Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it. ~Malcolm X
This quote in tandem with things I've started to learn here has inspired me sexually.
FR: I got a soft "No" on Thursday, she was visibly tired and in mild physical pain so I made nothing of it and went to sleep. Then on Friday night, I cooked a great dinner as planned because I have taken up cooking high grade food from scratch as a way to increase my value. (Planning to post about this at some point.) I cook for my own reasons and she benefits from it.
Anyway, during the meal process, she looks away from her phone long enough to say "for what you paid to get this food, we could have gone out for dinner." This is an irrational lie. [SHIT TEST]
I handled it a little better than I used to - redirecting my energy away from her (which I felt was wasted) [COVERT CONTRACT] after dinner to work on household maintenance. Sadly, she was still able to determine that I was a little butt hurt.
What I didn't do was overtly communicate my annoyance and attempt to negotiate desire. [PROGRESS]
This morning I leave to go about my normal schedule. She seemed to be confused that I didn't give her much attention before I left. I just said "I'll see you later." Then she texts me wishing that my "peace" comes to me.
Generally at times like this, after about 5+ days of no sex, I immediately remember what it feels like to be a super chump and start pondering a piece on the side. I understand this to be rooted in evolutionary biology and no longer feel ashamed of it. [PROGRESS]
Here is where that quote comes in to play.
We have a scheduled date tonight. I don't want to go anymore. [COVERT CONTRACT / negotiating desire] And what I am about to do instead of being a total chump, is something that I have done before, successfully, many times: I am going to text that I'll be fucking my wife before I take her out tonight. This will warrant a happy emoticon reply, and it will happen because I'm "taking" it.
That said, I cannot be totally convinced that this desire is truly genuine. Yes I'm gonna get sex, but does it get any better than this? Or am I being a whining little bitch? I've gotten an unsolicited BJ since I started here but will it ever return to the days when she would send me selfies in her underwear like before we were married and living together? Rollo's Iron Rule (I think it's number 4) says absolutely not.
Is that the only RP theory that I am not acknowledging to help me internalize this part of MRP? And what could I do to get back to that phase when she was at me like a dog in heat? Is plate spinning really the only way to even get close to that? Maybe I'm just not dwelling in the reality of Rollo's Iron Rule.
Any thoughts or new asshole ripping are welcome.