How to know what is "fair"?

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July 4, 2016

Fairly new to TRP, only really found out about this place 3 or 4 weeks ago, reading through sidebar books and slowly getting a grip on it. Signed up for the gym last week and started out on a PPL program this morning, starting to take better care of myself (I'm underweight rather than overweight though so trying to eat better & more). I've also started the hunt for a new job (current job is well paid, high status, just boring).

Wife's SMV has definitely declined since we got together, probably put on 10 pounds before our daughter came along and maybe another 20 since. She is working on losing weight but it's definitely slow progress.

Was fairly classic blue pill case, did everything for my wife and daughter, paid for everything, stopped going out with my friends all of the usual stuff. Been together 8 years, daughter is 4, married 2. In the last few months things had progressively got worse (my anger issues and her starting working regularly with lots of women on the CC). This has lead to her wanting to go out more and do more things with friends while I was staying at home with daughter. I got butthurt about this and we argued etc. things got better for a while then back to how they were, usual cycle. This culminated in her nearly meeting up with someone she works with and "going for a drive", she claims it was only for someone to talk to, I think we all know what that means. I found out before anything happened (she's a shit liar) and things have been slowly getting better, I'm still not trusting her but TRP is getting me to the point of understanding that I don't necessarily need to trust her as I know that if anything like that happens again it's over, and she is now well aware of that too.

What I am here for advice for really is trying to keep a healthy relationship in terms of what I deem as acceptable to me for her to do without compromising in what I am happy with, or should I even be worrying about that? For example this man she was going to meet from work if she has a work event (optional, meal out or something similar) that he is likely to be attending I do not want her attending, is it acceptable I say no? Should I give a fuck if he is attending? Objectively speaking his SMV is probably the same or slightly lower than mine. What about things like bachelorette party's for friends / colleagues? Should I care, let her do what she wants but ensure she arranges a babysitter and make myself busy that night as well?

EDIT: Follow up question, if I set out a boundary and she wants to step over that boundary, what are my other options/retorts than divorce?

Post Information
Title How to know what is "fair"?
Author The_Don_Vasdi
Upvotes 6
Comments 22
Date 04 July 2016 01:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtsexual market valuethe red pillthe blue pill

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret8 points9 points  (15 children) | Copy

Ok, first thing here.


You need to eliminate the word "fair" from your vocabulary.


"Fair" is a way for others to cajole you into accepting a shit deal. Instead of "fair" you need to understand what your boundaries are. What is non-negotiable to you? What are the minimum standards of behavior before you kick her ass out?

Any course on negotiation will tell you that you can't assume everything in life is zero-sum. You have your boundaries, she has hers, and you may find that you both value things differently.

For example, it's been a while, but I used to go to strip clubs with guys from work. It was pretty much an expected part of my job. My wife accepted this, however, I would have a problem if she did the same. "Fair"? No, but I don't give a shit. That's my boundary.

Now, I'm in a different field, I have my own business. A few years back, a female employee called up with a flat tire. I'm always helpful, I know how to fix a lot of things, and I'm always more than happy to help someone save a few bucks, but only through explaining. The female employee was fishing for me to come out and help her. I explained how to take the tire off, and how to get the tire to a gas station, where, as a young female, they would probably fix her flat free of charrge (they did). I get off the phone and the wife inquires. I explanied the situation and laughed about how she wanted me to fix her tire. The wife says "I think I would have a problem with that." I reply that "I'm not fixing anyone's tire unless I'm fucking them." She agrees.

So, different boundaries, we are both ok with them, but fairness isn't a part of it.

[–]The_Don_Vasdi[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I guess I've got the case of oneitis still, realistically I'd be unhappy if she went out drinking late etc. with people who I wasn't happy with, if I said I don't want her to go and she still went, surely then the only option is to leave her, that seems extreme?

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Either you have boundaries or you don't. I can't run your life for you. I can tell you what I think, but everything else is on you.

Personally, I think it's extreme to acquiesce to having your wife go out and possibly get fucked by another dude.

It's really hard to have boundaries if you don't have value. Start building your value with the sidebar to the right.

[–]sh0ckley1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Fair"? No, but I don't give a shit. That's my boundary.

This is gold.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Fair enough… lol

Nice little post.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If that wasn't the perfect example from manipulated man you used.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Really? Never read that book. True story.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Damn! I just carried the neighbor's groceries in for her. I didn't even see that coming.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

There's a difference between helping a neighbor carry in groceries and leaving at 9:30pm to drive across town to change a flat tire. Yesterday, I helped a neighbor push his car down the road. I'm not fucking him. I probably wouldn't offer to help a neighbor carry groceries unless they were disabled.

Merde alors! Damn Canadians, being all nice and shit. You are just glad you can leave your house for these 3 months.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Well what can I say, she dazzled me with her dowager's hump and all that fluffy white hair. I did get something out of it though. She might be 80, but she whips up a mean sweet noodle kugel. Lol

And fortunately for me, I'm not Canadian. They're too 'nice" to gain their independence while we took ours by force and celebrate it today. Lol

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And here I thought you were Quebecois. Gonna have to find someone else to unleash my Canadian jokes on...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

fortunately for me, I'm not Canadian. They're too 'nice"

Yes, and they are happy little fuckers too! phooey

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lol so they claim. Maybe it's just that nobody understands them when they speak.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, Stone has said a few things about that, but I didn't understand what he said. lol

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm so proud, a tear just rolled down my eye. I'm leaking awesome.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn, that's quite a complement, thank you. I give all credit to my betters at MRP, others in the manosphere and the 50k I spent getting that MBA.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Twice in the same day

This man is total dark triad, but his woman is loyal as fuck, because she's scared shitless about losing him. Fair is what will (or already has) probably gotten you cucked.

the only way ahead, regardless of your goal, is to become tingle inducing for women (notice the plural). Have boundaries, self respect, I'm sure the sidebar readings have told you enough about the mindset.

The relationship health isn't under your control. your health, is.

Best advice I've seen on this, is to keep your mouth shut, eyes open, and be prepared for the eventual shit she will pull because of 'feelings' Search divorce, done right on MRP if you would like example porn.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Twice…. Yes. It is worth repeating that message.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Sorry but I've become certain that shit aint real lol. Still, it's a useful emblem until something more illustrative turns up.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

I agree. Never a bad thing to assume everything on the internet is a lie

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

assume everything on the internet is a lie

Too bad, but sometimes so true.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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