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Coming from /deadbedrooms? We'd like to hear how your story went.

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April 6, 2016
11 upvotes

So I was interested in finding out if there are other people who came here after some time spent in r/deadbedrooms.

My background: mid thirties, in a ltr for 7 years. When I first started noticing that my girlfriend isn't interested in sex anymore, I started to look for answers. From /relationships I ended in /deadbedrooms, where at first I was like "hey, i'm not the only one having this problems". For a year I posted and replied in DB, going through all the motions the people there suggest to everyone. Having "the talk". Making a plan. Withdrawing from sex. Trying to convince her. You know them all. Of course, while I did all that she just waited for me to come to my senses and be a man.

I was entertaining the thought of leaving, when I somehow found theredpill and i became enraged. I felt lied, deceived, I was even more willing to just let the relationship go. Somehow, during that time, sex was again happening. Even blowjobs became more frequent than one every two months. Untill I found MRP, it was all "reading, thinking, not much action". When i found MRP, i was stunned to see field reports; examples; situations explained; how others did, what they said, how they behave. It was a new experience. First step was to read NMMNG and oh boy, what a read it was. If only I would have found that book sooner.

After some time I went back to read what people in /deadbedrooms are still doing. As you can guess, not much has changed. Same people giving the same advice. I mean, there are people there commenting for over a year and a half and not a single thing has changed for them. I felt sad. I tried to post some help, but when you suggest a simple step for them to make, like reading NMMNG and you are downvoted, you just leave that sad place and hope that those poor souls in there catch an idea and hopefully seek help in other subs. Since any form of the help we provide here is basically downvoted on that sub, maybe if those people see this, by any chance, can make a connection with their situation and see the light.

So, people who came here from r/deadbedrooms, what's your previous experience and how did you end up here on r/marriedredpill?


Post Information
Title Coming from /deadbedrooms? We'd like to hear how your story went.
Author Boogy03
Upvotes 11
Comments 50
Date 06 April 2016 12:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207527
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4dlilz/coming_from_deadbedrooms_wed_like_to_hear_how/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipthe red pillfield reportNMMNG
Comments

[–]mrpCamper7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Was reading through DB posts and found someone with a similar situation. A comment said to read MMSLP. I did. I was blown away. In the book, the author makes reference to "The Red Pill". I googled that and ended up here. Much happier here. Been here for almost a year.

I've read the entire sidebar, lost 40 pounds. Down to under 10% bf from over 20%. Have been lifting heavy for the entire time. Basically owning more of my shit and getting out of marriage most of what I want. There is still work to be done to get everything I want. But I am certainly in a position that, if I were here a year ago, I would not need to go to DB. I guess it's worth mentioning, and I know her happiness is not what this is about, that the wife is happier too. I, more importantly, am a much happier man.

[–]ThrowTheEgg3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exact same situation for me. After a bunch of shitty whiny posts in DB, Somehow came across MMSLP and that was where it all started... It's been a verrrry slow process for me. That's not to say it hasn't been enjoyable in almost every way. Difficult, but enjoyable.

[–]Sadbeary8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

"she just waited for me to come to my senses and be a man." lol

Glad you asked. Coincidentally just posted the below in DB. I didn't mention MRP by name as people get banned for that apparently. A lot of folk not looking for solutions.

Between eighteen months and two years ago I was tossing up which was the better option, suicide or divorce. The fact I have three wonderful children constantly stayed my hand. I am a good problem solver and months later when I was under care for depression the Dr asked “have you planned a way you will do it?” and I replied “Yes, but I’m not telling you as I want my kids to think I died by misadventure instead of suicide and after my death your notes become discoverable to insurance companies”. The fact you have a plan seems to get the word ‘severe’ added to the diagnosis. Anyway, I thought I knew what I wanted and how I’d do it; problem solved, just waiting for the right moment.

Then one day in the internet news there was a story of a guy that gave his wife a spreadsheet outlining how little sex was in his marriage. I recognized my marriage and thought about a spreadsheet for myself: everyone loves objective data right? Decided against it. The origin of the story was in a place I’d never heard of: Reddit. It linked to the relationship post where the wife was shredding the guy and some commentators mentioned a term I’d never heard before: deadbedroom. That story changed my life as it led me to a place where countless people had the same problem, a real and common problem, a new problem I could turn my mind to besides plausible misadventure.

I read hundreds, probably thousands of posts and comments. The first points that resonated were “you can’t negotiate desire” and “you can only change you”. These two points lead me to try and stop giving a damn about the issue and making myself better for my own sake, respectively.

Another point I railed internally against for a long time was “if you invest too much in the partner you love you push them away”…the idea I had to stop caring so much about my wife was an anathema to my entire life to date. I had built a successful career, from pauper to well off and had given her everything she had ever wanted, but to quote the U2 song ‘So Cruel’, it wasn't what she wanted. Stop seeking validation from your partner is a hard addiction to break.

Finally posting my story in the deadbedrooms sub and actively contributing I disclosed my untreated depression and was hounded by contributors whose opinions I respected to seek treatment. I did and the counseling that followed 100% supported the 3 key points deadbedrooms had given me and added “do what makes you happy and if you’re partner doesn't support you; you probably have the wrong partner”. My wife did not like reading that paragraph in the depression handout.

So I stopped caring so much, focused on me and the relationship did start getting better and my efforts in bettering myself did seem to improve the deadbedroom quite substantially. Then I read a post from u/marriedscoundrel that said “there is nothing more important in my life than fixing my deadbedroom”. That really hit me. I had a ton of other issues in life at the time and this comment made me realize I only had one problem in life; everything else was golden in comparison. It was a pivotal moment in my life. I stopped sweating the small stuff, stopped worrying whether my wife was happy (only she has control of that) and just worked on being a better me. I became happy and knew I could stop treatment for depression and did.

About this time I got a couple of PMs advising of another forum that gives men advice on how to be better men. I originally believed the misogynist labeling applied to it but in the interest of addressing the most important thing in my life I’d sup with Lucifer if necessary, so I investigated. Deadbedrooms is full of broken men and women providing solace and guidance. The other forum is full of broken men and a few men that have managed to fix a variable number of the breaks. In life an exclusive group of females becomes bitchy, whilst an exclusive group of men become crass and this group is no exception. You need a thick skin but I find the advice very helpful and I have been visiting that sub for quite some time.

I have been getting better as a man and a human being, my sex life and marriage have improved substantially. I am no longer angry or whiny. If I don’t like something, I say it instead of bottling it up. I am far from perfect and have a very long way to go until I am happy with the man I am but I am a lot better than the angry, needy whiny man I had become in my marriage. The biggest issue on the sex front is my reluctance to initiate. This was queried by my wife and I said I want to and think about it literally every morning and every night but don’t. Her response was she couldn't do it every day, every 2 or 3 days, maybe.

A few weeks ago u/BluepillProfessor made a comment about his wife that made me sit up: “ I want you to suck my cock every day because you love me, not out of obligation”. This is sort of what I want, but this crystallized the reality that I was tackling a symptom (deadbedroom) not what I really want. What do I want? Do I want my wife to blow me every day? Not really. Do I want sex of some form every day? Maybe but I doubt I could keep it up and/or keep it interesting. I would happily go down on my wife every day if it made her happy because I love her. If it were an obligation or demanded by her I’d resent her. So what do I want? I want her to want to have sex every day with me because she loves me, not out of obligation. She doesn’t have to, every 2 or 3 days would be fine, but she has to want to. I think she is getting there and I will just keep on working on being an attractive and loveable guy so that for her to do so is a no brainer. And if she has a realization that she doesn't want to, then at least suicide is off the table and we can both go on our separate ways to find someone we do.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You may have missed some some nuance in my statement. The reality is that most all men want to be genuinely wanted and desired. If all.we wanted was Compliance that costs 150 per hour. Desire is much harder. Be attractive. Don't be unattractive.

I am glad I made you think.

[–]Boogy03[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I was waiting for you to comment here, actually. I followed your post history on dbr and actually was amazed at that time that you turned things around and changed your way of thinking about your relationship.

[–]Sadbeary0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. DB and MRP have been very helpful in providing endless things to try! Persistence, a willingness to change when something clearly isn't working and some self awareness help. The last two years were hard, the 5 years of "WTF is going on!" before it were a LOT harder. This thing called reddit gave me hope.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

The wandering masses come to a fork in the road. There's a man standing in the middle of each path.

"Which way to the promise land?" They ask each man.

The first says "This way, this path is easy, there are no hills nor rocks in the road."

"This is the way, do not listen to him, this is the only path. This path is entirely uphill and will require extensive effort, but you will arrive." Says the second.

"Nonsense" says the first. "This path will get you to the promise land I assure you."

The crowd will choose the easy path, as who would take the hard path when both seem to go the same way? The crowd goes a way and comes to a fork in the road. Start this story over.

 

You see many of us who were BP started in the crowd like you. We were cpnstantly told of solutions, and constantly took a path which didnt involve hard work on our part. ONLY when we got tired of coming to that same fork and taking the easy path, only when we finally said "this isnt working" would we take the other path. That's the problem you face. You are now the man in the middle of the hard path. It doesnt matter what you say to these people...THEY have to come to the realization that "this isnt working" for themselves.

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs-4 points-3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Careful not to break your arm patting yourself on the back. I don't see anything easy about the deadbedroom path. Misguided maybe.

[–]ThrowTheEgg2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

I didn't really read any back-patting in the little analogy, and actually found it well spoken.

While in a sense, the deadbedroom situations are not easy for the frustrated chump (I.e., me) psychologically, what Gargantua is saying, compared to these (RP) efforts, the BP "logic and talk" so-called 'solutions' are easy.

Can't I just talk about how much more sex I need and how important it is to me? Then she'll understand and do it?

Can't I just wash the dishes "extra hard" in the brilliant phrasing of u/stonepimpletilistsist, and she'll see it and notice it and love me and fuck me extra hard after?

Can't we just go talk to some old guy in a room for 60 minutes a week, pay him $120 an hour (that's a LOT and he's a professional - see, I'm really serious about fixing this for us, hon!)

Those things ... They are easy. And, certainly in my case and many many others, they have not, do not, will not work.

Contrast that with:

"The alarm is going off. It's 4:30am. Feet on floor, gym gear on, it's 8 degrees Celcius out and pitch black. And I have to do this Every. Single. Day. Are you fucking kidding me? I can't do that!"

"But we call in Pizza every Friday night with the kids and watch movies, and I treat myself to a 6 pack of this awesome, floral-hop scented craft ale - i can't stop that, the pizza is our family tradition and I'm passionate about unique beers!"

"But I love my wife! So if she's feeling really crappy after a long day of doing... all the things she does ... It just seems fair that I should take care of the kids bath and bedtime and get her some hot chocolate while she watches the Real Housewives of Tallahassee. Marriage is about sacrifice ... I can't stop doing that stuff for her, I love her!! (And you never know, she just might not be tired tonight and come on to me! You never know!"

"Wait -- You're telling me I have stop acting like this, plus do ALL THAT and much more -- and there's still a chance my wife won't fuck me? What do I do then? All that work wasted!! Uhhhh... No thanks. Not worth the work, not worth the gamble. I'll book another session but with a different therapist I found online."

So, what's 'easy' and what's 'hard'?

[–]ParadoxThatDrivesUs1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I appreciate your comments, and the analogy too, I guess. Like most here, I've lived both ways as well. And to me, the Deadbedroom way is much harder. I felt almost suicidal, only too lazy to do anything about it. I was already planning my retirement two decades in advance, just waiting around to die.

Now I feel like a kid again. Regardless of whether my wife ever comes around, I can't wait to tackle the next challenge. I feel blessed to have found this sub and the crusty bastards who live here.

So yeah, things are a lot easier for me now. I realize you guys are talking about a different kind of easy. But I think people trapped in deadbedrooms aren't there because they're lazy. They're just blind and ignorant. If I hadn't followed a random link, I still would be too.

[–]jeeohnjones2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think, as most people do when finding a new group of people to talk to.. they browse the sub for a while and get sucked into the lingo.

"High libido male" oh that's me ok .. "Low libido female" ok yeah that's my wife.

Low libido bad. blame wife. circle jerk. blinders on.

[–]Chump_No_More0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

/Deadbedroom is about victim hood and /MRP is about empowerment.

Most people would rather be victims and wallow.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

By the title, I was hoping you were some sort of ephemeral being of plurality. A collective even. But now I'm sad.

If you're looking for a good time, both figuratively and literally, check out the adultery sub-Reddit. Oh my...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Top kek!

[–]Leviticus592 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, the guys over at deadbedrooms are pretty much a big pity party who don't have the balls to change or begin doing any improvement. Most of them won't acknowledge that a different viewpoint on their situation may have any validity.

Pretty much the same thing happened to me as you describe, although I finally ended a 20 year deadbedroom marriage before I discovered the red pill. It was all the same procession though, through a divorce, a girlfriend or two, then a new wife.

This is a little off-topic, but the other night I fell into binge watching "Forensic Files" on YouTube. Once you've seen the Red Pill Light, it's like, "My God, look at all TRP principals that just drips from that show." Beta orbiters turned murderers because, "if I can't have her, nobody can," female branch swinging, hypergamy.....pretty much everything talked about on TRP is on full display.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

I found DBR and was fairly impressed at the extent of the pity party.

In their sidebar it literally said if you post Red Pill or MPR theory you will be banned. Had links to these to subs.

Now it just lists the things not to say...which are the things MRP believes. Not sure why the difference.

Any case, it said not to come here, so obviously I came here. Haven't looked back.

Normally I wouldn't subscribe to that philosophy for the Internet but this time it paid off.

[–]Boogy03[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Any case, it said not to come here, so obviously I came here. Haven't looked back.

Good for you for having the balls to accept there is something wrong and search other ways to fix yours.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you

Really?

More like about fucking time.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

To be blunt, I just went and looked and didn't find it. Are you exaggerating for rhetoric?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

About linking to the RP subs? No. About 3-4 months ago it was there.

Its how I came here...I visited many times before things were like "fuck yeah I recognize all this" then the path was set.

Of course the DBR sidebar is changed now.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ah... so you found it because they said don't go there. Irony at its best!!

I came b/c buried deep within the comments someone linked to TRP.

[–]tim_rp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Similar story to me. I never posted but read DB a couple of times when I was feeling despair over my DB. The sidebar note saying talk of redpill would get you banned piqued my curiosity and this whole world opened up in front of me.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

The DBR folks are still deeply invested in a bluepill reality where they are owed sex and they are blameless and not responsible for their situation.

In some ways, I feel bad for them. You can see their ego protection desperately covering up the uncomfortable truth that is staring them in the face.

I dont recommend unplugged men try and help men who are not looking for real help. They wont hear you and that time is best spent in other ways.

They should require these pot bellied dopes to post shirtless pics while they invent excuses like ..low libido.

Please. Ive met plenty of these low libido (for their mealticket beta) women and they all want to be fucked with the courage their sulky husband could never muster

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Truth. just recently there was a DBR post where guy and his SO went on a "break" for a couple months. During this "break", SO banged a coworker of hers repeatedly - but now they're back together, and guy can't figure out what to do with his low libido SO. I was nice, but essentially said "There was nothing wrong with her libido when she was fucking her coworker, was there Dipshit? Think about that". Of course I get downvoted.

What that sub and its contributors fail to understand is that genuine desire cannot be negotiated. Which is why the advice is all "be more romantic/talk to her/get marital counselling. It's an echo chamber of failure in there.

[–]plein_old0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

lol.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, why can't you respect them? They did the dishes extra hard today, and nothing in return...

Makes me cry, everytime

[–]Boogy03[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

In some ways, I feel bad for them. You can see their ego protection desperately covering up the uncomfortable truth that is staring them in the face.

That is also my feeling. Sometimes, it is THAT easy to make a change instead of just complaining and thinking there is nothing you can do. Sure, there are some cases where there probably isn't a hope to change things around (medical issues, religion etc), but for the most part they refuse to listen and sometimes even become aggressive. It's like you go to a man is hungry and crying that he wants food, you give him a plate of food, he looks at you and then bashes his head on that plate, spilling all the food and then he resumes crying he is hungry.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its beyond that. These folks need to learn that none of us deserve love and sex or indeed anything from anyone.

Once this idea crystallizes a man can decide to still have what he wants by fucking taking it from the world rather than sitting around waiting for someone to notice them with free shit.

Vicitm game is for girls. Men who play this game rightfully disgust the world

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sometimes, it is THAT easy to make a change instead of just complaining and thinking there is nothing you can do.

Change sometimes to always and you're golden.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OYS. that's where you find the winners.

[–]ford_contourRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I spent some time in deadbedrooms looking for advice. Found nothing useful.

I ran across TRP after extending my search. Great advice, but I got tired of hearing "next her" when it also means "next your house, kids and financial future", as a married man.

Someone who felt the same in TRP posted about starting MRP, and I joined up gladly.

I'm technically one of the early MRP mods, only because happened to be available and willing when something good started. Of course I gladly keep doing what I can to contribute. Think of me as the junior staff member who happens to have been around awhile. :)

I now also lurk here because I don't want to miss anything important in developing MRP theory. There's some great stuff going on here.

As far as how it turned out for me:

I turned my dead bedroom around; and I'm enjoying the other life benefits of taking responsibility for my actions and outcomes, as well.

I still have a plenty of shit left to own, though.

[–]Boogy03[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe this is one thing that /db doesn't understand. They go to redpill, read "next her" and then go back to their comfy sub where they can at least complain. MRP works, without telling them to find another one. It offers countless success stories where the solution was not "leave her".

[–]Nodeal_reddit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I luckily found MRP very soon after DB. But I feel you man - Read MMSLP and then NMMNG. Those were a swift kick in the balls for me and opened my eyes.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Years of rejection turns a guy into a beta bitch. An overweight beta bitch. Every stride for improvement, every degree earned, and housework done better worked in the exact opposite intent for my marriage. Wife grew even more disgusted with me. Rightfully so.

Then I got to the point where being dead, numb or single were my only options afforded to me. The nagging and rejection made all three options equal in a way I really couldn’t distinguish. Then I googled deadbedrooms and RedPill showed up. Matrix being one of my favorite movies, I clicked. What followed was the most badass fight I have ever lost. Every day. 6 months of absolute pain, passion and challenge. I will always be fond of this time in my life regardless of consequence. Jesus on a lake, I’m getting pumped just thinking about it.

Red Pill is the answer to deadbedrooms. The ONLY answer. Just don’t think it’s a cure. Ever. Its fire and brimstone. A gauntlet there to do the one thing I never could: make a quality man of myself.

If you have a dead bedroom and you are reading this page, stand up straight, mouth shut and take the pain.

[–]cj_aubreyRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Deadbedrooms had people with my problem, but no solutions. I came to MRP, read for 30 minutes and it explained my marriage exactly.

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here"s the difference between DBR and MRP

  • MRP provides the truth, pushes you to introspection, and offers proven techniques to change YOU, and perhaps your DB with it.

  • DBR is a support group that offers nothing but unactionable sympathy and canned, ineffective advice that only supports the OPs' victim mentality

[–]SepeanRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I read a bit of DB but it was obviously bullshit (only because I had already tried what they suggested) and didn't seem to have anything useful for my failing marriage.

I was having a discussion about VR/AI/robots or something like that elsewhere on reddit, and someone posts "the guys over at /r/theredpill have been saying that for years" and I follow the link, expecting it to be about tech or sci fi or something Matrix-related.

3 months later, my wife is giving me head every morning.

Later I spend an hour reading through posts to find the comment that got me here and gave the guy gold.

[–]jeeohnjones0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I posted some things I'd noticed happening in my ex long term relationships.

They were saying the exact same phrases over and over.. hundreds of men.

"been together a while, sex tapers off, she's tired, she's not interested, i'm doing more and more" etc etc.

Rule #2 prevents actual, helpful advice. So the entire sub is pointless. "Don't respond to someone opening up about having a DB with the assumption that they 'deserve' their deadbedroom."

It's like being a weightloss forum and Rule #1 is "Dont tell people how to lose weight".

[–]A_RexRED KNIGHT2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Worse. It's like being in a weight loss forum and Rule #1 is "Don't tell anyone here that they're overweight."

[–]jeeohnjones0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmm... more like... everyone knows they're overweight and they're all there to cuddle and complain and sit around commiserating.

"Oh my gosh, being overweight is soooo hard, i'm sooooo sad" "yes me toooooo"

But they're not allowed to talk about this horrible site about "calories" because it's the devil's work.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

wow. what a stupid rule.

i guess my post would probably never allowed then.

[–]jarep0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Married 15 years, DB issues started happening almost from the get go and I ignored the symptoms. I have tried every-fucking-thing. Talking, pleading, whining, choreplay, kissing her ass, suggesting therapy, buying books, the whole fucking 9 yards. I stumbled on MRP a couple years ago and stayed for a while, though it didn't stick.

Some other shit has come to a head late in 2015, I wound up back on DB, and wandered in MRP again. Exactly two months ago, after spending two days reading the sidebar materials, I felt like I was hit by a bolt of lightning. I'm a drunk fat beta bitch captain, it's all my fault, and I'm going to change it.

I'm still a noob and digesting, but I'm unplugged, and the changes have been coming. The biggest ones are working on OI (holy fuck is it hard), majorly cutting back on my drinking, fixing my diet, and I've started lifting for the first time in my life. I know this is the beginning of a long road, but am so relieved that I finally have a path forward.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I have tried every-fucking-thing. Talking, pleading, whining, choreplay, kissing her ass, suggesting therapy, buying books, the whole fucking 9 yards nothing.

it's all my fault

No it's not- but life isn't fair and only you can change it.

OI is all about validation. If you don't need it from her, it is not so hard after all.

[–]jarep0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you for the reply.

You are correct that I have an issue with validation. But in this instance, I am referring specifically to OI from rejection of sex. When I want sex it doesn't seem like I'm looking for validation, I just want to fuck.

Maybe the two are related - but I am not seeing it. If that's the case, where can I learn more? Something in the sidebar I haven't gotten to yet?

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

When I want sex it doesn't seem like I'm looking for validation, I just want to fuck.

True, but when rejected for sex by your own wife, the pain is not from being unable to have sex. You know about youporn, right? The pain and difficulty in maintaining OI in the face of rejection comes mostly from the fact that your wife does not desire you, not because you want sex.

When you develop Outcome Independence and TRULY no longer seek validation from your wife, then sexual denial is, at best, an irritant, not a source of real pain.

The problem is you need to care about her less in order to accomplish this. To do this, just remember that the entire structure collapses unless the pillars are far enough apart.

[–]jarep0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

know about youporn, right?

All too well.

pain and difficulty in maintaining OI in the face of rejection comes mostly from the fact that your wife does not desire you, not because you want sex

Sitting at my computer now, I can make sense of this. In the moment, it's much more difficult.

You've given me something to ponder. Thanks again for the input.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

A friend forwarded an article about sexless marriages, the columnist talked about Reddit and r/deadberooms.

First time I even heard of Reddit (I am 44). At first I was overjoyed about finding deadbedrooms, there are others out there! Then I got depressed reading all the posts.

Then a regular contributer at MRP got shit on and downvoted about a comment he made. They reckoned what he said was "Redpill thinking".

WTF is Redpill thinking? Searched reddit and found The redpill. Thought they were a bunch of angry teens. Laughed when they said you MUST lift. Seriously dude, what are they on?

Saw another sub in the search called Married Red pill. Been on MRP since about July last year. I visited deadbedrooms a few times after that, but realised that sub will bring just bring me down, it doesn't add any value to my life.

Sex before MRP was about once in about three months (mainly starfish) and at the moment it is averaging approx. 3 times a month, one in 4 is starfish. Even getting blowjobs and doing what was previously known as 'degrading sexual positions' ie doggy style.

Fights are now just spats. Gym is coming along, work is better. In general life is better.

Sooooooo........ do you lift Bro?

[–]Boogy03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

At least, when you see someone getting downvoted there and you read what they wrote, it triggers a thinking process; you have kept an open mind and didn't settle for those basic, often times useless advice. I also laughed and dismissed redpill at first, but I just thought I didn't need to do lifting, or "manipulating", I thought I was "above" those things. Reality proved otherwise. What was in my head was not practiced in everyday life. I just had to get out of the misery and complacency and eventually it all came together.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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