I've read quite a lot already the past 2 weeks, but I finally need to write this shit out and get my stupid questions out of the way.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-06-29T06:18:04+00:00

Uh let's see if I've got this...your second wife and your second set of two kids are 6 hours away in another state because you drink too much?

This is not an MRP problem. It sounds like you're an alcoholic. You need to get help. I don't know if that it's the form of AA or a therapist. But you need REAL help.

Who's taking care of your other three kids? You? Are you even functional or drinking around them now that you're so depressed? You better get some fucking real help for the sake of your kids so you don't fuck them up asshole. This shit becomes an endless generational cycle that seeps down to your kids until you get it under control.

As far as I'm concerned, your wife is smart. Get help and if you're lucky you can have your family back. But do you deserve it? Go prove you do.

2016-06-29T13:26:37+00:00

We could give you a lot of good advice.

But unless you get your drinking under control first, you'll have no ability to maintain and follow through.

So really stop crying about her, and cry for you. She should matter 1% in all of this and I'm being generous.

All the rest is window dressing.

became her favorite person again by treating her like royalty

I think you're painting this incorrectly. I'd imagine your best new quality was being reliable and sober.

Pedestalizing a woman by treating her like royalty is a great plan for making you a servant to her expectations and a lowering of you in her eyes as a leader.

Save yourself, find resolve or a support system (she ain't it) so you don't relapse... then worry about a relationship.

redearththeory · 2016-06-29T10:11:33+00:00

Recovery from alcoholism will probably be a prerequisite for you successfully applying MRP. This is because MRP requires a certain amount of emotional and mental toughness. If you are an alcoholic that's white-knuckling it to stay sober, you're going to be an emotional mess like this

But I'm totally fucked right now mentally, crying all the time

And its going to be virtually impossible to maintain the (mental, physical, spiritual) discipline required for what we do here. Doing the 12 steps thoroughly in AA with a tough sponsor would probably do it. Especially sorting out your anger and fear in steps 4 through 9. AA isn't the only way to treat alcoholism and there are probably other options that work. Therapy maybe, if you'll be honest with the therapist. But you need to change your emotional foundation so that you firstly don't need to drink all the time for emotional reasons like this

4 day bender being completely pissed off at how she talks to me, and being an emotional little bitch and ending up in the ER with panic attacks.

While you're fixing your emotional foundation, lift and get in shape. Then, when you don't need her or alcohol to sooth your emotional problems, the MRP stuff will start to work.

FRedington · 2016-06-29T13:59:18+00:00

How do I make myself awesome again, and let her see it, with text messages. Facebook bugs the shit out of me, but seems the best way to subtly show off the cool shit the kids and I are doing without her, and that I became a super dad.

Stop. Just stop.

Stop thinking that a few pictures of good parenting convince anyone that you're "fixed".
Stop thinking that being awesome for half the day makes up for being a drunk slob the rest.
Stop looking for validation from your wife, and take a hard sober look in the mirror.
Stop trying to get her to come back, and focus on fixing yourself for yourself and your 3 kids.

There's a reason you keep drinking, and I'm guessing it's related to the depression and/or anxiety that you describe. And even when you manage to pull things together for a stretch, you look at your life and all the negative feelings come back harder than ever. And having a wife and family are both a blessing (look, I must be a good person if these people love me) and a curse (how can I be such a shitty husband and father?), which just fuels the next round of drinking.

The only way you'll kick this shit is if you can own your problems. Not in the context of proving it to someone else, or as part of the MRP 12 step program to fix your marriage, but because you are a broken person who is using alcohol and women to cope with your problems. Understand that, you may think you're at rock bottom now... but as bad as these last 2 weeks have been, they are just another step down on the spiral. Maybe you're strong enough to stop this now, but it still sounds like you have to see the rest of your life destroyed before you can start picking up the pieces. (Please prove me wrong.)

Doing the math, your oldest must be 14 or 15 -- what do they think of you? I'm betting that they have been making excuses about your behavior for a while, trying to give their siblings some cover while you're on a bender. Or maybe they are getting sick of your shit, and as angry as your wife... just counting the days until they can leave too. If you want a reason to stop drinking... do it for the 3 kids you still have. When you wake up from your next round of drinking, look them in the eye and see what they really think of you, then hold that picture.

Forget blaming anxiety, the meds, or the drinking.

Forget blaming your wife for being angry. Or for leaving.

Forget saving the marriage.

Forget being awesome at all.

Forget what everyone else thinks about you. Or how little you think of yourself.

And just hold on to what you have right now, in front of you. Don't be a good parent just so that you can take a few pictures for Facebook, but be a good parent because that's what your kids deserve. If you don't stop drinking -- 100% and for good -- you will fuck up the only worthwhile thing left in your life.

over60_stupid_loner · 2016-06-29T22:08:06+00:00

You are an alcoholic.

You are an alcoholic that is still drinking.

Quit wasting everyone's time here. Next.

Edit: Maybe u/alphabeta49 has a word for you.

rpcurious · 2016-06-30T06:53:21+00:00

UPDATE: Lifted for lunch, it really does wonders for anxiety. Hit an AA meeting tonight that I know to be full of a lot of men with their shit together, and went out of my way to get numbers and introduce myself. Hung out with my kids after.

Didn't text her except in positive response to pictures of the little kids having fun with her and her mom where they're at.

The_Litz · 2016-06-29T06:30:08+00:00

No one here is going to help you, YOU are going to do it. You have come to the right place if what you want is to be the best man you can be. RP is not about getting your wife back, it is about being so awesome that she wants to be with you.

The good

You came to the right place.

You recognise you have an alcohol problem

You already started lifting.

The bad

You afflicted with oneites for your wife

You are in her frame. Everything in your post is about her.

You talk (text) too much.

You are still drinking.

She propably hasn't totally checked out yet, but she is not coming back because you are begging.

Men do. You have to start living the awesome life that is waiting for you. She doesn't need to see it on FB, she will know.

So buddy, off to the AA you go and start reading the sidebar on MRP.

Sapphire_Jizz · 2016-06-29T06:09:14+00:00

You need to completely quit drinking.

Have you done that?

ex_addict_bro · 2016-06-29T07:14:02+00:00

Welcome to the party, pal.

http://www.sharischreiber.com/articles.html

/u/ex_addict_bro helped me so I'll pass on the favor because it's been the single most important piece I've read since swallowing the pill. Just drop the bipolar portion of it and look at your behavior amongst the madness.

I mean, I could call you an alcoholic, but you aren't the sum of your symptoms. You aren't a victim any longer. Use the link to understand why you are damaged.

My alcohol use is WAY fucking down. I'm serious, how I'm not dead is beyond me. If you can do 12 days in a row, this information will help you.

PM me anytime you need to.

screechhater · 2016-06-29T11:18:41+00:00

Need your blood work done ASAP for the blood sugar levels. Quit consuming all the junk and alcohol.

1- read the side bar books in order

2- seak counseling for whatever issues causing your confidence problems as in your parents got divorced when you were a kid Realize we all have issues. It's how you deal with them that makes you complete, productive and responsible

3- kill the tv and video games and get rid of them

4- start supplements and clean diet. cooking and consuming clean food is 1/2 the battle. Kill the caffeine

5- call her with the phone and remember texting and email is for logistics

6- stop the oneitis, following her around shit, pedastal shit.

7 set up some goals that you can stick to

8 get rid of all the alcohol in the house

2016-06-29T13:34:05+00:00

I want to save the relationship, she hasn't said 100% she wants a divorce, but she's definitely 6 hours away with my kids through the summer. How do I make myself awesome again, and let her see it,

Obviously you do the same things you have done before... get better for her, qualify yourself to her, and get some sex, then remind yourself that you have no other choices in life and do what ever she says. Rinse / repeat.

Or, you know, you could stop being a

Giant pussy.

WHY the fuck is she 6 hours away with YOUR kids? Go make yourself into a competent father.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-07-02T23:17:36+00:00

You give up already?

ProMathlete · 2016-06-29T11:09:16+00:00

Have you gone to AA meetings? You've got a lot of stuff I relate to and looking back on my drinking history were red flags that I had become alcoholic.

plein_old · 2016-06-29T15:19:14+00:00

I think your emotions and thought process are not working optimally because of the long-term effects of alcohol.

Until you have stopped contributing to that problem, and have had some time to heal, you're simply not going to be in top form. It can take time to heal from these things I'm told.

Often she'd go stay at her mom's for a week and I'd play video games, drink and generally have an awesome time.

?

I think maybe you need some kind of peer group to talk about this stuff with, on a regular basis, and how it all connects possibly with the drinking.

sh0ckley · 2016-07-01T10:33:51+00:00

First paragraph: http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt4.pdf

You sound alcoholic but that's your decision.

If alcoholism is your problem then that is the very first thing that needs addressing... not how much you're drinking, because alcoholics don't have a problem with drinking, alcoholics have a problem with sobriety.

AA and a journey through the 12 Steps via The Big Book with a qualified sponsor is one proven Solution to alcoholism.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2016-08-10T16:14:12+00:00

Do a NEW update post whether it's good or bad news. Either one will be good for you.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-06-29T21:43:09+00:00

I became a blue pill in the past year by drinking all day and eating aintidepressants.

It wasn't in the past year. The fact you were Blue Pill led you to drinking, eating, and happy pills. If you don't start with the root cause it is not going to be easy.

I want to save the relationship

NONONONONONONONO! Try again. Repeat after me: I want to be a better man for myself and nobody else. If you want to "save it" you need to take this summer without kids and start learning PUA again. After you bang 4-5 girls hotter than your wife you will probably be ready to go get her and bring your family home- if you want to by that time.

How do I make myself awesome again, and let her see it, with text messages.

You want your wife to see you are awesome with text messages. Dude. Start on the sidebar. Read the books. Then when you figure out how you fucked up start studying PUA.

And quit drinking cold turkey. NOT ANOTHER DRINK THIS ENTIRE SUMMER. If you must text you wife something, text her that. Don't argue, don't make it a centerpiece, don't tell her if you are not going to show her. Can you avoid drinking for 3 months?

Title	I've read quite a lot already the past 2 weeks, but I finally need to write this shit out and get my stupid questions out of the way.
Author	rpcurious
Upvotes	10
Comments	54
Date	June 29, 2016 5:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4qe08e/ive_read_quite_a_lot_already_the_past_2_weeks_but/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/ive-read-quite-a-lot-already-the-past-2-weeks-but.207356 https://theredarchive.com/post/207356

2: Stop thinking about your wife. Period. The relationship is functionally dead. If there is any chance of a resurrection, it will be AFTER you become a new man. And chances are, it will not work out. Start mourning its death now.

Giant pussy.