Lost my cool and got Emotional question? (Help Me Masters)

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July 11, 2016
7 upvotes

Hi All,

New to this but after a previous divorce this shit changed my life and only I recently slipped.

In LTR of about a year and a half and noticed she hasnt been paying the same attention to me like she used to. We still fuck almost everytime we are together but it seems I am the one initiating everytime. This is a bit of a change as previously she couldnt keep her hands off me. We used to joke about how she wanted more but I was in that refractory period.

I brought this up to her (I believe this is a Beta move) and she assured me nothing was wrong after she cryed for 15 minutes about how she cant make me happy. She then put my hand in her pants and showed me how wet she was etc.

We dont live together yet but it is something we are discussing. We do see each other 4 times a week though usually at her place since it is closer to where we both work.

We usually meet every Wednesday but I feel like it might be a good move to tell her that I am busy that day and blow her off. Should I tell her why (as in we need a break etc) or just say I am tired. Whats the right move here?

A little about me. I am 31 and in great shape http://imgur.com/MRaMacm. Have a decent salary (60k), working to make more (certificates, possibly going back to school) and own my own home and car.

I have always thought highly of myself and confidence is not the issue up until now. I had previously took a break with her for a week or two when we were first dating because she was really only a plate then but has since proven she can be LTR/Wife Material (she has a good job, cooks, cleans and has never turned me down.

Ive got a few other grievances (Shit tests etc She makes more money than me and has mentioned it jokingly) Id like to discuss with some of you vets as well but this one would be the most urgent.


Post Information
Title Lost my cool and got Emotional question? (Help Me Masters)
Author MRPNOOB
Upvotes 7
Comments 18
Date 11 July 2016 11:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207326
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4sdxsi/lost_my_cool_and_got_emotional_question_help_me/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
betalong term relationshipplateshit test
Comments

[–]Alpha_Rising5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

If I were you, I wouldn't lock myself into a LTR, and would not move in with a LTR. You haven't yet maximized your SMV (more income will raise your SMV), so why the rush to lock yourself into a LTR and move in together? Why not enjoy yourself spinning plates?

To your immediate question: Why do you want to blow her off Wednesday?

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I figured maybe I am making myself a little too available and she might be getting a bit too comfortable.

The LTR move would be by choice. I was spinning plates for a while including her. She was the best out of the 5 women I was seeing.

Spinning plates was becoming a full time job on top of my full time job. I like to kick back watch movies and sports on the weekend not spend time going out for coffee and drinks. She is the same way and it hasnt gotten stale in the least.

I am 31 i feel like I got my shit together and want to focus on improving myself even more while also having the comfort of having a solid woman around. I dont want to put her on a pedastal and remind myself not to but I have plenty of experience with women and this one is definitely different than the usual plates I was spinning.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

"All I wanted was a pillow and a blowjob"......the epitaph of every fiance.

I like to kick back watch movies and sports on the weekend not spend time going out for coffee and drinks. She is the same way and it hasnt gotten stale in the least.

OP, if you want a little less hectic lifestyle to build yourself....GREAT. But be aware, married or live in LTR is RP on HARD MODE. Your fantasy does not exist.

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol. I am up to the challenge. Going it alone is tough but with support I feel like I can be happy. I was a former Nice Guy and I did shake it but I just felt like I went Nice Guy there for a second. I have been dwelling on it and even though nothing has changed with her I still think about it as a big time fuck up.

[–]redearththeory4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I brought this up to her (I believe this is a Beta move)

As a man, initiating (everything, not just sex) is your job. Don't ask your woman to do your job for you.

We dont live together yet but it is something we are discussing.

This is something that she should have to earn, if you allow it at all.

Should I tell her why (as in we need a break etc) or just say I am tired

Saying you're tired is weak. Saying you need a break is a bit nukish. Just say you're busy and leave it at that.

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid Advice. Thanks a bunch. i love this group. Its like in NMMNG where they said find like minded people you can talk to. This place is refreshing!

[–]FeetOnGrass0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

When I was dating my now wife, I was the one to always call her. She never called me, but was always very happy when I called. She had even told me she was longing for my calls. Then one day I made the greatest mistake of my life of asking her why she never calls me. I told her it feels like she isn't as interested in me as I was with her. She started calling me from then on. And she became so possessive over me that she started getting angry when I didn't pick up immediately. I lost a lot of friends, roommates, but being the blind beta that I was, I had a very love/hate relationship with her. Put her on a pedestal, did things for her while hating doing it, the whole shtick.

I got married to her amidst great drama, lost my family, had a terrible year, and by the time I found MRP, I was suicidal. Nobody believed my story and thought I was trolling. It has taken so much change to turn my life around , little by little.

In conclusion, don't be afraid to initiate. Don't give that power up to her.

[–]FeetOnGrass0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There. Made the mistake of posting from my alt. Too late to fix now.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

First off, you care to much about her and it's turning her off. Whether you tell outright, which you did, or just feel that way inside, she will notice that and it will cause her to lose attraction for you. I know it sounds wrong, but it's the unfortunate truth. Stop caring about your gf and start caring about yourself.

As our Lord and savior Patrice O'Neal says, your girl shouldn't even be in the top three of your main priorities. Make her like, 4th or 5th down on your list.

Don't be afraid to make her upset, or jealous, or insecure, or mad at you.

[–]MRPNOOB[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Again!

This is why I come here. I view you guys like the support group discussed in NMMNG. Ive been contemplating the past few days and realized I had stopped caring about myself and was worrying what other people/she thought.

When I met this girl and she was crazy about me she was like 4th on the list behind Career, gym and social life. I truly am taking all this to heart and really appreciate all of your feedback.

[–]spexer1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

STFU & grin.

  • Your talking about her not initiating was beta. Dont do this.
  • Your desire to explain needing to take a break - Dont do this.

The motto here is Acta Non Verba. Be a man with actions, not words. If you feel you are the one always initiating, always expressing affection, then back off.

If you feel like things are getting stale, then change the habits up (like start taking her to your place)...

And most of all, only do this stuff if you want to. be the man you want to be, instead of being in her frame and trying to figure out how to change her / make her more into you.

You dont need to make her make you happy.

You need to make you happy.

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This brought almost brought a tear to my eye. Its basically the true. After reflecting on everything the past few days I came to the conclusion that I was trying to make others happy instead of focusing on myself. I went back and read NMMNG and the whole section of putting others first and the covert contract rang deep with me.

I am going to continue my redpill journey and love the fact I can come here with questions and support. I will keep updating as things progress and I am sure I will be back.

Taking the pill was easy living it is a whole different beast.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn. I think this post killed that cold, hard stone in my chest that I call a heart. You are in great shape, wish I was there now.

 

You have an achilles heel, and she knows where to hit it.
It's likely the "she makes more money" and "other grievances". Your frame must crumble tremendously under pressure to be in the situation you are in given your great shape. Suggest meditation and learning how to handle shit tests appropriately. You aren't ready to start upping the dread.

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is why I come here. I view you guys like the support group discussed in NMMNG. Ive been contemplating the past few days and realized I had stopped caring about myself and was worrying what other people thought. When I met this girl and she was crazy about me she was like 4th on the list behind Career, gym and social life. I truly am taking all this to heart and really appreciate all of your feedback.

As for getting in shape I played football for 15 years of my life and went pro for a brief period in time so I always had that muscle memory to fall back on. However I did get fat at one point after no longer training 8 hours a day and eating the same.

A book by Tim Ferris changed my whole perspective. The 4 hour body introduced me to the slow carb diet and the rest is history. If anyone wants a copy emailed to them PM me your email and Ill send it.

I hope to continue to grow with you all and love the support! Even us alphas can get lost once in a while and its good to have someone to bounce ideas and problems off of!

[–]Sapphire_Jizz3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

You should read the side-bar, hold-off on moving in with her, and report back later

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Roger that. I ve read it before after my last relationship ended in a divorce (I managed to not get raped lucky me). Reading through was like a revelation. I was a classic nice guy and was always pissed off when I wasnt getting the recognition I deserved etc etc.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I second on reading the sidebar before you do anything else.

If you had, you would know Rollo's Iron Rule #7

The fact that she doesn't understand why her desire is waning and is distraught about it is not far-fetched. It's definitely rooted in being too available and signalling low value.

More time with your buddies, studying the sidebar, lifting and being generally busy is in order.

[–]MRPNOOB[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hear you man. I re read NMMNG and I noticed that I was displaying that whole nice guy attitude. The whole section on covert contracts really made me think and I also realized I wasnt putting myself first.

Taking the redpill is easy but mastering is a whole different beast.