No seriously, thank you. Long time lurker. I've been married 15 years, no kids, discovered MRP about 6 months ago. I could go on and on about how I was but you've heard it a hundred times, alpha turned beta to keep the peace, one story that will give a good idea where I was last year...Wife and I start hanging out at a golf club, she starts acting all flirty around one of the pro's, I think nothing of it, I show I'm not bothered, that's just me. She then proceeds to get a little drunk and walks 50 feet away from where we're sitting to go speak to him on his own, leaving me sat on my own. She comes back 20 minutes later, and after a little digging she admits she asked to add him on facebook. I did nothing about this, I didn't even verbalise I had a problem with it. She almost cuckolded me and I did nothing, boy was I a fucking pathetic chump. There you go, there's my one beta story, that's all you're getting.
I've read all sidebar material, started lifting, looking good now, was a little skinny but now defined after gaining a few pounds of muscle with definition. MRP blew my world right open.
I started with me, NMMNG got me all riled up as it was a mirror of my life, made some big changes, particularly no more approval seeking, started doing things for me, seeing covert contracts all over my life (footrubs and massages for sex etc.), got started on getting rid of those.
Took WISNIFG and devoured that like it was the kung-fu manual, started using fogging and NA any time I had to be assertive, used work as a playground to hone those skills and started taking it home. It was working, I managed to become happier just through minimising argument duration. Any time she had a problem, I'd fog the shit out of her and leave her smiling afterwards. Now I don't argue with women, that's just stupid.
I stopped GAF, removed my presence when she was shitty, gave her more attention and affection after sex. Started initiating often, didn't get butthurt when there was a hard no, got to the point where a soft no meant I'd just pull her pants down and fuck her hard.
I started handling shit around the house, getting all those jobs done without being asked, I was mostly always doing something, I remember one weekend I was doing jobs all weekend, they needed doing, she wanted to spend time with me and chill out, I noped out of that and got on with it, she started doing jobs too, we must have spent a grand total of 2 hours together that whole weekend (despite living in a relatively small house), I remember her saying just before I went back to work on the Monday "I've had a really nice weekend, thank you" This made me laugh, I did the opposite of what you wanted but you had a great time! Women love a leader.
I've read Manipulated Man, The Way of the Superior Man, Mastery, The Way of Men, 16 commandments, fuck, you name it, I've most likely read it. I've read more books in the last 6 months than I've read in the last 10 years! I've devoured pretty much all TRP has to offer, all time posts on MRP and read anything posted on here and MRP daily. I read all the comments I take it all in. To quote a Eminem "I've been chewed up and spit out and boo'd offstage"
My Journey started with me, it gave me self respect, it showed me I deserve to be happy. On my long journey that will never end, I started to see the light, I started to see how shitty my wife treated me, I was the mirror and I needed to look within. Only, I realised I wasn't seeing my reflection, I was seeing shitty when I was being awesome. Something wasn't right, and I needed to do some further introspection. In my devouring of the sidebar looking for an answer, I connected some dots, I saw that whilst I was being pretty fucking awesome, my wife was an angry bitch. I discovered BPD, my world tanked, though everything fit, all the traits, all the symptoms, it made so much sense. I devoured all I could on that, I did some TRP research and they were all saying the same to anyone in my situation, RUN. I didn't want to run, I wanted to stay the course, ONEitis anyone? Well, yes it was a little of that, and a little of the nice guy fixer coming in to play.
I have been pretty awesome for the last month, I made a bad decision that my wife disagreed with, instead of a conversation, instead of disappointment, I was called names, I was threatened, my livelihood was threatened. I was manipulated, I got FOG'd, not in the fogging sense, in the BPD sense, Fear Obligation Guilt. All because she did not approve of my decision. I was treated poorly, very poorly, I had enough self respect to see that, thanks to you guys. Thanks to MRP/TRP. I owned my bad decision, I wanted her to own her bad behaviour, I know that's not possible for someone with BPD and I deserve better than that. Most BPD sufferers are incapable of accepting/owning their faults. They use tactics to never have to do that, turning tables, blame shifting.
I don't deserve to be treated like that for one second. I know I can be happy without her. I will rebuild, this time I'll be better than I ever was, even before I met her. I'm going to be fine.
So I jumped the gun. I was in her frame, and affected by her shitty behaviour, I didn't see it until I posted on here, you fuckers sure know how to get through to someone; I owe you all.
I have made some huge changes, I haven't yet put enough work in to start making decisions like this, as BPP said, I'm still in the anger phase. u/WhiteTrashKiller also pointed out
Making decisions from an emotional perspective rarely makes the outcome beneficial.
which I didn't see. I may as well have been demanding an apology here. That is not important if I'm in my frame. Allowing myself to be affected by her shitty behaviour shows I'm still very much in hers, I didn't see this at the time.
I only wish I had some buddies that I could've talked to about this before I left the house, guys like you, walking the same path. No one I know wants to hear any of this, I've tried to talk to some of my married buddies, but they're all BP as fuck and aren't ready to hear anything in contradiction to what they believe.
That's why I love this place, I'm now back home, sticking with STFU and will definitely give it another 6 months. Thank you all.