Backstory Earlier this year I noticed a change in my wife's behavior, increased activity on the phone, putting it face down on the table, hiding it when she went to the shower and what not. I didn't confront her right out but knew something was up. Eventually she screwed up and I got hold of the phone and read through a long string of messages with a guy. She sent the first text saying something like "remember me? we met in the queue at this conference" and it evolved in to an emotional affair with text flirting and regular video calls. He lives across the country so they have not hooked up but are making plans for later this year at the conference where they first met.
Enlightenment Instead of blowing up in that moment I decided "that's it" and started looking at how to organize things to avoid getting screwed in the divorce. During my research I stumbled upon the red pill and realized what had led me to where I was. I was a hardcore blue pill doormat and it was a bitter truth to wake up to. My behavior read like a checklist of the things not to do and that had obviously killed her feelings for me. No one to blame but myself.
Redemption Now some six months later I've read the literature, improved my physical shape, got some traction with ladies (even got phone numbers slipped to me twice unasked), still struggling a bit with shit tests but overall getting better at being a man. At home, things seem good on the surface with regular sex and not much drama, however the texting affair is still ongoing. Honestly at this point I have lost all interest in my wife and I'm going through with the divorce. Even the idea of being married in present society seems absurd to me now.
Deliverance I have a business trip at end of July and aim to break it off when I'm packed and about to go. Fortunately we rent a furnished apartment, not much stuff so what I bring will be what I want to keep. Divorce filing is ready, finances in order and a new place to stay when I return and a few days of leave to get organized.
The only thing that is not crystal clear in my mind is about how to frame the divorce. I'm thinking it will hit her like lightning from a clear blue sky and she can be dramatic at times so I'm expecting emotional fallout, especially as she stands to lose a lot financially. My preference is to just ghost her but since I need to deal with her later in the divorce proceedings I can't fully do that.
I'd like to leave her as "amicable" as possible because if she contests the division of assets the court will appoint a "mediator" paid from marital property and I've seen cases where this ended up costing easily $15k or more (she doesn't have much money so it will come out of my account and then she'll get the half of what's left...). Theoretically she might be able to hold the legality of phone snooping over me in some way so I'm hesitant to reveal my knowledge about it. (note: I'm not in the US)
Any suggestion on how to do it strategically to leave a woman less fuming? The truth is somewhere between knowing about the cheating and not standing for it and just being bored of her ass. Maybe keep it at "I fell out of love"? that may raise doubts that I have someone else and make me a revenge target. Maybe it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things as long as I get liberated (of my money)...