird about it, whatever -- go a bit caveman and bust a nut. DON'T be caught up in her moods or quirks, don't focus on her if she isn't into it.

If she gives you soft-no's or LMR, try to cruise through those as if they were another playful shit test (which they are). Hard no? Hey, no skin off your teeth. Continue to hang-out with her if you want. Or go do something productive.

When you think like this, you're in her frame:

How should I proceed with tonight without fucking it up. Did I pass the shit tests from this morning? You think i should have said other things? I just don't want her to think she can sink into her same old bullshit tonight. High chance that she could just fall asleep, say she's not in the mood or just lay there. Do I NOT have sex with her since she's trying to make it on her terms? "Well we can have sex tonight...If you want to".

This is about you, not her.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Honestly, at this point, I really DGAF if I have sex tonight or not. But asking those questions do put me in her frame and I thank you for pointing that out. I just want to make sure I'm making the right moves for me to successfully continue MRP, not for her sake.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Ok, I may be new, but I know this situation well.

I would have fucked her this morning. You didn't and that's ok, but you have to be prepared for tonight.

 

You have to be prepared to get shot down tonight.

 

You see, she was horny this morning. Any promises of sex aren't worth the paper they aren't written on because she truly believes that right now she will want to fuck you later. However, later, she may or may not be horny. At that point, all deals are null and void. In this situation, I usually lose my fucking shit, which is something I'm working on. I have to keep repeating to myself that promises of sex are bullshit and force myself to let go of any hope for that evening.

Be prepared to have OI this evening and don't get your hopes up.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do disagree though with her being horny this morning. She went from sleeping to getting the children ready because we had an early appt. I'm thinking she's been hamstering for a few days now wondering why I haven't been trying to molest her lately.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

hahahah. OI is currently on lockdown. No issues here if we do or don't. I'm gonna try and mix it up tonight and pursue some different style sex that we usually do. That should kick off this initial milestone.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good deal. I have been a sucker for the dangled carrot. No more!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, went through this for years and years. Just gotten over it in the last month. Not worth the anger anymore. I'd rather just go outside and change the shocks on my truck or something. Or leave, pick up a steak and throw it on the grill.

[–]rpnow2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You don't want to project that you aren't interested in sex, even doing this monk mode thing. You want to feed her hamster by unashamedly communicating that you DO want sex, BUT that you aren't interested in having sex with a starfish or a bitch.

She even lobbed a few slow pitches at you!

"yea, it's probably cause you're cheating on me with one of your facebook friends or something"

"Honey, are you implying that you like me to see if the mods will allow you to join our facebook gangbang group?"

"I just haven't wanted to have sex since our dog died."

"Funny, I wanted to memorialize the dog by mounting you from behind."

"Well we can have sex tonight...If you want to"

"Thanks toots, I totally want to have sex tonight, maybe you can join me."

"Cause it's been a month or so"

"That's a long time, glad it hasn't been that long for me."

Your statement

Have also been doing pushups in the bedroom with her in it... Not unattractive at all.

screams of your own ego defense. Destroy it.

As for tonight, simple: Step 1 -go caveman Step 2-go somewhere else, unless you get a hard no then skip Step 1.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Love these. Saving them for future use.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"You must be watching a lot of porn lately"

You failed that shit test with your straight answer. Next time agree and amplify.

"Yea, watching, writing, directing, starring, it's really worn me out"

Your other answers weren't great either, but you can work on that.

As far as tonight, do whatever the fuck you want. Make out, kiss her, grab her tits. Her body belongs to you, so act like you own it. Take it as far as you want, and if she gives you a hard "no" just be ready to smile and walk away. She doesn't want to have some awkward prearranged agreement about sex. She wants to be taken by an alpha. So take her, and hope that she views you as alpha enough to take her all the way. She will shit test you and give last minute resistance but just push through it by keeping the mood light and playful with a little fun banter. If she goes cold on you, just laugh it off, think about the next step in your pursuit of awesome and double down on that.

[–]chiefjohnwatts17902 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There better be a follow up in the morning!

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What kind of materials did you use on the deck? Did you go for the treated 2x8 for longer joists or stick with a 2x6 and sink more 4x4's ? I would also be interested in the kind of decking you used and the fasteners that you applied. Maybe a few pics?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's all PT. 17' x 12'. 2x10's for the rims. 2x8's for the joists. Notched 4x4's for all of the footing posts, attached to simpson footing brackets which are bolted into concrete sonotube footings. 5/4 for the decking boards. Used Grip-tite screws from Lowes and a hitaching framing nailer.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Try fucking your wife, see if that works.

If not, you can go back to teaching her a lesson by not initiating.

She already thinks you're a fuck, own it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

UPDATE IN THE POST DESCRIPTION. Friday night was a success.

[–]trp_dude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Go back in the bedroom to put on pants and leave to go to a bar or something. It's 1am at this point.

LOL. I used to do this too. 1 am, and go down to do a few sets. "I'm not butthurt honey, I always like to work out after midnight."

But hey, it's better than continuing to whine for sex all night long.



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