TL;DR: story about an iPhone, that won't ring today, AKA awakening of "TRP reddits lurker since 2 yrs". Question at the end.


I had a quarrel with her, over phone. At some point I told her something along the lines of "we're done, thanks, bye", waited for a while then disconnected. Then, in a flash of genius, I simply... shut down that fucking phone.

Everything suddenly went peaceful.

All my problems came from the simple fact that I somehow thought I need to pick up that phone, that I need to talk to her, that I need to DEER, or fuck that, that I need to [FOGGING], [NEGATIVE ASSERTION], all that...

I suddenly realized that I can just STOP TALKING TO HER OVER PHONE just like that, with a snap of my fingers. Boom. Peace of mind. Quietness. Serendipity.

I'm walking around my workplace during my night-shift... and man, am I having fun. Fun!

I'm actually having a great time. With my phone shut down.

I realized, that for many, many, many years... I was the problem.

I was the problem.

I was the only reason that I spoke with her like that. I was the only reason, the only participant needed for her never-ending yapping. Yes, I've been a bad guy. I've probably did more stupid shit than you did, I've probably did that in a lot more beta way than you. So fucking what. I've been a bad guy. Bitches love dem bad guys, aight?

Why is she trying to change me?

No, fuck that.

She's not trying to change me.

I AM trying to change ME.

Because somehow I am trying to fit HER frame.

Just like that ON MY OWN I am trying to fit HER FRAME. This is what I saw in me today.

What's wrong about it? If you ask me - nothing, but it NEVER WORKED FOR ME. It's just not possible for me. I've been trying that all these years and boom, it never worked out. Even when I squeezed my buttocks really, really hard, and I mean - really.

Yes, I did a lot of stuff in a very wrong ways.

I own that.

There I am, to fix whatever I can.

Today... I realized, that I was the part of the problem.

Maybe I was the only one part of the problem.

The problem is me.

I am the problem in my relationship.

In the past, I let her talk to me like that. I listened. I DEERed. I read WISNIFG and so what? I fogged like I thought I should.

This was all bullshit.

I don't have to talk to her at all.

I spoke like that to her over phone for YEARS. And I mean YEARS.

I don't have to. Enough.

Few hours later, she sent me an e-mail. I read it, I analyzed it, I started projecting stuff all over her... no. No, no, no, God, no. Not this shit again, what the literal HELL am I doing.

I am the part of the problem. I read her messages in the past, I projected stuff over her, I believed I need to call back, I believed I need to talk to her. I came to AskMRP or AskTRP, copy-pasted that, asked you guys for advice, "what do I do, why she would do that", that kind of crap.

No, this e-mail is bullshit.

This e-mail was from a fucking female hamster.

She had me over the phone few hours ago, we started politely. Then came her disrespect. But do I respect myself? This is not about her, not at all!! This was NEVER about her.

This was all about me.

This is about my thinking, my reactions.

About me myself being reactive to her. Co-dependent, if you like.

Me not setting boundaries, me not respecting myself, my time, my stuff.

I just end that, boom, like this, with a snap. I was lucky. Now I can have those realizations about my own behavior.


I feel literally afraid that I will turn on my phone, read a dozen texts from her and I will choose to react to her again. I'm not afraid of those messages. I literally feel like I saw a glimpse of the Matrix... in me, in my behavior.

I'm not afraid to turn on my phone. I'm afraid I will roll back to my beta ways again. I'm afraid I will react again. I don't fucking want to react again. That peace of mind feels great. No money can buy this.

Being reactive, hiding my true self, hiding my sexuality, hiding my thoughts, hiding my beliefs - this is what I did in the past.

I had some realizations like this when reading "No more mr Nice Guy", but never as deep as today.

Thanks!


My question: how do you practically enforce the boundaries when over phone? If you care, give some examples, please, especially from your "beta-to-alpha" days.

How do you become "un-triggered" after reading a "triggering" text? Some people suggest no-contact, but as we have kids, no-contact is not an option for me, there may be still a spoon of logistics in the ocean of shit.

Yes, this may be simple shit for you but I think I will find it very useful. Thanks.