Hello-I posted this at a support group and was told to try here instead.
It has been almost 7 days since I checked her phone and found the evidence I didn't want to find. After so much confusion and pain over the last week, I am now trying to figure out what she was thinking all along.
Part of me wants to have the attitude that "I don't care". Take the high road and get over it. Another part of me really needs to figure out what she was thinking. So I am writing to get an fresh set of eyes;
30 days before D-day
Wife has settled in to her new job down the road after 10 years of being a full-time mummy. Kids are all in school. We both celebrate with champagne and toast to a new chapter in our lives. She is mostly happy, although struggling with working 9-5 in an office.
21 days before D-day She is generally up until 1am texting. Walking the dog is taking 2 hours instead of 20 minutes. I wrote in my morning journal that the constant texting is getting on my nerves. I don't say anything because she is so happy about her new friends and I don't want to spoil it.
7 days before D-day She is loving work, going out for drinks with new friends. Then she starts telling me that the guys from the warehouse are flirting with her. She shows me a snapchat message of someone calling her sexy and posting a selfie. She assures me that they are "young boys" from downstairs and that she is not going to respond or encourage them.
6 days before D-day She tells me a story about a girl at work who was beaten up by her husband after having an affair with one of the guys from the warehouse. We both agreed that physical violence is really bad and that the guy was an a-
5 days before D-day She tells me that she is upset that we are not connected anymore. She doesn't get the attention she needs because I am always working on my projects. I explain how important my projects are to me and make an extra effort to instigate sexual stuff in the evening. We have a great time and agree that doing this stuff every night is important. Happy days.
4 days before D-day She leaves to go out for drinks with friends but something is really off. I suspect that she is hiding something. This is not the usual bubbly going out for drinks vibe.
3 days before D-day I am putting pieces of the puzzle together. I decide to bring up the topic of those snapchat messages. She assures me they are innocent and that she will un-install the app to make me happy. I keep thinking about all the other dodgy behavior. I ask her, "well, if not those guys - Is there someone else? Is there anything going on you find it difficult to talk about?" She asks me why? I tell her it is just on my mind constantly. She says nothing is going on and we have fun in bed.
1 day before D-day She is more distant than ever. After going out for drinks, she is home for 10 minutes, then she decides to take the dog for a walk 10 minutes before it gets dark. After 1 hour I call and text her, telling her I am worried where she is. "I am at a friend's house". When she get's back I am already in bed. I ask her where she was and she says she was just up the road checking out the new puppy her manager has. Obvious lie. It was so unbelievable.
She jumped in the shower and I decided to check her phone. The password was easy to remember, I had seen her pull it out and punch the code about 100 times a day for the last few weeks.
Her last message was to a guy called Nathan. I emailed the history to myself and read it briefly. The evidence was clear that they have been meeting up at the end of my road and out in the forest for at least 4 weeks. He had also been to our house whilst I was away for work. They have also been meeting in the warehouse during work. I want to believe nothing happened.
So, in hindsight everything is so obvious. It feels like she was dropping hints for me everywhere. Telling me we were not close. Talking about her colleague who was beaten up for cheating, testing my reaction to that. Showing me snapchat messages. She has made very little effort to hide where she was going. Staying out for 2 hours walking the dog is just not normal.
It has been therapeutic in itself to write this down. Thanks for following me thus far.
I guess I see 3 options now;
- She secretly wanted me to find out. It was a ploy to get me jealous so I would pay her attention. Hence all the hints she was dropping.
- She didn't want me to find out and is just really bad at keeping secrets. The hints were subliminal attempts to justify the cheating.
- She resents me for everything in her life, wanted me to find out, and is happy I am suffering right now.
Have you guys seen anything similar?