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My wife told me I'm horrible in the bed and pathetic/childish for feeling emasculated regarding this remarks.

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March 13, 2016
9 upvotes

This is my first post after several months of simply browsing around and reading some stories about marriage. I really appreciate the insight of this community so any help is appreciated. It's a genuine call for help because I simply cannot stomach this situation alone any longer. ( warning: long post and english isn't my first language so bear with me and my errors.) Ok, I'm 31 (my birthday was last friday March 11th) and my wife is 29. We've known each other for almost two years and have been married for a year and four months. Yep, we rushed into this marriage.

Yesterday, my wife was lying down on my lap and we started talking about things. As the conversation went to sexual places, she revealed a couple of things: 1: She really wanted to try having sex with other girls when she was single ans it's one of her regrets right now, I told her that I would be comfortable if I was part of the experience, like a menage. She said "I want to be with a girl alone, and It would be easy to do that because I could install an app like tinder and having this experience without you ever knowing'. My answer? I reminded her that that is considered cheating and not ok with me. She acquiesced. 2: She also told me that I was not good at all in the bedroom. In fact, I was horrible at it when we started dating but improved a little over time. I believe I kept an open mind and asked her 'So, what do you like? What do I do wrong" and she said "I don't know, I'm not sure... ", then went to her phone and read an article about 'What men who suck in the bed do..." (I was honestly shocked since I read this sort of thing just to make sure I don't do them... o well) but after she said "Every man I dated was horrible at sex. You all are boys and have no idea what women want." It wasn't an attack and I did feel that she was just being blunt and honest about it, however I could not leave that alone but anyway we went to sleep, or at least she went to sleep. I was hurt, completely confused and thinking about how I suck at being a man, I mean, I started searching my last year memories with her and some issues emerged. Such as: - We're not having sex, last time we had sex was in January (once) during our vacation after she told me that she wasn't really into sex; - She never initiates sex; - She doesn't answer when I try to foreplay. Foreplay is almost always nonexistent; - She doesn't masturbate, she doesn't like it; - She never lets me go down on her. She actually says "Just fuck me quickly" and closes her legs once I try to go down on her anyway; - She ALWAYS asks for things to get over quickly and of course, when asked, she says the sex is good and that she is liking it, - She has shown signs of being very stressed and impulsive the last few months; - In december she told that we would already have splitted up if it weren't for the marriage. That she was currently unable to be a giving person. Interesting, huh? these thoughts just ran over my mind throughout the night.

The next morning (today), she woke up and asked me if there was anything wrong (I think it was obvious that i was troubled), I said yes and stupidly asked about her previous experiences with other men (not a smart move) and got the answers I didn't want to hear (obviously)... two guys had a lot of chemistry with her, and gave her the best experiences: her ex-boyfriend and a one night stand a long time ago.

So, I decided to not hold back and opened my heart and feelings hoping that this conversation would turn out to be somewhat fruitful (not a smart move#2), I told her about the issues that were occupying my mind since our last talk and made some remarks; "I'm feeling like a failure and I'm completely emasculated"; "You say things without any consideration"; "It feels like it's all my fault, it seems that if our sex sucks it's mainly because of me." 'How come you've never said anything, how come you've never made an effort to direct me and teach me what you like and dislike?" * "Why did you lie about our sex? If it was so horrible, why did you continue?" Her response was given in a cold and direct manner. She called me pathetic, childish and sexist. She said that our sex life was not even on her radar because it's been a very tough year for her and I was being selfish. That if I feel bad about what was said then it wasn't her fault since she was truthful and I said I could handle the truth. That I was ruining her sunday. She also told me that every girl I dated probably felt that I sucked. And now that I think about it, she also tried to derail the conversation by saying things about my mother and about how I'm playing the victim and how I'm averse to criticism. She ended by saying "I can't talk to you because you only want to hear things that boost your ego". I pointed out that my problem was NOT that I suck in bed. The problem is that I'm this horrible lover and she never EVER told me, never tried to say what she likes even though I ask that every single time we have sex. God, I feel that everything I do is wrong. Anyway, after an hour she called me back into the bedroom and revealed to me that she truly wants to die, simply sleep or whatever and die. She won't kill herself cause she feels she's a coward (her words). She's crying and saying that she won't eat anything today or during this week, in an attempt to get sick. She also sent me an article about suicide and suicidal tendencies, took 3 sleeping pills and asked me to read the article. Now she's sleeping and I'm completely lost on what to do. I don't even know if I was right to feel emasculated or to have addressed the issue right now. I feel that I failed her and my marriage in so many ways. I love my wife and I'm starting to doubt myself, I fear that maybe I'm being unreasonable and actually being pathetic, childish, selfish and sexist. I'm not sure of anything right now.


Post Information
Title My wife told me I'm horrible in the bed and pathetic/childish for feeling emasculated regarding this remarks.
Author Sevastz
Upvotes 9
Comments 92
Date 13 March 2016 04:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207608
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4a8x3k/my_wife_told_me_im_horrible_in_the_bed_and/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (26 children) | Copy

Ok, so you triggered my "suicidal gestures" response.

All suicidal gestures should be treated as if they were real. If she is asleep now due to drugs, call an ambulance and make sure she is seen by a psychiatrist for immediate intervention due to her extreme psychiatric disease.

( this is not whiteknight btw)

She wants your attention and wants you to feel bad and love her despite having ripped our your guts. She also wants you to feel bad for "making her" do this to herself.

She wants attention? Make sure she gets psychiatric attention.

I don't know where you live, but while I would normally say go to sidebar, etc etc, I am thinking this is a hard next scenario.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm tempted to gild this response.
 
/u/Sevastz, does she have a history of being molested, raped, or a previous history of mental illness? This woman needs professional help. Quit being codependent and follow the advice from Scurvemuch.
 
Do you know what the rules are in your country about suicidal behavior? Is involuntary psychiatric admission something that happens where you are? In North America, what you have told us is enough for a mandatory psychiatric assessment.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

thank you for the measured tone. I almost went full rant on this one .

and I take cash.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

and I take cash

Inspired by Whisper?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Inspired by Bills

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The best way to get a doctor to do something is to feed him or pay him.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why " or "

[–]Sevastz[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

She has never said anything about being molested or raped. She has always been a lighthearted woman.

She's been sad for a couple of months, though.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

In that case, I'm with jacktenofhearts and Scurvemuch that you need to treat the talk of suicide as serious and, as a much less critical issue today, consider the possibility that she might be bi or lesbian.

[–]War2kali1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The possibility? Hehe.

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All suicidal gestures should be treated as if they were real.

+1. Source: was in situation where she treated suicide, I knew this was not real, but still treated it as such, called her mother. After she spoke with her mother, I told her next time she threatens I'm calling fscking amberlamps. No suicide treats heard from her since then.

[–]Sevastz[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, it does seem I triggered these gestures. She hasn't eaten anything today and is now lying silently here on the couch.

Really, she needs help and I already booked a therapist for her. Maybe it will help, I don't know.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All else aside I doubt you are the actual cause. Just the proximate cause. And this is when you figure out if you want to stay with this woman. What value does she add to your life

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

she needs help and I already booked a therapist for her

Book one for yourself, plead "codependent".

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

She took 3 sleeping pills and you want to do a psychiatric admission? I would set a hard boundary like that when everybody is calm, not when she is sleeping it off after a fight and certainly not with an ambulance waking her up.

Of course if she blows her brains out tomorrow night then I'm the bad guy, right?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

See the whole " I don't want to wake up" bit.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

Sure that's what she said. What she did is take 3 sleeping pills. This is not even close to a suicide attempt.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy

Prof- seriously it's like you didn't read the post. Only three sleeping pills. Yup. This time. Let's stay tuned for what happens next. And yes she is probably just trying to get him to feel bad for her.

Dude - 3 sleeping pills ...? What dose what medication? If it was one pill Ok fine. Maybe she only had three in her bottle. Either way she made statements regarding suicide and then took pills that can potentially make that happen

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I don't get impressed until they take more than 5 pills but hopefully everybody knows I am not that kind of doctor. /u/iratemd is though and he agrees with you.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The gesture is enough to force the person to have a psychiatric assessment, at least in North America. Whether her intent was sleep, suicide, drama, or manipulation doesn't matter.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

True. It's a great parting gift.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're not alone. There's been a great amount of work here on fixing her, understanding her, and dealing with her.

All kinds of mitigation strategies in how to keep a lesbian whose hated fucking you, emotionally Manipulates you, and is generally a mess... Half and safe.

Cover your ass, get her a doc, a very well card, and let her new girlfriend deal with it.

OP has much work to do already

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

like I said, I treat brain pathology for a living medically. So I am exactly that kind of Doctor

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If it's 3 3.5 mg zopiclone I will laugh.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea that would be nothing. But it's not the drug/ amount that's the point. The ER boys can deal with that. It's more the gesture element

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Correct. It is likely a safe way to get his attention and affection and pity couched in a scenario of a suicidal statement.

Will it get her 302'ed or 2pc'ed? No.

Look I deal with non neuro typical behaviors as part of my job. This should be addressed seriously. Words aren't actions. And so they don't hurt right prof ?

[–]SexistFlyingPig8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

1) Call an ambulance and get her out of your place. She's suicidal and you don't want to deal with this.
2) Move all of her stuff into boxes and then to a storage facility. Give the key to her mom, or some other relative.
3) Move. Or at least change the locks.
4) Welcome to the Red Pill. There are things you're going to have to do to help this from not happening again. This isn't an easy journey, and there are no shortcuts to success. It's going to start with you lifting weights and reading all the material on the sidebar.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thought I was going crazy.

Suicide prevention aside, you'd think that as soon as she pulls out the big guns, none of what we talk about counts anymore.

3 sleeping pills isn't an attempt, it's a cry for attention. Whole you can't take the chance, I sure as hell don't stick around while I figure out whether she's mentally damaged or just manipulative

[–]SexistFlyingPig1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her next suicide attempt might include a not given to the police department saying that her husband is trying to kill her.

Don't stick your dick in crazy. Don't marry crazy.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (37 children) | Copy

She said "I want to be with a girl alone

Wish her luck. Go work on your pathetic frame and self worth. I could read and comment on the rest... but cmon, do we really need to?

She flat out told you she wants to fuck 'not you'. How much more of a direct signal do you need?

Well OK, few more

I love my wife

No you don't you're scared of being alone

I fear that maybe I'm being unreasonable and actually being pathetic, childish, selfish and sexist.

You are, except not in the way you think

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret12 points13 points  (31 children) | Copy

I could read and comment on the rest... but cmon, do we really need to?

Um. Yes. Maybe, if you had, you would've seen this.

Anyway, after an hour she called me back into the bedroom and revealed to me that she truly wants to die, simply sleep or whatever and die. She won't kill herself cause she feels she's a coward (her words). She's crying and saying that she won't eat anything today or during this week, in an attempt to get sick. She also sent me an article about suicide and suicidal tendencies, took 3 sleeping pills and asked me to read the article. Now she's sleeping and I'm completely lost on what to do.

These are potentially the words of a wife who is:

  • A profoundly mentally distressed person exhibiting dysthemia.
  • An incredible narcissist faking the above (consciously or subconsciously) for manipulative purposes.
  • Someone nursing constant outward and inward hostility because she's married to someone of a different sexual orientation than she'd prefer.

Look, can we all please realize this. This "Extreme Ownership" idea we love to talk about on MRP, while great at ripping out the feelings of entitlement, codependency, and self-pity that have likely prevented a lot of men from ever strengthening their weak frames, can be taken too far. Marriages ultimately involve two agents with free will and self-determination. If you're considered an MRP vet and find yourself giving the same refrain of advice, I would urge you to consider whether it's truly canonical in as many situations as you seem to think it is.

Yes, OP literally wrote the most victimy victim puke I've possibly ever seen here. But this whole own your shit, do your thing, stop caring about what she thinks is useless for OP. Seriously. The right answer is, as /u/irateMD was thoughtful enough to indicate, that this woman's suicidal expressions should be taken seriously. Because if she's actually depressed and suicidal, she needs treatment. If she's doing this to be manipulative, then an approach of "suicide is taken 100% seriously" will prevent all but the most disordered narcissistic people from threatening something that impacts not just her husband, but several other people (e.g. other family, the community, medical staff).

And there's some chance this woman is really just a lesbian who never feltncomfortable expressing it because OP and his wife live in a country that is a lot less sexually accepting than the US or other Western-centric cultures (which, let's be honest, were not all that sexually accepting until the very very recent past). I think it would be entirely valid -- once his wife is in a more emotionally stable state, to ask this question and potentially have this conversation right off the bat.

  • OP: "Will always be unhappy if you're never able to have sexual experiences with women?"
  • Wife: "Well. Yes. I guess so."

OK, well, that's settled. Bust out the divorce papers, why continue the charade? We all know OP will have to do a lot of work to have the kind of life he probably wants. Pursuing that while married to someone who is likely some combination of profoundly depressed, manipulatively narcissistic, and sexually confused is not trivial.

And I say all this because we need to stop talking like divorce is some sort of "failure" that's only a fate for weak men. I have no idea why we're so reluctant to say, "Yeah, this is a fucking mess. You have a lot of problems that having nothing to do with your marriage, but you also have a lot of problems that DO have something to do with your marriage, and it's probably best if you solve the former while you extract yourself from the latter." It seems like the only time we ever say anything like this is sometimes in cases of domestic violence, and a guy describes his wife getting physically violent.

Instead we just tolerate any sort of shitty behavior from women and tell the men here to ignore it, or it's somehow their fault, or it's simply shitty behavior they that's actually the man's fault, because it's just AWALT or Oldest Teenager in the House and she can't help herself, and all our victim pukers need to do is "focus on yourself" and "follow your MAP" and "stop operating in your frame." And we also make sure we tell the men to definitely not ever, ever, overtly address that behavior directly, because Acta Non Verba, or whatever the fuck.

Some of you have seen me be quick to jump down someone's throat whenever I see them post something that basically "leaked" from the main TRP subreddit that essentially is just a rant on how all women are shitty whores. I consider this thinking toxic as fuck, and it probably comes off as White Knighting, but it's really just that "all women are shitty whores who can't help but act that way due to a combination of bullshit evolutionary psychology and strawman sociology about 'the feminine imperative'" basically tells men to stop trying to have any agency when considering their wife's behavior. In other words, there are some men whose wives do act like shitty whores, worse than anything any of us would tolerate, and yet we normalize this behavior even though very few of us giving this advice, would come anywhere near tolerating this in our own marriages.

Seriously, some marriages are just fucked up and went past the point of possible salvaging a long time ago, and even if there was something useful you could contribute, maybe it's not don't worry about her, the only reason you even care about how she's acting is because you're a BETA LOSER.

I recognize the above is often "canonically true." I've called out my share of dudes here, telling them their wives are so disrespectful at least partially because they tolerate that disrespect, and they likely do that because they know, deep down inside, they're not doing anything to objectively earn that respect. But, you know, maybe that's not always the best advice 100% of the time.


EDIT: A word, and several others.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy

As I pointed out above, suicidal statements and gestures should always be treated as real. This serves a dual purpose - or at least is a better approach in both situations ( real honest to gd suicidal ideation and action and the possible manipulation).

I am on the camp of not tolerating shitty behavior While fixing yourself first. This also serves multiple purposes: frame development, mentality development, and making adults responsible for their actions.

Needless to say, we address the guys in these situations because that is who we CAN address.

All that being said - most of the " poor outcomes " insofar as the marriages we are being told about on MRP/ askMrp are the results of excessively poor betting on the part of men who are themselves somehow broken.

Fix what you can and leave the rest alone. That doesn't just go for the guy.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (14 children) | Copy

I liked your bit. It's what you should do for any suicide.

I don't agree with Jack taking the wounded bird under his wing and nursing her back to health. No good deed goes unpunished, briffaults law, whatever you want to call it.

Men are not only prone to forget benefits and injuries; they even hate those who have obliged them, and cease to hate those who have injured them. The necessity of revenging an injury or of recompensing a benefit seems a slavery to which they are unwilling to submit.

There it was, found it. Thanks marcus

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret5 points6 points  (13 children) | Copy

EDIT: I had a bunch of stuff written here, but I'll keep this brief.


I don't agree with Jack taking the wounded bird under his wing and nursing her back to health.

Oh, for fuck's sake, man.

There's certain MRP vets that I mostly don't engage with because it's clear they have such a fucking ego when it comes to having their advice questioned, that they parse anything in response in the most uncharitable way as a defense mechanism. At some point they decided they're having more fun pretending to be Tyler Durden screaming in the face of Bitch Tits Bob to all the noobs on MRP. It's win-win, right? Bitch Tits Bob either Owns Hit Shit, validating that you were right to yell at him to get off your porch, or he slinks off and disappears, validating that you were right to yell at him to get off your porch.

Some fucker like me is just ruining your fun, right? You're clearly not looking for any contradictory viewpoints. Seriously, read your last few responses to any of my comments before this one, and they all come across as some bizarre ego protection, at least to me. It's all some variant of, well yeah, I said that too, you just did it in 2000 words or well, I guess, I just think you're reading too much into it, I was talking about something else.

It's like you think me pointing out a potential contradiction or missing nuance to anything you wrote, means we're in some sort of MRP Highlander deathmatch. "Who's the Alpha-iest on MRP? THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE."

Is that it? Because I can't figure out where you'd get the idea that I was suggesting OP should fall over backwards trying to placate his poor, clinically depressed, potentially suicidal wife. It's literally like your ego felt like this was some sort of direct attack, and it was easier to hamster that I was giving bad advice than actually read what I wrote. I challenge and question comments from MRP vets because I'm interested in a debate that drives MRP thought forward. I do want a rebuttal from you, but not if it's going to be some retarded defensive ego-stroking that requires strawmanning practically everything I said.

So, if you want to just yell at Bitch Tits Bob without me getting up in your grill, you got it. I won't even point out that your yelling would probably more effective if you referred to him as Robert Paulson.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (12 children) | Copy

Look man, theres 6k members here, not enough to start making rifts as I see it. That snark you love to use has an effect, and occasionally gonna rub people the wrong way.

I'm calling this a mulligan and moving on, after reading it again, twice, clearly it reads differently to me than what you intended. Except that last one, but we can't all be Jesus can we?

I like you, that sober second though and attempt to break down why she may act a cunt are good reads... I. Think you get it wrong a lot, but doesn't matter, I'm sure that goes both ways.

Now fuck, I'm done with this.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

Alright boys, I am going to butt in here.

/u/stonepimpletilists and/u/jacktenofhearts here is the deal as at least I see it.

Both of your approaches have definite positive and some potentially negative results :

  1. stone - a brisk kick in the nuts and some yelling may work for some people, and not for others. It may wean out guys who are just not ready for all this.

  2. Jack- your approach is incredibly useful, at least it was when you dissected my stuff months ago. At the same time, for someone who has not unplugged or isn't there yet as far as putting his own needs first, your stuff has the danger of sending the person back into the "it's my fault and my problem to fix because ( insert reason here)" mentality is still present.

Both approaches are good and have inherent potential negatives. Thats all well and good.

why do we post? This has been discussed before. If it is just for our amusement, we are no better than the blue pill sub. If it is to try to help pull guys out, brush them off, and give them a tool box, we are not doing this for us, and both types of approaches, especially when seen in the same thread , are incredibly useful together.

just my thoughts. Do as you will.

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy

Appreciate the points you raised about my advice, and the second to last paragraph. Something to think about. Thanks man.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

anytime, I hate it when mommy and daddy fight

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

/u/jacktenofhearts and /u/stonepimpletilists , they're really the yin and yang of MRP. Contrary, but complementary. Lol.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm a gunna kiss you on the mouth buoi ;)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't have a high enough SMV for that

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

And here I was about to bust out the Jack-signal... Thankfully you found this mess on your own.

Not that I need to say it, but fantastic breakdown as usual. I think of your responses like getting to chow down on a delicious MRP dessert...and I love a good Sunday dessert.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

the Jack-signal

That's the best thing I've read all day.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would never in my life encourage anyone to fill their world with toxic, negative people. If OP wants to do that, he is free to, but I personally would never encourage it. I would also not encourage him to ignore. I would tell him to expect better and to find better.

At the end of the day, he is not responsible for her actions and her choices. It is irresponsible to insinuate otherwise.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (11 children) | Copy

Umm, no.

scurv had a great point on getting her committed, she's a danger to herself, it's his expertise, outside my scope. Everyone would agree that's a good course of action.

I bet she'll emotionally Manipulate it with him as well. And maybe, after years of pain and suffering for everyone. Maybe, she'll find out she likes woman and ditch him anyways. There is no good scenario I would see, other than her sapping the life out of him and then this ends anyways.

Soon as it's suicide, you're supposed to throw out anything about your happiness? Yeah, she suicidal, and this sounds flippant, but it's not. and I don't have the same feelings on it as others. He does his due diligence, and the rest is her responsibly imo. If he wants to nurse her back to health, thats his choice. I don't see a co dependant helping a mess like that anyways, but I'm not him, and that's not what he asked imo.

This isn't trp bravado, any more than I hear a woman say "I was raped" and treat it the same, a poisonous snake that will eventually bite you for your troubles. I have a post yesterday that shows what that can get you. Especially if you're a shitty guy.

I'm glad that you've turned this into a rant about Children on the main acting like idiots... It's not that.

Do triage, then let paramedics handle it.

[–]jacktenofheartsRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Whoosh.

Dude, maybe read shit a little more carefully before you comment. Because if you thought I was suggesting this at all...

I bet she'll emotionally Manipulate it with him as well. And maybe, after years of pain and suffering for everyone. Maybe, she'll find out she likes woman and ditch him anyways. There is no good scenario I would see, other than her sapping the life out of him and then this ends anyways.

... then clearly you put as much effort reading my comment as you did OP.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm glad someone's standing with me on the Sappho thing. Voice in the wilderness and all that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Aparently battle lines are drawn

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Sapho?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Archetypical lesbian. Greek poet from the island of Lesbos. BCE 500s or something like that. Sapphic meaning lesbian-like. Is this were I admit I got a BA in Classics???

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I looked it up right after I posted. Nice degree. Mine was in crap I can't use right now

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I learned mainly that there is nothing new under the sun. Even in antiquity, women were withholding sex in order to control men. Read the Lysistrata.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh man. That's like HS for me

[–]ancalgon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The isles of Greece! the isles of Greece
Where burning Sappho loved and sung,
Where grew the arts of war and peace,
Where Delos rose, and Phoebus sprung!
Eternal summer gilds them yet
But all, except their sun, is set.

(That's Byron.)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I gather she was somewhat like a Velvet Underground of her day. Everyone that heard her started their own band. Lol.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I love my wife No you don't you're scare of being alone

This, have an upvote

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Nothing you said is wrong. But there is some suicide talk in there at the end from her that changes this some.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's been dealt with elsewhere.

Guarantee she uses it to emotionally Manipulate him if he let's her.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Besides, theres some people in here better at that stuff. Anything I say would be guesswork. No one is going to be a one stop shop for information.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol that's one of the best aphorisms ever. You are soooooooo right.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Look, normally you come here and everyone digs into you and slams a blinding mirror up into your face. It sounds like you've been here long enough to know all this... So the question stands, what do you want us to tell you?

The mean things your wife said aren't surprising. All women are capable of that. You're going to have to dig in and work on you and all the basics of what is preached here so you know how to handle those onslaughts. You're weak prey and she'll lay into you simply because she can. Time for you to learn how to be strong. Mentally and physically. It's a journey and you need to start on it pronto.

The suicide talk...that's serious. She's reading articles and actively telling you about it. These are NOT just the passive thoughts that all humans get now and then. She's either on the verge of formulating a plan or has a semblance of one already. Take this serious. Treat this like she just told you she has life threatening cancer...because it's the same thing. She broken right now. You have to get her real help... She likely has an entire history you're not aware of contributing to all of this. Get this sorted out and seek professional help and doctors. Don't let her tell you otherwise.

[–]Sevastz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I don't know. Maybe I just wanted to vent. I feel totally betrayed regarding this whole "you suck in bed" story. My pride got hurt but o well, it's not the end of the world.

The suicide talk, however, is new, I didn't know how deep she was into this. She keeps staring at nothing and won't even eat. And now, she's taking sleeping pills to get through the day.

[–]Reddened0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah man I hear you, that stings. As a man there's no lower blow than an insult to your sexual prowess. Like sexyshoulderdevil said though, all women are capable of being nasty depending on your behavior as a man. In some cases it might not be only your behavior either, if you get with a woman with what they call I believe a cluster B personality; borderline personality disorder, bi-polar disorder etc. all bets are off. You could be fucking superman to them one day and then a pile of toilet scum the next.

So there's two things you need to do. The first is be more discerning, or have the "abundance" mentality as they say here on TRP. You have options and you don't need to commit to a woman that is suicidal, possibly bisexual or lesbian, and bad in bed (though the bad in bed part is likely also partly due to beta behavior on your part).

The second thing is you need to read the sidebar if you haven't already, start reading field reports, and try to gain an understanding of what creates desire in women and how you can condition them to understand that sex is a need for them to be in a relationship with you. I wish you luck.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (12 children) | Copy

I'm not trying to be flippant (for once) but had it occurred to you that she may be a lesbian and just can't come to terms with it? Your role in the drama may not be what you think it is.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

She had good experiences with two guys ...

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Is that what "every man I dated was horrible at sex" means? Lol.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

o guys had a lot of chemistry with her, and gave her the best experiences: her ex-boyfriend and a one night stand a long time ago.

Either she now remembers all male sex partners as horrible ... Or sex with any man she " dated" was horrible.

Or heck you could be right

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Or she's not on intimate terms with the truth.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Truth of the moment

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Lesbians without a girlfriend suddenly become bi-sexual.

OMG! I like women; therefore, I am a lesbian.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's heartening to see you come out. Just be yourself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

At least you understand me. It feelz so difficult to be a validation seeking whore in this locker room. Sniff. Sniff. Thanks.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

validation seeking whore

dress sluttier

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

True story

[–]Sevastz[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

yeah, it did occur to me. She has always said that she kissed other girls but never went beyond that. And the fact that she has a LOT of male friends is odd (she claims they are more trustworthy).

It seems unlikely but not impossible.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I only mentioned it because she seems to have provided you with conflicting information and she clearly has some emotional/mental issues that might inform some of the sexuality issues. I'm no doctor of course it's just jumped out of your narrative. Good luck.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

There are solutions for your situation and a way out of the hole you have dug. It starts with you taking care of yourself, lifting map-ping and improving yourself.

Also, be advised this reaction is common in women who have lost attraction. You can regain it and your wife has shown you how. See my 12 steps of dread post and stop worrying about your wife. She only acts this way because you let her. She only is sex negative because you are vomiting your emotions like a woman.

now that I think about it, she also tried to derail the conversation by saying things about my mother and about how I'm playing the victim and how I'm averse to criticism.

There is a reason we say don't argue with women!

How women argue

[–]Griever1141 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

3 things (as usual Im late to the game so I will serve as an echoing chamber)

  1. Treat all suicidal treats as REAL threats. If they are real, she needs fucking help and honestly if they are at that point then they are beyond RP or any normal conversational help. Also, if they are fake, then that is the worst possible emotional abuse you can do. Threatening someone with ending your life is uber shit-tier behavior. NEXT HER NOW.

  2. She is likely a closet lesbian. If she has "never" been satisfied by another male and is actively seeking a female encounter, she is likely hiding lesbian tendances. NEXT HER NOW.

  3. English is your second language? You write better than half the people here. Good show to you friend.

PS- Dont put up with emotional manipulation, abuse or blackmail. Speaking from experience.

[–]Rasalom72[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What you might have missed, and I don't see it pointed out anywhere... is that you are being told to "Next" your wife over and over from a group of guys who are in the "Stay MARRIED" camp.

If these guys are telling you to call it quits.. you should probably listen.

[–]Griever1140 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Couldnt help but giggle at this... so true

[–]ex_addict_broRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

"I'm feeling like a failure and I'm completely emasculated"

How much can you lift on a bench press?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lol, surprisingly deep statement

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I bet OP doesn't even know.

[–]Greenthumb3260 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your wife needs help. Get her seen by psychiatric professionals.

[–]PowerCouple20110 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

After getting her help for suicidal tendencies (top priority), you need to start thinking in an abundance mentality. You're too easy for her right now. Have you been working out at all? If not, start. Let her start to notice girls looking at you. Make her lust after you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

First - get her some medical/psych attention. Then end the relationship.

This relationship cannot be fixed and shouldn't be. She has issues (and that's putting it charitably). You married too soon. She's not attracted to you. She doesn't want sex with you. Just end the relationship now. Let someone else deal with her.

You need to get yourself straightened out, big time, and you can't do that dealing with a woman who's nuts and who's not attracted to you in any way.

[–]bun930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"She really wanted to try having sex with other girls when she was single ans it's one of her regrets right now" "Every man I dated was horrible at sex. You all are boys and have no idea what women want." I think your wife is gay.That is the reason why she doesn't like sex with men. Atleast that's what you said .She want to do it with a women.Soooo I think its time to find some one else(a straight women).

[–]War2kali0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree that any threat of suicide should be followed up by calls to authorities. As to the nonconstructive argument, don't let her words affect you because it sounds like she was trying her hardest to simply lash out and hurt you. She is also pushing you away as hard as she can by saying she wants to cheat on you. She seems done with the relationship and with life in general.

Her suicidal depression doesn't have much of an upside for you. I didn't hear any professions of true love for her in your post at all, so I would quickly file for divorce instead of putting up with this repeatedly in the future. It will happen again, and it will escalate. Move on; you dodged a bullet by her so hurtfully pushing you away like this. Perhaps being free to explore her sexuality will increase her will to live. God knows a good pussy licking is good for the soul.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So she told you suck in bed. Your ego took a blow. And then you spend 500 words looking (see: hamster) for a reason she might say that.

What exactly do you want your next step to be? Because all I see is a lot of focus on a re-defined past.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No wonder she rushed you to marry her. And she also seems like a feminist. If you are such a terrible lover, terrible at sex, that you suck so much, why the fuck did she marry you? God.

About the suicide thing, call the cops when she pulls that shit again. Dont say anything, just call them. A nice ride to the hospital given by the cops, she wil never forget.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

While I agree that the suicidal gestures should be taken seriously, if it is established by appropriate professionals that it's something she's not serious about, you've got to deal with the fact that she's being incredibly manipulative and unnecessarily cruel. Saying that you've always sucked in bed for her is one thing, that's brutal honesty. Saying that every other girl you've been with things you sucked too is just plain cruel though.

She's go you doubting yourself in all of this and that's not cool. Obviously you need to be open to the possibilty that theres things in and out of bed that you can do better, but knowing that they exist is part of that and she's never told you that the sex is unsatisfactory for her. That's 100% on her.

But the first thing that needs to be addressed is her threats of suicide. And immediately after that the fact that she's being manipulative, even aside from the suicide talk.



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