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FR: Are you cheating on me? You are ruining us! (Neverending compliance test)

by jumpingshitstorms | March 08, 2016 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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31, married for 10 years, 2 kids, and been a beta bitch the entire fucking time. Knocked her up, did the "right" thing and been miserable ever since. That was until I found and took the red pill.

Devoured the MRP side bar, read all the popular blogs, and have been slowly making changes which has made a great impact on my overall life quaility but still a noob and need some guidance.

What I've Done:

  1. Internalized she is my wife, not my fucking mother- I pick out my own clothes, cook my own meals, schedule my own damn appointments, and make my own choices. No more asking if it is OK if I wear this shirt or use the TV to watch the game. How pathetic of a beta bitch I was. I deserved all of the disrespect and rejections I got. In retrospect, I spent years trying to make my wife a leisbein because I acted like the woman in our relationship. "Hey honey lets rub our pussies together before you go to bed" (Biggest change with immediate impact)
  2. Learned to say no (pass shit tests) - I was the fucking errand boy that would do whatever my wife or her family would ask me to do. I was the personal shit taster. "Is that corn? Did you have corn yesterday honey? This shit you are giving me is extra flavorful today" I was surrounded by so much shit (tests) you would think I worked in sanitation.
  3. I lead by making decisions quickly - "We have a battle session (play date) for the boys at 3". I tell my wife where to be and what we are doing. "Put on something cute and be ready to go at 7. We are going out for dinner."
  4. I manage my house like a general instead of a private - All responsibility falls on my shoulders. If someone fails or something breaks it is because I didn't give clear instructions or I failed to recognize the symptoms before it got bad. When shit goes wrong, i find out why and make a plan to avoid it in the future.
  5. Back to eating clean and working out. Arms, shoulders, and legs and showing definition. Fucking stomach has a way to go. I would almost say I am fuckable but do to my hjgh testosterone from lifting that doesn't mean much. After lifting I would fuck a pig if she looked at me long enough. (Just kidding, I only fuck animals that can stand on their hind legs)
  6. Dress better, groom daily, wear colonge, bought new items, follow mens fashion closely and use it to create my one style - as ugly as I am it is shocking how many heads muscular arms and nice clothes turn. I swear I gave a lady an eyegasm from a scarf I wore that complimented a itchy ass wool sweater I wore.
  7. Hobbies outside the home (fucking stuck here) - made some boys at work, introduced them to the pill and started to go out once every few weeks for food and drinks. First time out was main event 1: Came home and the Mrs threatened to leave and take kids to another state where we grew up calling me a cheating asshole. (Hamster on overdrive) I recognize it as a comfort test, assure im committed to my relationship, and dont chase her as she storms out to sleep in the kids room. She returns and apologizes then trys to make me promise I wont go out again. Set a boundary saying I will continue to go out and she will have to get used to it. It is important that I have friends i can relate to.

Here is the issue. This was two months ago...now every time I leave when I return she goes on a fucking rant about how im cheating and ruining our relationship. I guess all my improvements have her nervous as fuck. Hamster cant run any faster or that exercise wheel will fly off the hinges.

She actually asked me the other day was I doing all this because she doesn't put out enough?

My question to you rude, blunt, fucking assholes who saved my life and potentially my marriage..is how do I deal with this continued compliance test. She is damn near falling apart in front of me out if fear of losing me and I only go out once a month. Do I nuke it and say im not cheating bitch shut the fuck up about it (in a child friendly PC manner) or keep hitting her with the kiss and pat on the butt saying you have nothing to worry about as long as you do your part on keeping us together. (Aka give me ass on request for the foreseeable future. Haha)

Just heard: Watch what she does, not what she says in my head and may have just wasted a half hour writing this post. Anyway going back to work on me. Fuck it. Guess I'll go shoot some hoops with the boys in a sleeveless tight fitting shirt just to start some shit. Its my life. I will do what the fuck I want in it.

Oh I am using game, kino, and the first three levels of dread but the desire for her is still not there. I was a bitch for too long. May take a while to turn the tides in my favor. Sex is infrequent about once every two weeks but I don't initiate as often due ti the fucking anger phase. Still struggling with all the lies society gives about relationships. Damn red pill has me questioning everything now from politics, religion, and parenting. Trying to figure out what's real. Its some deep shit.


Post Information
Title FR: Are you cheating on me? You are ruining us! (Neverending compliance test)
Author jumpingshitstorms
Upvotes 15
Comments 26
Date 08 March 2016 08:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207620
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/49kaar/fr_are_you_cheating_on_me_you_are_ruining_us/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

Anger. It really is a beast.

I was going to stop reading after a few sentenances and say you are way to angry to be where you think you are. But I kept reading because well...I didn't want to make assumptions. Turns out I was right. Even if you think you are OI on the outside while your inside is a raging nightmare she can smell through it like a lion smells blood on the Serengeti.

Why you're angry? More then just your marriage is shit but likely because you HAD to get married in the first place. You state you did the "right" thing. But did you?

Own your shit. You had a kid. You manned up so the kid had a father and a whole family. THEN had another kid.....Own your shit.

You made several decisions that have lead to this moment. So you're angry but who are you really angry at? I don't think you can go further or claim you have until you get over this part. I hate sounding like the old Kung fu master in the cave but you really need to center yourself and get past this otherwise it's' going to blow up. She smells it. This is beyond dread IMO.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Anger? Why would you assume that? Oh maybe because I admitted I was being a bitch for 10 years. Im fucking furious with myself. Hey, but when you know better you do better.

Your comment is spot on. I can recall her saying that I don't look happy. My frustration is sticking out like a hooker at church.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Anger is justified. Living in it is not.

Decide how much longer you're going to live in that moment. Then move on.

Do you lift?

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Til I can barely move. May need to take up meditation because the iron just fires me up more.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's where I would begin but then again I'm not you. If you feel meditation is something that may help then do it. But. It won't be any easier.

I caution that once you start you will come to find that you need to project the calm you find outward.

The epiphany for me was that what I taught in the dojo applied not only there but outside as well. I was literally a different person.

Metaphysically as well as physically.

This is deep. But. It's worth it. Most guys here come at it from different angles. Yet it all leads one place.

As I said. She can tell. She sees more then either of you know.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Are you fucking her good? I mean, DEVI from sex God method? She's noticing changes in you, which is good, but right now, is hamstering like crazy that you are cheating, and you are DEERing about that. The hamster is trying to get out of the maze, and you are giving it an easy exit by responding to these tests as though she were seeking comfort. Close off that exit by owning your shit in the bedroom. Dominate her, engage her emotionally, change up your variety, and make it immersive. Leave her quivering.

Sounds like she doesn't so much "dread" that you might be cheating, but rather is quite disgusted that you are making a lot of superficial changes to try and trick some other woman into thinking you are attractive. When you verbally communicate something that is at odds with how you behave, it's gonna be perceived as dishonesty. You are behaving like someone with alpha qualities, but are speaking to her like a beta bucks. Don't be angry with her for this : you are the one who is putting out a mixed signal. STFU more, and start being more cocky. This is not for her though, this is to break that habit you have of trying to manage her feelz directly with words. And up your bedroom game. Introduce new moves. Blow her mind. She'll likely shit test you about this too, because she's gonna smell a rat. Just agree and amplify that shit.

You might honestly be committed to the relationship. That's OK. The problem is that she thinks you are behaving like someone planning an exit, and verbally covering up with some weak shit about how you love her etc. Continue with the self improvement, and stop trying to make her feel better.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Been doing caveman and she is responding in ways I haven't seen in years. Working on immersion and variety.

I think the changes in addition to my attitude (anger) are the cause of the tests. If I was cocky, funny, and awesome I am sure the tests would be less frequent. I am giving off a fuck you vibe while trying to be a leader. Who wants to follow someone who gives you the feeling they dont want you there.

[–]FearDearg2015Mod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I was cocky, funny, and awesome I am sure the tests would be less frequent.

If you were less angry, you'd be naturally more cocky, funny and awesome. And the tests would be more frequent in my opinion. Shit tests are part of how a woman figures out subconsciously whether a dude is alpha or not. Shit tests are not about her wanting to take control. Shit tests are about her subconscious need to be dominated. She needs to feel that dominance so that she (and her offspring) can feel safe under your protection/leadership. If you collapse into a butt hurt silent dude at the slightest resistance from her, how would you react in the face of real adversity?

The anger is a normal part of unplugging, but you don't stay there. You transition.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

I think you are treating your wife badly and need to back the fuck off. Amused mastery when she has dropped the covert language is not the right strategy. If she thinks you are cheating because you are running dread then it is mission accomplished- in fact, it means you are being TOO overt. If she accuses you of cheating or is upset that you are going out:

Take her in your arms, kiss her deeply, make close eye contact and tell her intensely, "don't be silly, your hot ass is all I need."

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Back off? I'm confused. I went from being a, "I won't go unless you go" little boy to a man that hangs out with his friends once a month. Don't know where to scale back there. Wait, I can see where I may have overdone it. Went from 0 to 100 in that area based on time I was out of the house and what I did with the boys. I fucking planned to have the time of my life with the fellas and when I take the Mrs out we do some boring ass dinner and a movie. Got to step it up with our plans and do some fun shit together.

In addition, I have learned that my frustration is showing. Worked dilegently yesterday to shift away from anger and am transitioning to understanding. I had to get to the point where I see the shit tests not as a personal attack but as a part of her nature. That frame helped me lower the defenses from def con five to an alertness level. Getting shit like this down to read and the feedback helped shift the paradigm. Got to own the anger and have fun with it. I'm on my way fellas!

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't know where to scale back there.

I think there is more to your wife's reaction than you just going out once a month. I am not saying back off on self improvement but back off on the DNGAF that is fucking with your wife and show her some more comfort.

I think you are doing great! However, when a wife is acting like this, some guys interpret it that you need to double down and really ignore her. I think you do that IF the wife is denying sex. If she is sexually available to you, then I think you need to back off slightly on the Don't Give a Fuck, give her some reassurance, and let her catch up.

Just IMO, and others disagree and think you should go petal to the metal.

YOU are the Family Alpha in this case and YOU are the only one who can make the right decision for your family.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Im with you! Wife asked me last night if I liked her. It was a clear indication that my attitude (anger) was the cause of the discomfort. Teased her, gave her some extra attention, and relaxed my mood. She was extra clingy this morning before work. She was definitely looking for comfort.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

A compliance test is her asking you to get her the glass of water she's sitting next to. Your wife is shit testing you desperately trying to find a trace of beta that will reassure her that she doesn't need to up her game or put effort into you. The more desperate and frustrated she becomes the harder she will try. There may be a comfort test thrown in every once in awhile but don't mistake her anger with insecurity. When she's mad, or threatens anything, or accuses you of anything, it's a shit test and you need to smile and STFU. Let her hamster spin while you plan your next night out. If she crawls into your arms and sweetly asks you if you still love her, it's a comfort test and you gotta give her a hug for awhile and probably some kisses.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks man. I clearly was mistaking this as a comfort test instead of a shit test and that fucked up my response to it. Reframing it this way gives me some clear direction on how to handle it going forward. Glad this place exists to get shit like this off my chest. Just sharing with you guys helped me make some quick and necessay adjustments.

[–]Trekneck2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

My question to you rude, blunt, fucking assholes who saved my life and potentially my marriage..is how do I deal with this continued compliance test.

We didn't save anything, you did. Question now after reading this wall, is did you do it for YOU, or did it so you could impress HER.

Your wife is uncomfortable. She sees you improving and it's breaking the mold, of course she doesn't get what's going on. Stop letting her inability to handle your improvements shake your frame. From the sound of things, you're still relatively new into this whole game, so expect it to take some time.

She wants to shake you from your goals. When all else fails, attack him for cheating and see if it breaks him.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Started this journey for ass from the Mrs and ended up finding more about myself. I look better, feel better, am more assertive and honest, have drive I haven't had in years and want more for myself. I feel like an animal that was stuck in captivity and just been set free.

Just got to get over the fact I was caged. Captivity fucked me up. Hahaha. Hulk mad!

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Give her a big hug, and say, in a calm and firm tone, something like: "Look. Its important that I have friends and that I have a life outside of our house. I love you, but I will continue doing this, and no, I am not cheating on you. If you cant understand that, then we will have to follow different paths".

She wants her beta bitch back. She wants the control back. If you stop doing what you are doing, you are back to being her whipped puppy, I dont think thats what you want.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's good stuff man. Thanks

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your a joke tristan

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So, you're kicking ass in every aspect of your life where the red pill has been your guide. But in this one area (you're cheating on me!), you've decided to be more blue pill (Honey, I would never cheat on you. I'm committed to this relationship. You gotta believe me babe. Please?), and it's a never ending stream of crap you have to deal with.

What does that tell you?

Be more directing towards her. Tell her what she should do with the evening "Take a goddamn bath with some mother-fucking candles. Send the kids to their grandmothers for the night, and have something sexy on when I get home."

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No sooner than I pushed send did I realize that I was still trying to make her happy and ok with the new me. This is the one area where my DNGAF attitude has not spilled over. If she thinks I am cheating, that is her fucking problem not mine. She can get mad all she wants to, I am going to have a blast with my brothers!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Here is the issue. This was two months ago...now every time I leave when I return she goes on a fucking rant about how im cheating and ruining our relationship. I guess all my improvements have her nervous as fuck. Hamster cant run any faster or that exercise wheel will fly off the hinges.

"I'm not cheating yet, but your constant nagging and negativity sure is giving me a reason to. I'll tell ya what. I promise to tell you before I have sex with another woman. Deal?"

alternatively.

"If you keep working on making me happy, I'll work on making you happy too. If you don't want to, I'll stop as well."

See, the reason having sex with other people ruins marriage isn't the sex. People understand sex. It's the lying that will fuck up your relationship. You get married with the assumption that you're going to be sexually exclusive and when you cheat, you've basically broken one of the biggest promises you've ever made. Which in turn means you can't be fully trusted anymore.

Look, if a hot fucking super model decides she wants to jump you, you'll find very few people who will fault you for fucking her if you're single. If you're married, people still won't fault you for fucking her, they'll fault you for breaking a vow. So what's the solution? Remove the notion that you'll ever lie to her. "Honey, you can trust me to tell you the truth. If I'm aiming to fuck someone else, I'll let you know first and give you an opportunity to respond."

[–]Griever114-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I'm not cheating yet, but your constant nagging and negativity sure is giving me a reason to. I'll tell ya what. I promise to tell you before I have sex with another woman. Deal?"

alternatively.

"If you keep working on making me happy, I'll work on making you happy too. If you don't want to, I'll stop as well."

Wow... that is beautifully written.

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good stuff! It's honest, concise, and powerful.

[–]bornredd-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Her reaction feels like a TON of projection.

Does she go out with her friends? How often? At night? Is she fucking a Chad on the side?

[–]jumpingshitstorms[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nope. That's why there is so much tension. In my beta bitch days we did everything together. Fucking everything. Now I'm branching out on my own and it's different and difficult for her to come to terms with. Before she was my mission now I am my mission. Got to take care of me first.



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