Don't tell the wife about MRP???

cholomite · 2016-03-09T18:57:52+00:00

Telling your wife about this is a terrible idea, and I cannot stress that enough. Women want a man who just "gets it". Not some beta loser who had to look up online how to become attractive. No shit your wife is going to be on board with these changes. What woman wouldn't want a more attractive, confident, dominant, funnier and all around better man?

She doesn't need to know your whole playbook to be a good first mate. Women are natural followers and they are very good at following a strong confident man. Don't underestimate your wife's ability to fall in line once you start getting your shit together, no explanation needed.

I hope this makes sense, but if it doesn't at least listen to this part.

You don't tell her about the red pill, as far as she knows you don't know about red pill. As far as she is concerned you just decided to make some positive changes that will lead to your becomming a better man. Anything else you tell her will only hinder your efforts and slow down progress and kill attraction. Your wife may be special to you, but she is still AWALT. She wants a natural man, so become a man and act natural about it.

[deleted] · 2016-03-09T20:29:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2016-03-09T20:23:00+00:00

I really need to keep this handy so I don't have to hunt for it every time.

My experience.

Mildly_Sociopathic · 2016-03-09T19:07:15+00:00

Why do you need her support to be a better man? You sure that's not hamster speak for approval?

As for the details. It's the PUA problem. Soon as you start talking about logically breaking things down, using resources to build your SMV, it's no longer you improving. It's a how to guide, and it's no longer you improving, it's a fake you, lacks authenticity.

They don't want to know how the sausage is made, they just want breakfast.

If you want her on board, stop telling her, just show her. Lead. If she wants to follow, she will follow. Giving her your roadmap won't help, and possibly hurt.

No reason to explain why you're so clever now, that would be ego talking

[deleted] · 2016-03-09T20:43:58+00:00

If you are using a "leader in business" analogy, you will fail because you are not, and have not been a leader in the marriage.

therefore, to her :

any specifics of plans are suspect

any plans are weak and ill considered

and who the fuck is this INTERN (you) to be making plans in the first place.

STFU until you do not need to tell her how much of a weak man you are that you need an internet forum to get you back on your feet.

This is a TERRIBLE idea

ParadoxThatDrivesUs · 2016-03-09T19:01:37+00:00

She's not crying out from the separation, you are. You dont want to share it wth her to get her on board, you want to share it so that she will pat you on the head and say that she approves. In my opinion, you've already said way too much. If she's unhappy with your changes, that's her problem, not yours. You don't owe her any explanation at all. One of the most valuable lessons you can learn starting out is that you don't have to include your wife in everything. By definition, you cannot include your wife in that lesson.

Your mental model is also wrong. Your wife isn't your partner, at least not in the sense that you mean. She's your rival. You are competing with her, not sitting down to brainstorm together on ways she can let you be more alpha. Yes, this is a competition that she unconsciously wants you to win, but the only way she can know that you won is if she fights you as hard as she can. I don't say this to discourage you, but MRP is a much more difficult and lonely process than you realize right now.

I promise you this: If you tell her about MRP, she will throw it back in your face just as soon as you start making any real progress.

Ive_Had_Enuf · 2016-03-09T20:59:52+00:00

Have you read the sidebar? You seem like the classic self sacrificing nice guy - always putting her needs in front of yours. Also, where are you in your MAP? If your not reading, start by doing that NOW.

It looks like you have quite a history of victim puking to your wife.

I have basically just said, I have not been happy with who I am, and I have sacrificed myself to the point that I have lost myself, so, I need to be true to myself with my time, and focus on who I am to be the best me I can be for the both of us.

This is a good start. Focus on you. You don't need to justify your actions to her. You are doing this for yourself, right? Let's see...

However, I believe she would support it, at least the "soft" version (she definitely would not support dread game for example regardless of how effective it could be). Knowing what I am working on may help her to understand what she feels as emotional walls and physical separation. She would like me to be the captain.

Why do you care if she supports it? I thought you were doing it for yourself.

I have wondered about printing off the post about the beginners guide to the career beta, giving it too her, and talking through it together.

So now you're going to try to explain to her that you want making these sudden changes based on an Internet forum. This totally goes against acta non verba

So why is it a bad thing to tell her the plan

Wouldn't it be more effective for her to SEE improvements as they happen instead of just telling her what your are planning on doing?

Also read: 48 Laws of Power Law of Power 3: Conceal your intention Law of Power 9: Win through your actions, not argument

Side question...my concern is that my wife will not only be on board, but so wants to follow, that she will be a lifeless wet noodle, following me without her own will or thought.

You're getting way ahead of yourself here.

cj_aubrey · 2016-03-10T06:40:12+00:00

...disconnecting from the wife on an emotional level to get solid with myself. She feels these walls, and is crying out from the separation.

Lets talk about this problem for a second because I think you're confusing her emotional availability and your emotional availability. In a romantic relationship, men bring emotional availability, women bring sexual availability. If you're withdrawing your emotional availability, she is going to view that as deprivation, the same way you view her withdrawing her sexual availability. If you have to do it for a little while to get stable, fine, but emotional withdrawal should be done in a controlled way as a part of stage 4 dread. You don't need to withdraw emotionally in order to start lifting and passing shit tests, which are the first few steps. You need to stop demanding her emotional availability to make you feel better since that is bad beta / omega behavior and a big DLV. But for now, still give her your emotional availability as long as she's not shit testing you at that 10 minute span. You're going to start adding a bunch of alpha behavior, you need to maintain some good beta/oak behavior in order to continue the relationship. Telling her about MRP is not the solution to this problem.

dandar4600 · 2016-03-09T20:05:37+00:00

My wife knows kind of by accident. I read nmmng, then signed up to the gym. She asked where are all these changes coming from. Since nmmng says to let your so know about the book, I told her that I'm not satisfied with who I was and that I read a couple self improvement books. That's how she found out about nmmng and mmslp.

A few weeks or months down the line she saw me reading reddit on my phone and wanted to see. I felt I had nothing to hide (own your shit) so instead of panicking and closing the app, I showed her.

Would I recommend showing it to your wife? No, I wouldn't. Did it adversely affect my marriage? No it didn't, your mileage may vary.

grncld · 2016-03-10T08:30:23+00:00

Take it from someone who had their fingers caught in that fucking mousetrap.

TELL HER FUCK-ALL.

I did the typical redpill rambo shit of initiating ALL the time, trying to implement all the different strategies I was reading at once etc. When she saw me reading here and the pill icon, she thought it confirmed her suspicions that I had started taking some sort of Mexican viagra or shit.

I explained it away (soft version) as self-help for men to take more decisive control of their lives, because I wanted to do something about my 'coasting' habits and confidence issues. Somewhere among explaining why it was a men only thing, I accidentally used the word dominant....

She latched onto that shit like a python on a bunny rabbit. "So you want to beco.e a chauvinist and dominate your 'little woman'?!" Blah blah blah. That word flipped her cosmo feminist, mucho independent woomahn switch lightning quick.

Do this shit SLOWLY. We're not looking to rock the boat here, we want to smoothly steer a course through her 'rapids' to reach the calm and bountiful waters beyond (while steadily converting the boat into a super yacht).

Lift. Read. THINK. And implement only after consideration.

Sepean · 2016-03-09T19:30:37+00:00

So why is it a bad thing to tell her the plan. As the leader in business, vision casting about where we are and where we are going is an important step to bring the team together and getting them to work together to the common goal. Especially, if I think she would be on board.

Leading men is nothing like leading your wife. She is not on your team.

ex_addict_bro · 2016-03-10T00:16:27+00:00

Run to your ~~wife~~ mommy for approval NOW. You will get a pat on the back, maybe on the head. You remember how good does that feel, right? You do. You would not think about getting it so badly. You even post shit on the internet, on that MRP reddit for bad mofos. But guess what, you're not a bad mofo. I think you will see it, when you will tell your ~~mommy~~ wife about the fight club. "Mommy, mommy, look what I found on the internet!"

New first rule of the fight club, never tell nobody about the fight club, except your mother and your wife, because, what's the difference.

What the fuck man.

EDIT: just fucking love your post, made my day. "Baby, I'm going to implement a dread game, but don't be afraid, because all I think about is you".

"Remember, that I am ignoring you because I exercise IDGAF, I feel I need to tell you to show you that I care, but only that last time, I promise"

she definitely would not support dread game for example regardless of how effective it could be

Don't be afraid, kiddo. You're UNABLE to dread game, regardless how effective it is. Don't think about dread game any moment now. You're unable to do that. At all.

herp_a_merp · 2016-03-10T11:57:34+00:00

My woman found out about the red pill and it was really bad.

She read through TRP and assumed that I've joined a woman hating cult. If you read through the angry comments by the crazy kids on TRP trying hard to outdo each other in the women-ain't-shit department you understand why.

Even the "light" stuff like the Athol Kay book can be too much (describing your SO as an 'emotional vampire' for example).

I had great success despite this, but even today, many of the things I do -- or don't do -- are interpreted in the worst possible light as some sort of borderline (?) abuse manipulative power move. It's enough to run late from somewhere, she'll assume that I did it to reinforce her total subjugation etc.

DO NOT TELL HER SHIT. Your life will be 100x easier.

[deleted] · 2016-03-09T19:33:15+00:00

Disconnecting from her on an emotional level? That can mean different things to different people. It's still a marriage. She's still a human being. She's a teammate, not an opponent. Yes, she's responsible for her own feelings, but you shouldn't ignore her feelings unless you are actively planning divorce.

Like others have said, slow the fuck down. Read, think, read more, think more, then act. I agree with /u/stonepimpletilists that you should look up /u/Sepean and /u/vampiresquidina before you do something stupid.

pullypants · 2016-03-10T11:00:24+00:00

There's an element of 'fake it till you make it'. If she knows this is what you are doing, you'll lose credibility. To her, the improving has to come from you, not what someone's telling you to do.

Mine has suspicions. "Is that what man-chat told you to do", enough that the full exposure would really damage the gains.

turbosympathique · 2016-03-11T16:24:01+00:00

One question your not asking is WHY do you want to talk about this with her?

Is it because you need her support/ approbation?

I don't know enough about your couple dynamic to give you good advice. Can you have conversation with your wife on important subject touchy subject outside of the mundane?

At first I would get (No more mister nice guy) read it by yourself and maybe share some insight with her and see where that lead you.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-03-12T17:50:46+00:00

I am different than most guys here because my wife is a high powered lawyer. I did not talk about TRP but she proceeded to order the books on her kindle and read MMSL, NMMNG and the MAP on her own volition.

Then I talked to her about TRP. IT DID NOT HELP IN THE LEAST.

However, If your wife is interested I think it is OK to direct her to RPW. Anything else is not all right and will make things worse.

If you want to make it better, get her Laura Doyle's books: First Kill All the Marriage Counselors and The Surrendered Wife.

[deleted] · 2016-03-09T20:19:02+00:00

Don't. There's nothing inherently wrong with you having a private, internal part to your life. You don't have to tell her about everything. Telling her about it makes any changes in you associated with something external to you like a fad or a cult that's shaping your thoughts and actions rather than the results of a process of personal reflection no matter what tools you use. And, no matter how good your marriage may be or become, you're still really on your own.

[deleted] · 2016-03-10T03:48:53+00:00

Just to throw another log on the fire. JUST DON"T

..and explore your problem of seeking her validation, It is very unattractive behavior.

spexer · 2016-03-09T21:30:50+00:00

BAD IDEA. I have read here too many times of this blowing up in your face.

show her the new you and the new path forward through actions.

her hamster will explain the rest.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-03-09T21:59:42+00:00

You don't tell your First Mate all your plans as Captain. You tell your First Mate enough to give them direction on their duties and responsibilities.

You are asking permission to talk to your wife about MRP so that she can help you with your journey, and understand what's going on. She cannot help you with your journey. It is a path that you MUST walk alone.

You've been given an incorrect model of behavior, the model of the beta: do what you're supposed to do, ask permission, seek approval and validation. If you wish to continue that model, with its success (or lack of success), go ahead and delete your account here and move on with your life. If, however, you wish the hard path, the path that leads to success, then stay and learn the lessons.

Title	Don't tell the wife about MRP???
Author
Upvotes	8
Comments	54
Date	09 March 2016 06:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/207617
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/49pcxi/dont_tell_the_wife_about_mrp/