Prior post located here: https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4jj994/12_year_marriage_flip_captains_log_week_1/

Another week, another update. I think there is maybe one more update after this one, before retrenching into the MRP sub. Anyway, the divorce is 'officially' back on...here's the run down.

  1. GYM - Haven't missed a day, and strength has doubled since starting on squats and deadlifts. This has been probably the most critical thing I've done in the past two weeks. Definitely keeping me level, and the strength is finally arriving. Thinking of switching over to the 5x5 plan mentioned here in the sub. The clarity of thinking is also much more pronounced too. Clean living is helping.
  2. MAP - Updating the MAP every day with at least 15 minutes of recap at the beginning and end of day. Intention involving red behaviors is in place, having the plan and knowing it is is there has shifted more than a few cycles towards much more productive/important activities.
  3. Sidebar and Reading - NMMNG, finished this book, now need to cycle back through focusing on the activities and meshing it into my MAP. Now reading, WISNIFG - targeting completion by this time next week, while also rolling NMMG activities into the MAP plans.
  4. Work Life Balance - Effectively renegotiated my accountabilities at work, setting a transition timetable over the next 45 days that has my travel substantially reduced on a going forward basis. Enlisted my management's support for permanently reduced travel, and this is a seemingly big win from last week. Now to set frame and remain committed to staying home/local. Also, was able to take two days off from work for the first time this year.
  5. Parenting of my boys - Two days off from work, were totally spent on my boys. Took them out to dinner on Thursday, volunteered both Thur/Fri to help them at some school events making their first Field Day ever at school. Saturday and Sunday - we spent even more time connecting together with individual time and time with all of the boys together. Probably the best weekend I've had with them in a very long time, and the POSITIVE energy boost was flowing both directions with them. Which leads me to ...
  6. SO FLIP/FLOP - Thursday, she tells me as I walk the kids back from school that she needs to talk -- timing was especially shitty as the boys and I were fired up from our day together... We go out back and she informs me that she never had it in her to try again. (internal response was 'no shit') I responded with a calm 'ok' and that I agreed we aren't healthy anymore, and that it is oozing onto the kids. Comments from last week's captain's log - rattled me to the point of asking why the hell am I putting up with this shit for the past FOUR months, particularly this one ---> 'I'm a strong believer that one of the greatest lessons parents can teach their children without ever saying a word is by showing what healthy, loving relationship between parents actually looks like. Love is an act of deliberate will. Loving requires effort and discipline. When either parent is not committed and/or making an effort, believe me the kids see it everyday without a cross word ever being spoken. It creates an aura of negative energy that permeates their lives and makes them ill physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The greatest act of love a father can give is not subject his children through that hell. And yes, when you reach a critical mass of self awareness, self love, self respect, and healthy self interest, it will all become ridiculously obvious what you MUST do.' Later on Friday, she took another run at me trying to engage in pointing out a bunch of real and perceived wrongs - and I stopped her cold with - 'None of this matters anymore. You want out, and so it is over. What happened 8 years ago is meaningless. You can keep fighting, but you will be doing it alone. I'm done fighting.' I'd like to think I kept frame there, and this is the attitude I'm taking forward - which is focusing on bettering myself, owning the shit that I have clearly fucked up over the years, and being the best Dad I can be. I have no illusions that I have completely screwed up, but I can say that I did what I thought was best at the given time - even if it was weak sauce for much of it. Marching forward.
  7. Legal - Met with a recommended lawyer, and holy shit that was another kick in the ass. I had a plan that got upleveled hard and fast. I fully expect things to get worse before they get better as we progress with the divorce. I'm getting more and more prepared each day for this. I told her yesterday, that I'm filing the papers this week, and she can join me if she likes so that the motion is with the court.

Here's the most fucked part of the past few days - she is so fucking nice to me now. She made the family (including me) dinner last night for the first time in over a week. She is going out of her way to text me what is going on with her, where she's headed, and upcoming plans. I have kept STFU, and just continuing to do my things for myself and for my kids. She continues to be very interested in my own counseling sessions, how many shakes I'm eating, walking around without a bra all of a sudden, stretching provocatively when we are talking, and when/if I went to the gym... I'm being pleasant, but really treating her as any other woman asking these questions. I'm doing the DGAF thing, but the change in demeanor is astounding. Any reads on how to get through (beyond what I've suggested above) this smoothly are much appreciated.